Mushroom Trip 029 - Growth = Death

[ZenSwift]

Link to Previous Trip Report:

• > Dear reader;
• > The trip report is mostly written while I am high. 
• > Text with the chevron “>” in front of it is text, is to point out that I wrote this as a comment afterward
• > I removed unnecessary filler to leave only the parts that might spark insight for you.
• > Things that I found particularly impactful will be in bold, underlined, or my top insights/musings will be in Green.

 

Mushroom Trip 029 - Growth = Death

Date: July 6th 2024

Time: Taken at 2:57pm

Dose: 5g Wavy Caps (Psilocybe CYANESCENS, NOT your typical Psilocybe cubensis) 

Intention: What is Growth? 

 

Contemplations: 

What were the times that I grew the most in my life? 

• When I put myself in a new challenging environment (Where I’m forced to shape-up)
• When I wrote the self-authoring suite. 
• When I was writing a lot. 
• Whenever I have a lot of suffering and fear to overcome. 

Thoughts on How to grow:

• Owning the truth. 
• Becoming conscious of your self deceptions. 
• Owning your corruption. 
  • > Complete Reflections and contemplations from Leo's Lectures on: Devilry, Corruption, Double Standards, Being Wrong, Avoidance of Truth, Fear.
• > Need to See Leo's video on real vs fake growth

 

Start of Report: 

• 13 minutes in: Subtle onset. - - If I feel like dying, I’m going for ego death.
• 18 minutes: kicking in. Wondering when I can meet Leo. 
• This mushroom strain of Wavy Caps is very intense. It is very Ego dissolving. No wonder it went on sale. Nobody would like to use this strain for fun!
• Life advice for young people part 1 and 2. Watch it again

 

Growth IS dying! Death creates real change.

>At least it involves a lot of death of self/ ego-mind. 

 

Look at what other people your age are able to do. Look at the top performers, entrepreneurs, all of it. Set that as the bar for challenging yourself. And then challenge yourself to aim higher. 

 

Listen to your body, your body is deeply intelligent.

• If my body is telling me something, fucking take the authority OF MY BODY, and fuck any other human's authority. My body is deeply intelligent, remember that. My Gene Keys remind me of this that my body is the driver and my mind must follow.
• > The context I’m thinking about here is when I am in dangerous situations in Wildland Firefighting. Really gotta trust your body.

 

Jokes are precisely where the exchange of authority happens. This is why the jester is right up there with the king.

Growth happens when you know how to construct and deconstruct.

 

Time doesn't exist! 

• Holy shit! 
• >That one just hit me like a brick to the back of my head. I wasn’t even going for it. 

 

I have instant access to nothingness. How the fuck do I even exist!?

 

As the layers of ego dissolve, your access to the true nature of being deepens. At some point of the ego dissolution process, everything in your direct experience reveals itself to be nothingness. Then if you go further, you realize that this is all deeply intelligent, then going even further out becomes an overwhelming wave of love. Love being described as a traumatizing gravity that is slowly unifying and pulling reality all together. >Traumatizing oneness everybody!

 

Reality will just wrap itself in layers of constructs in ways that you don't even know how. But this is how an ego gets constructed. An ego-self extends WAYY Beyond your body. It's like it extends out past your skin, let's say 100 m in front of you (when in reality it extends out throughout the infinite field of consciousness).

 

The ego gets constructed by continually wrapping yourself in layers upon layers of stories, contexts and beliefs to explain away this current direct experience. 

> To the point where it no longer feels like a divine mystery.

 

Learning to grow is to become conscious of what layer of constructs that you are currently wrapped in. Because throughout my entire life, it felt like trying to get myself out of A Rat's Nest. 

> Peeling back one layer of illusion after another, facing the truth.

 

Owning the truth and accepting that I actually don’t know if I am going to wake up the next morning. 

• I need to practice loving the process of falling asleep. 
• That is a piece of therapy that I have not corrected yet. 
• I still have fear of sleep, fear of facing whatever fucking crazy dream I am going to have next, fear of my consciousness drifting off.
• >Wayne Dyer said “You die every night”. I felt validated when he said that.

 

I need to think in more terms about me being energetically correct. 

• > This has been a big shift for me in approaching how I live my life. Oftentimes, I will energetically “feel” into a situation far faster than I have the ability to create words for it. Now I can lean into what my body is feeling and what my intuition is telling me far more. 
• > Ask your self, “Is this [thing] energetically correct for me?” 
• > > Examples: Career, Person, relationship, environment, food, etc.

I realize I do much better with difficult conversations if I take the time to write it out. 

• Even if I then have to read it out loud to them. I need to honor this part of my self more. 
• > 2025 me is integrating this!

> Anywhere you can have a Truthful conversation is an opportunity to gain respect.

End of Report.