New Journal [CD Process] -> Dev -> Rev -> Process

[KosmicGeng]

Not much time everything on block I can maximally be 1min on the site, still having some issues fixing most things, due to the negative influence of Leo's teaching and some ray ray parts that are obvious he is not rid of imo 

[KosmicGeng]

Messed around with the timer, I don't know if it will be good, the better my infrastructure the better I can use this, but also the enviroment here did not do me any well, besides my own comments and journal for survival, I have to see. I installed some tech stuff, and put this website only as a blocker, as I wasted most of my time here and got some help, there are some things I fundamentally disagree with Leo, as he is more Tamas driven, lethargic and destructive karma, idk what to think the perspecitve is valueable, but some things are not as explained as deeply as I crave them, so I might as well ditch actualized.org completely and take what's there most value I found in the booklist, somehow leo does not have the best impact on me and the psychological spectrum thing at times is just not good for me, there is to much projection of dispositions, which is flatout biased and racist, for a long time idk how to deal with this really besides talking with different people not touched by this org 

[KosmicGeng]

I stopped blocking the site, if I feel better and take action, the occasional post is good, but generally speaking I am only here for perspective. not really anymore the work of actualized.org and the information, I have to dispell some negative stuff I adopted through learning and following from leo etc. 

[KosmicGeng]

I stopped blocking the website, I presume my intetions are finally working out, studying more of the esoteric stuff, I downloaded an audibook yesterday as I got my phone back finally, on some meditation refreshers what they key distinctions are between schools & traditions, as I soft of wean off the conventional ways and include everything similar to a TOE, and reduce and break away what works does not work and did work, it is also a healing experience to dispell Leo, after understanding my own manfestation, and I am still on the fence of, can I use this for survival and good, or is it just as new agey at times as tarot that I am studying, I am making better decisions studying tarot, staying completely away from alcohol now, and the life choices I made, some issues are amplified by the issue of the nazification of tech, and some core intuitions and experiences I had here, but mostly I continue to use this site as long as I am doing something and making progress, there is still a level of maturity reached in order to entirely quit, and I've had my fair share of astrological truths and insights from having and doing these readings myself and building an intuition with it, as well as using these new A.I tools to simply work more efficiently and effectively with video summaries, quizzes etc. but I notice how from an advanced health perspective these tech tools sort of pull away the health that I experience, and that my heart frequency is sort of hijacked by all of the tech around me, it's still odd to the level of things, I am reading every night again, and found new ways to simple have more control, I also keep pulling positive spreads, and finally instead of training intuition writting some notes on core cards, and not only coincidences but learning the actual system to simple make better decisions, also the THOT tarot deck is super psychdelic I absolutely love the art and find it inspiring, the other decks have a bit more psychological and historical usage, but it will take some time I mostly see this as part of spirituality, but I am mostly focused on survival, and not a true meditative path that I was in more before, the situation with the ex put survival to much into the foreground and not True Spirituality, even with taints of enjoyments of survival, she could not meditate even 30 minute next to me, I was excited to go for 1h at least, I am back at 30 mins today, doing some healing 15 minutes and some other practice that I developed with all the audiobooks and knowledge I consumed. 

I am still in an odd situation, if anything negatively manifests for e.g people called the cops on me for being loud, while they are over-sensetive and tell them straight-up lies, I am to blunt and they make presumptions about things I never did like throwing around cartonage etc. This never happend to me till the break-up occured, I was the one who called the police as others were loud, when I meditated or studied and it was impossible, it's a very hideous character trait imo, I am healing daily from it as of now. 

[KosmicGeng]

I tested some settings for solo-retreats and it seems fine to do it, I am mostly pulling myself out of actualized.org there is just an issue that imo will never be solved as time is of essence, as long as there is rare information I stick to it, but I block it if it get's weird and hostile again, this goes for me also. 

