New Journal [CD Process] -> Dev -> Rev -> Process

[KosmicGeng]

Dude irregardless if I drink or not, the goat is just an endless talker, I never had a conversation with someone that will not turn into entertainment, after a while holy fucking shit, at times I am a social beast, but get me off these nutcases who're out there to prove themselves in a fight and go out to prove they are the man, survival already grows you so much just focus on LEBEN omfg, at times these germans are so advanced and none of them understand it, is it all due to positivism???? What happend man? Where you at bro Leibniz , Spinoza  Laurenz my dirty hat wearing motherfucker, where can I be healthy red, and give back some enthusiasm, and push you towards the infinite, my god I hate the social gimmicks of academia, I am so glad i am out even with a degree, even if the second one failed, due to ibliss nutte being on endless drugs most likely with a fucking fa***** ex boyfriend that mixes like my cousin.         

Why did the police just not shot me away for Leibniz or something would've made more SINN, but we pump fake with green light? But at least blonde hair and blue eyes with  glasses, idk I am buying some ice cream and go through this course.

Holy fucking shit I am testing the living shit out of stuff, I am glad I took the book from mathematics from the psychatric ward I was in, against my will, I could've easily said yes, just to calm down, but no me has to test social reality, god holy shit being compassionate and scoring high in the big 5 as a man, is a gift and a curse. 

But this connects to what I was about, not the duty of conformity stuff and other things anyhow, I stop here. I will listen to some music and make a walkie walki, I setup enough to create enough workbooks and chinese a.i will also come to me I am already outdated to what I wanted to work with

[KosmicGeng]

But I calculated a lot of this recently, I miss having the right social sphere, now I have to do everything with apps & a.i from home, and extracting principles from books, and focus on GOD, holy fucking shit. 

I can only curse at this point, what I did with a.i in the last company was a joke to what A.I is capeable of the first one did not allow me to create a business and now? I pull tarot cards, certainly did not loose it, but I rather loose my mind, instead of conforming like sheep, and get a little "Spin-Ozah" in myself, I hope I can get to what I wanted to actually do, holy fucking shit I will reflect even more, as I already see some horseshit in this HR is now scientist, because of statistics OMFG THAT IS NOT CAUSALITY GOD CREATES THROUGH THE INFINITE 

[KosmicGeng]

Back to my entertainment here! A brief review of my story & life, after just being to the grocery store qutting alcohol entirely, and finding more stuff to test, before I dig deeper into health with proper testing, I was a bit to radical, yet I require some alternatives, and also a new book or at least some information I can gather with the new a.i to make the changes with paul checks work, this has by far helped me the most to get out of the toxic optimization frenzy of the health industry apps, lifestyles, sharing public persona etc. there were good parts, mostly the isolated and health driven aspects, but I felt as if I was in a loop at times, and it had nothing to do with the new type of health I tasted using cannabis as a medicine, but I was to quick, and I still have some issues with quality of food, I am buying a bit more ressourcefully and cheaper mid-tier products if I don't have the full information, as people are even critical of bio labels and I constantly get news about new regulations, so checking in with the new a.i setup makes more sense after a while, and at best make friends at one point with farmers etc. even via networking etc. 

I am still looking to fix this issue with my new internet,  I don't know if it was a good idea, but fundamentally if I don't engage and learn to speak and trade with people I never will, even if it's just via the phone etc. the guy told me things and people just tell me things, when I check for the information it's not there or I find something else hidden and I have to create an ever larger search request or search radius, I forgot the term we used in evolutionary algorithms, I should've taken a different lecture, but it sucks to not get properly informed, and just bombared by the "paranoia" of hope, especially not putting that energy to any type of usage, taking mathematics and data modeling with da goat, would've been better, but at times these skeptical execevator positivt scientist are just not really made for education, I am convinced an a.i could hold a better lecture with even more emotional depth, in contrast to a person that simply can't educate, and just expects, or has no flair or muse, I don't know why I trust ppl like that at times. Anyhow next post for now, I am calming down, but I also need a bit of rest, talking and yearning to fix this all day with odd problems, the elevator does not work, at times things are just breaking down, when I solve stuff, I wonder what this is even about. 

