New Journal [CD Process] -> Dev -> Rev -> Process

[KosmicGeng]

Let's let him talk, before I pull out some history, or I just get banned by the random panic of women observing me for their survival for whatever reason.I can't do my duty right? Not a traumatizing perspective, I don't require your empathy in order to exist. 
 

 

[KosmicGeng]

Der Kantpullant ein Klassiker für mich im I-Ching humerous guy

[KosmicGeng]

He was manipulated by the 5 elements it's so funny but reading this book makes me pissed at times, generally knowledge just gets me to worked up at times, I have a sensible fear of it, as I know what it takes and I dislike groups larger then 2-3 people

I can lead close to 100 people from playing video games, but idk I require simulations in order to train conscious leadership and also at times stage red moves, that is the projection I have to deal the most with, I will dig up some evidence if I get time, but I will read a book about the brain first. 

Edited Tuesday at 10:07 AM by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

I still have to run various test for my setup but I might loose it all as people around me are to fucking weak to help and deal with true consangunity, the diversity part makes everything about ressources and being exheridated and scammed by white trash is as disgusting as white trash u don't deserve even 1 cent in my eyes. 
 

No, idea what to think as some of them also help me, but idk if they understand history nor care about it I have no idea university is imo invested with this I still use x and do my best to see some positive stuff about that  I still see them as human even when I at times rage and dehumanize them it's just stupid. 

Edited Tuesday at 01:38 PM by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

Re-watchting this, I am very much done with the level of development of post-modernism, and the need for distinctions and the self-victimization projections just love and empathy pushes me to hard into deeper states, and dark knights I am already way beyond ... 

What is beyond me when you try to understand they start to demonize and just play power games, and they call that play I call that satan, especially if there is a lack of healthy modern & post-modern or even stage red qualities the ethnocentric qualities of a human are the most hostile forces in the world, some will just never understand, I don't even know at times I think leo can't even spoon feed us because nobody reads, and they can't really deal with a real spiritual practice it's comical when you look beyond and I still hate him within reason, from what I buy solo but I had to understand that a manifesting generator is more inclined towards giving stuff out, or generating an energy of giving smth. akin to this, my energy is pure repellant or aura and my mothers energy as 2/6 and my aunt is pure penetration generaly /6, but I have to rewatch the information. 

This esoteric stuff helped me besides coding, and hard sciences, as well as psychology, it's a huge practice that I usually do, I am more of an interleaver and interconnector then pure analytical brain, I can visualize quiet well, but I am an interoceptive visualzier I receive more deep messages that are close to impossible to explain and then I have to read books and even repell that energy, and give commands as a manifestor it's very odd, and I have exceptional taste I am very annoyed how they treated a gifted child since I was small as my senses are beyond, and even to paradoxical to comprehend, as I have a scar since birth, that already pushes me at times to points of beyond depth in gratitude that I am even alive, but some self-efflicted damage due to this idotic princess and damsal behaviour is the worst snobish attitude you can have, these people are worse than cats imo. idk if I can watch the entire video 

People are already triggered by colors man, I had to study papers about how light breaks but seriously in your eyes not the rainbow with calculations that is very serious, I can't wrap my mind that quickly around stuff, when I cared more about depth of spiritual practice, now I have these nagging underbelly lower-middle class projections and I fucking hate it it's the largest obstruction force I have ever faced in my enviroment as well as vanity driven, people I am quiet normal around normal people, I am even allowed to be crazy which is nice but this extra crazy stuff and the core issue of what I enjoy makes it difficult and more prone to accept the man of 0 and the superior man, but i perodically re-invent myself very often, so there is no facet to my personality at times. 

Edited Tuesday at 01:15 PM by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

All right, I am somewhat back, after having one day of no internet, I am still in this massive build-up period after thousands of setbacks, death, betrayal and the issue of capitalism, lack of investment of growth, and simply the issue of history and racism.

There are some issues, historically from what I read about black history and manipulative qualties of post-modern and integral stages of development with a lack of emotional understanding and empathy drive-bys this place is partially hell

[KosmicGeng]

To expand on this, as I moved to a dense populated area, to do online-game, as cold approach robs me to much of my time going out and I went out a lot without approaching that was super bad, as a small-town dynamic invokes the issue of having a name, and being succesful, and just a little success fills the entire pond, if the diversity and influx of people is just fairly decent, and you get to know people, but keeping up the social circle has ruined parts of my success, and intellectual endeavours, to reframe and re-write this. 

