Motivation

[Ryan_047]

I am currently in a state of apathy and lack of motivation.I really have no drive to do anything..I'm meditating every day,doing affirmations,reading and working on my self confidence.But still,I have no direction in life.I'm in highschool and in 2 fucking years I'll have to go to college and choose a career afterwards.For now,I am studying programming and think about going on to this path.But the thing is...I like it,but not adore it..I don't feel alive,I don't have that joy.I have pretty good grades,they could get higher easily,but I don't see why even bother studying more.I don't know what I want to do with my life,but I know that it has to be something meaningful to me...I'm tired of living this boring life where nothing exciting really happens..I know that I want to have a vision for myself..but I fucking don't.

I don't know what I fucking want and I don't know how to discover what I want!This sucks!And even the things that I know I want don't drive me to do much(they are trivial things like having good relationships,have money yata yata).

I don't have money to buy Leo's Life Purpose Course.My parents wouldn't let me have a job because of stupid reasons and won't give me money to buy it...It is way to expensive and they would label it as trash.I've said that only to get it out of the way...

So...How the actual shit can I get motivated even though I don't have a clear picture of what I want to achieve?