Success, but no stress

[Optimized Life]

On 10/07/2026 at 2:14 AM, Optimized Life said:

Try find strength once again 

Try let go all my regrets once again 

Try let go of the pain

It's all the fucking same 

But im still sain, justin pain

I dont think im to blame 

Just the cards I was dealt 

Stress from my feet through my head

It's a chain, I feel cursed and poisoned like lead 

I'm in pain, as i write this verse in my head

Yeahh, stress from my feet through my head 

Its medical, not recreational as I lift this blunt on my bed 

These are the rawest flows dont call me ted, talk no more 

Only chalk, chalk and flows that I draw   

I don't promote drugs only greatness, 

im not a role model but im chosen to be somebody dont mistake this

Not just another dude, an ordinary guy with some regular shoes 

Pleasant and safe, home insurance but no gold in the safe, married a 6 at 30, alimony at 40, 

Met her through work never learnt to be flirty

Never took a risk

Always did what his parents think 

Cosey home and that wine he drinks, with his bored wife who emotionally cheats

And denies sex 6 times a week 

That could never be me

That shit make me freeze 

Only 4 9s, and a dozen palm trees 

And a 4 by 4 in the cana isles,  in fall 30 degrees 

Only abundance im relentless 

Even when my family look in my eyes and tell me i cant and i know that they meant it 

And they know that money I spent it 

But I know i had to invest it

Insomnia life and stress got me restless 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 01:20 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

I want so much money it overflows it frightening 

Weatherman make it rain but all this capital i make lightning 

Corporate charm but i know im a warrior im a Viking 

Core tennet of game is marry the game dont chase the fame, 

Notice the bad luck and pray but only find yourself to blame,

Same time elevate and dont fall to shame, guilt is a cancer that shit only inflame  

I keep vaping is it heavy metals that going to my brain 

Can I even feel the stress in my veins? 

same shit another night i smoked a blunt to heal the pain 

But im still logical and sain, i should quits the carcinogens and just mediate away 

Edited Tuesday at 01:40 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Another night,

Smoked another blunt to numb the stress and the pain 

Another night but no more i feel the same 

Insomnia down but still sleep late 

Te, structure, goals, waking up early 

I think insomnia going now i have nothing to blame 

I think i need Te again 

Clarity, note book & pen, schedulling on sundays

Meaningful big goals but specifics, measured, Deadline

Move x y date z in bank 

Also input based goals/standards, aided by sunday time schedule

Output goals for the energy, motivation and dreaming LOA & deadlines, pressure make diamond

Input goals for grounding to reality, ensuring consistency, clear cause & effect progression, trackable self honest daily momentum and using the principle of minimum standards (not, "I would like to do x 3 hours per day but, doing x y amount per day is a hygiene standard, with no days off)

Time structure that frames every day, organized and mechanistic machine ENTP

Ofc daily checklist/review for input goals, especially simple task box icon checklist

Lets do this, build leverage i turn the crank

Yeah I wanna brake the bank

Insomnia going down getting back into professionalism 

I need a tailored old money suit to wear 

Introspective me is over for now, I am now mechanistic old money suit wearing money machine psychopath.

Marketing sales leverage skills learning communication human psychology charisma energy mood vocal projection professionalism room setup technology superfast wifi capital engineering Transcripts reviews, SRS repetition mastery drills 14H work days SMT goals deadlines visualization mediation Optimizing immersion studying practicing applications networking content personal brand 8-12H sleep recovery, Juicing celery juice quality meat 30K months 8s 9s and 10s focus vibrancy energy success

Edited Thursday at 09:52 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

My tolerance to THC has become so high its now a futile compulsive activity 

No pleasure, not even noticeable sedation or relaxation anymore

It is just money and energy burning ritual at this point 

Has just become a meaningless, pleasureless autopilot habit  

And how boring would it be if i pulled a cool liberal chick or met some new friends who wanted to smoke up, in like some fucking tropical forest and i just didnt feel anything in that moment ... Everything has its time and place, smoking alone constantly is super lame and i knew this but tbh it was just a desperate response to chronic insomnia 

