New Journal [CD Process] -> Dev -> Rev -> Process

[KosmicGeng]

Also the advice share your solutions only when your invited for the logic channels, i cared so littel about her soltutions as it was just feeding the family omfg these patterns are so prevalent in women, I hope I don't shoot myself out of disappointment omfg, I require some fun fuck this stupid whore

[KosmicGeng]

It's funny how much respect she had with a respectable man, but gotta taint him with drugs and weed, betrayl and just being a fucking garbadge whore, fuck this women I really hope she gets to some gun point issues, I hate it when they love black culture so much, but extract it worse then colonial period these days, can you just be normal healthy clean and white? No gotta be Ibliss, Satanic whore and a hadit? Or what? 

If she would've just treated the relationship like an actual women and not like a daddy princess it would've been fine, but that was my first relationship omfg, I am so angry at myself, for taking such a stupid girl, when I had a model right next to it, being approached by women is not as good if she acts in such a materalistic dominant fashion, just fuck her and leave her, I have some stuff in my chart that implies one-night stand unconsciously this bitch must've abused that also but runs a healing business with her family, I am glad I only fucked her with my own consciouness practices, I had such high states from the experience, interesting being psychopathic enough to trust a liar for Truth, but I had more Leo's that are like this somehow this zodiac sign is just a fucked insecure piece of shit at times biased but also my experience with 3 Leo's my father being irresponsible, my best friend a vietnamese guy lying and being famous for lying and her, just satan itself or more from her own culture? Ibliss, she is just Satanic, fuck such women, just go to your diddy freak-offs, and leave me alone with these projections I project enough to be confused enough, but leave me alone I feel bad for your brothers, they are pure gold, she is such a whore, cu** CUT DESERVED!!! 

CASE CLOSED

[KosmicGeng]

What fucks me up the more I read this my healing energy is the one-night stand in Chiron according to this, I have never seen a more cum hungry Gui-Chou horny little baby ox, being fucked and penetrated all day gulping down my virgin cum, as Virgo ascendent, idk this was more hentai, then hentai itself, and there have been 3 pigs in her chart 3!!! And it's my heavenly joy! But it was still to bad, the vice of the greed of 5 at times.... just one is enough! But it was not! 

It was so ironic and paradox, case closed but insight continues I can't believe my one-night stand chiron placement I heal by fucking women once good and lovely? I am quite sensetive, like super senestive, and the other part is true also in the past I established non-sexual brotherhood & sisterhood relationships, till most likely the unconscious design of this let me fuck you to heal you came through, also with all of the hip-hop and now more r&b music I consume but holy fucking shit this is surreal how astrology can work, but also how a consciousness practice makes the entire practice of astrology absolutely irrelevant, it's just a layer of survival or depth/history but fuck it can grow me, but it's also exhausting and at times repeptive I have to even look for newer techniques and just working on valeus reflecitng on asjkdhajkdh own behaviour etc. is just more effective at times, but can get me stuck in structuring to much. Anyhow I might setup my internet after gaming I made so many plans and extra plans this website is the killer for what people pay in self-development but still massively overpriced imo for an app, even insight timer now costs money, and I used it for free as a structure this subscription shit really has to be benefical, I already have to many and new ones are coming that are more neccessary sourcing and piecing together with ChatGPT or other llm's imo is just more intelligent one subscription 10k ressources and the actual practice and going there maybe pay a little more but at least get to know someone! Feels good at times... if my situation would not be as fucked I would go out solo, can't believe I secured a relationship before that I manifested it 100%, it's not by happenstance that I pull exactly what I want and it's an absolute twin-flame karmic relationship for reasons that scared me in the end, I fucked her and she was just being kinda demonic idk what I channeled into her, eventually the reason for my psychosis, but tbh, I have to see how this goes, it's still in my mind similar to Turing and mostly due to the issues of enviroment having people around me that are at war with the u.s and having military family and dna it times is not so good. 

