Success, but no stress

[Optimized Life]

On 10/07/2026 at 2:14 AM, Optimized Life said:

Try find strength once again 

Try let go all my regrets once again 

Try let go of the pain

It's all the fucking same 

But im still sain, justin pain

I dont think im to blame 

Just the cards I was dealt 

Stress from my feet through my head

It's a chain, I feel cursed and poisoned like lead 

I'm in pain, as i write this verse in my head

Yeahh, stress from my feet through my head 

Its medical, not recreational as I lift this blunt on my bed 

These are the rawest flows dont call me ted, talk no more 

Only chalk, chalk and flows that I draw   

I don't promote drugs only greatness, 

im not a role model but im chosen to be somebody dont mistake this

Not just another dude, an ordinary guy with some regular shoes 

Pleasant and safe, home insurance but no gold in the safe, married a 6 at 30, alimony at 40, 

Met her through work never learnt to be flirty

Never took a risk

Always did what his parents think 

Cosey home and that wine he drinks, with his bored wife who emotionally cheats

And denies sex 6 times a week 

That could never be me

That shit make me freeze 

Only 4 9s, and a dozen palm trees 

And a 4 by 4 in the cana isles,  in fall 30 degrees 

Only abundance im relentless 

Even when my family look in my eyes and tell me i cant and i know that they meant it 

And they know that money I spent it 

But I know i had to invest it

Insomnia life and stress got me restless 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 01:20 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

I want so much money it overflows it frightening 

Weatherman make it rain but all this capital i make lightning 

Corporate charm but i know im a warrior im a Viking 

Core tennet of game is marry the game dont chase the fame, 

Notice the bad luck and pray but only find yourself to blame,

Same time elevate and dont fall to shame, guilt is a cancer that shit only inflame  

I keep vaping is it heavy metals that going to my brain 

Can I even feel the stress in my veins? 

same shit another night i smoked a blunt to heal the pain 

But im still logical and sain, i should quits the carcinogens and just mediate away 

Edited Tuesday at 01:40 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Another night,

Smoked another blunt to numb the stress and the pain 

Another night but no more i feel the same 

Insomnia down but still sleep late 

Te, structure, goals, waking up early 

I think insomnia going now i have nothing to blame 

I think i need Te again 

Clarity, note book & pen, schedulling on sundays

Meaningful big goals but specifics, measured, Deadline

Move x y date z in bank 

Also input based goals/standards, aided by sunday time schedule

Output goals for the energy, motivation and dreaming LOA & deadlines, pressure make diamond

Input goals for grounding to reality, ensuring consistency, clear cause & effect progression, trackable self honest daily momentum and using the principle of minimum standards (not, "I would like to do x 3 hours per day but, doing x y amount per day is a hygiene standard, with no days off)

Time structure that frames every day, organized and mechanistic machine ENTP

Ofc daily checklist/review for input goals, especially simple task box icon checklist

Lets do this, build leverage i turn the crank

Yeah I wanna brake the bank

Insomnia going down getting back into professionalism 

I need a tailored old money suit to wear 

Introspective me is over for now, I am now mechanistic old money suit wearing money machine psychopath.

Marketing sales leverage skills learning communication human psychology charisma energy mood vocal projection professionalism room setup technology superfast wifi capital engineering Transcripts reviews, SRS repetition mastery drills 14H work days SMT goals deadlines visualization mediation Optimizing immersion studying practicing applications networking content personal brand 8-12H sleep recovery, Juicing celery juice quality meat 30K months 8s 9s and 10s focus vibrancy energy success

Edited yesterday at 09:52 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

My tolerance to THC has become so high its now a futile compulsive activity 

No pleasure, not even noticeable sedation or relaxation anymore

It is just money and energy burning ritual at this point 

Has just become a meaningless, pleasureless autopilot habit  

And how boring would it be if i pulled a cool liberal chick or met some new friends who wanted to smoke up, in like some fucking tropical forest and i just didnt feel anything in that moment ... Everything has its time and place, smoking alone constantly is super lame and i knew this but tbh it was just a desperate response to chronic insomnia 

Still i completely forgot about and underestimated how powerful tolerance is with weed, and tolerance like this makes it extremely expensive because i'd have to reload 3-5x/week and still not get much out of it, then i'd also have to smoke a lot of carinogen just to get a fraction of the effect too so its unhealthy 

i will leave it for a month so i can enjoy it ritualistically again

Edited yesterday at 09:52 AM by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Landscaping, Plants, Gardening & decorative art 

This will be new passion hobbie of mine 

Requires money, space, land, time and energy  

once i can buy a spacious house and garden i will start doing this 

I will learn a lot about nature, natural science, chemistry, technology, art ect.. 