Still i completely forgot about and underestimated how powerful tolerance is with weed, and tolerance like this makes it extremely expensive because i'd have to reload 3-5x/week and still not get much out of it, then i'd also have to smoke a lot of carinogen just to get a fraction of the effect too so its unhealthy 

i will leave it for a month so i can enjoy it ritualistically again

Edited Thursday at 09:52 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Landscaping, Plants, Gardening & decorative art 

This will be new passion hobbie of mine 

Requires money, space, land, time and energy  

once i can buy a spacious house and garden i will start doing this 

I will learn a lot about nature, natural science, chemistry, technology, art ect.. 

Not merely gardening, but all forms of design and decoration, lighting, painting ect.. 

This will be cool af 

I also like the ocean and want to own jet ski or motor boat 

But this landscaping thing works for both intro and extorverts, and is a pro social hobby 

Imagine you bring your new girlfirend and she sess this shit, not merely that you're some rich guy like the other 800 thousand rich dudes in miami or wherever, but your place has substance, art, nature, beauty, decoration, women love to feel, and relying on your personality and charisma is only one means to make her feel something, on its own it has its limits, ideally she is just entrenched within an environment pure art, nature and beauty that leaves her feeling so alive no matter what stupid and boring shit u get up to, but YOU get to feel more alive every day too, its that forest effect, that feeling uget when u find a beautiful forest, or just a beautiful city u visit, its that awe factor

It's also an honest signal, because no amount of money can truly create that type of awe factor from great design, i mean well it can to an extent, but only if you're MEGA rich, merely being a millionaire isn't what people think it is, if you dont have the skills and vision to do it yourslef, it could cost a single million just to mimic that awe factor from getting a big garden done, and even then, you'd need some vision and udnerstanding to direct them on what to do, and still, if it isnt your own, you wont really dig it, it something will be missing, i honestly dont think this is something u can fully buy your way out of 

 

Edited yesterday at 02:14 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Quote

Insomnia down but still sleep late 

I got 7+ hours for 2 days and its back again

I am stuck awake until 4-4.30AM again and i am sleeping 4-6 hours again 

I am very concerned this is never going to end

U can cheat diet, u can smoke, drink abit ect.. consequences are marginal or gradual

U cannot cheat sleep over the long term, and the damage shows up fast too

I am losing my looks, my skin, my vitality, the glow in my eyes, i will lose my hair, i am losing ahtletic function, i will have mood disorders and anger problems if this continues long enough, i will not be able to compete in business against people who are in good health, i may barely even be able to pay my bills

Gym recovery is far slower, i will lose muscle, and who knows if i'll even be able to exercise anymore as this will become my last depserate priority 

I will lose everything if i dont solve this

And given what my baseline is, and given i am pretty young still (not 60) This is hard to tolerate

I will lose my productivity 

I dont even get to be awake during the day ..

Trust me i have tried everything for months

If this doesnt get solved i am going to kill myself 

I cannot be anyone im not 

I cannot be tired, i cannot live with it, i cannot be unproductive, i cannot just lose my looks like this 

This is tragic, like i said the only one thing u must never lose in life is sleep, continous sleep is the number one lever that decays your entire body

I have a couple months to find a solution or im going to kill myself. 

I will not quit yet but after a certain point when ive tried everything what am i supposed to do? ... just suffer and accept it like some bitch? No i have a standard that i have for myself across everything based on the strong genetics i was given and i am not dropping below that standard, i cannot live with it, i was blessed with so much talent in virtually everywhere area imaginable, intellectual, athletic, physical appearance, personality, charisma, energy, and now its just being taken away from me like this? u expect me to just live with that fuck you

Maybe i need much stronger but also higher quality weed, i dunno i cant resort to addictive and toxic benzodiazpine or sleeping pills, maybe the last resort for me is ultra sedating, high quality, high potency indica weed and maybe  a lot of CBD added in, if i can even find it, if only i lived in California then i could just source that inmediately, it is also expensive but nothing is more expensive than health decay

I have to use Te i guess, i have to consider every variable 

I currently drink tea and these teabags contain microplastics - for example that is one variable 