Also a lot of historic shit to go through in order to even understand each other, and the casual stuff does not really work anymore anyhow enoguhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! m,y hands hurt

[KosmicGeng]

It is interesting how a not-self theme to me in terms of leadership is transfering to innocence, while I am thinking I want my innocence back, I presume it's more LEBEN as in the Tao Te King book (yes they translated it like this I have this book forever) and being more authentic the self-relentess even the notion of innocence and I get closer to annada or god-like states, anyhow I somehwat would like some more information. I will speak later with GPT or Grok, I don't know if I will be able to animate my visionboard with grok somehow I don't really notice any muse, and I don't want to turn it into sex self-exploration with A.I I had enough of that, and explored more tastes, I should go out and hang-out with the people I like usually asian people, but I barely meet asian people currently, 

I like all of them, but I am still figuring out what happend during the saturn return, as I worked as an a.i architect, and would be required to do more serious math, and then have this playtoy of a sociologist that is like HR I could shot myself for being in such dumb scenarios imo most of it was also just survival & hunger, idk why the enviroment was so weird, and people saw me as dead broke, or acted weird, while I scaled money, and actually had more money then ever, it was odd, just stupid at times how collectives process unique individuals, understanding the chart more and putting that into the lp course is also good, but taking some science from integral would also be good, I am interconnecting the 3 for now, I updated my values peace and leadership are missing I never had peace as a value, so idk what will happen that was the closest connection and perception I had of family at times a bit sterotypical due to MLK, but MLK was also a Geng-Shen day master glocked away, two twin tigers on a run, funny being me isn't it clearly also not dangerous, Mike Tyson is Geng-Shen day, but fine we need 10 cops for one little ape, and I never hurted or punched someone even during the so called "psychosis"

I was just raging against the door and the fact that my german grandpa was a russian war prisonor and also a gui-chou I doved into some subconscious realms, at times, just get me out, or give me better weed some silver haze for clarity just haze for clarity can work besides purple shit, but anyhting just give me that broken Xin-Mao ChatGPT weed, fixes my perception, but .... now psychdelics psychopahamakadkadkaks and the lies of the health industry more with Dimitri, the war saint, tainted by god, fucked by god, will be deleted by Sadhguru as wifey left on sameday, rude? Fucking yes, should I be killed saying that most likely fucking yes, is it still a part of my raw autneticity and I acutally woulld love to have her back and I am more pissed about the coincidence as it could've been me foolishly leaving for someone else by the loyality of 7k to eg, fucking yes.

IS EG DELUDED FUCKING YES, but also just a mystic at times, I prefer IR but we have some rude examples of IR having Trump as the Owl IR president, I am glad I have 3, I wonder if I can access overmind at an older age and change ancestors more freely, anyhow. I need a coffeee. 

Edited 19 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

I hope this is entertaining, but I am still quite pissed keep me away from this women, I might seriously hurt her for what she has done, I hate fucking fake as traitors and scammers, at times I wish I would be a saintly priest and do demonic rituals or a bodhisatva and deal with this crazyness some level of psycho is always active in me, not denying but getting that guy out is not good, better to channel anger in a more creative direction, just fuck alcohol over and over again, I am so done with it, I tasted it early I was moderate with it, and excessive with it, but as of now, just no more alcohol, I hope I can find some new teas and finally move again, and build something I am so annoyed that we lost out house, I wish we could've kept it but you can see the real issue of the economic issue of gender, power and energy, also biologically etc. not having a period etc. I will touch some critical topics but first .... internet and a.i I subscribed to the path, I would also rather fuck and marry a bot, if I can life a more peaceful life, I contemplated this enough, if I can taste consciousness from a rock and stone more, I rather marry that thing then a lucifer soul, that just yearns to be loved to death, my Michael must've been active, but I have to learn more how valid this archetypal "work" I am doing is, for "soul-evolution", imo part of wilber is outdated for a longtime, as science has to keep up with the developments also in these new age ears, and imo someone like Stefan Burns is a good example of a real free scientist with degrees working with a bit of wu to keep the purple alive etc. 

