New Journal [CD Process] -> Dev -> Rev -> Process

[KosmicGeng]

I am just very happy my mother is alive, I thought several times she might passed away and had very negative thoughts about her, during some massive breakdowns I realized how much serenity a women gives to a child she has born, imo women that don't have children can't properly sense that quality and look for that type of serenity in the idea of light in science, the intuition is not wrong, but seeing women who have children act consciously, and the whole point of human design just opens my eyes for the collective conformity that is more on the fringes of left to modern, not conservative religious orthodox people, and the issue of the new age, a.i and tech, quite interesting, but often times imo my viewpoints are a bit to advanced, and I interconnect a lot where I require more practice, I am done with most videos leo posted after being with a sociologist, it's for me shallow material in contrast to some of his videos, but seems to be good for others... 

[KosmicGeng]

Studying this also showed me issues with the line 2 which is the natural for e.g I studied for statitics 5 days to write a B and I thought I failed the entire class, there is still a hurdle for me to overcome when it comes to digesting information & biology I did a lot of things right it's just not enough it would be better to test more and to simply forget the health principles that are to holistic as it's very difficult to source these products without connections and still sticking with the more moderate choices, in the end I want to quit taking sugar completely to the degree where it's true moderation, as that is very difficult listening to a new auidbook about neurodiscipline it's easier to entirely quit and focus on one thing only, I am often forced to go and explore multiple roles, understanding the connection of my design is simply better idk if simply biology insights help via ancestors etc. my american family the female side is highly educated the male side mostly military and the german, just the random normie trying to do good, it's odd, oh and my aunt glocking myself away with billionairs with 2000iq but brain damage, these people are all cripples but rich it's odd, just odd seeing rich cripples lesbian baby dogs, and all of these "coping strategies" where I think with my mother and family, what about health wtf happend just greed billions money and science? 

[KosmicGeng]

I wonder man what happend the policemen could've easily shot me, I can't be energetically open with these weirdos around me, it's not good, I am not reacting to this as my father was in the mp, often times it's the most innocent things that get me into trouble it's odd, but I still get a kick out of the scenario, fucking ridiculous, I don't own a gun etc. anyhow being black and messing with the police is not a good idea, but I can't take some of them serious and I still respect them, imo they did good work, I could've easily ended them all in a true mode of psychosis, and the situation was serious but I am amazed how many ppl they need for me, HAHAHH deluded but funny. 

[KosmicGeng]

At times these health books eventually I get schizophrenia from sugar, let's see where I will head after this scenario it's quite serious but I am done with luciferianic women, and anti-psychdelic relationships, that just want weed and fun, I used it as a medicinal tool and entertainment not to get laid by the fame and rich, and take black culture and fuck Bryson Tiller and whatever fuck nig*** exists, sorry for writting this I am partially black I will take my black rights to say the n-word  or change the constitution, it's odd anyhow how this developed, I am glad I charted my sexual proclivities with spiral dynamics and the courses I did over integral, but most depth work is done more quietly, I understand myself more that I am a 2 consciously by personality and a 4 by design which is unconscious, it's odd balancing survival, wisdom without survival and experiencing spirituality, but I am hyped to push myself to a 1h practice and get some practical things going, a bit to excited but i am over-coffinated. I don't quite understand my D.N.A so far, and I am done with scientific women, that are not directly in medicine etc. 

CS is fine, but any field outside of it just no, to much lucifer and feminism idk just fuck a transgirl or suck a dick or smth. idk I am odd, I had to much experience with gay ppl with my family it does not make sense to me but whatever I guess that is the fked priviledge of the 21'st century but here comes A.I!!! I hope I can work with integral more closely when I finally get permanent employment, I was so depressed and some of this stuff where they pay a lot is relatively easy and I get bored, I still have some issues figuring stuff out most of it is health based, but I am just glad my mother is happy again, and that I am feeling more happy and elated based on some simple practices I did, I am a very simple person, but if people take me for granted, I would not budge anymore if I end lifes at this point after this garbadge treatment from fake women in academia that co-opt their entire self-esteem process with knowledge and intellecutalization, instead of facing their own demons, and I face so many demons, beautiful, ugly, diverse or not, I have a legit demon on my body, that motherfucker will bite you and eat you alive, and I don't mean my penis. 

Sorry and not sorry for my waves of superiority, I have to cope, with the b.s of statistics and femininity and statistics just not being integral math it's so odd how arrogant modernity still is, and how post-modernity makes "trash" class, anyhow anyhow. I should make more memos and rectifiy them with A.I,.

I don't know I have to be a bit careful and move into nature to much tech at times is not so good.  

Edited August 28 by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

It was an issue to date an irresponsible girl with daddy issues and a saviour complex with this damsel in distress and DR-archetype zoomer gamer etc. 