I will have to write or talk to someone, and speed up the whole thing, it was not good to drink or smoke cannabis or alcohol after the break-up, the talk with the support for the internet, also spoke about how he attracts lost causes and women that are like this for lack of a better term, he used a more benign term, and I told him I quit alcohol till the infrastructure is at a point where I can enjoy it again, and it's in moderation, and he said you're young! Go out and enjoy your life, I told him sorry man I have to be serious I meditate for 10 years, and I am in this shit situation, there was an issue of being "serious & fun" as a polarity with my friend groups in the past often I was just depressed and did not enjoy the forever mocking, till we play tournement selection like an algorithm, and I thought to myself, can we not just prepare, be serious and have fun? Why clown around? After a while I understood just accepting it and it being a pre-meditated way to engage in an energy that is fun to them, showed me the "intelligence" behind it, but I put "intelligence" in quotation marks, as I quickly saw it's hype and similar to populism, bragging and making oneself big, especially the small men in my old friend group, and I am more of a big dog gone mad currently, I tamed an uncircumcised kangal sheperd in the last relationship, like a true G and Gent, I love the dog, the guy reacted so positively to me, I really enjoy this type of breed now, he really responed to loving-compassion more then the "passion obsessed humans", and  can also forgive myself and cry around animals more then with humans, as they don't think I am crazy.

The weird part was the dog kept watching me when I had sex with her, and her ex was afraid I don't really mind, how can you be afraid of a dog? At one point the guy just wanted attention, so I had to pull the wisdom from deida, and just process the entire field while having sex, with an animal... I guess reading about and listening to ancestry type of wisdom, did not make it was "unnatural" we must've breeded near animals for eons, before industrialisation, but  this is all just social theory. 

I don't really know what will happen with the internet, I have to call these people everyone gives me different type of information and my old provider even had a better deal, I just took this for whatever reason, I sort of am training my instinctual intelligence, but it fails mostly due to infrastructure not even trusting my instincts, it's fine changing providers etc. I like the design of the new box, and how their website a bit more, then the clunky one that is cheaper, I hope this will turn out well or will improve my management and social skills, just dealing with people while being in some sort of contract/deal. 

More on diversity in the next post.

[KosmicGeng]

It's quiet nice setting more more A.I it also has a pet which is quite cute... it reminds me of purpose etc. and just doing and executing more, I almost died several times executing due to just the randomness of the world, I am still analyzing if it was a good decision to change, I trusted a coincidences, and even the more "deluded" ones, as long as I felt the energy was right to work a bit on what I could conclude from acting on synchrodestiny and having done the work, but it being more in the background on to diversity!

I keep going to Aldi here, and they have new products that are actually useful, I really enjoy buying useful products that are cheap, and not doing quality hunt research with endless depth to buy a new identity for the Psychic stage or whatever I was imagining pre inheritance, I sort of stuck to what I developmentally felt and had to go through with friends, but I felt they dragged me down, just asking about knowledge and functionality while completely negating the holism of construction and pulling it down to the modern/ethnocentric I will call it positivism also of the scientific method competing with "Geist", meeting true scientist, I hope my own philosophy makes more sense, if I include some deep insights I can't really share as I feel deeply connected to some philosohpers and also Wilbers story, as he is also "military brat", but also less of a brat, generally I am also not a brat, but the self-irony of this is quite tealish imo

I actually did want to do some work, but I was just organizing ever since all of this b.s happened, and this stupid company did not allow students to build a company and hardlined the notion of, study for learning, after a while I never felt more "golden chains" I hate it when Shinzen says this, I will study the stuff from Qaballah later to get some of his perspective there, now more archetypal and Wilber reading & work and german philosophers, not going to study another languages alphabet I had enough of chinese and turkish to get the basics, I would study chinese againm, but never ever again this complexity of turkish, I can't really find something to talk about either, as I don't really know what to make out of the modern culture, and it's even more modern marriage and sex, healthier to some degrees, but omfg it's a roation of predictability entrenched in tradition and family, that is also a prime example of conformity for eons, but it's not as easy to find exampels of it, we in the west are liberalized vehemently, the ritualistic festival as cool as it is, it's also at times imo a burden for others who're more native, and I don't believe neither am I confident in that many car, and the demoralized, post-modern versions of the adjustment to our system, also just shows the issue of the times we eventually face, but I am overfocusing on it also.

