Journey to The Unknown

[Raphael]

I want to become someone that I will be proud of when I will be 40.

- 18 October 2026

Edited October 18 by Raphael

[Raphael]

Motivational Issues

Reasons behind my lack of motivation:

• Poor health: I have schizophrenia. I was diagnosed in 2025, but I started to have psychotic symptoms in 2022. Because of that, I was depressed and did nothing for a few years, literally nothing: No work, no sport, no spirituality, etc. I would stay in my bed all day long.
• Social isolation: I’m too isolated, too individualistic. It’s difficult to get motivated when there aren’t people to share my experience with.
• To think that my situation is a dead end: this reason feels very important. I felt this way for several years, but looking back now, I can see that I still have some control. Because of some circumstances, I’m stuck in some ways, but I can still make something by taking more actions.
• Lack of vision: I have been lost for a few years, not knowing which direction to take, not knowing what I want, nor who I am. It is better now; I know that I want a successful business.

- 18 October 2026

[Raphael]

I had a fight with a woman a few days ago. She complained that my dogs were pooping in front of her house. I could understand her frustration but at the same time her house is aside of the road where I walk and there isn’t any other natural space in the area. Moreover, I’m not the only one who walks dogs; there are other people who do. When I told her that she told me that only my dogs are pooping there and I don’t think that it’s true (in reality, I don’t see them pooping a lot here). Dogs are dogs; when they want to poo, they poo. Other dogs can also poo. We started to fight when she asked me to prevent my dogs from pooping here and when I told her that I cannot guarantee that. I usually don’t like conflicts; I try to keep a low profile and to avoid them as much as I can but I chose to engage this time. I raised my voice and it felt great to be assertive for one time and not let someone walk over me. It was a great occasion to practice stage red assertiveness.

- 25 October 2026

Edited October 25 by Raphael

[Raphael]

“You’re still young”

I cannot count how many times people have told me that I was still young. In my mind I’m like “Yes, I’m still young, but for how long?”. I will reach 30 in five months and I feel like I wasted a lot of time not appreciating life, nor improving the world but instead dealing with health issues and sorting personal issues. I’m still young but at the same time I’m not that young. While I feel I still have the same amount of energy I had when I was 20, I now have more and more grey hairs. I’m getting old quickly and this is scary.

-29 October 2026

[Raphael]

On 18/10/2026 at 7:57 PM, Raphael said:

I know that I want a successful business.

If I'm really honest with myself, I don't know if I really want that. I don't want anything that I'm not passionate about.

- 29 October 2026