Jordan's Solo Meditation and Exercise Journal

[Jordan]

Hello, I just finished a 12 week meditation bootcamp with Contemplative CrossFit. I decided to not join the next daily meditation bootcamp but I joined their once a week discussion/meditation recording to keep in touch with people there. I plan to continue meditating solo and recording my notes here.

I also will be recording the exercise I do. I will start today as week 1 day 1. 2026-04-20

 

Solo meditation
Week 1 day 1

Sitting time 5:55am-6:45am, 50 minutes

Main takeaways, The body and all experience is constantly changing, for constant change to happen, it requires in a sense the old to die to make room for the new. There is constant death and birth. The only thing not in this process in knowing itself. Knowing how things are now.

I noticed some anxiety sensation in my heart. I am not sure the cause of this feeling. It may be the fact that I don’t know much which leave the possibility open that I could die or be injured sometime soon.

If I hold the hypothesis that I am not a human experiencing reality but I am instead the knowing that knows through being, then it seems there is little need to take anxiety too seriously because in the end no appearance can harm me. After a while the anxiety feeling seemed to go away I felt, saw and heard reality as it was. I had a sensation to stretch and look at the time a couple minutes before my alarm went off so I did that then stopped.

I feel more conscious now than yesterday. Considering that I may be just knowing through being itself, which is not equal to but not separate from conceptual understanding, seems to help increase that amount of knowing/level of consciousness. It sort of prioritizes how things are up above just how to survive in a better way. I still prioritize the survival of the body above truth but truth is still above needing to survive past a minimum need I have set for myself. 

Edited April 20 by Jordan

[Jordan]

week 1 day 1 for exercises

the last 3 weeks I have been doing 10 minutes of 5 pull ups 10 pushups 5 split squats each leg as many sets as I can do 6 days a week then 1 day a week around 2 hours of indoor bouldering. This day is after my climbing day and I finished with 16 pullups after climbing and now it feels I will injure myself trying to do one pull up so I decided not to do my normal exercise.

Instead I did 10 minutes of finger training by pulling on a wooden crimp block with a carabiner on it. I just pull with around 20 lbs of force on one hand for around 15 seconds then switch to the other and do this for 10 minutes. I did it 3x throughout the day. I plan to do this everyday for the foreseeable future and see if it helps my climbing. 

Week 1 day 2 Meditation

I meditated 6:11am to 6:40am - 29 minutes

I found out during the meditation bootcamp I just did that I suppress my emotions much more than I thought I did so I was just sitting being open to how I feel emotionally and accepting all parts of experience. Yesterday when I felt anxiety it was probably the first time I could actually feel that emotion clearly. It took me a while to put a name to it. A memory came up of around 15 years ago when I was trying to open up my body to be more approachable in the super market. an older woman opened up a conversation with me and I started contracting and getting uncomfortable. I guess this memory came up because I have been feeling into anxiety and trying to bring up times when I felt that emotion. I would like to condition myself to be comfortable if those emotions come up and not need to act all weird and be more outgoing / enjoy myself more in what I consider uncomfortable situations. I am playing around with trying to remove all my beliefs and see them as just thoughts with no truth to their meaning although their meanings do seem to have usefulness in achieving outcomes I aim for.

Edited April 21 by Jordan

[Jordan]

Week 1 day 2 Workout

I did 3x 10 minutes of finger exercises like day 1. My lats were still sore so I didn’t do my pullup pushup squat workout.

Week 1 day 3 - Meditation

6:03 – 6:40 sat 37 minutes

I felt into my body. I daydreamed about talking to a woman at a party that looked like she was feeling anxiety. I helped her get over it by guiding her into feeling it fully for several minutes. Then I showed her how to enjoy herself more which involved open mindedness in the form of really not knowing what will happen next and focusing attention on how things are now. I thought about what I want to do today. I didn’t make lunch so I thought maybe I will skip lunch then when I get home instead of making dinner I will stare at a wall for 3 hours and record myself to make a video on how to enjoy yourself even though you are hungry and staring at a wall. I think that would make a good video and something I would enjoy doing.

[Jordan]

Week 1 day 3 workout

2x 10 minutes finger exercises

Week 1 day 3 meditation part 2

I filmed the 3 hour video of me sitting staring at a wall I guess that counts as meditation. I will do the voiceover of it tonight and maybe post it if it is ready.

Week 1 day 4 meditation

I only sat for 12 minutes today. I was running late because I slept in because I was up filming that staring at a wall video. The meditation went well. I felt into my body and reflected on the sit I did last night staring at the wall. 

[Jordan]

I did the voiceover and posted the video last night.  It was fun making the video. I see I have a lot I could improve on but I am still happy I posted something. Here it is:

Week 1 day 4 exercise

just 2x 10 minutes of finger exercises again. I should try to do my normal daily exercises again now that I have given my body time to recover.

Week 1 day 5 meditation

I was distracted a lot with thinking about the video I posted. I felt an uncomfortable emotion in my belly and tried to feel into it as much as I could. I probably sat around 30 minutes.