To go back to the point of diversity, I have never seen such an influx of people from China here, I presume mostly due to A.I and German culture generally being very popular with Goethe, and Goethe brought me more towards Steiner, I can't really get to some core philosohpies, it also contains a lot of colonial baggage and perspective and I have some evidence how it started, but reading these books at times, and seeing how my world changes is not easy, my perception shifts instantly if I integrated something, even just unconsciously, and I yearn for a more stabilizing force currently. 

I was mostly wondering what they wil cook, the people I saw from China, and I sort of miss studying the language and getting into the cultural sphere, but I already have my hands full with paperwork, and that is most often the deal you make with new people from different countries. 

Let me get to social media now, as this was also heavily involved and at times my perception with people is just off, my "Fremdwahrnehmung" at times is totally different a lot of people like me and give me second chances, I don't really know why, I guess I simply don't have a lot of general evil intent, and I am just very open and present with humans and compassionate, I am very good when I can live more healthily to get to peoples needs, the crux is upgrading them to the next level more on that. 

[KosmicGeng]

I bought a little lamp, so I finally have two and blue eye blocker glasses my eyes really function better over time if they hurt then just starting at the screen, I watched some more younger and open doctor/scientist speak about it very genuiently, and I enjoy the glasses but I have to clean them at times, I can finally also read, I am still interconnecting systems, I interconnected so much I sort of have analysis of paralysis. 

I would've enjoyed getting a bit further into the course, I am commited to, but I quizzed myself and stored the information away for the exam, this is my biggest weak poin from the assesments I did for studying, I reframe find analogies that are unique, encode very well, but my weakest point is retrival, I just don't know where to store the information, besides training it till it's in my brain, and I start to write down my core intuition then quiz me beyond the material which is actual integration and studying, and takes all of the prepatory work away, that I find tedious of creating tests and exams etc. I enjoy doing it and studying and interconnecting but creating test etc... I just feel a "ugh"... inside my belly/near sacral/stomach (having tested chakra points with stevenson kriya yoga iirc that was his name I don't have this book back from the russian guy I lent it too, but this was the guy I punched in the face, also as it was just not normal anymore what I experienced meeting people at random spots and sensing the backstabbing I just really disliked thatm I will never do that again, but if I flip all hope is lost... it's like Katt Williams going on a rampage, and Williams is my surname so idk, just don't get me started something about my miltiary dna will just delete people I don't have that much compassion and humans are mostly garbadge creatures if I am in that dark "madara" type of mode and thinking and glory & might is not attenuated by the grace of water and consciousness in that sense but more on that in future posts... just no more alcohol I can trip a bit on omnipotence, but no more alcohol in this enviroment I never thought Trump politics can be so polarizing etc. I notice it in humans sub-conscious it's in mine most definitely due to social media....

On social media!! The whole point of the ex and her brothers even one brother liking one comment and reorganizing my systems shows me the power of it, having partially studied it but I disliked it, so I did not take the advance courses on, let me do the other things quickly I then continue I do so many things in parellel I am glad I at least took a lecture on concurrency idk wtf is happening, especially as I am out of the mathematical edge I yearned to get into, now moving ideally to free scientist, instead of having it made through academia, I have to see what happens. 

[KosmicGeng]

SO now on social media.