[KosmicGeng]

I put the quotes into the terminal and ask some questions, it's insane what these new models can do for ones learning abillity, testing and integration, I called a couple of people today after making the commitment to not drink any alcohol whatsoever, as I was often asked for taste etc. and baited, the lawyer for the new thing where 10 police men showed up and almost shocked me, was hilarous testing reality, you can call it psychosis, but tbh I am also very manipulative to a core as an INFJ you naturally are and you should explore the dark side, it was absolutely stupid what I did and I could've died, but my father was in the military police there is a natural fearlesness, that was the stupidest thing I ever did, but I can understand and see their perspective more, the core issue what was triggering are these false accusations of thing I do, like moving boxes etc. idk some neighbours are even more mental, in psychatry I saw some serious cases of what it actually takes to be someone like this, even my mother is moving more quickly towards me and is ready to help, a lot of influence from leo i have to get out as my aunt also has this Yi-Chou thing and these people are highly manipulative, but also very sensetive and intelligent, at times if my observation is correct, they also lack the abillity to abstract and go about a bit more "dirty survival" but use from my POV even nastier tricks but that also just depends, anyhow I am a bit baffled by what happend the company I thought would like me the most was fairly neutral, eventually they are jealous of my extroverted abillity and just look for this mechnical lucifers, or fire monkeys or the "over-lords" but even that was weird, the other company was more open and they liked the town that I was in, more humbel and modest and professional without the issue of being a 10k+ company, and not seemingly hideous just professional without any strings attached, a bit shy where I am more domineering, but I am loyal to the core or even to the fault at times, it's very rare to find a person more honest than me, besides if you put me up with a liar, I had one of these in my friend groups steadily circumventing truth in order to look good, a bit of that swapped over, I mostly made it enchanting charm, I often admit my mistakes often, but I am not that type of "Leo seeking domineering or Lion seeking domineering quality", my mother is a tiger, and we're more active for the opportunity and joyous about it, it's imo a more intelligent type of survival, and it does not automatically mean I jump on every type of rat, imo if succesful tigers have a huge level of empathy and there are also these secret patterns in BaZi, but I have to get down towards more knowledge and eventually watch the video, make a discussion with a.i and create a quizz, I actually would just enjoy a game, but I am going out to buy some meat snacks etc. health I have to post-pone it's just not in the area whee the "elite" is and I forgot to call the doctor today, but I made so many phone calls etc. It's odd, it#s also annoying to be good at managing people, and besting oneself also makes that better, there was a nice quote in the Yi-Ching that I read beating others is "kraft" I use the german word here it makes more SINN, beating yourself our outgrowing yourself is true strength = Stärke.

My brief contemplation with Leo's quote and a.i giving my own questions, answers and perspective, I am suprised I can recover so well, but some destiny work I did with Deepak was just fucking odd, I manifested exactly what was possible in this world, a pro-gaming family with options to potentially venture into A.I and I meet my old and most annoying friend the fire monkey... gosh oh and there is more but later to that, I am getting rid of her and these ox tendencies or Aleph tendencies. 

My contemplation with A.I 

Quote

 

• Pynchons point is less “people uninterested in truth ask ancillary questions” and more: whoever controls the framing of the questions can prevent the important issue from being examined at all—“If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about the
  answers.” Quoted image

  Applied to your situation:

  - An ancillary question can be truth-seeking if its answer supplies relevant context, tests an assumption, distinguishes competing explanations, or leads back to the central question.
  - It is diversionary if it consumes attention without changing what we can reasonably conclude about the central issue.
  - Someone uninterested in the truth may ask side questions whose answers are inconsequential, then use the discussion to avoid the decisive question.
  - But asking an irrelevant question does not by itself prove dishonest intent. A person may simply misunderstand what matters.

  So your interpretation is broadly right, with one refinement: a truth-seeker does not necessarily ask more ancillary questions. They ask relevant subsidiary questions and remain willing to let the answers revise their conclusion. The key test is:

  > If this side question were answered clearly, would it help resolve the central issue—and would the person accept the implications?

  If neither is true, the question is probably functioning as a distraction rather than an aid to truth.

 

 

[KosmicGeng]

 If this side question were answered clearly, would it help resolve the central issue—and would the person accept the implications?

This I am convinced of is mostly true to me, I already tasted deep truth it's an issue my body craves it, and what happens in my enviroment, it's odd being surrounded by historical enemies and the issue of the subconscious, I already healed so much I wish at times I could get an oscar or smth. I stopped with most of the shadow work and simply reflect I set-up a prompt with workbooks to go through this, but I find so much new stuff, omfg I have to use it finally. 

