Atoning my sins today

[Optimized Life]

God i hear confess my sins of the deadly wrath. 

These immigrant McDonalds workers were taking way too long for my order. 

I got angry at the workers, blasphemous and said that they take peoples jobs just to "dont fucking work" or something like, my energy was very aggressive and scornful

I didn't truly mean it, i was just cought in rage for a moment

And obviously, i realize how petty and lame this was

I just said that then took my food and left 

What's disappointing is that i turned into a far right loser within a few seconds just out of anger, and i didn't even really mean what i said, i was literally just angry they were wasting my time, I couldn't care less about them "taking peoples jobs" because its fucking mcdonalds, no one even wants to work at mcdonalds, and im not even a nationalistic person, i dont even believe anyone has a right to their own country or land, "their jobs" is nonsense, i wish i didnt fucking say that, god forgive me. 

So this is what anger can do in the moment, it doesnt even always accurately reflect someones values or ideology, i am actually very pro immigrant and pro freedom of the free market, pro diversity, so its literally as if anger can be inauthentic and inverted, the words you say are more just a front, a misdirect excuse to shaped by that emotion to attack someone.  

Edited June 29 by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Maybe I need to just get so rich that I can afford (in both time, energy, logistics) to smoke weed every fucking day, including from the morning, instead of coffee, so that I can always be a calm person 

I've tried meditation but its mostly nonsense, it just gets overpowered by testosterone

And working out helps a lot but logistically you dont always have time to work out before every human interaction so its not sustainable, weed is instant, instant and potent. 

Like if you take magnesium supplement to "calm your body" and then snort a big line of cocaine, what do u expect happens? Overpowering obviously, like a big black whole just consumes everything else 

Well weed is powerful enough to overpower most things, (maybe not cocaine though), so it truly fucking works. 

Its just not ideal for learning and productivity, but i want to get so rich and well connected that i dont even need my left brain to make money or survive anymore

Edited June 29 by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Men are complex 

Can be a good person in spirit but then once you are in a state of wrath, all of that flies out the window 

Every man has a lower self 

But im trying to take responsibility for it 

I'm trying to balance calming myself in general but still being "aggressive", in an appropriate way, in the ways that lead to success, results ect.. but not in petty ways, well directed agression - business, sports, picking up girls/night game ("Agressive" here doesnt mean literally aggressing on a woman, but for example, not waiting passively in the que if a girl repeatedly checks you out and clearlyshoows interest - so cheating the que and just going in front of people to go talk to her, this is like "Agression" but its not violent, its not even physical since you're not literally pushing people youre just cutting through the space, its more just bold and social, socially agressive, and i think part of hte problem is ive been neglecting this in recent months, just working constantly ... no game, no approaches, no nightclubs, not even any sports just gym alone, so theres no outlet. 

This is why many people loves sports i guess, many times i've shitted on it as a "normie" thing, but if u think about it, it likely has a deep intelligence to it, especially for men, that "aggressive sportsmanship", ice hockey team, boxing, whatever, its a necessary outlet i guess, human wiring never truly changed or evolved, we evolved to just kill other tribes, and hunt ourselves, this is why we have sports, boxing ect. 

Edited June 29 by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

I'm a hypocrite 

Complaining about negative energy

And my energy normally is positive 

But maybe im only as good as my worst moments. 

Edited June 29 by Optimized Life