Journal

[Someone here]

A journal for posting anything that comes to my mind regarding literary anything in my life or in life in general . I want to look back at it after few years and find that I went through a lot of things yet I’m still thriving and maturing. 

[Someone here]

Lately, I’ve been having difficulties with my sleep patterns. I struggle to go to bed early, mainly because I overuse my smartphone. I’ve identified the cause ..it’s really just the phone.

 

If I were living in a camp in nature without any technology, what would keep me up all night? I would probably go to bed early because there wouldn’t be much to do. I would simply lie down, relax, and let my mind wander, or watch the stars or the moon if it’s out, and just be present. This would gradually turn into a form of meditation and relaxation, and it wouldn’t take long for me to fall asleep.

 

So, I’ve realized that I need to do something to stop overusing my phone at night.

 

[Someone here]

I’m at a point in my life where I’m questioning my priorities. Ten years ago..I was deeply interested in philosophy and existential questions.. driven by curiosity and fascination about existence. When I discovered Leo’s content ..I immediately got hooked. I watched almost the entire playlist on metaphysics and epistemology. I wasn’t (and still am not) interested in topics like politics.

Lately however I’ve been rethinking this. I have a strong theoretical understanding of existential topics.. largely thanks to Leo..but now I’m leaning more toward living a peaceful..fulfilling life free of suffering. That feels more important to me now. There’s no need to endlessly question existence..not because these questions can’t be answered (they can..and Leo has done so for himself) but because I’m trying to think more realistically.

The apparent situation is that a human being who was born into this world and the basic conditions of life are already given. I have a body and a mind. The body has its own design and requires constant care and attention. It needs air..food, water..sleep..and basic hygiene. It also seeks pleasure and comfort. Sometimes it craves adventure and risk..other times it seeks dopamine..adrenaline or serotonin. Its needs are not static. There isn’t just one single thing that matters to me..it’s more complex than that.

I am now 30 years old. In another 30 years..I’ll be 60 approaching the later stages of my life..and I don’t want to look back with regret. At the same time..I’m aware of the idea that my existence might have a kind of “mission” and that even simple actions like raising my hand to write these words can feel almost fated.

I also recognize how this perspective could become an excuse for inaction. But I believe I’ve resolved that paradox for myself. The insight of non-doership is not a justification for passivity. Even if individual choice is an illusion, that doesn’t imply success or failure ..only that whatever happens isn’t entirely “my doing.”

Returning to the question of priorities: I simply don’t want to suffer. That’s it. I don’t want to deal with constant discomfort or headaches anymore. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. The question is how to achieve that…although in a way it may not be something that can be treated as a future goal. It’s now or never .

Edited 4 hours ago by Someone here