Tomorrow I can setup my new internet finally, somehow the automation thing or my 55.5 Minervia archetype deity in my D.N.A that I somehow see the 5 generally in the enneagram as the "entity" of automation etc. without the creativity just the pure power/strength of getting to Omnisicence or God, as that is something that 5 has as "spiritual virtue" and I am a w5 anyhow I stop here. 

[KosmicGeng]

 

[KosmicGeng]

Just came back from the grocery store, I keep listening to the audibook of the Qaballah and I bought a bunch of more relgious books, in order to gain more knowledge and understand or rather get a deeper intuition about it, especially the intersection with tarot & history, and philosophy of these time periods or worldviews are interesting. I get to my stuff and write a small entry here, as I simply enjoy writting, I will tell the full story.

I walked to the grocery store here, and I was suprised inside they had a lot and tons of offers, and somehow everyone is rebuilding, on the way there first I noticed a lot of negative vibes from the middle eastern people that live near by and some german guys fixing the door downstairs, as they steadily seems to be an issue with it people break it, it's only a small door, the appartments are nice, but the people are not very enjoyable imo, one neighbour so far is fine, and others also but they are not very careful with how they treat the building before I digress.

I commited to not drinking alcohol, and saw a couple an old one, immediately drinking beer smiling to me and the first guy lighting a cig afterwards with some perfume, lighting a fresh one, I am still amazed how good the hypnosis worked, I have 0 interests, it's more how I allcoated my time, now moving back into the supermarket having a bunch of offers, I look mostly for cheap & healthy, stuff I could've purchased more, but I thought I will do a quick-review at home, as I kept listening the audiobook story of the Yiddish people once being part of high german language or Yiddish itself, my own dialect contains yiddish terms in german, and they spoke about the Rheinland, where I live now, and I generally get along better with jewish people, but there is a huge diversity of middle eastern people idk where they all come from, it's immense, I am mostly interested in the archetypal, gods type of work and some history not so much, they spoke about hassidic jews, (I can't access my audible on pc somehow I have to call them) and tha tthey had 7-8 children on average and re-bult themselves in New York, after hitler, death marches, "Reichsprogramnächte" (I am translating here), as well as some other events going back into the 13th century where they had a stronger stay inside of Germany, as I learn a lot from Shinzen and I heared him mention Qaballistic meditation and I somehow resonate with it and would like to learn more that is quite good and interesting as of now, mostly also the archetypal work and what is GOD in this type of relgion as the other stuff, at times is to spicy to consume imo in this area, they spoke about the Zohar, Serpahim, Gabrial and Michael, and some other archangels, I wanted to get in touch with and figure out what works for me here. 

I keep listening bought some socks cheaper ones of quality though as I need them, mine break and after the issue of the gaslighting of my aunt with all of the moral qualms it's a huge issue, but I enjoyed how scientifically informed I shop, and looking for some secrets about products and now doing my post-research, I buy my "candy section" or snack section but ever since I work out it's not much and most often the neccesity, there is other more important stuff I could buy, but I have to buy them on a volume, and I broke my car in the aftermath of the relationship, I was tired of bureaucracy without any type of explanation as to why, and these kafkaesque types of experiences, I enjoy them actually, with the saturnian transient and my saturn is positive from the calculation ernst wilhelm found, but at the sametime, 

Also eventually Leo's intuition about this one company where I felt repelled and I saw him somehow or perceived him snap was right, but I have to see how the company reacts, IIRC one guy had a Kanye and a Trump mask on to be this liberterian power horse, but I charted Yang Wood Horses and that type of ambition and what I write here TIAN TIAN TIAN TIAN TIAN TIAN energy is different it's pure ambition and the person realizing very early heaven is a real spiritual experience or "object" I noticed that fairly early as one of my best friends mother died, and I lend him all of my consoles and games of what I had in order for him to be distracted and he asked for it, I gave it to him happily, but I did not see everything back and was quite angry and became dismissive of death partially it now hit me several times after deaths within my family and vicnity and I massively broke down, and could not handle the realtiy anymore of just people leaving being dead and the pain and perception of everything changed, but there is just nothing I don't know how to feel but there is so much pain and sadness inside of me I just want to cry it out and call it healthy and not let others tell me "YOUR EMOTIONS ARE TO INTENSE", that day was very good and similar to a kriya experience, but fuck it was mentally painful to go through this agony of stomaching two deaths and realizing you will never see these people and you have never meet this person, but this person loved you your entire life, and the fucked version of history that is presented even within Tarot etc. but I have some good ressources etc....