But my caffiene consumption is low, intentionally low and it doesnt help, i used to abuse caffiene and still sleep enough, now i have 1-2 teas max by about 12pm, it is very unlikely this is causing it, im even extra tired because there is still residue caffiene withdrawal 

I just have to use a sheet tracker simple and track the variables, every day, exhausting and sloppy to do it in my head 

Maybe i should buy an aura ring, but again so expensive, but again maybe just goodbye to all my capital again, maybe i have to sell everythign and throw everything at this before i kill myself 

Quote

Yes, even a gradual reduction in caffeine can cause temporary sleep disturbances like insomnia. As you cut back, your central nervous system and neurotransmitters—specifically adenosine and GABA—recalibrate after long-term stimulant exposure, which can temporarily disrupt your sleep-wake cycle, cause mild anxiety, or make it hard to fall asleep

There are so many variables, this is not simple 

I can only use Te and iteration 

There has to be Te and tracking and iteration, or i will feel like a victim and not know whats going on 

Maybe i have to quit finasteride maybe i am in the 5% of people who experience side effects, although DHT sepression it wouldnt be expected to influence sleep as it isnt related to the same system imo, but again, "What do i really know about anything"

If i come out of this healthy and recovered though i will count it a blessing, but only if i solve it 

Either i die or i come out of this a lot more grateful for my body and my life 

Probably i will never have any fear or anxiety about anything trivial again, i will never be desperate for money or pussy again, i will just be eternally grateful for being alive and healthy, i will probably be a much stronger person, i will probably be impossible to manipulate, i will probably have a profound work ethic, energy and motivation, if i can just solve this, i will never take anything for granted again, its like going to jail and being released and  seeing your freedom like air, but the health version of this. I am a strange person and most people would not benefit from this, most people just want to work a lame job and watch TV and reproduce with any random woman fit in and avoid all their fears and be safe lol, but i am not wired like most people

Edited Friday at 12:31 PM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

I am going to stay positive for at least another 3 months and assume everything is going to improve 

I do not have an issue with money, being broke, approaching ect..

Reason being all of those things are literally within my control

The issue with health stuff is it really fucks with your mind because there is that looming sense that it could, or is both permanent and there's nothing you can do, leo is a great example of this, this is something im terrified of, i dont mind getting it at 70 but not in my 20s and 30s, that is intolerable. 

Nevertheless, i am going to assume it will massively improve in the next 3 months, not next "day" because that adds pressure, but 3 months, i will brainwash myself that this will get better, and also iterate every possible thing i can think of, if i truly tried everything and nothing changes in 3-6 months then i will consider ending it

But i will still keep up the grind within these 3-6 months also because money increases my chances to exercize requisite variety and of iterating every possible solution as quickly as possible, so i will still work hard, within what i can do, but i probably cannot expect to be full beast mode right away as too much pressure can just deepen the problem, i have to be more patient here and just work smarter until i get everything back

Edited yesterday at 02:01 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

I have come to the conclusion that it is best to constantly reverberate between self help and hollistic development, and domain specific mastery even merely for the purpose of just making big bucks, because both feed into each other, often in unexpected forms, and this isnt needed just to pay the bills, but if you are ultra ambitious and creative, and eventually want to make hundreds of millions or billions especially 

E.g im into business, sales and marketing 

But there are people who are ONLY into business sales and marketing, and sure they can get fairly far just from that, because theres concentrated focus, but they might reach a 6.5/10, they wont reach a 9 or 10 

But why? 

Because Business sales and marketing arent some silode hyper technical niche, like quantum physics or molecular biology 

Business sales and marketing .. its like really just an amalgamtion of being a human being in a human society, standing on the shoulders of many fundamental (and also niche modern) ideas, principles, and aspects of life, that have built up interwoven across millennia  

So yes, some amazing drama school kid who from a young age learnt to project his voice, and his facial expressions, and learnt to put himself in the perspective of others, form all walks of life, learnt to understand human emotions and patterns, envy, fear, anger, deceit ect.. COULD (if he actually became interested and motivated with business) have an unexpected latent advantage down the line, but this is just one example 

And WHY am i into business sales and marketing though? people love to fucking project, just because "im the business guy"?