Not merely gardening, but all forms of design and decoration, lighting, painting ect.. 

This will be cool af 

I also like the ocean and want to own jet ski or motor boat 

 

Edited 22 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Optimized Life]

Quote

Insomnia down but still sleep late 

I got 7+ hours for 2 days and its back again

I am stuck awake until 4-4.30AM again and i am sleeping 4-6 hours again 

I am very concerned this is never going to end

U can cheat diet, u can smoke, drink abit ect.. consequences are marginal or gradual

U cannot cheat sleep over the long term, and the damage shows up fast too

I am losing my looks, my skin, my vitality, the glow in my eyes, i will lose my hair, i am losing ahtletic function, i will have mood disorders and anger problems if this continues long enough, i will not be able to compete in business against people who are in good health, i may barely even be able to pay my bills

Gym recovery is far slower, i will lose muscle, and who knows if i'll even be able to exercise anymore as this will become my last depserate priority 

I will lose everything if i dont solve this

And given what my baseline is, and given i am pretty young still (not 60) This is hard to tolerate

I will lose my productivity 

I dont even get to be awake during the day ..

Trust me i have tried everything for months

If this doesnt get solved i am going to kill myself 

I cannot be anyone im not 

I cannot be tired, i cannot live with it, i cannot be unproductive, i cannot just lose my looks like this 

This is tragic, like i said the only one thing u must never lose in life is sleep, continous sleep is the number one lever that decays your entire body

I have a couple months to find a solution or im going to kill myself. 

I will not quit yet but after a certain point when ive tried everything what am i supposed to do? ... just suffer and accept it like some bitch? No i have a standard that i have for myself across everything based on the strong genetics i was given and i am not dropping below that standard, i cannot live with it, i was blessed with so much talent in virtually everywhere area imaginable, intellectual, athletic, physical appearance, personality, charisma, energy, and now its just being taken away from me like this? u expect me to just live with that fuck you

Maybe i need much stronger but also higher quality weed, i dunno i cant resort to addictive and toxic benzodiazpine or sleeping pills, maybe the last resort for me is ultra sedating, high quality, high potency indica weed and maybe  a lot of CBD added in, if i can even find it, if only i lived in California then i could just source that inmediately, it is also expensive but nothing is more expensive than health decay

I have to use Te i guess, i have to consider every variable 

I currently drink tea and these teabags contain microplastics - for example that is one variable 

But my caffiene consumption is low, intentionally low and it doesnt help, i used to abuse caffiene and still sleep enough, now i have 1-2 teas max by about 12pm, it is very unlikely this is causing it, im even extra tired because there is still residue caffiene withdrawal 

I just have to use a sheet tracker simple and track the variables, every day, exhausting and sloppy to do it in my head 

Maybe i should buy an aura ring, but again so expensive, but again maybe just goodbye to all my capital again, maybe i have to sell everythign and throw everything at this before i kill myself 

Quote

Yes, even a gradual reduction in caffeine can cause temporary sleep disturbances like insomnia. As you cut back, your central nervous system and neurotransmitters—specifically adenosine and GABA—recalibrate after long-term stimulant exposure, which can temporarily disrupt your sleep-wake cycle, cause mild anxiety, or make it hard to fall asleep

There are so many variables, this is not simple 

I can only use Te and iteration 

There has to be Te and tracking and iteration, or i will feel like a victim and not know whats going on 

Maybe i have to quit finasteride maybe i am in the 5% of people who experience side effects, although DHT sepression it wouldnt be expected to influence sleep as it isnt related to the same system imo, but again, "What do i really know about anything"

If i come out of this healthy and recovered though i will count it a blessing, but only if i solve it 

Either i die or i come out of this a lot more grateful for my body and my life 

Probably i will never have any fear or anxiety about anything trivial again, i will never be desperate for money or pussy again, i will just be eternally grateful for being alive and healthy, i will probably be a much stronger person, i will probably be impossible to manipulate, i will probably have a profound work ethic, energy and motivation, if i can just solve this, i will never take anything for granted again, its like going to jail and being released and  seeing your freedom like air, but the health version of this. I am a strange person and most people would not benefit from this, most people just want to work a lame job and watch TV and reproduce with any random woman fit in and avoid all their fears and be safe lol, but i am not wired like most people

Edited 47 minutes ago by Optimized Life