Mushroom Trip 028 - Strength Is Owning The Truth

[ZenSwift]

Previous Trip Report: 

• > Dear reader;
• > The trip report is mostly written while I am high. 
• > Text with the chevron “>” in front of it is text I wrote as a comment after the fact.
• > I removed unnecessary filler to leave only the parts that might spark insight for you.
• > Things that I found particularly impactful will be in bold, underlined, or my top insights/musings will be in Green.

 

Mushroom Trip 028 - Strength Is Owning The Truth

Dose: 5g Wavy Caps (Psilocybe CYANESCENS, NOT your typical Psilocybe Cubensis) 

This is a strain that is supposedly much stronger, with a slightly different matrix of effects.

Context: 

• In this chapter of my life, I was in the middle of my Wildland firefighting season. 
• I went on a mushroom trip on my days off. 
• Safe controlled environment at home. 
• Mom is Trip sitting

Date: June 16th 2024

Time: Taken at 12:50pm (Lemon Tekked from powder)

Intention: What is strength? How can I be stronger?

 

Start of Report:

16 minutes: Experiencing comeup

23 minutes: Strong comeup. 

Strength is owning the Truth. 

• >There I am, just sitting there like a thinker statue, and this killer insight came in the first 28 minutes. 
• Truth is literally what exists. You can only work with what exists. I notice much deeper now how much suffering is created and how self-deception and human bullshit stems from missing the truth of a situation. 
• I think my biggest gaps in my self actualization is from a failure to make a truthful observation of myself and of my life situation. Therefore being unable to address my situation appropriately.
• (Like the truth is I have a real hard time to focus and motivate with an ADHD brain. And I benefit from routine and possibly even being medicated. And also of course I still want to do the heavy metal detox. I just need to finish up my research to cross every T.) 

Ask people this: “Tell me the truth that you want me to own.”

• And that will give me strength. 
• This imaginary idea of “Energy trails” are a useful metaphor to understand how people perceive you. Just to notice what energy you put out. What trails you leave behind. 
• Anything that's not seen as intelligent is just thrown away understanding.
• When you have truth, you have the ability to step on others because that is what actually exists. You can only step on others with what literally exists because if it doesn't exist and you can't step on other people with it. >The imagery that comes to mind here is stepping on someone’s tail as a form of control. 
• If I want to be God I have to own the truth. That's owning your creation. Taking responsibility for it all. 
• The truth hides behind knowing.

If you want to become intelligent, learn to sit with the pain of not understanding.

• > The pain of not-knowing.
• Making yourself feel smart and intelligent (through any means) isn't the practice that actually makes you more intelligent.  
• > Making yourself feel smart by having knowledge actually limits you from gaining real intelligence.
• Sometimes you have to choose to be strong.

 

The Event of an ebike Getting Stolen:

• > Then halfway through the trip it was thrown way the fuck off because someone during the trip opened up the garage by accessing a truck that was unlocked, and stole my father's e-bike, which is worth several thousand dollars. Mid trip I was trying to get my trip sitter mom to calm the fuck down but her level of distress was way too high. 
• > The thief had the garage door opener and I had no idea if or when they would be coming back.
• > I was seriously contemplating running to the neighbours, burying myself in the backyard, running for the hills. I thought the thief was going to come back and kill me. This was while I was PEAKING on 5g of wavy caps. 
• > My body started to get REALLY hot. I was so hot I felt like I was going to die. I stripped down to my underwear and I'm just standing there in the kitchen in a panic.
• > I had no clue if I was going to get murdered by the thief coming back, or if my mom was going to kill me, or if I was going to die from my body getting too hot. 
• > I called my friend to come over because I didn't feel safe at all. He came over in 20 minutes which felt like an eternity to even wait 10 minutes. 
• > I was incredibly disappointed with how my trip sitter handled the situation. I was distressed, I didn't feel safe, I thought I was actually going to die or get killed. So it taught me a lot about the lack of awareness of my trip sitter. How she has no idea what it actually means to be a good sitter. Almost had my dog fucking killed because she could not get the dog inside from the confusion of the situation. Whereas my mind was so open that I immediately recognized that we were stolen from. Her mind was not open enough. 
• > My mom then continued to have a heated conversion on the phone with my aunt about the whole situation. And I was absorbing all of that negative energy.
• > I just told her to let it go. But she couldn't at all. Couldn’t even shut the fuck up for the duration of my trip. 
• > She also couldn't just take responsibility for the situation, or even sit with accepting the state of consciousness of not knowing. 
• > Honestly I'm glad it happened because now, going forward I'm just going to trip alone.