Not really, when i thought i had to be the "business guy" it hurt me because it made it seem boring and dry 

But i genuinely love business, and the main reason for it is that BUSINESS ISNT REALLY JUST A "THING"

U wont get what im saying until you actually do it 

But it is EVERYTHING 

It is an amalgamation and interconnection of everything, of YOU, WHO YOU ARE, how good you are, at almost everything funamental to being human : communication, verbal skills, listening skills, human psychology, creativity, using infrastructre, its like how can it be boring, its just life, its the real world, even movies can be relevant to business, movies, culture, psychology, travel, business is like the physics version of being a human being (if u remember how the HS Physcis profesor used to love to bang on about how "everythng is physics, its everywhere look ect.

Also u can make a business about anything, now their are logistical constraints, and this is phase dependent (thats why for anyone lost about "AH MY PURPOSE" i recommend they just spend literally 5 years mastering business/sales/marketing, and build up capital, because THEN U CAN LITERALLY DO ANYTHING WITH IT, the captial isobvious, but what is even more valuable and super rare, but also harder to quantify, is the eventual knowledge/skills the internal capital accumulation and synaptic Accumulation that enables you to do superhuman things within this planet, now im not taking credit for this as if im there already, not at all, but i am forseeing this meta pattern ahead 

In the past the billionaires were the autistic coders and software developers 

I forsee that the next ones will be the hollistic interconnectors, but only if they ALSO have domain specific concentrated mastery, especially in their early phases, e.g a hollistic interconnector who also hammered in and mastered marketing for 3-5 years, or sales, public speaking, networking, social media growth ect.. ideally multiple of these

Leo even hinted at it himself "pickup taught me to speak with conviction" 

E.g you have to master health because then none of your skills even matter if you run out of energy, or become depressed, or have chronic insomnia, which i have struggled with, and energy and health really is the very base layer foundation, a company cant run if the CEO is a tyrant meth addict, no matter how well structured it is 

But i have been careful to ground this idea in both sides, you do also just need brute force concentrated technical mastery, you cannot just "go to bars and chat up some women and it will make you a billionaire", the interconnection can be seen like a city being build, that city needs strong foundations, strong bridges, a strong climate, strong legal system, to uphold itself, you cant just ram a bunch of Ferraris and money in it, on its own, and they have to be connected correctly, there has to be a seemless flow, that makes sense, that builds on and benefits each other

P.s I might stop using CAPITAL letters because it feels cringe and inauthentic, i cant pinpoint exactly why yet, but it simply just does. Or maybe issue is i use it too much, which is annoying, it becomes a bit like an unconsious filler word 

Edited yesterday at 02:03 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

 

My favourite part of this video should be snipped into a long qoutation

something about "when i want to achive something, it has to be a really awesome, huge goal, otherwise im not motivated to do it .." i need to find the exact qoute, he said it so much better

Edited 17 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Yeah im getting in my soul, yeah im hitting on the beat 

Yeah noo i dont even really wanna sleep 

Yeah im really handsome 

But I had people emotionally abuse me they took me for ransom

And i'd lose my state of mind losing my ways in a tantrum 

Forgetting all the good and all the cool people i'd met, losing my ways, falling back down

Not seeing opportunities, right in front of me 

Yeah i was lost in my ways yeah and im trying to forgive 

Trying to stay positive 

I smoke a blunt a way but right now i got nothing to give 

Yeah i smoke a blunt but i try and focus on all the good and the positive 

I guess im a competitive guy and I dont know why it keeps coming back to power and flexing and frame

ANd i know its dirty in a way but this instinct seems to be just here to stay .. 

Fuck this shit I dunno, music and blunt i blow away

But success is the only revenge 

Sorry i dont know fuck you fuck this i cant be perfect or liked by everyone, and that i accept, but i wont take it like a bitch and like them back, only ignore them get success then flex on everyone back

Its the only revenge, i dont give a fuck what you say, mf facts

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Optimized Life