 There is more research I require to do with my body, and I will stop smoking today, I worked on self-esteem, with the 6-pillars of self-esteem, but I still require to reinforce that, the area here is full with political enemies of the u.s which makes the dynamic just extremely polarizing, and requires a lot of knowledge and depth, that is forced partially based upon conditioning, I enjoy history and reading it and politics, but it's an issue being framed by these tech billionars, alphas etc. in a way that does not benefit my own alpha genetics, and the issue of the social game itself, I did Leo's game and was instantly succesful, online-dating can work, but it forces to much to be on the phone, and I have to focus on drinking occassionaly and include the new subtle insights of the BaZi work I did what fits my body, besides just going down the science rabbit hole. Generally, I have little time for cold-approach besides talking to women sporadically, but online-dating fits more the lifestyle I was living, and I created opportunities to network, but I already worked through the shadow of constant socialization, I partially still require it, but I have to get my health back in order after dozens and dozens of setbacks and the corruption of women, for the more advanced and holistic health I was consuming, and the enviroment regulates to the lower forces, of ethnocentrism and modernity, which I don't at times know how to include, discluding and straight-up rejecting it has been better, as I do a certain level of shadow work, but it's an issue with strength. Strength means beating oneself, power means beating others, a true Alpha/Sigma best him/herself and is not using power, to overpower others in a domineering way, but that is how an alpha is presented, and still it has a certain level of wisdom, you have to be naturally more powerful than others to gain respect, but beating and conquering yourself earns you True Authenticity, and shows you where the core critical failure points are, that you can work upon. 

Following my interests and setting up systems, and learning about human design, has helped me with the nefarious and low-quality stage purple aspects of being raised with a single-mother, as her energy kept penetrating for her benefit, and she does not know what she is doing she craves something that is not good for me, and I have repellant energy as a manifestor, studying this, also helped me to make more informed health decisions, but the core issue is they focus on the energy of the past not the present and it's a huge issue of how this country is conditioned in itself being overly focused on memory, just at times forces me into deeper questioning, and I see the issue of the majority priviledge, and the nazification of tech, as well as this whole arms-race scenario, being surrounded by lower development, that projects lower development, and acts like a schizophrenic, psychopathic alpha incel even with a fiancee shows me the power and fear they have of a strong, educated black man, and that is not even true, as my genetics are different, but the core issue I face I attract then women, who crave the exact vulnerable point of the past, and they abuse the majority priviledge and men even more, which causes the issue of inequality, as they will disclude you, and being strong physically, and internally has helped me, but there is also a sense of compassion abuse, and the insecurity of calling people names, being fake, being a rake, and the issues I physically and naturally don't face, as it's a deep envious nefarious insecurity of these men to hit on the innocence of another men, where I notice the more feminine nuturing qualities in me, let alone the core need to understand and want to be understood is a psychopathic game at post-modernism, for fake understanding not recognizing needs properly and also an issue of complexity alone. 

There is some good wisdom in the I-Ching book I bought, I will stop here. 

The essence of the video above is, to be social and calibrated socially or attuned socially to the depth of the social circle and learn from it engage with it, and take action in that regard. Reflecting and taking notes, I did so much of both, and building infrastructure, while being take of infrastructure it just causes massive psychosis and I am fairly normal, for what happend, but meeting a betraying whore, that is a slut, trash and simply just beneath anything, and abused men for ages, shows me just the core issue of sex itself, perception itself, and the core fear of dying alone, a community can be of benefit, but I wonder if I will not die alone, as I enjoy being alone and having distance with people, as they steadily ask for knowledge from this Ji-Si chart in my month pillar, and that is not rewarded properly, so I am working on that, there is a lack of gratefulness I trained for in years, that I use negative gratittude as a way to be grateful for things that I can overcome internally, which leads to a new inner strengths. I will stop smoking today 100%, I am done with not caring about my health, and the issue of my interests, and focus being limited by greedy misers, and withholding information to make secrets plans for survival, like I see with Russians and victim mentallity boys, while I took everything like a man, and these people get married, but seem like the most pathetic loosers, not being the change in the world, but just average trash, that fears the exceptional, and fan girls and boys do not do me any good either. 

[KosmicGeng]

Now, I face some issues, I don't really know what will happen, the situation is serious, but I don't quiet know how I can get to the depth of studying, and just finishing my stuff, I can't really get the time to put things, into my memory, so I am constantly pressured to follow proccesses and procedures, and I don't really know how to get anything done that way, as I practiced more depth, but I am very sensetive to I can't handle survival that way, smoking is the core issue of corruption for me, I never thought it would impact me that badly, but the enviroment is a huge issue for most things I've read and got an intuition about, but I absolutely flipped with the steady issue of the nazification, ethnocentrism, and just the misperception of my character alone, as I included, spirituality with growth.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DcDKFLruat0/