> So, because of that, the trip was incredibly rough. But I guess at some point my ego was dissolved enough or something because I entered a state of consciousness where I just decided to feel good, to have a good day. I felt like I could run naked in the streets. Because I entered a state to just love and appreciate everything. In that moment, I felt like I could make an ass of myself like Connor Murphy and be totally fine with it.

> I entered a state of consciousness I can only explain as “Going Connor Murphy Mode”: Making absurd statements to make fun of the dream. Because I realize that I am the Ultimate authority in interpreting my perceptions of what is. 

> Saying silly things like:

• “I can choose to have sex with doors, I just realized!”
• “I can fuck my leg!!!”
• “Leo is this, Leo is that, And I can make it in my mind to be true because I have the authority.” 

> Realizing how easily the mind can make up some story, and then believe it as true. Illuminating to me the power of self-deception. 

> It was a very rough trip. But I did enter some states of fulfilment. I believe I had a deep look into the nature of metaphysical love. Where it's clear that the collapsing of dualities is simply just love. 

What's not to love? 

• I can decide to have a good day today. 
• I am going own the truth of not knowing today. 
• Reality exists today, therefore I'm happy! 
• I can't wait to die today! That's owning truth! 
• I can't believe I'm retarded!! I love my defense mechanisms of not owning the truth!! Because the relationship of God is what I decide to imagine.
• It's BEAUTIFUL TO BE INSANE BECAUSE I have the authority! 
• > I pretty much lost my mind and became invincible. 
• I DID NOT Know objects were consciousness! 
• I have to learn how to love the situation! 
• If I'm not happy! Then it's because I'm not owning the truth!!
• INFINITE PAIN IS GLORY!! 
• I CAN MOVE OBJECTS ONE DAY! 
• I'M CURRENTLY Enjoying you thinking about me that I don't know something! 
• There's nothing to know! 
• Reality is infinite! 
• I would love to remind people that they didn't know.
• I Love admitting that I have no control
• REALITY IS LEARNING HOW TO control itself to love itself! 
• The truth hides.
• Vulnerability literally IS LOVE! 
• I'm going to decide later to have ZenSwift forget this state of consciousness! 
• Creativity is Literally love! 
• REALITY Will literally kill you if you want to own the authority over it. 
• I love sitting in reality, not knowing! 
• Literally what does it mean to feel?
• So funny that objects are independent objects. 
• I find it a great game to learn how to have people like me. 
• I understood the cosmic joke in the sense that there is no “evolution” for God to discover himself through. Existence as form and formless is literally just Cycles God goes through for eternity. 
• > I realized that this idea that there is “a mission” here, and that you are God exploring itself as an innate purpose, is pure fantasy, constructed by ego-mind. There is no collective raising of consciousness, there is no point to any of it. There may be a direction that consciousness evolves. But what about when my body dies and I supposedly just imagine a whole new reality from scratch? The infinite Nature of God is already complete. There is nothing left to discover. The infinite potential is already there. These are just stories that God is creating to distract itself. Supposedly. Can’t confirm any of this. But I think I’m on the right track.
• God rapes your ego infinitely until you realize the intelligence. 
• I am literally imagining layers of ways I'm not loved. Oh my God wow
• I need to take more authority in my life if I'm to be a leader. 
• Dear Reader, I want to learn to respect your intelligence.

 

End of Report.