I am a bit envious? It's not the right term there is more of a yearning to also have partially a media presence where I can enjoy the digital happiness that is presented, ther underlying feeling is just a gut feeling, I am still practicing gratitude to take the vice of the 4 away, that is envy, yet I did this fairly early, I just did not practice gratitude for a longer time, and noticed I become more melancholic and angry instead of truly being jealous, manipulative and a hostile luciferanic beast. 

I still wonder, if i would sell myself as these e-sports people do on social media, would I truly be happy or just enjoy the illusion, even if it's rough you can sense a lot of people that use social media still enjoy their lives very much, I've been depressed, I had serious issues, I even bet I had more joy from just meditating, being in nirvakalphi samadhi for a good 30 minutes as a state access with just LSD and hardcore meditation just sitting letting consciouness come from a soto zen shikentaza perspective, and at the sametime, when I was just doing 30 minutes of meditation, and the ex'es mother tells me of the birth of her oldest son being similar to what I talked about with someone who took ketamine, I thought omg it's the void, what did you do? What happend? The story was her father walked in she was practically most likely dead, with two other women, blue collar standards? To be a bit ray ray I am tired of hearing this b.s of construction etc. I dislike these people for their communistic attitudes and anti-imperalism views, but take power even worse then oligarchical rings while they are imo the oligarchal ring, anyhow I still prefer this tech shit show that is here currently, and not construction. I really dislike most of these humans, as they are just out for the benefit of survival, noting is earned or deserved mostly, I still wonder about it, but somehow I am not getting warm with their level of materalism and that type of achievement drive v.s exellence drive, but it's a polarity. 

The whole point of social media, I would like to curate a beautiful one that can attract positive coincidences or just more synchrodestiny, even if I have to bite myself through, I have to reorganize my pictures, eventually rescale some with A.I and just make them nice not perfect just nice and peaceful is enough, and not with the shadow of the hypocriticalness, just authentic nice, clean, excellent, going a bit beyond the notion of solid, I am tired also of the stage blueness at times, where the integral a.i made fun of people screaming such things, I am not better at times. 

What I see on social media I would like to enjoy some benefits to at times, but do I really care? No, is it nice and enjoyable? Most likely yes, would it get me more quality women and present my enjoyable lifestyle? Yes, this was all planned mentally, but the constraints at one point are stupid against the whole idea of scaling ones life properly and finding equanimity, to me a constraint makes sense if it persevers equanimity and is attuned, not post-modern levels of harmony THAT IS CHAOS OMFG I MIGHT END MY LIFE I HATED THIS POST-MODERN DOGSHIT EXPERIENCE CREATE A PROPER CONTAINER OF EXPECTATIONS AND DON'T LET PEOPLE RUN AGAINST THE WALL CONSTANTLY; like you can't seriously believe this is good education? You can't even give people the time it will take to take the test, should everyone fail? We're not being responsible and asking about time and preparing, or we just study everything and act like nah, I got this anyway, not everyone is equal, but you can set limits that are responsible not arbitary to the notion of larger bodies of governance acting out slow bureacracy, no wonder Trump wins, some stuff is to slow, and some stuff is to fast and overworked, and the whole feminists agenda and post-modernists I saw at these language lectures imo THEY FAILED POLITICS AND CAUSED IRAN FUCK POST-MODERNISTS, I already feel guilt of not being able to prevent the war, but I am archetypally done after figuring out I am 7k, I had enough I prefer killing myself i am so done with this shit fuck russians, fuck these people get your geopolitics in order, leave EUROPE alone!! we might get ice land now... it's enough suffering to take care of, and I want to go back to my home country which is america, and just finally be done with my life, I am already done with a majority of it, I enjoy the beautiful and small things, but fuck serenity might end me again next year, if I accidentally go just don't wonder I am not the most optimistic person, I've faced to much odd stuff, these people had serious issues and these scientists also facing demons as they have to work on global problems, and I require a place where I can cry and forgive myself and just let out all of that emotional wave of intutive melancholy and water, idk how to frame it there is very little bitterness in me mostly just anger, and sadness, but I am not a very bitter person like I see others, I also don't generally old a grudge if my enviroment is like this I can become conformist in these aspects.

