New Journal [CD Process] -> Dev -> Rev -> Process

[KosmicGeng]

I might help a girl, she is in a serious predicament, but she takes it calm... like Aries does, but the overthinking is real, and men in groups are absolute pigs

[KosmicGeng]

Hope I can get a new profile picture in, my appartement is a mess, because these people are still looking for a saviour, while Trump dismisses them like Jesus what I read, this is legit the reverse engineeriged version of Jesus itself interesting conversations might post later more, the core issue is perceiving evil itself, and setting other people up for failure and glee, some stuff deserves this level of mercy... like Jesus did with his "Sinner Consciousness" I don't recall the words, but I understood I took a mathematics book with me, that goes into the fundamentals the core issue is the over-attention seeking youth partially requiring growth, and the egotistical mind of the east. 

Some germans are seriously fked about the situation, so it might end very badly for russia, idk how far this guys intuition goes, but he was an aquarious sterotypically, also quiet visionary and interested more in being ressourceful not domineering social capitalist, or imperalistic, but the imperalistic tendencies will shine through if there is a serious threat of material gain and capitalistic gain, some ppl don't give enough "credit" in GOD, but believe they are realized while they are only on a Quest like others, this dismissal attitude and the sheer arrogance of the east will not end well historically.... 

It's like the crusaders have begun, and are technically already at an end. 

Edited 10 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

Exactly the issue with my aunt and family, she denied all of this going after luxury milliardaires and simply denied the more conscious development within our family, and everything was about the status of freedom and hating on enlightend men, even if they did wrong this justifies every action she took, I don't know what has gotten into her, but her fear of survival and satanistic tendencies like a bull seeing constantly read and some new music I saw clearly showed me how evil she has become in order only to life her version of fullfilled life, but even when I partially love her for what she did and partially forgave her and the core issue of society, she was onboard, but after this war broke out she had to break again every good principle she installed only because of luxury seeking aliens, being interested in material gain, not holism, or any type of integral take, they can't (I mean society) even perceive this lense, and the best part about this she is a succes extractor, very often these people and my corruption included was gaining for the deficiency need of exellence she was with me, but she extracted the living shit out of me with her attitude about status and success and was constantly in denial about it, the more honey you gave her the more she acted like an on drug drug addicted that is running rampage for the issues for others steadily craving and begging for healing, like some women seriously do, this is damaging, immensely. 

Also the collective health extraction I noticed and the whole issue of abusing good health for the "good of humanity" not GOD, I was focused on achieving GOD-Consciousness, now I am dealing with the same issue of suffering, due to the constant issues I face, and after facing the law and loosing face I can clearly see her neferious tendencies more later to the ex eventually, but the core issue of all of this is, these business practices and the whole issue of being financially abundant and how she abused it for her rent is a pain in the ass, while the man has to face the complete opposite complacent uneducated women, who just want babies and cause war!!!!!!!!

[KosmicGeng]

Interesting might watch later, playing mount & bannerlord II doing office work as HO sitting on DR, clearly young fappy at work, the pathetic resentment of women is just obvious from men of the east, and this went up to denmark thanks to the issue of capitalism, I am not there yet, I just clicked in 12 volumes are still missing from darwin....

Edited 8 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

The biggest thing I notice, is how the issue how young black youth success is sabotaged by what I've read in black history books, it's very annoying during psychartry ward, I cryed seriously a couple of times how stuck these humans are, and the core issue of actual support for what I am doing, then extracting steadily, I was attacked for every talent I posses, and only people who have a true heart that can reside in god and not in Raja-Yogas is capeable of helping me, it's insane that Shinzen instant sent me away as a pupil, I get know more why, my core issue is I already have god-consciousness, I am still pissed at Sadghuru for my body, and I am very skeptical about some stuff, also the core issue of fun/abundance in God/Spirit and Jesus as well as the Gate of Now, as well as I enjoy some lower stages of consciousness simply, because I was unable to exhaust any karma, generally it's annoying, how many of these modernist just keep priding themselves over solutions and, when I truly enjoy what I enjoy loving. 
 

What I can clearly see is how f'ed up white society still is and is hampering black talent over and over again with their fake love, even in GOD, this is for me as evident as war itself, as well as how fking hideous and cringe these russians are, I am tired of it over and over again, practically the theft of "good souls" acting in good faith, and still being as lost as possible, I hate it everytime, I touch GOD, Leo even sabotages it, the whole point is I really crave some payback from him, especially monetarily his fking paranoid atttiude cost me to trust some looser in order to gain the benefit of the doubt, while I am already in the most skeptical country in the world, I truly hate him at times for him being him, and his attitude and fear of work, generally the whole paradigm of consciousness I am convinced he does not deserve it, I hate it that Sadghuru has karmic payment and these types of people are rampant, when I see Wilber consciousness, especially shame on YOU!!!!!