I briefly reflect on this with the other, aspects, what is good and what works, as I am steadily exalted for being more practical about life, somehow it gives people a spiritual high, as some natural goodness shines forth, and I do actually care so deeply, I almost deleted my entire life in a mahasamdhi state from a nirodaha kalphi samadi state, that went from brain to body, top down, with water & earth energy most likely, from doing a bit of Qi-Gong, but I faced the corruption of a healer, in terms of yogic sex, and I did all of this intutively, it's fked at times to be a natural intutive, and to have no one really get you, while they want to understand, to be understand, so the BIG I that goes transcendent goes into more of the Good, yet parts of it is still survival, till you actually entere mahasamadhi, so I don't know ultimately what Leo means with Good, besides Tier III psychic stage, but that is so survival laden, it breaks open the shadows of the lower stages, I can access this with the proper muse, with the fire energy that moves from bottom to top, which is my strongest energy, and steadily require the negation with the Yang-Earth energy, but that archetypally with me is the entire cosmos with IR, where it'S recommended to study, a.i, astrology, astronomy, and the whole causal space, but the causal state is pure-white light, and a beautiful absolutely gorgous state to be in, but I can't really focus on where I perceive natural goodness, as I also destroy the earth, with all of the tech, that I am using, but I can't also be that ressourceful, I am already good at it, but I had to learn to scale, and not care, and not be steadily pushed into this beta-perspective, that I see with integral, where there is just the "Godheads" running down on you, and dismiss the personal goods, I did courses there they came out quiet useless, as I found better tools to study, now I am here, with this absolutely fucked infrastructure, while I had the opportunity to do it, but the conseravtive anti-skill based envious mind of many, and my mother turns into this "fake high conscious crone" for only her personal good, while she always missed capital Good with her child, and I provided that intutively with joy&enthusiasm and success, but she became so greedy, and I notice this does me no good and causes more sorrow, imo she is more self-conflicted and quiet satanic, with her practicallity, which can be positive, she is still supportive, but it has been a massive issues, ever since I broke more open my heart, simply moved my body, danced a bit, let the light run through, but my energy is so fucking strong, I require space, I was shocked to find out how strong my energy is and still balanced it's odd a.f, especially the Seraphim energy, from Yin/Yang fire, which is very spiritual and focuses on metaphysics, and it's unfavourable at the sametime for me, just pure GOD practices work for me even according to esoteric knowledge, so I don't quiet know how to handle that. 

The point is, the entire neglect of working through the infestations of a family is very rough, especially to much consciousness practices just pull this social capitalistic manipulation of communion which is not what I want, I am done with this evangelical drive, of using "natural hierachy and evolution", but just being entrenched in religion without any knowledge of science and actual causation or a critical mind, I can play their game, it's not the issue, the issue is when they show their lucifer soul, where religion actually has it's place to negate the lower forms of that, it's similar with these tech billionairs and oligarchs, but the underlying cult that most likely happens in the deep state, is a huge issue, and the citizens will most likely revolt, I don't quiet know what to do, as I can't go after my interests, and enjoy my life that way, it was such a self-serving relationship, with the manipulation of women, and they will from any information I consumed get very hefty karma, for that type of act, when I consider what saints & sinners I am studying from, let alone the new audiobook from death about Sadghuru is a core issue, but I see the core issue of simply people denying root problems, and setting me up to solve them giving very little back, so I am forced to also take the same strategies of survival and mimic their behaviour, which I am just not good at naturally, I can be more virtous, but it bites me in the ass, usually the more virtous I am the more questions I have, and I define desire/demand & costs, which can be a benefit, but through all of this NGO university work, and other stuff it has become an issue, let alone how they cut survival, but the underlying terror got to me, and there is no real help to terror at the moment. 

There are a lot of points in the I-Ching book that I am reading in German, but fundamentally, I have to see how to deal with my strengths as they keep utilizing my weakness for social perception and face, I am and can be very logical and analytical, but I am socially also quiet good, for sure I require exposure and practice in the business, sense but the enviroment is so jealous and envious of my body and strength they keep sabotaging it, so I always wear headphones and listen to smth. as it's impossible via energy I attract people where I sense, the issue of compassion you're just drawn to help and provide at this point, but that is also just survival. 

I don't even recall where I bought this book, but it's a jewel, the point is the extroverted persona I developed and is enforced by society, is just very much like I am a superstar, as I generally have little fear ever since I hit TIER II, but the terror at times get's to me, I've been involved in terror attacks, so it's not fun and I just use my nervous system in the best way possible. 

[KosmicGeng]

I should test more, now I test the law and crime after this break-up fucking radical, but I also absolutely lost it. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/DbeZbazBFoN/

Edited 2 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

More on the survival quality of being two-faced after studying, tarot as that is constantly projected onto me as a Gemini, and just the whole issues the star sign creates for what you can read in tarot for personal growth and the counter-intutiveness behind it, I am still studying to work on character, but I have to stop smoking today, 100% I will try hypnosis this time, I am partially done with reading books there and audiobooks, let's see if a 1h meditation just kills it a physicist I meet did this after his father passed away.
 

 

[KosmicGeng]

Watching this & eating: