What do you do to explore your Shadow? [Graphic Story]

[decentralized]

There’s something I did. Some people find it extreme but I don’t think so. I’m sharing my method so maybe you can make comments on it. Maybe I did it wrong. 
 

There was a time when I was on ketamine all I could feel was love. I used this moment as an opportunity to explore the depths of my consciousness and accept my deepest horrifying fears. I laid down and a vision came to me. In that vision I saw thousands of corpses watching me as I’m having sex with the corpse of my father. I know it sounds disgusting. The reason I saw this vision is because I find it disgusting too. It was a moment of facing with my suppressed side and letting it express myself so it won’t bother me. I’m sorry if you find this upsetting. I don’t have a fantasy to do it with my father. I just had to face with the limits of my consciousness. 
 

 

Edited 4 hours ago by decentralized

[Malekakisioannis]

@decentralized i have heard someone share a similar story. I believe it was terrence mckenna. The mind is fascinating.

[decentralized]

@Malekakisioannis thank you for not judging me. I told this to a friend and he weirded the fuck out even though he’s trying to keep it together and act kind. I appreciate that but it made me really sad that I did upset him. I was only exploring the depths of God’s consciousness and I faced it head on. 
Can you share the story with me if you ever find it? 

[Willy Phallicus]

1 hour ago, decentralized said:

I know it sounds disgusting.

Sometimes this is the wisdom being employed by the infinite intelligence to get a message to transmit.  It's not always going to be pleasant and quite often that's the case when you're working your shadow.  The horror is the point is the only way I can put it.  Ive been shown and told horrors I would never speak about publicly.  Suffice to say you start to wonder about the stories of people who do horrible things and say the voices in their head told them to do it and ponder if thats just someone succumbing to what you're experiencing.

One I will share is once, while under the influence and in a state of pure unconditional love I asked to take on all the suffering in the world as my burden and offered to carry it for eternity if it would mean no one would ever have to suffer again.  Then I was ported into a vision of a living jesus still nailed to a wooden cross.  He knew everything about me because I did what I could to know him.  He revealed to me he never got off the cross.  He has experienced time as we have - he's been on the cross this whole time, watching.  There was no resurrection, it was a bullshit story to absolve themselves of guilt out of the knowledge of his fate.  Some joker made the claim and they ran with it.  He revealed to me it was our perverted idolatry of his image that keeps him there and the priesthood knows it.  He said his people still perish for their lack of knowledge - not understanding his true message.  Until we do, he is to remain right where he is and he's totally 100% cool with it.  He sees everything and chooses to focus on the good stuff and it makes it worth it for him.  I need not take on the burden I asked to take on because it was his burden and he delights in it in a way in which I would never understand nor ever be capable of as an entity in form vibrating at this level.  Then he laughed in a way that thrilled my soul because of the joy and humor in it and with a huge smile said but since you asked ye shall receive and I will grant you your prayer for a very short period that will almost guarantee I come out unscathed.  Maybe.  It wasn't up to him but me.

I cant really describe it but the best way I can put it was it was like a tremendous weight was put on me and it totally broke me.  Depersonalized, disassociated nightmare wherein I destroyed every single possession in a fit of unbridled sorrow, hate and rage.  I lay in the wreckage of my belongings and collapsed into a vision of physically embodying, well, Godzilla of all things - but not in a hollywood movie kind of way.  I wanted to destroy most everything so the humans would have to start over - there was too much suffering and the only way to solve the issue of suffering was to get rid of all civilization and I saw myself as Godzilla actually doing it and hating myself for it but knowing it was the only way to give them another chance.  They were getting ready to erase themselves entirely.  I would not admit defeat, not yet and to be honest, I slightly delighted in doing it.  

The deepest occult truth there is - is that we never left the garden.  The garden is just extremely fucked up.

As for how I explore my shadow, well, it starts with brutal honesty, understanding and forgiveness.  I look at all the depravity and horror in the world and understand that I am wholly capable of doing all of it myself if pushed and in a certain way, I already am.  I am not separate from the universe inside of me.  I can't really care if that universe is perfect or imperfect or horrible or terrific, ultimately it is all of these things.

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Willy Phallicus