I digress... to go back to my writting and journal entry, I considered what I do now, that I will have more money, not spending 10-20€ per month on alcohol or 30-40€on cigarettes as I can buy more healthy foods, but having being on peak health I am quite critical and I have to do some research largely brand research with LLM's some stuff your eyes can only find, some stuff you find with LLM's etc. so I can do a proper analysis. 

Let's leave it here, I will quickly take a break and write a second entry, to refresh my mind, I tested my tablet but the screen is not as good for note-taking and I have to test them tomorrow and sit a bit longer on my ressources and test them more thoroughly, I forgot how ressourceful I am but more to the issue of having a compassionate personality, I hope I can get my audible account back somehow I fix my tech legit with holy magic, just pure intuition of fixing stuff I have become very good at that, most stuf is not even written anymore on the instructions and I would require an electircal engineering degree to figure out what happens beyond bits & bytes etc. anyhow second entry coming drinking some camile tea to calm down. 

 

[KosmicGeng]

Alright back to my journal, I had a couple of more contemplative thoughts, mostly about the middle east the issue of development and the issue of sex and addiction, as I notice a lot of women are heavily attracted to my body, and I had the ex being half turkish tell me that, I saw a girl similar to hear in this "ibliss" type of phenotypical expression, I call it subjectively long-black hair with glasses or just long black hair, white skin, showing of some skin and being quite revealingly permissive, I did not think first the ex was like that, but learning from the story shows me a completely different enviroment, then the more conscious christian versions of families that I see, and what we sort of upheld, with all of the product changes etc. and the market etc. but I will move eventually for the 4th time in 6 years, I will disgress and jump to the point of BaZi there is a placement in my chart called as auxillary star Sky Dog, they keep updating the website these are physicist that are interested in metaphysics which I find awesome, metaphysics although is unfavourable to me, but my energy is apparently abundant in fire even added with ++ and these are the best calculations and insight I have from the west including a science & computer science perspective with the hexagrams & binary code, causality of planets etc. but I take my real birth certificate not a local adjustment to the sun, as I see the heliocentric worldview of time adjusted to the sun, as geophysical object biased, what if we had more suns? What if we don't know even time that well, and time & space dimension is a completely different topics, but in 1-2 years more on quantum science, I am now stuck in this period and actually yearned to move more towards the quantum science of things, as I noticed this where most of the development I was seeking is headed, now I am in this transition period of being stuck, not practicing enough meditation to push myself to the point I yearned to push myself, but I thought today, I never had peace as a value, I should finally take peace as a value, and find a metaphysical good aspects to it, there are some issues to virtue itself reading the Yi-Ching book and the translation now makes more sense, I don't know why if it's just growth or the exposure to more academia imo mostly it's just the meditative, autodidactive growth, academia was very focused for me on producing results and survival, and I was fortunate to have business influences and professors with companies, so the lion as actually alive for them, and not some dead lion academics that are prone towards studying archaic topics, like I see "biasedely" Sagitarrius people ever since i contemplate via Jung the element of fire and the ex'es mother who was a Sagitarrius my uncle is also one, it's an odd relationship as it's a 180 degree opposition and I miss one video, I found some extensions to finally study my own thinking and work, just not my journals as of now, which is fine. 

Anyhow, somehow the range of the new headset setting is not allowing me to listen to my soundscape music and cook, so I have to be mindful and take it off, I dislike hearing neighbours when I cook, I often notice people who never wear headphones to protect themselves or turn on sounds to detune them from the enviroment, attune to heavily to it, and act like wild animals on signals of nature, especially without any consciousness practice and with a consciousness practice it just becomes obvious people do stuff, to survive or take the extra timing to do something that is against the law, anyhow after meeting the ex I am no better, this was the worst influence from this fire monkey shit, and these people have serious issues with spirituality from what I read, and I am very glad I followed Shinzen, and that I focus on being more clean as of now, generally speaking I am not using much social media, as I see a lot of status comparrision with cars, success and I am more of an experience poster, I don't really post my peaks, I share experiences and look to relate what is positive, some hot girl IIRC added me to her close friends for stories, but I don't really know what to do with the story middle eastern women, being hot but underdeveloped liking me then waking-up to the issues of the integral development I undertook, and just playing out the whole modern paradigm, it's so predictable at times, it makes me suicidal, as my body simply craves more depth with 1 or 2 more people, I actually considered dating a 9w1 person, which is pure insanity for me, but there is a gift in that type of loyality that is unmatched and it's not even a value, simply a sentiment of life shared, as leaving someone is and can simply be very abusive, and sharing ones life or LEBEN as in the TAO TE KING book I am reading they somehow translated it as that is already deeply spiritual. 

There are still qualms I had a carrer trajectory of 300k U.S dollar minimum after my masters as it was super technical and advanced for A.I, now I have no idea, as to how to go about it, I am still fairly strategic, but I also require experience, at times I have to many ideas to little execution, but I still focus on the reflective aspect the most, as it just does me well, I still have to fix
healthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

God my laptop almost died, more on this, I choose some values based on adventure again to fit with human design and the more esoteric knowledge I found, as I could not invest in the more scientific and causal factors within my family and medicine, I was simply not peaceful enough and I might consider peace for the first time as a value, to consider that and find some spiritual aspect in that, as it would be my right cross of incarnation and it already includes consciousness ironically, unironically I found more depth of information for a relatively cheap price it's okay considering what scams exist.

There was an issue with Leo's blog post and the hippocampus I checked recently as I read a book on the brain etc. the information or rather memory for long-term potential has to be stored in the neocortex not hippocampus that is like a 80's bias imo, I had excellent professors in that area, but I am still doing my best to fix my learning and memory consolidation, I even bought a book on the hippocampus sigh... let me turn on some music and write more about what I actually wanted to write about, as a slice of life type of journal, rebuilding after rebuilding myself. 

[KosmicGeng]

Alright more on the journal aspect, success, cars the middle east and the whole spectrum of financial abundance and freedom while having very little male support in my family, I don't really know what to think nearby is a rose parks students house dedicated to her historically, and it's quite luxurious for what I lived in the american barracs of the university of applied sciences i went to, as it was also rather new and did not have such a larger historical basis as the university was founded 1964 or 1962 I attended for the masters, and hence has a strong post-modern vibe, I some some older pictures and felt quite nostalgic listening endlessly to shinzen audiobooks, boomers revolting, hippies but just seeing humans on a grass landscape similar to how others see jesus on the mount of olives or song dynasty zen landscape pictures, just noticing the vast emptiness and non-duality of god, students yearning to see what is white light? What is causality in their sub-conscious collectively is often what I think, I have some tears in my eyes writting this.... 

I saw a father around the age of 38-45 approx. or eventually older in the grocery store with his child, and thought he might be a single dad and thought that type of responsibility could've hit me to recently just earlier, and a lot of people from the middle east with more children then the normal westerner, tbh. the climate at times was so weird, I felt as if they just cause the whole issue of populism just by not having enough diversity at times, the energy field is less threatening, but overall there is an underlying layer of history with modern and pre-modern consciousness, but mostly healthy modernity, which I enjoy, the ibliss type women I never know what type of country they come from, and I will not date such a person, or eventually have sex with this type of person 2 women, and the ex is enough when I can have sex for 20-30€ going out or so, and I never took that offer, I might still do it to experience it at least once, but there are decent girls that match me on online-dating plattforms just the effort at times is not worth it, but I do get attention from the occasional hotty, and also rich and affluent women, idk something about my is different, but most of this also has to be conscious, I still have to read some stuff and understand myself with the new information I found, and change some health habits, 

Also my deveopment and experience is all over the place, having certificates being pulled out right under reviews from google etc. having now a deeper experience of math, I might just if I take peace as a value, focus more of what is the immediate right action, and is still peaceful short-term & long-term benefit I have that type of vision for my chart. I see a really nice angle for my vision with the new esoteric information, as I could not buy some information prodcuts and I like the heros journey anyway as 7k my legend is supposed to be higher then most destinies to beginn with and a lot of competitiveness comes from that. 

Also with the tablet? I am a bit disappointed that the pen is so bad, I could try it again, but I am more efficient with the mouse, I should mix & match my needs more similar as with food and courses, and not stick stupidly to one project or task if it's to easy I still have an issue with the whole studying thing and doing things on my own, with the endless new influx of ideas, and the endless new development and tools of A.I at times the whole field seems redundant to me, as it keeps developing so fast, why even go crazy about a stupid piece of tech? 