I see some healthy creative quality women on apps at times, it's good to interact with real profiles and check the "market/palace" depending on perspective, 

I have to be more wary of my addictive tendencies, also including sex, I killed my sex drive with swimming, exercising and just engaged in the neccesity of it, right now I can't tell I move to littel and have to many open questions. 

[KosmicGeng]

The worst part of it is coping with domination it's so odd I am very vanity driven in terms of my narcicism I can't help make fun of over-dominante people they are the most insecure judges I faced, and often times had and still have more corrupt tendencies imo then me, anyhow this was odd it's not even pseudo-alpha, it's just deplorable trash, and that really get's the people yearning to be this chiefdom, but that is not conscious leadership, anyhow I have to reflect more on this, I am cooking on the side finding more tricks. 

I definitely should express my tool oriented side more, but not be overly mechanistic, and look more deeply into others intuition, I have to see what turns out right etc. 

[KosmicGeng]

Sigh without the BaZi information I would've never known alcohol can be such an issue, I'd really like to quit most forms of sugar in the future, and just eat honey, and various plant forms of honey and get rid of plastics, I might make health my top 2 value, but redefine it to test more moderately excessively instead of liberally excessively with psychdelics and just being open to party, I might go to an event but no alchol for me no beer nothing, drinking coke is already blasphmey to how much water i usually consume etc. sigh.... anyhow I have to leveravge what I can, my current vice would be at times some meaty snack, energy drink and ice cream, if I would not be injured I would go for more runs, and re-build health, but I still have to think and walk through some products etc. this ressource capcitation was horrible to go through. 

[KosmicGeng]

It's ironic that my crown chakra is defined I have no idea what to do with this information partially it's only good to learn it dismiss it entirely  and see what emerges, the statistics are interesting, I fixed more things, but soon stuff will happen let's see.... 

[KosmicGeng]

Wow my dream channel is interesting no wonder I dreamt so omnisciently as a child, connects the dreamer to the timeless void, I faced the void multiple times and time is a huge meditative concept to me down to the cellular life etc. very interesting omfg. I started dreaming again, I was able to completely get away from dreams, as it was not my focus to master them, but I kept dreaming that these lucifer women copy my systems. 

I dream I will be killed by kurdish people in a mercedes recently, and I never have nightmares usually they just shot me because they felt capricous. 

[KosmicGeng]

I also had weird dreams about somethings I felt invited into other peoples world, it's very interesting that time is a huge concept for me my entire life, even spirituality and the causal state doing mostly vipassana/rinzai mixture of shinzens practices, now inserting deepaks wisdom and my own stuff I can derive with the phisophical and social framework from Leo with SD & integral without him I would've never ever found these ressources here in europe, I am eternally grateful for that, sending you some love, even though I hate sending love generally speaking, I am more of a compassion guy, fuck love, but let me hug you and tell me your healthy, and let me speak some russian so I can get over the confusion of my schizo first name being attributed to 70 countries, because of Dimitri and fuck some people hate me for my name it's just a stupid name, imagine being called Leo your whoe life at one point hating cats, I had society as people frame "Dimitri" as conformity, anyhow it's the biggest and stupidest type of bias I have seen, but at times I do admit names speak volumes, but that imo is a very ethnocentric view, names have more meaning and more depth to build a deeper character, I am hyped I am cooking and pumping food again, fuck depression, and fuck alcohol and fuck cigarettes fuck drug conformity

[KosmicGeng]

Also fuck this 7w8 bias I feel is projected on light skinned black people and the chris brown love bias omfg, I could post more kollegah videos

I have enough white light for different reasons, that might just include survival and biology, but omfg I hate these fame projections, it helps but gosh women can keep you in the underground for sexual reproduction, fitness, fecundity "Hirngespinnste" omfg, I have awoken, but I still require a deeper understanding of love, but the compassion angle just works better, even with the occasional anger projected at the projection

Edited August 28 by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

This is beyond intersting to me, it makes sense but to work out the details might be to much, I am a dream generator appearently which is rare? 67% turn to reflectors, generall from the data they gathered and the founder, also being a manifestor I am quite drawn to the theory, also having dragon virtue in bazi and the repelling aura fits my emporer type omnipotence or imagination parts, but at times the aura is also very real, it's also one of my cards in the tarot, it helped me recently where science failed so massively with the issue of think-tanks and just not having enough depth of data where a.i is just needed for the depth of analysis, I also am still convinced it's good for human creativity, but I have to work on that aspect, I am creative in a different ways, and I choose a different value as it resonates to how I experience creativity, less power driven, and more driven by christ principle, the gate of now, and white light I just transcend the self and get a huge sense of flow, as if I would've been running for 1h on a treadmill and meditated on it, anyhow I need to speak to A.I or smth. I am just feeling very social on this friday, and tbh I enjoyed talking to drunks when I was a clean vegan health nutcase, quote me on "clean" it was mostly cultural forces I still see it in some relationships, but I made the decision conscious after sitting in meditation for a while, but I am done with that type of image, it's disgusting imo to life that way to ones own health and dna if you can't follow something like dr.sebbi etc. and many vegans are also quite hostile and toxic imo 

