[help] I Always Tell My Close Friend About New Crush

[falobma]

Hi guys, 
i've already following leo advice since 2 years ago and i like the way he explains things...

and i have somekind of issue i guess... 
everysingle time i have a new crush or when i go 'hang out' with girl I always tell my close friend about her and what we do + how i feel, which makes things gone bad usually

i once watch a video explaining about "when you tell your friend or anyone about your goal or what you want to achive, it will increase fail rate of what ever you're doing", it says because our brain doesn't know the different between reality and imajination. So, I think 1 of the reason i fail to get my crush is because i tell my friends about all things we do and what i feel....
Am I making right about this ? (oh god, my english kinda weird .-. ) . 
and how to not tell my friends about things that we do, because i dont know why, but i find its kinda hard to keep it to my self...

any advice guys ? 

ohh yea 1 more thing, why am I sometimes easly fall in love with someone, is it normal?? 

[Ayla]

@falobma , what I suspect here, is that your mind is tricking you in a very special way so that it can sabotage your success  

In other words, your inner trauma is expressing through some form of doing something contrary to your beliefs (telling your friends while suspecting it will do no good to the "crush"). There is something in you that is not ready for a relationship. This telling your friends is just how it gets done. It could be anything else: putting your clothes backwards, not washing for a week...etc. 

So the telling isn't the problem. The problem is that you do not feel ready and confident enough to have a relationship 

Work with that for now. 

[falobma]

@Ayla Maybe you're right, there is something in that's not ready for realtionship...
2 months ago i just get friendzoned... and that's really hurt... i dont even know why i ended up in friendzone
my intention was very clear, this girl knows that i liked her and she always respond to my text and/or calls but she always reject me when i ask her out, she says "she never go out with man" and i know this is true...(my country is holding on religion so hard) 

so @Ayla is this because of what happen to me 2 months ago ? cuz of heart broken ? then why am i can easly fall in love ?do you have any opinion on this ?

[Ayla]

@falobma , usually this is a manifestation of a deeper inner trauma (childhood) that consciousness brings up for you to look at and heal. 

Look at low self esteem issues, victim/perpetrator issues, and also, look for the answer to WHY do you want a relationship? 

Good luck  

[falobma]

@Aylahmmm childhood trauma, i don't think i had somekind of huge event happened in my childhood. BUT what i know about my self is until i reach 17 YO I dont know anything women. I know NOTHING about women, until 2 and half years ago i learn from PUA and other sources(mainly internet). I've work so much on this(from mindset, bodylanguage, eye contact,voice tone) until well maybe i can say "i'm more than average men in my age". 
and yea i suffer from self esteem issues in my childhood..

What do you think about my self esteem ? cuz i think it's fine or atleast it's has been better(much more better)
why i want a relationship ? 
well, because i want to be a better man and maybe i want to prove to my self that I AM CAPABLE OF THIS. 

[Ayla]

@falobma  Whatever you might THINK about all this, the fact is that the results of how things are inside of you, are right in front of your eyes. 

When I say trauma, I do not refer to some horror movie, but some kind of influence (like knowing nothing about women) that has affected you in some way. 

[falobma]

7 minutes ago, Ayla said:

the fact is that the results of how things are inside of you, are right in front of your eyes. 

is that mean i'm broken inside ? i don't get it...

 

8 minutes ago, Ayla said:

When I say trauma, I do not refer to some horror movie, but some kind of influence (like knowing nothing about women) that has affected you in some way. 

yes, ofcourse it affect me in someways and i'm trying to fix this trauma by changing the way i think. and so far i'm getting better 

[Ayla]

1 minute ago, falobma said:

is that mean i'm broken inside ? i don't get it...

 

Does it feel like what is in front of you is somehow broken? 

Sit with these ideas for your own self. Think about how they might or might not be true. That is the key. 

[SenshiAna]

I struggle with the same issue.

It's as if by telling someone about my crush and about the moments I am with him I am actually looking for guidance (as if I didn't trust anything in myself) and it's as if I am looking for arguments that actually tell me NOT to act upon my feelings. Looks like somewhere inside there's this barrier to the success of the relationship, so I keep looking for approval NOT to act and to stay put.

It's so confusing!! Furthermore, I WANT intimacy. I want connection... and sometimes the crush is very very very strong, and reciprocated. It's frustration, and it leads me to believe I am not capable of sustaining a healthy relationship.

[falobma]

@AylaThanks alot for your help and opinion... I'll look inside more, hopefully will find something

@SenshiAna, So what do you do about it ? I guess what we should do is turst your gut more. 
but, if I just trusting my gut, everything(relationship things) will tear apart, i'll come of as needy as fuck... that's why i'm confused to trust my gut or no, and when i can trust it.... 

[SenshiAna]

@falobma it's complicated  Looking for advice, in some extent, may be a good thing. When being unexperienced, just go for it and learn from your mistakes can be quite frightening. But the truth is.... human relations and life experience cannot be theorized, it must be lived, so there's no way to go around this.

Also, be careful with the people who do give you advice: who are they? What's their history? Are they positive oriented, or negative? Are they like-minded? Are they fulfilled? They could project their lives in your words, and tell you how you should react, according to how they reacted to a similar situation (but your real situation).

When looking for advice always remember that it's what other people would do based on their own beliefs, subs-conscious mind and experiences. They are not you.

What I tried to avoid, however, was making fantasies and scenarios in my head. I cannot tell you how hard that turned out to be! It's psychology... because when you imagine being "there" often,  you kind of trick the brain into thinking you already achieved your goal, so you stop trying, you start thinking in "what ifs", you procrastinate and you may sabotage the whole situation. If you are always talking about your dreams and goals, your mind makes the same thing, by getting used to the idea actually bringing fulfillment and not the real situation, in person. So you kind of stop acting, when you talk about it. The actual "talking" is not bad, IMO: it's what you conscience makes of it that can slow down and even sabotage real stuff.