I really enjoy also this type of music to get things done, and obsidian field it's not as laden with complexity as the spacewave channel leo recommended but I chime in there two for a while, but it makes odd sounds this is more stable and grounded:
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWqdkV39JcU&t=738s

After testing and finding mistakes it's better to entirely dismiss the idea, I will not use a tablet whatsoever, until I find a decent screen and pen, this is a bit to cheap for the quality provided, it's still good, but I miss the percision, I can watch an anime in bed that is the best thing, but I started reading again in bed as sort of an absolute, maybe just getting older and wiser. 

But fundamentally from the courses I bought I can mix and match what I need and focus mostly on the basics then the higher end stuff the intermediary things are often a time waste for me I struggle either with the basic basics or with the advanced stuff most intermediary things resolve themselve through effort and endurance, it's not even patience to me. But yeah I will send the application briefly speak with a.i and go about the new ideas, I should shut it at times, but I am a bit like the buddah, I don't really have secrets but it would be good to keep some which I do I just simply can't express everything. 

[KosmicGeng]

I created and dovetailed more systems, but I presume many will just copy some stuff will just be impossible by the way I think, most can't follow I am very happy to be misunderstood in that regard, I will make another coffee, I can finally put some ideas to test and integrate them via cs & mathematics and some older principles that interested me also, I'd really like to get away from the academia hijacked neutrality of science and women, after having read pride & prejudice, I am solving real personal problems with A.I & prompts finally, that I'd be required to take notes and courses, and my whole insta is full of science of electronics etc. as a part of me resonates with that, it's mostly the Hurting Officer drive for creativity and I am still figuring that archetypal part out of me, as it's also quite spiritual and renounces pretty much everything for it's purpose or goal in the most extrem sense IIRC, but I have to get started on these systems, 

The human design audiobook also showed tremendous value I differ vehemently as my crown chakra is designed the book was in german so it does not turn to wu, and it recommended some credible sources "seemingly" from some german scientist linking dna with hexagrams etc. which is interesting to me, and one reason I also went into cs, with the current setup, I can produce engineering paper types of work using more natural language also, as I took some classes in NLP and was quite good, but the more difficult ones took a lot of times and I still have some issues with my high sex drive at times my body requires smth. I can't put my finger on in order to study. 

I am mostly happy observing relationships, and that I can rebuild the one with my mother as this was super important to me after two women in my family passed away, and I notice the serenity of life force in that despair, or the actual DAO of LEBEN and not SINN.

Ideally tomorrow I will analyze my note-taking of my hand-written mindmaps to see if they align with what Justin Sung is teaching to fix some learning methods, I was an extremely good student till they somehow killed my imagination, and the techniques brought it back, especially in biology at times I get things about life, also having lived vegan doing retreats that are very deep, as you contemplate life very differently, now I am a second degree murder running on multiple trials.... how fun, proveking a 6'3 guy with ego and at times with atttiude, I can still laugh more about the issues I have with 9's in the enneagram or weird 7's recently after arriving here, but I actually wanted to write something positive about the 9's but I have to see I already am quite biased to what I prefer where, I just don't yearn to be around this ibliss type of consciousness or lucifer even with christ principle I might fuck your or find you attractive, but your as souless to me as it can get even ahriman has more soul to me, and I am stil llearning about these tendencies etc. Just ahri women in that sense is horrible manifestation of that type of entity, but more on that on a different day, I have to put in some work to do what I love to do, and tbh I would finally prefer just dating asian women, I can't really get along with westerners at a time. My uncle also did the same, so idk might be a smarter choice, more humaness for me, not just stoic, neutral, academic neutrality, while in reality love & holy spirit glocks work more away then Adolf did with the Jews... sorry my grandpa was named Adolf so I have to make some references and he looks like an asheknzie brown haired slender-snouted? jew, not snake holy fuck I hate animal terms at times, just turns on the ray-ray Rajas, ray-ray Rajas.... I wonder if that was an actual psychosis I had due to alcohol, but I am not touching this again, and with these authentic identiterians I am also a bit more wary, I almost entered mahasamadhi and technically I am already deleted, so idk what really to do, some coincidences idk what will happen and are quite serious. 