 

[Jordan]

A list of things I could make a video on for a Can you enjoy series:

Can you enjoy talking about meditation for 8 hours - Make many 1 minute videos talking about meditation, review them, figure out how to make them better then try again for 8 hours. Show one of my first videos then one after 8 hours. 

Can you enjoy getting from platinum to masters only using queens in SC2

Can you enjoy doing 500 pushups

Can you enjoy doing 100 pullups

Can you enjoy a cold shower

Can you enjoy getting out of bed or

getting up at 3am

counting to 10,000

Can you enjoy meditating 4am-5:30am every day for a month?

Edited April 24 by Jordan

[Jordan]

Week 1 day 7 exercise

I did 1.5 hours of indoor bouldering. My lats were still very sore from last week when I finished off the climb with a set of pullups. I overdid it more than I thought still being sore a week later. I did a V4 but the rest V3s. I was hoping to do a V6 climb. Hopefully it is still there next weekend.

Week 2 day 1 Meditation

I didn't meditate on the weekend. I did today for 55 minutes. I set a timer for 1 hour but I had an alarm that went off at 5:30am. I was recording myself for a video but it stopped the recording when the alarm went off so I decided not to use that recording. I was meditating, contemplating enjoyment and seeing how much I could enjoy myself. I enjoyed myself a lot. I found out the way I see enjoyment is desiring things to be the way they are. It is similar to satisfaction but that is more relief from not having desires anymore. Enjoyment feels pleasurable in the heart. I also thought about the moral dilemma problem of having to press a blue or red button and you live if you press red and if less than 50% pick blue all the people the press blue die. Initially I felt blue is the obvious choice but thinking about it I could see why people would pick red. Before I thought I would pick blue but I am not sure what I would pick in that sinuation. Probably still blue but there is a chance I would pick red with my life on the line.

[Jordan]

Week 2 day 2 

I was really tired when I got home from work. I cooked and ate some food then went to bed from around 6pm-9:30pm, got up tried to figure out how to do my taxes since I usually get an accountant to do them but this accountant screwed me over and didn't file my business taxes since 2016 even though I paid them to do it. I am pretty sure they made mistakes in my personal taxes too. I almost finished but I needed a code from my CRA account and the website is closed from midnight to 3am every day for some reason. I should finish my taxes today. I went to bed again 1am-5:30am and didn't meditate yet today. My mind feels super slow. My body feels like it has energy but my mind feels like there is a 3 second delay. Maybe I will meditate after work after I finish my taxes.

I have still just been doing finger exercises 2x per day 10 minutes each time. Maybe I can exercise after work today.

 

 

[Jordan]

I am creating a video journal to help insights sink in. Here is day 1. It is the unedited video. I might make an edited version speeding through the silent portion of the sit.

Week 2 day 3 Meditation

I meditated with the intention to contemplate enjoyment and find a way to remove the separation between myself and my experience. Enjoyment for me is an emotion similar to satisfaction. Satisfaction is more when you have a desire for something your done have then finally get it and feel relief and the absence of dissatisfaction. Enjoyment is more having a desire for things to be as they are. I often enjoy myself during meditation by developing a desire to know how things are. I develop that desire by letting go of beliefs and that compels me to want to know how things are so I look and see for myself. As I do that, my desire to know how things are is fulfilled and I feel enjoyment. It seems to work very well. This can allow me to experience a lot of discomfort and still enjoy it. 

As for being one with reality, dropping beliefs such as you observing reality, you being the observer of what is observed, you being a living creature, that there is something other than what is being experienced now, that allows you to really take a look and see how things are without having to see them through that lense of beliefs. This brings a sensation of being the experience as it is now and the concept of there being something apart from it doesn't make sense but also the belief that there is nothing separate from it is not a belief I hold I am just open to what is now.

Recording the video seems to help me remember my sit in a lot more detail compared to my other journal entries here. It also got me to sit for an hour which I think all my other sits were shorter. I took it more seriously too. Seems like there are a lot of benefits to it.

 

Edited Wednesday at 03:12 PM by Jordan

[Jordan]

week 2 day 4 Meditation

I meditated for an hour and recorded myself just like yesterday. Recording myself seems to make it easier and I take it more seriously. Today my intention was to feel my emotions especially any that I have been repressing. I came up with a model in my mind with how emotions seem to work. It is similar to the game The King Is Watching. The land that the king is watching is the only land that gets any work done. If you do not put your attention on your emotions or deny that they are there then those emotions stop moving and they get stored as tension in your body. The energy that they are does not flow. If you pay attention to the feeling of those emotions they flow and express themselves and allow their energy to circulate in the body and that tension is let go of after a while as it completes it's cycle. I have suppressed a lot of anger, hatred, anxiety, arousal, shame, embarrassment, sadness and it seems when I feel into those emotions they fairly quickly circulate in my body and become energy. It is like I am eating them.