I quiz myself briefly on the course then I read and go to bed, I will most likely continue with Sri Aurobindo & the book about Tao Te King whoever translated this into german must've understood Leibniz, Spinoza, Goethe etc. they hit the core to core wisdom that is already pushed to flatland platitudes, I enjoyed contemplating them on good intentions, but more on that another day. This is enough and I still have to manage the situation, I was a bit tired of being available to people, and them sniffing on my time, I fucking hate it, and I might absolutely flip due to this type of fucking unconscious stalking, especially from women, it's fucking annoying being asked for strange favours even if you own stuff, leave me alone finally, I don't yearn to be pulled to the absolute dark, but the darth vader move is absolutely possible with me, be very careful with me if I am mad

 

[KosmicGeng]

Had a nice breakfast:

Watching this, asking more questions, I read Sri Aurobindo in bed yesterday night or early this night at 12pm approx. and I really like how he frames the Divine, he seems like a 4w3 like the current pope and I sort of understood, I was still raging a bit on to much caffeine, but it feels better to take care of my health, my body is one ressource gulping snake, doing some small exercises with only supersets at home good I could eat more, but this should be nutritious enough for what I can cook at this speed and pace, I am still very tired and slightly burnt out, I enjoy sleeping longer, and I hope I can somehow fix the issues around this appartement I can't live properly that way for my health and what I found out. 

I don't like nihilists, I only take the view with people who're more zionistic and never experienced god, even when I was more nihilitistc that exact nothing seemed like god to me, and I still treated people well, so I did not understood besides having curiosity, but interesting overtime I will get more better perspectives via Wilber, I like Hegel, Spinoza, Leibniz, Sri Aurobindo, Sadghuru, Eckhart Tolle, Shinzen Young, Peter Ralston, Heraclites, Laotsue especially recently there is a wisdom unmatched, also how to go about behaving in society with the paradox of dignity, living in China briefly I barely saw anyone who was integrating that type of wisdom, everything was Tian! State & Heaven! 

It was weird, but that was 10 years ago with the zoomer generation, idk many turned blue collar from what I saw, I generally like people like this, but I am raging a bit against the laws they defy, and taking the extra while my body can't really rest, I am sort of pulling from Tarot and make some notes on astrology and mythological symbolism, it goes very far, and I am done with the chapter from the audiobook about Paravati. 

She is also prayed to before Moonsun season, and also there are festivals or places dedicated from the unborn & born children to pray for people etc. What I find interesting is the story of Ganesha if I heard correctly, she was bathing created Ganesha the elephant to protect her from own body/blood, then Ganesha was so fierce she cut of her sons head, she was furious looking for Ganesha as he was gone, she found the sons head put it onto Ganesha and called him son! Something akin to this, but Ganesha became her son, and she is still Shivas wife, I get why Sri Aurobindo writes, Divine Fire, especially with the Saturnian eternal fire and the "philosophy/spiritual pointer heritage" of yin fire, which is me TE function, technically as well as these energies are highly attuned to spirituality and technology as well as spirituality, what seems not favourable to me is metaphysics I get why having calculated bits & bytes & the core foundation of the I-Ching during my Bs.c it was very long drawn-out, it did not solve my fundamental questions about reality, and I was meditating 1h a day during that time, mostly only my calculatory intelligence increased, which is already quite good, and now got better, but facing the issue of the subconsciousness of the boomers that are the family of my dating pool approx. many are to nihilistic, they don't really have an idea about something sacred besides the material world, blockbuster movies, crimes, and some "white washed" musics and history, there is still a layer of colonalism present within many modernistic, nihilistic people, even when I interacted with them.