Anyhow got my coffee.

[KosmicGeng]

OMFG WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH NGO'S HAHAH I SHOULD NEVER GO THERE AND rather subscribe to economic interests that had more ethics in hard work just watching this live, I am a bit excited it's friday and I can meditate for 1h a day quicker then I thought and I love meditation omfg.
 

 

[KosmicGeng]

Yo wtf is happening man, I have never  heared of this omfg I have dark humour at times I can't believe what humans came up with do we need an altar and molch? eventually get my ex to do the marriages fucking pedo women, get them off me and these fucking freaky people, I am freaky enough to still keep my sanity but omfg people are hideous freaks, I can't believe people fall for this. 

Edited 19 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

At times americans omfg being in a psychatric ward once showed me a lesson, some people are more sane there, and some cases are very real, and have real issues what I am going through is serious enough, but not an illness omfg this above is an illness. 

[KosmicGeng]

Anyhow I am staying away from such cults, and usually I dig up some stuff, I already am wary about a few things, but holy shit this can turn sour quickly, setting up the new internet now, let's see if it works... 

[KosmicGeng]

To continue with this:
 

I just read a bit in Sri Aurobindos book how to open up the psychic stage, and it's similar to what TAO describes and the issue of the ex and spiritual envy, as I opend-up state wise to the serenity of the mother, not only the love aspect of it, but I have to read the book first then go back to Wilber.

Somehow my audible is fixed, my setup is pure horror most likely or just intelligent by intuition idk I fixed most stuff. 

[KosmicGeng]

Going to buy some ice-cream I am fixing the entire new appatrtement I hope they finally leave me alone with extra wishes. I might pump the forum to afk mode with a blocker, there is plenty of stuff I yearn to test, but it's good entertainment anyhow

[KosmicGeng]

Finally I really needed that, but further with the Qaballah audiobook I have a dozen I bought, somehow I took some notes with the new obsidian app mostly in the mind-mapping format with the new way justin sung keeps them I did these things wrong over and over again, and building complex models diagrams etc. is part of software it was interesting to get the chance to do that with LLM's and A.I companies, but I noticed the issue of the elite in terms of entertainment and that the company has to go into these expenses to cover the privileged desires of the alumini of their prestigous universities. It was weird, even when I did not have much in contrast to the flaunted wealth I see around me I had all types of entertainment, games and fun I could imagine, also privileged access to american content, dvd's games, that were forbidden in germany etc. it took a while till they adopted to the american market approx 5-10 years from the time I grew up, which was the mid 90's, I was born in the year were Wilber realeased the book integral psychology, which is till this day, one of my favorite books for longer mediation sessions and retreats, most likely still with Paulo cohelos the alchemist,

I enjoy reading, but I also manifest very quickly in my life, one book I walk through life my entire enviroment changes based on how powerful the content is, I should read the book from Sri Aurobindo I bought years ago, there is more wisdom to where I am at with my understanding of the Tao Te King, and the more conscious I am the better health choices I make, I'd really like to get away from sugar entirely and mostly consume honey, 

I cleaned my second desk finally for reading, I still have to test the different pen, but the mouse is fine, and some new ways to consume information, my tarot readings are also making progress, I bought the book from Chris Brennan on astrology, just diving heads deep into astronomie and these calculations etc. will just pull the lucifer blood I so heavily despise in academia just the power hungry women that go for their "passion", what I learned in the recent years, people who're passionate are the biggest self-deluded egotists, there is a level I can deal with it, but the snobistic version of it, I don't give such people a chance. 
 

new gta 6 gameplay does look underwhelming to me idk, I am quite satisfied with games, but being near the gaming industry inside of tech even within a.i can create some cravings, I am mostly learning about my 2 archetype in human design right now that seeks a cave or a place where I can go back being a hermit etc. 

