no contact with family members = bypassing healing opportunities/prioritising healing

[Ramasta9]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

who knows:)

[Judy2]

@Ramasta9i guess that still doesn't point to how i should handle this specific situation, whether what you say is true or not. my best guess, regardless of that, is that there's probably, as usual, some kind of middle way to be found, i.e. "reduced contact" instead of "no contact" - but then that itself is a lot messier to navigate than the black-and-white solution. 

[Ramasta9]

42 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Ramasta9i guess that still doesn't point to how i should handle this specific situation, whether what you say is true or not. my best guess, regardless of that, is that there's probably, as usual, some kind of middle way to be found, i.e. "reduced contact" instead of "no contact" - but then that itself is a lot messier to navigate than the black-and-white solution. 

My comment was a direct response to Hojo.

As for your situation, i know its perfectly healthy to have your time and space away from parents when you don't feel in your power to handle them. You cant heal in an environment or space that the trigger or wound was created without support.

When things get too much i go camping in nature for a few days, recharge, regain my strength, and once i feel the support from nature, i aim to embody and carry that energy back at my parents place or other places that are stressors or triggers for me.

The more empowered, supported, healthy and whole you feel, the less chance of things can affect you in a negative way.

My brother and friend was recently stabbed to death, its been very hard knowing i will never see his physical form again living with him on and off for 12 years, but just a few days in the mountains, i feel his spirit more and felt held and supported by mother nature that now i feel more at peace and less sad about it. Its also brought the whole family together and everyone's treating each other with much more love and kindness. Sometimes things like this happen to shaken and awaken people up.

Sometimes i reduce contact and sometimes i have cut my parents out completely for weeks sometimes months, sometimes its necessary. I didn't talk to my father for 3 - 4 years at one point, after that he respected me much more and treats me much better now because he was afraid he had lost me. Sometimes you need to cut them out completely.

Sometimes you have to give them that "scare" and go away for a while and change your number, especially if they treat you like shit, then contact them when you feel ready and be in control of the situation if they are immature.

You can also cut all communication via smart phones and start sending letters the old fashioned way.

It forces them to actually think and feel and process emotions and speak from the heart more, because its not just some call or text, its something that takes time and does not arrive instantly and who knows when the next message / letter will be. This is how my friend healed the toxic relationship with his parents, and letters become a surprise you all look forward too.

Maybe something you can try and see how it goes. Force them to respond via letters and if they care and love they will write back and put their energy into it. Sometimes you need to be the adult. I've needed to be the parent for my parents ever since i was a child, and still they are very immature.

But they are growing, and if they don't respect you, move out and be in control of when they can communicate with you.

 

Edited 17 hours ago by Ramasta9

[Judy2]

13 minutes ago, Ramasta9 said:

My brother and friend was recently stabbed to death, its been very hard knowing i will never see his physical form again living with him on and off for 12 years, but just a few days in the mountains, i feel his spirit more and felt held and supported by mother nature that now i feel more at peace and less sad about it. Its also brought the whole family together and everyone's treating each other with much more love and kindness. Sometimes things like this happen to shaken and awaken people up.

oh my God, i'm really sorry to hear that! it's very strong and brave of you that you manage to see the Light and Goodness in such a traumatic event. i know i'd be fighting that perspective, and i can tell it takes a lot to be able to see the light in all the pain.  

16 minutes ago, Ramasta9 said:

Sometimes i reduce contact and sometimes i have cut my parents out completely for weeks sometimes months, sometimes its necessary. I didn't talk to my father for 3 - 4 years at one point, after that he respected me much more and treats me much better now because he was afraid he had lost me. Sometimes you need to cut them out completely.

Sometimes you have to give them that "scare" and go away for a while and change your number, especially if they treat you like shit, then contact them when you feel ready and be in control of the situation if they are immature.

You can also cut all communication via smart phones and start sending letters the old fashioned way.

It forces them to actually think and feel and process emotions and speak from the heart more, because its not just some call or text, its something that takes time and does not arrive instantly and who knows when the next message / letter will be. This is how my friend healed the toxic relationship with his parents, and letters become a surprise you all look forward too.

Maybe something you can try and see how it goes. Force them to respond via letters and if they care and love they will write back and put their energy into it. Sometimes you need to be the adult. I've needed to be the parent for my parents ever since i was a child, and still they are very immature.

But they are growing, and if they don't respect you, move out and be in control of when they can communicate with you.

i guess financial independence would be nice. i have a job, but not enough to cover all my expenses. if i could make enough to cover all my living costs on my own, they'd have less of a say about what i do with my life. working on that in the months to come.

it's always funny because i feel so lost and helpless and want "the Universe" telling me what to do, but every time my parents try to get involved, it's like the worst thing that could happen. it's weird to crave guidance and then reject it when it comes from them. i guess this is just something i can't quite make sense of psychologically - and i'd like to make sense.

[Ramasta9]

6 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

oh my God, i'm really sorry to hear that! it's very strong and brave of you that you manage to see the Light and Goodness in such a traumatic event. i know i'd be fighting that perspective, and i can tell it takes a lot to be able to see the light in all the pain.  

i guess financial independence would be nice. i have a job, but not enough to cover all my expenses. if i could make enough to cover all my living costs on my own, they'd have less of a say about what i do with my life. working on that in the months to come.

it's always funny because i feel so lost and helpless and want "the Universe" telling me what to do, but every time my parents try to get involved, it's like the worst thing that could happen. it's weird to crave guidance and then reject it when it comes from them. i guess this is just something i can't quite make sense of psychologically - and i'd like to make sense.

Thank you, its been really challenging, but whenever i feel negative thoughts or sad or down i feel his spirit uplift me and push me to feel uplifted because then he also feels down and our mourning for his death becomes a disservice and keeps his spirit entrapped in our thoughts. I've been doing my best to be the example and taking day trips to the mountains sitting and bathing by the river and going for a hike, deep breathing, meditation, surrender, has been helping me tremendously, then i have the energy and positive vibe to uplift and remind others who are grieving. The energy at home has been quite dense but its clearing up day by day.

We have to take care of ourselves first and foremost, in any situation in life. I can understand the financial struggles, i too would live on my own if i could afford it. I lived in my van for 5 years which was really nice but eventually i landed back at mums but its been much easier since i had so much time in nature and solitude to regain my strength, heal my core issues and make peace with my past. Somethings still trigger me, but its becoming less and less and things are transforming faster and communication is better.

I'm off for the evening, I'll get back to this tomorrow if you reply. Take care.

Edited 17 hours ago by Ramasta9