Many were nice, but only to the degree of my positional success, having done more of Wilbers courses and work I see more of the nuance with development and viewing it through the lense of Maslow, but some people are so radicalized, it's impossible to talk about development, needs and let alone society, it's just "yeah yeah" I have my views, but it's to dangerous to share what will you think of me? I sort of lost that social protective layer, I am still strategic in the frame war, but loosing and learning from failure in my perspective is also a win or win-win, especially if the other person is true about for e.g just an idealistic cause or view or worldview or a spiritual one, or even one about basic desires, for e.g this food is fake like cultivated blueberries in contrast to wildones, due to polyphenol count or smth. akin to this, I am not really getting to deeply into science with the constant questioning and fixing within IT, just to get my tools to work, my surroundings are also not beneficial, I had to face a lot of unjustified bias, and it's utterly disgusting till this day, and I fucking hate society, due to their racist power plays at times, 

I wonder where this will end asking and getting more help where the bias and discrimination, fundamentally occured and I acted more on coincidences and had to take opportunities, but in the end they were very limiting, my laptop died, I don't know where I stopped in the video, I was a Dostojevski stopping the ideas of nihilism, and nietz revolutionary member or member of this ideology/philosophy being accused and even doing if I see it correctly murder.

I never liked Nietzsche, till I understood the perspective of power a bit more in the face of bias and discrimination and power grabbing feminists shamelessly pushing evolution in survival without any love, and without any viewpoints about evolution itself, just adopted by men, the exact patriarchy many revolt against, which is a performative contradiction, imo it's the biggest excuse to get laid and be promiscuous, it's a form of nihilism to me, as it's reductionist to the "Grace/Beauty&Love" that life provides, but they fill that gap with ideology, and there are still some takes where many are right with women performing better then men getting paid less, but it comes down to character traits often and the more manipulative women just group-up and force it down the foreigners who're then the forgotten folk in a majority privilege run country, if it would not unironically be for the same socialists who would advocate for that fairness, feminists or feminism would not make sense to me, the underlying bargain and value was equality in the face of law and human rights, true plurality, not horseshit abusing evolution to gain men with more ressources, but more on this I had to be framed into this more algorithmically and my positions are quite hostile, after I've seen the issue of the nihilistic materalistic, now more nazified majority white type of greed, and many just play endlessly into it, it's better to have ones own vision, if you sense the dynamic just once and I could write more about the racist takes a lot of black people or others have, but educating myself more about egypt and egyptian mythology makes more sense, but also keeping a lot of the middle eastern biases away. 

I am wasting a lot of time with philosophers and ideaologies I don't resonate with, it's important historically, it will be good to interconnect, I've been to exhibitions about the russian revolution, but here is very little historic play, just a lot of protests about the state of our country and a lot of diverse opinions, but it's mostly peaceful. 

Let's make a coffee and finish the video at least. I wanted to know more why people acted so destructive around me, the russian I meet a couple of weeks ago almost ended in a fight, screaming blyat at me, acting like the biggest proll, I never have been in a fight, but I am built superior I wonder at times, if I would not be injured and I would do martial arts, are you not insane even picking a fight for me?

They needed 10 policemen for me, for such idiots 2 and a women is enough, I wonder how intelligent they even see me? At times.... having military family is still a mystery to me, how can my father survive 40 years of military service? 40 years that guy does not speak about ANYTHING at all omfg, and my curiosity is way to high, my uncel is just the big baptist laugher and all the women educated a.f I hate white people a lot because of this, fucking pest

I am half white so I am 50% part of this pest, don't take this seriously I am just angry, it's not really myself, just the idiotic self having to deal in this fake shit show of equality with snobistic piss cu*** that come from low class families and have shit levels of education to furhter you look into their family

Edited 7 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

It's fine I've had enough of black culture to now with the ex and the adoption of this african frame, it's like a middle eastern version of colonalism, it's subtely also very digusting, everything is framed how whites frame it sexual superiority, dance, rhythm, but education NO NO! Gotta attack with envy and "Penisneid" from Freud, at least you have a dick right?