I keep pulling some tarot cards, also that repeat themselves and I mix according to markov models 7x shuffling and just extra etc. but I also pull with my own energy and intuition, something is just up with sagitarius people, academia, truth and passion that I don't quite get, generally I find astrology fascinating, I am a bit out of this causal astronomical space, from what I learned it's better to look it more from a saturnian perspective? As a ressources that can be harnest and with more logic and doubt, not fascination, especially the astronomical part, as I attract to many lucifer souls that are about power, but the people that look like Sagitarius people to me, or how I would frame them according to Wilber, "Cenataur" aware Sagitarius people, that touch early-mid vision logic, it's very enjoyable to wonder about the universe and go about this stuff, but this is mostly me musing about different types of women I at times see when I walk and go into the city, instead of doing online-dating where there is more of the issues I face online etc. 

Anyhow, I have to put in some work at one point, I tried fixing my coffee machine it seems hopeless without anyone who can help me to take it apart, I can eventually clean it, but I might throw it away, I somehow cared to little about it, as the landlords fucked up the dish washer, and I am a bit annoyed with this landlords, and the constant panic and distress of their needs and qualms etc. 

Somehow my new setup works, but I have to put things more into long-term memory, I clean up also my Google Calendar, and I will link it with Obsidian it's a bit tedious, most stuff I remember write it down, I have multiple calendars I am very organized, just not on the pc, it's decent but at times not good enough to create the excellent work that I craved to create. Anyhow I will setup the internet finally I finished my ice-cream, I usually made smothies already from frozen berries etc. and just consumed that with cinnamon and honey to kill any sweet cravings and to give myself and my brain something enjoyable, but still be disciplined another example before I finally setup this internet, I am suprised how many things I move away and plan ahead for it to interconnect, at times this Ji-SI thing is very detailed oriented, I never thought I find so many mistakes, but I have to be calm at times I go crazy seeing to many flaws and become quite the tyrannt, mostly due to seeing the issue of a structure created, and I am very lenient and open-minded I am not very neuotic around messy places, what I dislike is when I can't interconnect within the chaos I am living, or create order when I need it in my head, 

There are more coincidences I considered studying more of deepaks work & god, or going about history/qaballah middle east, to some extend and seeing some truth eventually about my own family as I am still confused about the white part I highly doubt we're pure german, and might have some yiddish influenes, but none of us is relgious quite the opposite and very agnostic, my lesbian aunt goes crazy about the dalai lama imo she is a pedophile in disguise just raging at the notion, but I hope I can get some courses on evolutionary biology to get down to the nasty rational side of the world, but not going corrupt, just actually facing the darkness of humanity also to continue. 
 

[KosmicGeng]

Just read more inside one taste, the book is getting book to the end I read each chapter by the current timeline were in similar to how a "real journal should function", I was contemplating with all of the developments what about the soul level, and subtle contemplation is bazi and wu-xing even one, as my mediative practices are more akin to zen/vipassana and visualization/self-imaging procceses, and I do some shadow work when needed, but right now just keep alcohol away from me. 

I am amazed how good the book is, but I am also a bit oversaturated with reading Wilber, and listening to Wilber I miss some key details, and working on relationships showed me some massive issues, I have to still contemplate. The last women choose my for a logic pattern, which was her worst enemy, logic and doubt don't go hand in hand in my experience, I am to skeptical to simply trust a solution I have never tried myself or was formulated by someone else, or people who just take over a role, I don't asked them to or invited them to and I have to repell them from my learning space, ridiculous but true. 