This was in my mails list:

https://integrallife.com/experience/ken-wilber-timeline/?utm_source=Integral+Life+Newsletter&utm_campaign=ce6d84ca33-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2026_08_27_08_05&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-ce6d84ca33-736494901&goal=0_de2cfb3770-ce6d84ca33-736494901&mc_cid=ce6d84ca33
 

Edited Friday at 12:33 AM by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

Dude I hope they can fix my audible tomorrow IIRC I have 240 titles now that is insanity

[KosmicGeng]

I have to do some stuff now, I might just block actualized.org again, it has little intellectual benefit to the brainyacks I seriously had to deal with, it's very different, I still enjoy the conversation but I doubt most people read more then 50 books seriously in their lives, and the whole screaming for pragmatism will just cause a pragmatic type of populism idk, I fix more stuff daily, and still have stuff to do, mostly I am still looking for a plattform to share my personality, I am mostly interesting in sharing perspective, I've seen so many fked and childish things here, anyhow I will setup my new internet and see what will happen I wasted enough time. 

[KosmicGeng]

I am procrastinating, a bit, I might put actualized on the blocklist and go about projects, as my setup is finally better, I can only make so much progress daily, I still have to remove a lot of stuff, but at times things just break, and I also tend to forget, and I still have to create some setups, now that make sense to what I experience. 

I require a lot of breaks, I could not even find the time to go properly to doctors, with the pressure they put on in this a.i coding space at times, I don't really know going through this saturn return was a huge issue, due to the issue of I have to let go and integrate at the same time, and I keep finding new solutions etc. 

I have completely new different ways of studying, I am becoming more of the old me while the new me also comes forth, but I really would like to get away currently from the issues of modernity with the issue that caused for colonailism and the fakeness of most in these areas, anyhow I watch the video from leos blog on the side, I had some thoughts and some odd dreams recently, I never dream but somehjow I am dreaming again, I don't know why I had dreams about people copying my systems

[KosmicGeng]

Good video:

 

[KosmicGeng]

I have one core issue of making things concise, it creates a weird line where every social type of skill and relation is just framed into pure logic, I prefered working with some creatives, as they see the neccessity of making it concise and also self-express more intutively then with academics or more problem solving oriented people, what I dislike about people who see everything as a problem to solve, is they lack idealism about the world being as perfect as it is, and even when they do their best to help or do good, often they exactly miss the skeptical logic the hexagram gate 63 can provide, as it doubts more and ask of the anti-thesis more, instead of pushing towards a solution and production, hence you question the nature and the origin of the problem and doubt more, and come to different ways of solving where solving can be applied, and the way or "algorithm" then plays a role or procedure to solve a task etc. 

I often have the problem of finding the perfect solution, and then making it more concise, but the forever conciseness of things made me wonder, if I can elongate the simple basic principle, do I not find more or deeper principles? 

I will setup my new internet and take care of things, I will most likely block actualized.org in a few days and test different methods of studying, as my tablet is not good enough to take efficient notes, I have to take different ways, the screen is not responsive enough, and I had to buy one on a whim, I miss some solo time shopping and looking for products I tend to spend an entire day just looking buying nothing, even when I had money, I mostly buy small snacks and enjoy my time, valuing quality time is very different instead of ravenous shopping sprees etc. even when I enjoy the energy when I see others do it for the adventure/thrill, but I stop here. I have a lot to do.

[KosmicGeng]

I seem to recover more quickly, with all of the tools, and I could go back to a legitmate 1h practice daily, and go about my purpose and refine it, there have been to many ups and downs and I still record the process, I don't know still if sharing it online helps, it helps to some extend, but some people are very closefisted and have more of a closefisted personality which does not fit with my extroverted personality, I am considering doing 1h daily or 30 minutes and 15 minutes in the evening, and to simply use the new more complex tools, to handle the new more novel complex tasks, as these old tools did nothing and I steadily had issues, also facing different types of views, and imo I don't meet enough people who're open-minded enough, and most are into survival, or psychdelics, but I don't require psychdelics at all to get into deep states of meditation, at times they are a hinderance, it's mostly my open-mindedness interested in exploring them, but I stop here, there is still a core issue of getting help and autonomey and a negative influence Leo's teaching created, which is similar to the nazification of academy, hidden within plain-sight of the post-modern causes, as they obstruct survival with just vibes, but add very little to purpose and stability, there are just some simple issues, where I will be required to make the first steps and take more of a leading role, I will add the value of conscious leadership today, as I get many roles about leading a team also, I did not act out on plans and I still have to refine them, it was just stupid to take cannabis and alcohol right after the break-up, but I was also so pissed I injured my hand in the gym, very quickly, I can grow and study very quickly, but the depth of very profound thing, I require some time, I will also take peace as the last value, so I can finally work closer with my D.N.A I also found something that will only be free till first of september etc. so I am moving a bit quickly. 