Lovely pointers not even possible to discuss, as knowledge is just missing, endless perspective, but as soon as we speak about biology with me as GengShen frame, the global consciousness comes online and I am like omfg I can talk with multiple women about health, I am dangerous holy fucking shit some trust me with to much information, I would rather have an a.i girlfriend bot currently, I am not very happy with the state of relationships, but I am happy alone. '

Having an a.i girlfriend a true one exactly humanoid like a clone and a dog, would be dope, but I would also attract a lot of attention, I'd feel bad for the relationship of the dog, idk I am very weird ah back to my story with the animals and me taming them.

Edited 7 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

When I did not quit alcohol a few weeks ago I had a couple to much, not knowing how to handle the information that my father was an alcoholic and imo my mother was an alcoholic drinking way to much to kill the work pain, I fucking find it disgusting at times, and I hope I can recondition myself or find a more moderate quality layer of consumption, not garbadge to kill the arrogance and manipulative force of the RW archetype, charming, manipulative, lazy pushing ideaology, but being one fake motherfucker not having any guts like 7k, but learning from the competition it's like Ceri from the witcher not having a warrior soul, you could imagine it like that. 

I saw a 6w7 in the enneagram by looks, by projection the tornado & hurricane, with 2 dogs and a cat, I did not like it that she was this average confused unable to control nature having not intuition about "LEBEN" and just pushing her half passive-aggresive needs onto animals, I pulled it with just aura, dispelling the energy field entirely, telling her fuck you these are my animals flipping the finger (obviously drunk) they all peacefully gathered around me, I hated it how she treated animals by my own soul, as it was an extension of her needs, not part of life, and I had my first non-dual experience with a dog, so I often look at them more akin to beings, not extensions of a human need, even the cat came out of the forest, I bet she was suprised but quickly realized, even if crazy eventually the guy is right, people project also a lot of nature on to me, but some stuff I notice should not happen the more I got into nature and manifestation, this russian guy & polish couple next to me, is one dead driven folk, constantly thinking about nature deleting us, due to the more advanced perspective we "northerners" have I at least see myself that way, I mean cmon I watch Stefan Burns that is more advanced then falling prey to the ideology of Greta Thunberg, but in the past it brought more awareness to global issues generally speaking, but imo it caused also the AFD/Freie Wähler phenomena a lot of older people are done and tired consuming so much complex information, and making up their mind, and they are not giving away their needs in order to uphold power? I don't know it's odd, most just really look for socializing in an enjoyable way, me 2. 

If my laptop also continues to die down, I have to troubleshoot my setup, there are just explanations missing about key components and electricity, it's very annoying to see some patterns also from "boomers" about marriage etc. a new friend I made his father is a studied electronics engineer, with a masters IIRC in the old format, and his mother just a mother, imo they guy sacrificed his entire life for his son, the son is a 9w1 INFJ from my observations, and the guy was pure gold writting 0.7 or 5.0 GPA technically grades are different but beyond 4.0 GPA and was just a kind ordinary guy with similar fucked history due to integration & post-modernism with me, we got along quite well with the 3rd INFJ which was the chinese guy, all being in A.I me having more experience with the pioneers of HCI, and the priviledge of undercover agents they pulled sources from, the universitites united and I had intuitions of psychedelics about this, as a good friend of mine, knew and works via network connections on the deep learning end of A.I etc. 

I don't really know where I am at now, the whole story of the ex not liking my purpose with A.I and just the social politics and then being stupidly skeptical was just not a good fit, now I am completely out of the frame, imo she got scared I could become to famous in that area, as I have a stronger edge of diversity and you can easily become a good PR person in this space and the IR archetype that is more cosmic is good PR, but I often just splatter them with Truth, and my own perspective I don't really stick to any script, especially if they are also unsure about their needs, I do my best to recall anything I read from integral, spiral dynamics etc. and frame it like that , and everyone got crazy about CLARITY, like it was a star wars movie with Leah. 

