Bridge-Burning as a Spiritual Practice

[Joshe]

This started from a conversation in the blog mega-thread where Leo claimed non-conformity is one in a million and requires decades of epistemic mastery. I challenged that, and Leo did his usual thing of telling me I'm just not capable of understanding. 

There was a time when I would have taken Leo at his word. Because I thought he was integrous. And I gave him the benefit of the doubt far longer than most would have. Going on 12 years now, with the last 2 years eroding.

I've been biting my tongue for a while, with a large part of me waiting to be proven wrong. Waiting for a legit redeeming answer as to why the guy who I put so much stock in years ago wasn't as fucked up as he now seems to be.

But I can no longer ignore what continues to persist. Since no answer has materialized and my observations have basically been confirmed, I'm hesitant to even provide feedback because I doubt he'd have the integrity to give a fuck, and he'd just use it to thwart people like me in the future.

But as a caring human who would like to believe something other than what reality keeps confirming, I'll give him that benefit of the doubt. Even though I know it's a mistake: 

Some things you can't hide. Sure, you can hide from 99%. But you can't hide from the people who can see. And even for the ones with high discernment in this community, most of them still apparently cannot see your games. Either they can't see or they haven't found the courage to call you out. They can detect your games here and there, but they can't bring themselves to see your full game. Which is forgivable because even you don't know exactly the full game you're playing. Nonetheless, you unconsciously and consciously exploit their caring and forgiving nature to elevate yourself at their expense (I sat on this for a long ass time. There is no longer any doubt. I know it for a fact, which is why I'm finally speaking out).

All your talk of integrity turns to ash when the discerning one confirms with certainty that what you call integrity is 1:1 what the standard ego adores. This pattern emerges time after time, year after year, in higher and higher resolution, without fucking fail, until it is confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt. For people who don't ignore reality, nothing Leo says in the interim can nullify this pattern, because there is no way to fake integrity.

Leo, you built a community where integrity is supposed to be the highest standard. And you think your transparent ego games will go unnoticed? When I trace back why you think that would work, every possible branch should embarrass you. I don't know if it's more insulting to you or the the community. Wtf man? 

How can you understand the ego when you haven't spent years analyzing it? You have been so wrapped up in your own upward trajectory that you never stopped to analyze your own fucking ego. You spent years analyzing everyone's ego but your own.

Your understanding of your own cognition is that of a 25 year old Christian conformist.

How about you give us a 4 hour video on how your own ego operates? Why are you so afraid to go there?

Stop thinking about developmental models. Stop relying on Wilber, Ralson, or whoever, and go inward on your own, and look at what's there!

That's the only way to see what the fuck everyone has been trying to tell you for the past decade.

--- End of feedback

Sorry man, this shit has to be said by somebody. 

To say the least, I'm disappointed. 

In all fairness, we're all just human. We all need correction. And we can all redeem ourselves. 

But you have to first see how you have fucked up, and how you continually fuck up. 

And you Leo, have fucked up massively by letting your ego run amuck. It will not be easy for you to redeem yourself. 

I can almost guarantee you that if you don't fix this ego problem, and soon, you will be unheard of in the next 10 years. All your lackeys (they know who they are (and will feel compelled to attack me)) will disappear and you'll be speaking to 10 random 20 year olds telling them how foolish they are. And there will be a few old regulars watching anonymously thinking, "jesus, wtf happened?".

Burn it down. 

Edited 12 hours ago by Joshe