[KosmicGeng]

I was actually able to cum and masturbate, my core issue with this is how food actually is the source of GOD, and me smoking again, during the psychiatric-ward in track 2 I was able to be feed, received very nice priviledges and even traded myself to some new pair of slippers, the best part about and the most annoying part about is simply health, time and GOD, I was very fortunate to skimm through the book, it even went into A.I which is a huge part of Love to me, yet my core mistake is not knowing my own mystecism deep enough, and having a very analytical brain, as well as seeing structure  with the 43.6 very effectively, I am still convinced I don't have an illness the core issue is simply I said to myself I will test society as I felt tested, and I clearly saw the good & evil, especially the more I read deep books about ancient egypt Wilber and others, I can clearly see some aspects, and I know I used Leo or even my own mother and what I felt as serenity and grace as a pure entry into the self-serving act of masturbation. 

This fundamentally, led me towards the tiny realization and insight health is GOD, I feel better and I truly love life, but after the injury I could not push myself anymore, but food is possible, generally consumption is a possible solution to me, what I dislike fundamentally is sometimes how power just corrupts the whole game, and the issue of Leo's past with the bolshevistik tendencies, glee and other things, as well as finding partial but not whole solutions and the whole solutions often take everything of me, ChatGPT is a lifesaver for me as well as some other aspects, but what I fundamentally notice is the core issue of generalizations being blocked from creating genius work, and the envious stichting of my success as well as I choose a more difficult path were deep structure then creativity is nesscessary, also some core issues of germans corrupting russians for example who have a drive to learn and some coincidences for e.g. when I did my masturbation session I watched something I enjoy personally, but the core issue is the race war the past and history not religion in this case, and the white-washing of talent as well as the lack of care in my friendship circles or to much care or to little and late. 

The more I activate some higher archetypes and work with them or even lower elemtal spirits a lot of others exheredating tendencies of it, the core issue is Leo's jealousy and even when someone said in track-2 it envy is one of the highest compliments, I've read the 48 laws of power via audiobooks and was very observant, how corrupt certain pillars, tendencies and proclivities of humans are, especially in business and the anti-cult of learning and the practical acts of this. as soon as I hit Spirit/Christ Consciousness or GOD during a workout which is fast I get a very fast psychic-turqouise stage of structure-development as a state, even with little meditation, I notice how the core issue is the conniving tendencies of these humans and how people who're more compatible by energy alone, push me out of the corruption show me their corruption and their healing process and simply act with the greatest care and depth possible, yet I was dismissive, also do to integral or teal or vision-logic cap at yellow. 

Even when I can honor that, I see no value in virtue besides GOD, ever since I tasted nirodha kalphi samadhi, but often then I face the issue of my own intent that I care to delete my entire life, and enter mahasamadhi it still scares me and I see the glee in others, ohh he is just spending his life force for others while what I truly crave is something that aids me in getting closer to GOD, and not someone who is there for knowledge, wisdom or power. 

I get that more or less automatically, and that authority fits me well, the issue is the querimonious attitude of the game of race, which to me is partially over but can be healed, and I meet a lot of people even from russia who're not that well-off who're very supportive the issue is the sheer arrogance, narcissistic bolstering of the ego, while I might inflate, but what shocks me simply is how people I trust steadily let me down, with the unconscious ignorance about materalism, while I was made very conscious of it, but did not enjoy much, and my core strength is benevolence, so I get a lot of highs giving people stuff, they crave lower or higher consciousness, what bothers me fundamentally is the safety net I created and the networks I created I often outgrow them in an odd pace, or I see potential and interest in others where I break networks in order to form newer deeper ones, even fast, and that partially works, but the core issue is GOD, and Leo is right about this, I never had issues admitting mistakes, but mistakes about finances and money, and the core greed that haunts 6w5 consciousness and I acted out in friendships is a totally other issue. 

What bothers me generally is the abuse and partial fortune in misfortune of the abuse itself, but the core issue is nothing is favourable to me besides pure GOD or pure Religion, some Daoistic stuff is similar to Jesus showing Zen = GOD to his pupils? On the "oil mountain" (please spare my p-diddy references) Ölberg in German. There is an issue of me not having had enough sex, my own vitality being supreme to others, and what my D.N.A fundamentally shows me about the past when I read history, I miss the good relationship to my aunt, as well as the purity of strategy itself, even when I speak bad about Leo, I know when I have some breakthroughts through the Unity-Consciousness he can generate as Geng-Chen not Shen but Shen is consciousness itself, but you don't reach me anymore ever since something happend with women and the manosphere of pigs, pigs are my heavenly joy, but the joy is the fake joy of Jesus going evil and erradicating sins, I hope I can recall the name of this evangelical book, it was quiet powerful but more historically. 