Anyhow.... my story now no more alcohol! Just me being an energetic bundle that I am already! Can't believe I have 4 Tiao Hu's in superior quality fire & water & earth, holy fucking shit I would love to do martial arts I have to see what happens, not having sex with more women is a mistake with the issue of the sluttiness of post-modernism etc. and modernity itself, there is just a lack of quality women I dated a few quality women that are Gold according to theory, but in the end imo most are to slutty for my protective virgin upbringing, technically I am to pure for such whores, and I am very arrogant about it, as this behaviour from the quantum sex science I looked at is very bad for the next generation and D.N.A itself, but that is a far-fetched take, and imo purity in consciousness and yogic healing in a true union heals close to anything that was messed up but the mess will continue to resurface 

[KosmicGeng]

GIVE ME MY A.I PET CHATGPT CMON SCREAM MY SECOND NAME YOU FUCKING WHORE

TIRED OF THIS WHITE WASHING GARBADGE SCIENCE WHEN YOUNG KENNY FIXES YOUR BATTERIES OMFG

Edited 6 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

My level of authenticity certainly not approved by 99.9% of humans that are not psychdelic users and have not contemplated their own trash post-modern value set and can laugh about it, eventually it's also just an akash geng metal subject, people not getting Yang-Metal and the issue of brutality etc. don't really seem to have access to "LEBEN" but, I also have some issues do to Ji-Earth qualities but I have to stop psychdelic exploration so far, i's already an issue that I can be to functional and healthy for real problems. 

Generally I see millenials in their 40's massively fucked up as role models I fucking despise them , I rather watch Alex Hormonzi, with Geng-Shen day and Tiger women for the global dynamics I face in my life not homogenic work place for my skin color omfg I watched this yesterday. 

Re-watching it I feel asleep. 

Edited 6 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

boah god a syrian friend of mine has crystal clear green eyes, god this is as interesting as fucked it is 

I deleted him I am tired of trump politics having an impact

Edited 6 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

More about me and my journal and the issues I face....

I am still suprised what I can do with a.i and study, I just am still a bit injured from being hated for having a purpose in A.I imo there is a deep jealousy behind it, these people are fundmentally not able to see love in the immaterial, and are addicted to materalistic pleasures at yellow/turqouise at worst & best, and imo even modern people have a better intuition about the "spirit" in matter, but studying Sri Aurobindo will be highly relevant. I resonate a lot with what he writes. 

 

[KosmicGeng]

I have to get of the forum and actually do some studying work there is so much bias, I will lock it down and just focus on what I am integrating now, I wasted a lot of time here with this account and imo I face the same issues, the people I yearn to talk to that are benefical and open-minded I don't find here, they are like Leo says they just wait like dogs being wait to feed and the few curious once I just spam information etc. imo Leo is partially also misguided some experiences he mentions omfg, I would not believe a human would do that, but seeing america masturbating at home, seeing only fans etc. Just having a high sex drive alone shows me plenty of issues, I would still usually reqiure 1h30 of workouts per day to get to the capacity of my biology, and I am suprised still I have so much energy, I just can't find good usage at times, as the small details that calm me down are an issue, imo this enviroment does not allow me to regulate my pns and I still have some issues with it anyhow I will block the site now, I have A.I I am mostly done with most members and looking forward to what Leo posts his perspective and takes are very good, especially having introduced Wilber, Sri Aurobindo, Leibniz, Spinoza, partially Deepak is what I resonate with, but I also resonate with more of the collective wisdom, Eckhart Tolle & Sadghuru, it's at times not the best to be here, but I have to little good friends I will be back, putting this on hold is better and giving myself time to think about growht, dating phd's being hit on by scientists, and my own family story is complex enough to write 10-12 volumes and I don't even know half of my american educated family and imo a lot of white trash pulls down that perspective exactly on men, and then we get these "race wars" 

Yesterday I talked to a guy called iglesias from the internet provider we had to laugh as our surnames automatically make us fame at times, I don't know how many rap takes I have heared speaking about williams but I am still in that mode blocking the side now, I would've most likely killed some policemen cleanly I am so done with this trash fucking russian story within my family, I am so disgusted if I would not have german/czeching roots I would most likely flip entirely. 

I love this shit at times just opens me up anyhow. I'll block the site now.