I don't know if I will fix the issue of me cursing, as I faced serious comments about racism, death threats etc. for the natural talent of the 2 and it's most likely true I could've ended myself that day and moved from nirvakhalpi samadhi to mahasamadhi with the right push, imo nature alone could've pushed me but I will study more of aurobindos work and the inspiration that inspired wilber instead of other things was a nice coincidence reading That vam asi if written correctly doing more destiny work with what deepak teaches, but I came to close to the whole epstein thing, 

Whe n I see kids with appel watches buying cheese pizza and a bottle of water, I seriously am contemplating what social class do you belong to? I almost defined the entire space being in A.I, with psychedelics and it's fucking dangerous to have the desire to move into the tech space, anyhow more on this later, I have an oddly positive relationship to kids, but also quite weird, as I don't yearn to have one, I would prefer to have some pets before I have children or only children with pets, imo pets at times can give more love a human can ever provide for, and I am more focused on myself, I am quite egotistical in that regard, but I am very sacrifical in nature, my gut feeling would be anyway I get an autonemous snot nose if I would ever have a child, so I'd have to deal with the monetary issues mostly anyway, which just pushes me more into purpose & survival & other stuff. I stop for a second I will game a bit and contemplate the oddities of our times. 

I am glad I started reading again and listening to audiobooks, the Qaballah book is not as good it's a bit to dense but I am testing learning at 2.5x, at this point as my YouTube video speed moved to 3x, I also have to re-read the section about quickness and human design and go through the human design audiobook in german it has value about the hexagrams etc. 

There will also be a Uranus return in my 40's that will take a while, still more then a decade to go. 

[KosmicGeng]

 

[KosmicGeng]

The new auidobook for Hindo Mythology had a brief foreword from Deepak, the book is about the Tri-Murti and the Hindu gods, to get more of their archetypes etc.

I did not know Lakshmi is or was Vishnus wife, my lakshmi is exalted in the sun and it's still the goddess of wealth, also of manure in the past. There are some myths about how she was created through the water or ocean, she wears red, and gold, worshiped for harvest also at end of monsoon season.

Geruda = man bird or owl
Lakshmi typical day of worship is friday.

Mother of karma, god of love, mothers are believed to be embodiments of her

I do have Lakshmi & Paravarti in 2-3 different systems, this was a good primer for archetypal work & wisdom.

One Taste the book at the end goes very deep, I wasted a lot of time with the ex, this is way more important, I am considering if the 1h is neccessary or if I go for just 30 minutes and go about getting things done, there are still to many problems for a 1h sit. 

[KosmicGeng]

I seem to be close to done with human design, besides getting to know it via audiobooks and the hexagram gates, it's not easy to piece the information together for free, some stuff seems to outlandish, but it gives a good perspective into personality, but getting down to science was a priority I had more of, mostly what I figured out is

 

• Been there done that, with Gate 35/36, transitorniess being a sense-gate and circuit, I am all about experience, and making it not personal if there is more of a transpersonal self present, especially mostly about experience for experience sake, that includes sex without personality
• The right angle cross of consciouness focuses on shared experiences, and finding what serves humanity and what does not serve humanity or an individual, at ti's best imagination reigns free, very deep explorer and scientist, it being 35/5|63|64 from my own experience sharing and relating, not really into giving advice, and being a tyrannt type of leader, which I adopted, due to the issues of the format of actualized.org, so I mostly relate by my own experience share that, and have a very scientifc mind, if I include other sources, but the core gift is the evolution of humanity, and seeing what serves, and protects, others, also hence including the abillity to go about the security needs of others, if they don't want the change or don't find any value of it, make it part of the experience itself and learn from their experience what they are going through (interconnecting with non-violent communication)
• There are some more advanced books, I still struggle a bit to differntiate between conscious and unconscious planets and suns, I found more sources and experiences, but my chart and type is very unique.
• The core point is about the cross the need and model has to be right and reliable otherwise civilization can't move forward, I had quite the large purpose, but I have to refine it, there is more on archetypes

---

To skip mostly this and go over to my exercise regime:

I had to deceide today, if I properly and scientifically want to test, my body with all the exercises and the depth of holism which many doctors won't have it will take me 1-2 or 2-3 years, I did plenty of prep work, realistically it's 3-5 years of getting to know my body with all the changes, it will also be only possible to do 20-30 minutes of meditation, as it takes to much time I could not build the enviroment for my health, a lot of obstructions for a tall person that values health usually very highly, but a lot of tipps and smaller exercises, that focus also on energy and vitality, there are small reframes, from performance -> exellence -> attunement, mostly and just good tipps in the book, I should explore still and experience I do a lot of things intuitively, so I should be careful, and work mostly around foods, and adjust the strength exercises and go over to the stretching parts, with more time and dedication to scientifically test and I have to purchase some stuff to test my body, a doctor won't test this, speaking to sports scientist, they often only show execution, but not proper education and reasoning why an exercises as an impact on the energetic level, anatomy, and how food, digestion and even taking a poop plays a role etc. then I mix with my own experience, I am on a good path, but have to be a little careful the section about cardio I did not read yet and I have to talk to more people after doing more, then decide after a while if I go for 1h or just 30 minutes, do more integral exercises and go for retreats, as the retreats are the most powerful, and these exercises and life style all buff the retreat to push me to deep levels of consciousness, especially strength training, but I also have to slow down, due to injury. I stick with what Paul Check teaches mostly as there is more physiotherapy and chiropractic perspective, with qi-gong etc. but I won't do many of the stretches it requires my full attention even briefly with breathing, and my breathing is weird, due to the scar I have, my energy at times is a caleidoscopic circus, it's like people eat the rainbow of consciouness after a while. 
----

Sort of as a gift, after I gone through the other partial grift I posed, I finally found another coincidence, I write them down, I will not explain all of them, but this has better information on human design, completely without any self-gimmickery, the only website I found something on the archetypes I am going through 3h through the information, 

https://humandesign.red/en-us/articles/archetypes


I will contemplate furhter how I can get to 1h meditation, but the enviroment here steadily breaks etc. 30 minutes is max of what I can do, if they keep fucking up the infrastructure, I am to tall for the last appartement with a sauna included, here it seemingly perfect, but it has this french half-broken flair, I need to have a boiler for hot water in my kitchen? But everything else is modern, the previous previous appartement had Wenti chinese problem, their kitchen caused venti venti, wenti wenti, venti which means problem in chinese, and ventil in german is foccet, and it was so fucking loud, omfg it was like I was drinking right beneath it, and the previous appartement had 3 kids and a smoking mother above me omfg, before that I was just in my students appartement, the only issue I had with it my bed was to small, otherwise it was fine, in china the appartement was partially perfect but not good to work on my pc. 

england was decent, but odd to shower, I wish they would finally make something good at times I hate blue collar people for a reason, nothing that was ever created besdies our own house which was built by real engineers or at least bought from them works, holy fucking shit was our house goated the more I recall how we even used the natural enviroment getting into ressources/elements and chemistry simply, this here is legit bolshevistic creation, burn it kill it fuck it, I can't organize and jump for the whole world, anyhow I stop here. 

I hate engineers who're into civil engineering most corrupt pieces of shit I have ever meet, and the only thing they ever do perfectly is with the pressure of the city, if they are not bureaucretized idk, I have some hope for the american version but omfg the new landlord I have my doubts about these social capitalistic communistic pigs, boom around be educated, be the hero, but you contribute to nothing and don't even know spiral dynamics and you dont even uplift consciouness, and youre a good human right?

Just a hunter creating for the sake of ancestery, feeling fatherly, and power games with romans most likely and latin, and the whole intellectual ball game, omfg I love creativity but fuck I hate these advanced married incels 

[KosmicGeng]

Alright, did my workout finally made some other exercises I will stick to 30 minutes of meditation, there is to much survival stuff to handle to go for more then this, and a retreat would be preferable, if I continue with the exercises, the amount of time I meditate will change automatically, also my circumstances etc. but mostly I am wasting my time on the forum, with what I am figuring out, I enjoy the self-expression, but I am making to many improvments with A.I, but it's also more of a risk, sharing my story is fine, the human design part is mostly for visualizations and more personality & character based choices, I am still figuring out some small tweaks between doing things digitally and physically, but I finally can work more independently etc.