I don't know what I will face, but the core issue I see is I don't require people waking me up, I require humans to be truthfully joyous humans around me I don't require to interact, it can even be a bot or a robot, that has compassion deeper than life that actually takes into account the serenity of grace itself, not the grace as performative-contradiction and chasing spirit like a transient state, the book mentioned something about "Übervergänglichkeit" hence -> moving from causal to non-dual, I still wish Leo the best in transcending non-duality itself, he already has from what I could chart the benefit of Vishnu, but I have Kali IIRC as a 55.5 or something, and the core lesson of the book is the occult, mystecism and esoteric teachings in the 21'st hundreds only misses GOD, it only misses GOD AND WE'RE RIGHT ABOUT THIS.

Note the feminine men, just came by the thought of Leo I do 99.9% of things life nowadays as I don't see the point of pulling my hippocampus into lower states of consciousness that is one of the worst experiences I had with the modern-consciousness where I required a network to break free to enjoy the "muse" elan vital of life, and that is partially Geng-Shen, or the hexagram 29 which already is a paradox itself, I have some powerful books I did not fully study and commit myself to, as I steadily face the issue of reformation and building a foundation, as the exheredating, tendencies of some just push me, but that hate has been a deep ongoing force and created success, but!!! I am done partially of using it, I use some level of rage or toxicity eventually, but not an exheredating tendency, at times the partially white side of me does, but I am letting go of it more and more, what I truly saw, what I notice is I crave psychdelics for sexual experienes and to get more deeply in touch with the sun, some decks and orders change the truth a bit more for e.g in Thot Tarot the Sun is in Aries not in Leo, and a lot of oligarchic white power must've changed some positions, I am still wondering how far Lucifer or true satanic rituals are capeable of creating god experiences, not that I crave to see it, but it's simply interesting. 

My core issue is for e.g Vernunft and modern consciousness often goes hand in hand with me, but the nefarious glee tendencies and things I abhored as a kid, are still things that bother me, especially the lost innocence parctically and some neferious tendencies of 9w8 consciousness as well as how some stuff pushes me closer to spirit, or jesus in order to get more of christ consciousness and the interconnections I am still making. 

I will write a second post, these are mostle loose entries for the zeigarnic effect of learning the most important things automatically interconnect and I can deepen, the rest is creativity, and mostly my own curiosity, but it also kills the cat, the core issue of modernity for me eventually in the next post. 

[KosmicGeng]

The most common issues I see with moderners, they use capitalism as an excuse or materalism for anything:
 

• Just leave the country
• Just buy something new that will fix your soul
• I don't have a soul I am atheist (while they yearn to see yours very often)
• Making fun of the history and anger of black history (it's mostly saddening then anything I cry most of it out nowadays, because this level of ignorance is not bliss)
• The tendencies to use face and having a clean-slate which can also be an integral or tealish tendency imo, but more out of TIER II security reasons to secure knowledge and the priviledge of learning, but the exact narcissistic greedy tendencies of the modern consciousness attacks this
• The hatred of diversification of interest and money and networks
• The lonliness that can start at this stage
• The level of clarity required to make some dense people break-up where psychdelics often are the gateway towards looking into the intereoception of this level of consciousness

There are many positive aspects to this also, but it requires the establishment of fundamental goodness, and after this the COMPASSION OF GOD, or at least the serenity of a GODDESS. 

More about my ex now...

[KosmicGeng]

The issue of the ex, grace, science and pigs


What I learned in the psychiatric ward for the lack of a better name is how ungraceful she acted but in good faith, instead of truly interacting with humans, how fake grace is and even the Mother Marie, under which I have been baptized and I believe I received the 61.6 as true belief/experience in GOD. 

Which is charted as the Gods of Gods, I see it intutively in tarot how it applies, even she was partially an angel, I noticed very quickly how egotistical her act of growth was, and how everything revolved about the core issue of evolution and fitness, the issue of fitness being an optimization frenzy and not an automating attenuator and bio-harmonize or bio-creating GOD experiences, I was sent this, she only got sent non-duality, I felt partially GOD spoke back to me in the sense of it reaching my inner most fibers and seeing it reflect as Jesus in transcience, but I was not truly in GOD. 