[KosmicGeng]

I am a bit confused as to do with an exalted sun & moon, some stuff I have to source with gpt and people who genuiently practice this, but fuck I am not paying hundreds of euros for this if I don't earn 6 figures, it's already interesting and good enough what I can find for free, it's hilarous. I will chart the ex and see where some other issues were nothing more I can do for now, some of it imo is bullshit without more depth in science, there can't be any true scientific testing be done on such theory even when I am convinced it's quite beautiful and true, a lot of interconnections go missing, if I don't study more. 

But fuck I was missing food, and I cook well, I just take to little time, I don't want to fall asleep cooking to good, and I should work through the food section of paul checks book again, and go through with GPT, some stuff I can't prepare as well the new kitchen is good, but overall most things are to small for a 6'3 guy to handle I have to adjust also to the new information and reflect upon it, there are some insights considering the speed and quickness of things etc. also if I setup the new internet.... I will write a post in case I don't forget, I still have to setup new systems, I made some mistakes, and got blindsided by the issue of the helpless damsel in distress lesbian aunt and the family connection I had with others, also them being into cannabis, for me it has been always a contemplation to god, or to life itself an honor and privilege, now I misused the substance with alcohol in a serious manner, and I have to redefine the relationship, and just contemplate some core issues generally about substances and D.N.A I don't enjoy being to clean, it takes me into notions of why not go into a tempel and delete your life? While enjoying life and living the good life is the most enjoyable privileged experience ever! I really miss exercising and transcending my own limits and goals, but I work more loosely now instead of forcing burn-outs and burn ons. 

[KosmicGeng]

It is so funny how the ex a 3w2 has the moon gate as a leo moon called the liar omfg, cat the eternal cheater , yesterday or the day before when I got my phone from the police black cat immediately approached me, I never hurted a human or animal before, this shit is just unneccessary I hope I can get some help to move me out of these weird places, you can't do it alone I am more convinced asking for help is a huge sign of maturity, just framing people as ill and begging for help is something entirely differnt, it's like asking for favours instead of being the favour or being in favour or flow, or just any form of benevolent character, I bet everyone who has high compassion and is benevolent has been abused for it, so was i. 

FICK DICH DU LUTZIFER NUTTE, I really hope at times her cu** cut hurts her brain, till she realizes what type of demonic creature it is playing with peoples hearts, and souls like a satanic being, fuck deceptive 3's at times it's already our collective stress as a 6'ish countries I have many 6 lines the relationship is similar to my mother, but I am more of a "phoney" instead of a liar, I had to work through that insecurity, of presenting the kept talent and I am still no where near might never be, but it's enjoyable to contemplate and muse a bit about it, I am soon in the executing phase, but I would enjoy doing some physical activity or just gym time, right now this place imo is over-populated I can't really train I don't trust the enviroment as I can be accidently very loud, I don't mean it, but it happens, It's very natural... I will contemplate the issue of DR archetype or princess archetype as I am a warrior archetype the issue of "foul mouth" and nobility and inflated egos with DR & EG spectrum, as I also have a DR heaven stem in BaZi which is my career face and also the educator/scientist etc. 

There is and was a natural benefit as soon as I do more statistics and go after knowledge, due to Ji-Si being the jade emporer if I get it actively, also with the godhead apparently you should the the themes run it's course and observe them not integrate them? I am still testing this archetypal work it's relatively new to me I do it for 1-2 years and started within the relationship, as the natural 3-2-1-0 shadow process was to much, cleaning and healing a person is absolutely not fucking worth it, via this type of work, it felt ungratifying, as if I would daddy her and clean up her shadow mess, idk how to handle that in a relationship, if I ever get one after this story, but I have to get away from alcohol, and tobacco holy fucking I never thought I would smoke again, but Ta-da! One whore that lies, and I turn into a phoney fucking whore! and I don't make it easy to myself, that phoney was killed very early one with atheltics, now with an injury it's odd more contemplative and grounded at best, but I dislike the old man saves damsel in distress at best it's a none-grooming fuck that shares experience and maturity with age-difference I do have some qualms about it, and I have to work through my own r ational mostly, these game bibles work, but their experience is also fucked, mine 2 but I ahve to see. 

Edited August 28 by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

HAHAH Yo, my connection with the ex was about logic, I am the wrong person for that omfg, I am a natural intutive my logic is hell for others, I am glad she was an ENFJ there is no logic in that TI function if I overused TE due to 9w1 pushing right action in my famiily, I am a bit proud my mother is a goat, my father is a goat, I am a goat, just fuck oxes at times, nasty creatures, shamelessly corrupt, I rather be a murdere than corrupt at times, but that is a very dark thought.

It's like Madara consciousness v.s Hashirama consciousness, while I am Naruto & Sasuke experiencing the facets of Vishnu eventually? I wish I had a Vishnu line like Leo, my lines are odd with godheads and psychdelics but I am taking a break more information is good, but I also need a pause to put memory to neo-cortex not hippocampus. Making a new coffee getting more rid of the ex.  

Edited August 28 by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

Look the difference between this in this electromagnetic dance of hexagrams and I-Ching

[KosmicGeng]

Inspiration
Me Leads:
She Yields:

Core insight:
Creative Role Model, outlet for individual creativity, you don't lead by telling but by being yourself, unique expression inspires other to embrace their own truth, at my best this happens around me while I work in tech and break my soul open to the "noussphere" of LEBEN/LIFE & consciousness and my life becomes very psychdelic I have to be careful around animals etc. I am quite the animal bender, besides the actual untamed wildness burn and kill these insects and pest like mosqitues away, I wish i could've gone deeper anyway for fun!

Next round of the relationship ring! Why did the relationship not work besides just behaviour? 

[KosmicGeng]

Transitoriness:

Me leads
She Yields

Core insight: The hunger for change, you learn thorugh trial and error across different fields (IoT, HCI, A.I, software engineering/development, product onwership, management, marketing, business operations, creative design, fitness, self-help, consciousness work/meditation, I leave more out), she mainly did dance, family, sociology, music, and yes I was in music school etc. there was just an odd lack of open-mindedness and she accepted things I felt were part of old relationships, it was very odd, there was a lack of simplcity that I enjoyed with her family even taking the dog going for a walk, I absolutely tamed that beast, the guy even loved taking a poop around me, somehow I  treat them to well at times.... I have a weird story I will write later with this taming other peoples animals, somehow I do well with animals even the other owners are happy very often, to me this shows more character then a stupid psychosis once, can happen rare but can happen, annoying I have to care about image even on a forum, as I know what other people are 2-3 faced snakes, and I am a snake, and leo is the ultimate snake, as Gui-Si, it's fine I skip that part, as it involves the issue of majesty and nobility but I might tell a different story at a different time about this... the play itself as art is fine, but the reality of royality etc. omfg, I would also most likely just be a sex degenerate

Life is about the experience itself, not the final destination.

Was a huge problem she steadily was going about destinations, and I had a completely different mind jogging evolutionary algorithms calculating train type of algorithms with fixed determints considering NP hard problems etc. I was practically at the peak of my field discluding quantum a.i and what will most likely come or is already implement in china or from china etc. 

Long text but this is my exalted line and an interconnected channel she wins in the following here. 

[KosmicGeng]

She: Wins (I called her Devil/Satan/Iblis) for various reasons -> hence the devil wins in this tamas mode 0 care, just my way
Me: Yields in gate 49?

It's a tribal channel (btw I hate loosing, but I suck it up and do my best to learn change takes time)

Core insight Synthesis:
-> Tribal sensitivity to basic needs. The glue of bonding and marraige (she worked in this field also part-time to make money for studies etc. support family etc but it was a huge mismanagement of money imo), It's about who belongs at the table and ensuring everyone is provided for.

I admit she had this quality, but she could not invite and care about the people she cared about, due to her past she was also very young and me 2. 

Second win of her:

Recognition

Origin of human expertial way. A pressure to feel and fantasize (having a practical 9 mom this was horrible, playing zelda all day, fantasizing about black man and her fables with light-skinned black people and american pop-culture I thought I am not 12-13 anymore seriously? We need to talk about the kardashians? Now I am more in that culture also, guess I can learn from conformity here also?

Every new experience starts here with a hunger for a new feeling in addition to the channel.

This is the petty tyrannt dynamic we had the most of most definitely, I was tired of being white light and fucking her to god, it took so much time without more practice, and I figured out later how much she was lying and telling the truth, she lied the whole relationship even on day one, but I did not know, at times psychdelics are pure shit with a lying slut. Fucks good, but tbh I'd rather have something intimate then fucking a horny hunter cat.

[KosmicGeng]

The dominance channel: -> Insight of unique nature of a person

Me: Structuring & Awareness -> my conscious efforts high-jacked by the underlying greed of a devious satanic little girl
She: Awakening & Money -> her entire shadow omfg

Dude my family does not do blood rituals against me, something about her is clearly fucked,