Enjoying some anjunaradio meanwhile:
 

 

[KosmicGeng]

If you're into human design or get value from it check this out fast!!! Every premium feature will be priced on the first of september and I just found it also today, this has had a lot of value, but the price imo is not worth it, there is way way more depth, then just the teaching itself.

https://bodygraph.io/chart

[KosmicGeng]

This is very interesting I did a lot of stuff right, if this includes nutrtion and I can finally build on that, on the video with the jews, I watched this last year already IIRC I posted it here or even with an old account, here but I saw the video on conformity to inform ya'll I am learning more depth about my personality, most stuff I found was shallow, my systems are also improving, killing more distractions will be intersting, but I am glad I swore of alcohol, this has robbed me of creative work capacity, I get a spiritual intoxicant high, but I can use my tongue taste and inspiration for different things, I keep going through this now, I have to test and validate all of these new systems, the stuff I did was very advanced at my masters program, and talking to A.I they evaluate my depth differently, as I see some stuff is being taken over, but I have some doubts, due to these  chinese models becoming ever more present in U.S tech being to tech conferences myself etc. 

But more importantly my health and food! I am looking for better ways to deal with that and still enjoy stuff, it's better to eat some ice cream sometimes and some stupid snack food, then to go for alcohol and wine on the weekend, I was pretty close to live as a pure model, and before I meet the ex I would've dated a model, but she had some issues with drug addiction prior, but was into Urban planning and more holism, not the fun & adventure calculus statistics type of girl, but someone who actually went through something and just knows LEBEN as a phiolosophy with and without a gateway, anyhow I stop I don't think most can relate. 

I am studying more of the design part, and then take up the new experiements with the note-taking thing I found another pen, ideally this works now to take notes on this pad, but idfk if I can test everything, I still require some help with coffee, I am absolutely coffee addicted, but it helps me to get things done, if I eat how I would be required to life, my enviroment turns very odd, I can't be to "spiritual" around normies, especially when I can push my practice back to 1h, but I have to see I might go for a walk and buy some ice cream I really enjoy nature, but now I have to go through this period of b.s with the hostility of scientific fake feminist women, who have a very deep underbelly of jealousy, something about their D.N.A is partially fked in contrast to seeing 5's of the enneagram and more true intutive scientists, I often hooked them, but they became partially so jealous to belond to the elite, and I saw that stage purple shadow pull, it's at best just smash and pass, there is no value in such a human, if there is a lack of integration of wilbers work, and these people never faced serious issues of death and anihilation. 

I have to be careful now after i realized I could'Ve gone into mahasamadhi based on state alone, that what I do is very dangerous at times, and my D.N.A does not need a psychdelic to go that deep, anyhow most issues are points about health, I can't live to clean, also I should invest more into foods, I was so depressed after the death of a loved on I could not cook, now I can eat like a good, but I require a calm enviroment or a silently stimulating one, I tested mindful eating at the university it was insane how people eat for survival a couple of days ago with the b.s of the arrogant nobillity and people who experienced eduaction, but are not truly elite, I can sense how the snobishness kicks-in or through wealth, idk I had a different experience as it was more related with death, legacy and the depth of the man of 0, imo these people don't understand and intellectualize their experience of legacy, and don't quite get the legacy I intuit with white light type of experience, the casual, ananda and bliss, there is a very deep jealousy with spiritual seekers, and just a way to be stupid about it, I have to look where I eventualyl find a better place integral had some issues with some nazi stuff with corey at times, I feel and notice something is just f*ed, and I know my f*ed parts anyhow I stop here.