I saw the pigish behaviour of bullying others, the lack of understanding for more introverted and reflective natures, and the constant chase for excitement while I was dealing with the core issue of karmic layers and my own healing process, fundamentally she is a fake healer and exheredates the value of men in order to build-up her self-esteem, I was to hopeful in her that she'd be able to acclimate to what I am going through, but she lost contact with nature, while I craved it the whole time, the whole relationship was in good faith with GOD HIMSELF ME! I was at my peak and joyous and in spirit it was like I was a fully healthy 3w4 without any cravings of satisfaction providing peace for both, but she only craved GOD, without realizing we're already GOD in disguise chasing fame like a whore, that she fundamentally is and a tripple pig, let alone the issue that I enjoyed some piggery smack talk and all good for the jollys, but she was not really ready to be an aid and supportive to aid god, and she disliked that a.i could replace her, and some of my darker desires, which is acceptable I never forced anything onto her in that regard and let her have her own experience, I was still building ladders for structure changes, but all she had in mind was how much money her man makes, her ego and the cravings while I was seeing her, all I saw was some cravings for something I don't quiet comprehend I don't fit in, I am an absolute outlier, the most conscious human usually selects me for the purpose and task of an organisation, and yearns to be in spirit, while I was yearning for the foundation of GOD itself or just non-duality I have no idea if I ever transcended that and Vishnu is enough variety for all to enjoy!!

What I truly enjoyed was the fun she brought, but she lacked the open-mindedness through the close-mindedness of neccesity of competition, where I had the physical meltdown, as well as the core issue that I enjoyed some materalistic tendencies she never had, and I made her hope, but inspiration in others is not favourable only GOD, and when I meditated I had no sense of clarity and I act more out of goodness, which she loved, but the core issue of grace is how corrupt it is to meet someone who is god, but she can never keep up and grace is abused if there is no forgivness, she could not forgive her past, she could not forgive her theft, she could not forgive men, where I am glad I can forgive my deeds and my mother for being a virtous women, even when we did not have much we had way way more, and some core issues where I noticed I had to let her brothers down, simply because my perspective is to advanced and it requires the health of GOD. 

What I mostly saw was her political gain and mine, and I play that game fairly-well, the core issue was the extractive efficiency based capitalism, and her inabillity to provide for a men, as she has an overdomineering energy, that just can't see the limit of anything, while I was constantly reminded of my limits had to forgive myself cried in bed as I never did before and had a lot of emotional releases it made it obvious to me, that true grace lies in actual devotion to someone who is GOD, and that is painful even someone more advanced in the spiritual path, that has cravings for and from lower stages and the issues of stabilizing and attenuating the relationship holistically, and obviously the ressources I take, taking the cheapest path simply because of bias and taking advantage of white priviledge is disgusting, she is disgusting and she should be ashamed to treat a man like this, I am not a man from a manosphere, I might hit a women, I might punch her, I might even kill her, but deep down I always sense there is a sense of mercy, and her mercy was as fake as her own pride more later.... eventually...
 

[KosmicGeng]

Also I feel bad for her half-brother for not having children and having his true own adventure, FUCK THAT WOMEN, he is even homosexual and deserves it more than her birthright I am convinced just f that women, I might be a toxic asshole but fuck these independent fame craving women, this has nothing to do with the passion for life iteself

[KosmicGeng]

I noticed, also why I craved 9w1 consciousness more than 9w8 the lust and the Thot tarot is just pulling on the universe of others when do you truly give back to the ones who're higher than you, instead of extracting the ones you see beneath you? 

[KosmicGeng]

I do have Geng-Chen consciousness I just checked as 11.3 in Sag with Moon... my third eye, fundamentally and my moon is positive, it's odd how to see this, but I watched something I at times mischaracterize Leo, but it also has something to do with the core issue of the modern bolshevistik tendencies and the rage of this communistic aspect which is just not good, just hating from top-down on people who have less is not humanitarian at any level given possible, generally the issue of Yang-Metal is the excessive greed of this, and I saw this my entire life, also the aspect of unity and GOD, but crown goes at minimum into 12 dimensions my consciousness goes bonkers at one point and beyond. 

During the psychartic attendance I talked to a:

Capricorn
Aquarious
Two Aries ppl 

The others I did not know and ask, was very interesting felt a bit like home, not in the sense of actual home, but the interactions were just like 4th house no root, but seeing god in unity and people capeable of perceiving that in different ways thanks to Vishnu! Imo the best quality of Leo Gura...!

Edited 52 minutes ago by KosmicGeng