Pathfinder - My first opus.

[Ponder]

This is a work I wrote while on a flight back from Las Angeles to Australia. 
 

Took around 13 hours. 
 

Enjoy. 
 

p.s, sorry Leo. 
 

Pathfinder

 

Truth always contains a smidgen of falsity -  

 

From Brisbane, Australia — the Golden State. 

 

Dedicated to Grace. Not just any Grace. My sister Gracie. Love you <3

 

“The darker the abyss, the brighter the light.” 

Lucifer (esoteric teachings - inspired by Jung and Dostoevsky) 

 

If you’re not going to study Scripture scrupulously with a discerning eye, attention to detail, spiritual understanding, the true guidance of the Holy Spirit, general worldly knowledge, scientific understandings and, most of all Wisdom, don’t do it at all. 

 

All else is mere opinion. Opinions are worth less than the dirt underneath my feet. 

 

Dan and Shiloh, thanks for teaching me how to truly enjoy life. 

“To enter the Kingdom of Heaven you must become like a child.” 

 

“The answer to life, the universe and everything is 42.”

 

Douglas Adams, Hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy 

 

Praise be to Jesus, forever and ever. 

 

The “God” of the Old Testament has a big fat ego, right? 

 

Right. 

 

Agnostic Judaism is the correct ideology, at least as far as ideologies go. And we all know the right mess ideologies of all stripes have led us into. 

 

“Ideologies — any ideology - are your enemy.” 

 

Terence McKenna (paraphrasing)

 - rip to the goat. Hope you’re having the trip of a lifetime wherever you happen to be now. Might (?) meet up with you in the distant future. 

 

Jack, for encouraging me to start writing. 

 

Michael. You, and only you, truly understand. Thanks for everything. Can’t wait for your wedding. 

 

Amy, cheers for being a legend. Keep it up yo. 

 

To mum and dad, 

You did remarkably well given the circumstances. I apologise for the pain that resulted from my actions over the years. We got there in the end.

 

Ash, my beloved aboriginal friend who tragically passed a few years ago from suspected methamphetamine overdose. Everyone who knew you loved you. You had such a welcoming presence and never judged anyone. Sorry that we all weren’t there for you enough in your time of need and I trust you’re getting all the back rubs up in your own little slice of paradise my bro. Rest easy. 

 

Joey. Blood runs thick. Thicker than people are willing to know. Love you forever my brother. 

 

Jords, thanks for always being there for me, supporting me emotionally in ways I couldn’t comprehend, and still can’t. Love you, see you when you get back to Australia. 

 

————- ——————— ———— ————————

 

Contained here are the jots of EitherOars - the first being’s - journal. 

 

Or, in Layman’s terms, Matthew Christopher Dooley (circa. 97’) 

 

To the Actualized.org community I am known by a few as Ponder. I appreciate the shoutout by Inlytened1 on the “favourite names on the forum” post. Thought people had forgettern about me since I haven’t posted for years.  

 

And to Leo Gura, this is what real spiritual development looks like. Take notes. 

 

Part 1 

 

I don’t know where I’m going with this. Don’t know if there really is anywhere to go. Unfortunately. Or is it unfortunate? Have to question that assumption. See, that’s the thing with assumptions. You’ve got to question them. The tricky part is, we have far more hidden assumptions than are apparent. 

 

And where did these assumptions come from in the first place? That’s a good question to ponder. 

 

Obviously an assumption is that which is assumed when the fact of the matter is unknown.

 

And why is the fact of the matter (any matter) unknown? 

 

Another good question to ponder. 

 

What would it mean to know — to truly know — a fact. 

 

I guess we need to start with defining “fact”. 

 

A fact (according to my admittedly barebones definition) is something that is true. 

 

Now what is truth? 

 

Now this is an exceedingly tricky question. In my estimation, it is “the question” to answer (if you care about truth, that is.) 

 

But now we’re making the assumption that there are questions to be answered. What if this is the underlying assumption that has plagued human thought since its inception. 

 

Ok, now I’m getting ahead of myself. Because somehow “getting ahead of yourself” is possible, right? 

 

I could digress here into notions of possibility and impossibility. Suffice to say, what if all that you’ve assumed to be possible or impossible is just that: an assumption. 

 

These darn assumptions… 

 

(244 words)

 

Laying down is nice. Florida is nice. Just wish I could sleep. Insomnia has a grip of me as of late. It does run in the family. 

Think I might do some uber eats delivery driving when I get back to Australia. Doesn’t pay the best but sure beats having to deal with people. The horror.

People are nice. They’re just exhausting. That’s all.

 

“Hell is other people”

 

Satre 

What to do this afternoon and night?Completely free. One thing I know for sure is it will involve too many cigarettes than I’m willing to admit. Maybe a bit of booze. We’ll see. And music. Can’t forget music.

I’ve committed to writing >200 words per day. I need to implement some level of discipline into my life for a semblance of structure. Hard to not be depressed when you’re not putting in some tangible work (the intangibles are where it’s at though in my humble opinion).

Having inferior Se (the Myer’s Briggs cognitive function) makes it decidedly hard to focus on tangibles, but it must be done to some extent — to what exact extent is yet to be seen. 

Anyway, I’m off to smoke a dart. Just put this text into a word counter and I needed two more words to make the two hundred cut off mark. So there you go. 

 

(223 words) 

 

Pretty drunk right now. Got some “Shiner Bock” from the store across the road. Quality beer. Made in Texas of all places. 

Family are worried about me. Fair enough. Knowing what happened in the past. 

Bored out of my brain and my right ear aches. Might watch some Samurai Champloo. 

 

This plane ride is surely draggin, as they tend to do. Mainly just need my nicotine fix - - and to see my sister and step-brother. Got some American Spirits last night. Pure tabacco, unlike the tabacco that we have in Australia with something like 69 carcinogens packed into every one. Crazy. 

 

I guess I’ll wax philosophical again, if I must. 

 

Why do we insist on being right all the time? 

 

What if there is no such thing as right. Or (and wait for it) wrong either. Gasp. 

 

“Out beyond your ideas of right and wrongdoing is a field. I will meet you there.” 

 

Rumi

 

See, Judgement is actually the biggest myth that has ever been created. A necessary myth, but a myth nonetheless. 

 

And the funny thing is that’s a major component of the depiction of the Old Testament’s God. 

 

You can’t tell me it’s not child abuse to instill in your children’s heads the idea that if they don’t follow God to the t they will burn in Hell for eternity. 

 

If that’s not child abuse, I don’t know what is. 

 

I guess it produced toughness if nothing else. 

 

Toughness is a necessity. 

 

Existence is Necessary. 

 

Existence is Love. 

 

Now I’m not saying my parents - though Evangelical Christians - instilled this idea by any means, quite the contrary.  

 

I remember though sitting in church one morning (I would have been around 5) and thinking if God exists, and we believe in him, when we die we’ll go to heaven. But if we don’t believe in God, when we die there will be non-existence (which is a performative contradiction but that’s a story for another time.) And if we die when he does exist and we don’t believe him, then there are infinitely many negatives. So it seemed like a no-brainer (starfish?) to me. 

 

Low-key independently invented Pascal’s wager at the tender age of 5. Was never scared of hell as a kid. Never even thought about it. Didn’t necessarily believe in God either. Was waiting to be convinced. 

 

As a teen I became an atheist for a while after independent contemplation and reading books such as “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. Talk about dork. Far out. 

 

Of course, as time goes on, life experiences tend to convince the earnest seeker of the existence of God. 

 

My inception to lending significant credence to the idea happened on a fateful day at the age of 15, when I first smoked weed in the bush near a beach at the Sunshine Coast. All I’m going to say is, luckily I didn’t know how to inhale it substantially or I may not be here today to be writing this. 

 

The rest was history. I was hooked. 

 

Later came the tobacco. The air needs to be grounded with the earth. 

 

Feels like I have blod clot (s). Been bothering me all trip. In a sense it’s the only thing that’s been bothering me. 

 

I was reading that Guru from Mobb Deep died from some form of anemia in his mid-50s (?) 

 

Actually hilariously ironic considering him and his rap partner (can’t remember his name) were the kings of nyc in the 90s. 

 

Been sitting next to a man named Darrell on this flight. Me on the left - window seat - and him on the right (aisle seat). 

 

Such a cool dude. And officially the first friend I’ve made while travelling. 

 

Milestone. 

 

Told him to come visit Australia sometime and I could show him around. 

 

He’s in the Navy. Says it’s hella fun. 

 

fidgety. I will not elaborate. 

 

Currently on the bus with Aimz and Jai. Chill. Feels like we’re moving slow motion. 

 

Can’t wait to get a feed though. Need some sustenance. 

 

And a ciggie of course. Always a ciggie.. 

 

At the airport right now about to head home. Had some gourmet tuna sushi and now drinking a (very strong) scotch and coke. 

 

Definitely feeling it. 

 

Kinda wearing off now and we haven’t even taken off. Boredom. The bane of my existence. 

 

Oh well, could be a lot worse. 

 

A lot, lot worse. 

 

“Humans have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.” 

 

Aldous Huxley 

 

The problem with the world is that the intelligent are so hesitant whereas the idiots are so cocksure

 

paraphrase of Mark Twain

 

problems, problems, problems in the wind… 

 

paraphrase of the soundcloud song blotterbaby et al. - problems in the wind

 

earth.

 

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 

 

Rich symbolism, indeed. 

 

wtf is taking so long, indeed. 

 

patience is the opp of a virtue, indeed..

 

Even the Messiah gets bored at times, I guess

 

Conquering boredom completely is ultimate Samadhi. 

 

Nah, some egoic flight-attendant bitch is completely ignoring my completely reasonable ask for some water. 

 

She just came back and gave me a hot cup of water. Wtf is this shit lmao

 

I swear I have no peripheral vision aye. Never have. Not gonna start now. 

 

For the most part of my trip in America I kinda assumed the public weren’t really aware of me per se. kinda always felt invisible even though I was obviously aware of people interacting with me physically. 

 

I have an exceedingly strange mind. 1 of 1 strange. 

 

Aura-farming complete 

 

Ladies are aware of physical reality more than men. Weirdly enough we never even concretely made this observation. 

 

Eh, I don’t even care about this shit anymore. I’m purely writing shit because I’m bored out of my fucking brain. Plane flights are officially the bane of my existence. 

 

Fucking finally. What the fuck takes these incompetent people so long to do their fucking job. Shit’s fucked. 

 

Samurai champloo muju style 

 

Can’t believe that it took 28 years for me to realize I’ve had adhd my entire life

 

Time feels like it’s frozen right now. Doubt many have been in this state. Doubt any have been in this state. 

 

Think I need to get on adhd medication (dexomethorphan in particular) so that I can actually fucking focus on a task for more than two seconds. Three if we’re being generous.

 

Whenever I’m flying in a plane it genuinely feels like I will never arrive at the destination - Brisbane in this case. Obviously that’s not true but the feeling remains solidly in my awareness. 

 

Oh well, oh well. 

 

0 + 0 seconds ‎ = 0 seconds 

 

Woah, that 0 seconds at the end there just turned gold of its own accord. 

 

Golden Age — Age of Aquarius, has officially dawned. 

Scorpio season atm - those damn water signs /

 

Metteyya the Arahant (enlightened one) has returned. 

 

His story begins in Caboolture, Australia. Born at home in a small country house. His nan and grandads to be exact. 

 

He was a late birth, but came all of a sudden one night. 

 

This trajectory - late then suddenly - was a major theme of his life. 

 

And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 

That is if the boredom was reconcilable. That’s something that has always fundamentally been there. 

 

Emotions aren’t experienced in the same way as people

 

No water signs in my chart, you see? 

 

Jai is an INFJ now that I think of it. 

 

Grace, my lovely sister was Pandora in a past life. I’m sure of it. 

 

Pandora’s box. Not good. Really not good. 

Greattttttt

 

Having a lot of insights right now. 

 

The more you write, the more you have. 

 

Wonder how many words I’ve done now per day since I agreed to the pact with Jack to do 200 a day. Surely I’ve far surpassed that number. 

 

Good. 

 

Part 2 

 

Pete Davidson’s a bad man. He deserves punishment for what he did to Ariana Grande. Pronto. 

 

Don’t know why I started Part 2 mentioning that monster, but it seemed appropriate somehow. 

 

I’m done being nice. 

 

How’s that for a part 2? 

 

Part 3

 

Best things come in threes, or so they say. I would argue the best things come in twos, or, occasionally one. 

 

Part 4 

 

I have four siblings. Josiah, my eldest brother, Grace and Amy, my other younger sister. 

 

We had a damn good childhood. 

 

We went to Mueller College just down the road from where we lived. 

 

Great school if you’re interested in bringing your children up with strong Christian values and academic integrity. 

 

Wait, why the fuck does it sound like I’m doing an advert for Mueller? 

 

I must have really liked it. 

 

The thing about my childhood in general, and even teen years I have a very foggy and patchy memory. I remember the vibes but don’t remember specific events nearly as much as others do. 

 

I know Grace remembers things in very fine detail and - wait, that train of thought just got interrupted with the notion that Grace may have been an INFP all along.

 

Now there’s a plot twist. 

 

Part 5

 

555

 

Good number ‘5’

 

Right in the middle. 

 

The scales 

 

Libra 

 

Zodiac. 

 

Part 6

 

Jordie’s an ENFJ as well I just realised. Don’t know why I thought she was an ESFJ this whole time. Probably because my first major crush was on Kiahny - the one that got away so to speak. 

 

So there was nostalgia colouring my assessment. 

 

As per usual id assume.

 

But going back to Jordie. I’m gonna move into her place if she lets me. Get a simple job 15 or so hours a week and get out of dad’s house finally at the ripe old age of 28. 

 

Not actually unusual i.e moving out at 28 in this economy. IN THIS ECONOMY. rip 🪦 

 

Part 7 

 

Mentally in zigzag zone

Physically in zigzag zone 

 

Part 8 

 

Part 9

 

Now this is the fun part. It all begins the moment I get the job at Chicken Xpress 

at Deception Bay run by Seno, a Chinese man. 

 

He ran a tight ship. 

 

I truly earned my cig breaks there, that’s for sure. 

 

Part 10

 

zzz

 

Part 11 

 

Just woke up from a nap. And here I am thinking napping on planes was impossible. Silly me. 

 

Part 12 

 

I wonder which realm (if any) Nietzsche is in? Did he become the true Ubermensch after his death?

 

His last words were “mother I am stupid” 

 

It’s a wonder he didn’t clue onto that earlier in his life. Stupid indeed. 

 

As Terence McKenna said about Nietzsche “the poor guy was just having a bad trip.”

 

Unfortunate but necessary. 

 

Part 13 

 

13, the unlucky number? Or just to the superstitious? 

 

“I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” 

 

Part 14

 

Ok, it does feel like heresy making the last few parts shorter than the apology I’d have to give for taking a cookie I didn’t buy,  but here we are.

 

Part 15 

 

Always been a bit of a heretic

 

Part 16 

 

DvNT. - Leave the decoding up to the reader. 

 

Part 17 

 

My read of other people, especially women, has been notoriously bad leading up til this point in my life. 

 

I think I can read men fairly well, but women. 

 

It’s true. We’ll never understand them. 

 

They choose us. We don’t choose them. 

 

At least that’s what nature intended.

 

Violation of nature’s rule leads to consequences, commonly known as karma.

 

Part 18

 

Heavy is the head that wears the Crown, in more ways than one. 

 

Don’t think Mike Tyson could knock me out rn.

 

Ok, maybe now I’m the one blowing things out of proportion for once. 

 

If everyone else are constantly doing it, surely I get to every once in a while.

 

Part 20 

 

Most music, ok, the vast majority of music, is utter trash made for addlepated simpletons. 

 

Leo’s music taste in particular is teenage lvl cringe.

 

Part 21

 

No more sugarcoating. Raw truth or nothin. 

 

Part 22

 

7 h 7 m to Brisbane. Gonna be around 5am arrive time. Sickkk 

 

Part 23

 

That first cig back on Aus soil is going to be a cig for the ages. 

 

Enter: the pseudonym dartrider. 

 -remember the name, he’ll be back. And boy does he have a story to tell. 

 

Part 24

 

Being surrounded by bots is crazy.

 

Part 25 

 

Donald Trump is the Antichrist confirmed. What a fucking loser. And his ardent cult even moreso, somehow. The only honest thing he ever said was he’s not gonna make it to heaven. 

 

I guess my assessment of Christian Universalism was skewed. 

 

Sorry David Bent Hartley, I liked your stuff and really wanted it to be true. I guess we underestimate the sheer depravity of certain individuals. 

 

Part 26

 

Rep Route 66

 

Setting a new fashion trend, just like I did with multicoloured outfits being worn to school formal

 

I wore a blue undershirt, light grey jacket, and dark blue trousers with suede brown shoes.

 

Steezed out

 

And before that, no one legitimately ever did mix and match like that, the year of I was like the only one in my grade to do it

 

Ever since, and up until this day, people often rep the steeze

 

I actually find it cooler nowadays when someone has a monochrome suit. 

 

My formal was 2014

 

It is now 2025

 

It’s been a loooooooong 11 years.

 

Whoever the fuck said “life’s short” wasn’t  paying the slightest bit of attention. 

 

Part 27 

 

Andrew Wilson has the Mark of the Beast - wittingly or unwittingly. I would argue willingly. He’s too intellectually clever to be swept up in such ideology unwittingly. 

 

I should debate him. I’d dog walk the cu**

 

As I would Jay Dyer the greasy chadlite

 

As I would JimBob the 160iq autist who “doesn’t believe in evolution” 

 

These people are missing a part of their brain responsible for being human. Wouldn’t be overly surprised if they were philosophical zombies aka people without their own consciousness

 

Annhihilationism would apply in cases such as these. 

 

So, in reality, a correct soteriology (unsurprisingly) encompasses the entire gamut of human thought about the afterlife according to Christianity. 

 

Eternal Infernalism is the one I struggle to accept the most. 

 

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!

 

The people claiming Charlie Kirk is enduring that right now are going there unfortunately. 

 

However, maybe Donald Trump - the antichrist - is the only one who goes there eternally. 

 

After all, he chose that path. 

 

666 just got defeated by 66. As it was destined to. 

 

66 books in the Bible. Revelations has officially begun. Strap yourselves in. We’re in for a ride alright. 

 

HERE STARTS THE RESISTANCE

 

Part 28 

 

Might make a poll or just leave a comment if you’re in to join the resistance. We, with functioning hearts and brains know there’s something deeply wrong with the world. 

 

We need change. 

 

We need to be the change. 

 

Yes, you. 

 

Apathy is what allows evil to flourish, and at this pivotal moment, we humans need to band together to overthrow the darkness that has enveloped this precious creation of God’s. 

 

We have God on our side. They don’t. 

 

The rest is history. 

 

 

Part 29 

 

We need to push for the death penalty for certain crimes

 

Rape of a minor - especially in cases where the child hasn’t even hit puberty 

Murder of child (out of the womb) 

Murder of parent or sibling

 

We need to loosen laws on the following 

 

Possession and distribution of marijuana 

 

We need to tighten laws on the following

 

Black market vapes. Who the fuck knows what darstardly chemicals these Chinese sorcerers are putting in them to maximise profit and death to minors and unsuspecting nicotine addicts trying to get a quick fix

 

I vaped for around 4 years very strongly and no joke felt like my body almost gave out on me until I switched back to regular Tabacco 

 

We need to have a honest discussion about abortion and what is and isn’t a woman’s right to bodily autonomy. This is a delicate subject that needs to be treated with nuance. 

 

Obviously it’s absurd, as some far-right pundits claim that even if someone was raped, they should be forced to give birth. That’s simply immoral. 

 

Post 30

 

Coming back from Las Angeles, the city of Angels. 

 

6 h 35 m til home. 

 

Post 31

 

Thanks for the support - emotional, spiritual, mental, financial, that all my friends and family have invested in me throughout the years. 

 

I feel blessed to be in the position I’m in. I did nothing to deserve this. All Glory to God. 

 

The spectre of solipsism has been defeated and done away with once and for all.

 

What has long been considered an intractable philosophical position has been unequivocally disproven, and anyone who honestly reads up until this point in the text with a critical eye and spiritual understanding will have no choice but to accept this conclusion. 

 

Leo of course knows solipsism is non-sense. 

 

See: Infinity of Gods video. 

 

And Leo obviously has consciousness of his own. 

 

And guess what actualized community, I haven’t even done 5-MeO, DMT, any of the analogues etc. 

 

These are unnecessary for an astute observer of reality. That’s what you need to become. 

 

I am thankful to this community for teaching me many things throughout the years, even though my mind could hardly make sense of most posts, obviously my intuition was sorting through the “noise” to determine what was actually the case. 

 

Guess what my secret was? Good ol’ Mary Jane. 

 

As Leo attests to, marijuana gives him the most profound states of consciousness out of any psychedelic. 

 

And make no mistake, weed is indeed a psychedelic if you are in any way inclined towards introspection. 

 

So fellow stoners, toke on. 

 

One area where I strongly disagree with Leo on is his preference for synthetic versions of drugs. 

 

Organic weed grown from the ground is much better health-wise, for body and brain, than some sort of vape-inhalation device. 

 

Traditional Ayahuasca taken in the Amazon where it originated is obviously far superior to any other way of ingesting DMT

 

Although Leo doesn’t know it, because he’s not yet stage Coral as I am (first person in history to reach Coral btw), he evidently has a stage beige and purple shadow. 

 

Leo is still clearly predominately Yellow, at least according to the content that I can judge by so far and for him to move to Turquoise and beyond he needs to embrace natural living

 

Sunlight, water, organic food, socialisation, friendship, romantic love etc. 

 

It is my bet that if he focussed his attention on these such things his health problem (hyperthyroidism?) would clear up in due time. 

 

Essentially a lack of energy and vigor is caused by neglecting the above in favour of thinking all the time

 

“If you think all the time, you’ll have nothing to think about except thoughts.” 

 

Allan Watts 

 

So, don’t get ahead of yourself Leo. 

 

You’ve got an ego problem. 

 

There are many in the world who have surpassed you in terms of spiral dynamics. 

 

Maybe if you got out of your house every once in a while you’d meet some of them. 

 

 

SECOND CHAPTER

 

Veganism is indeed the most pressing ethical concern of the modern age. Frankly disgusting that people can’t see this obvious fact. 

 

Shout out to Joey Carbstrong, Earthling Ed, Alex O’Connor and others for your pioneering work in this field. 

 

Also massive shoutout to all the brave souls willing to stand up against this absolutely barbaric practice that has been wreaking havoc on the collective consciousness of the animal kingdom, the human kingdom, and all the kingdoms above and below on the spiritual hierarchy for Millenia. 

 

It is time we took a stand. 

 

Enough is enough. 

 

Turning a blind eye to this grave injustice is spitting in the face of a God who created the animal kingdom and declared “this is good”

 

Who are we to deny that. The sheer hubris is astounding.

 

Any Christians reading this thinking “but God explicitly allows the human race to eat animals, notice that this is only after the fall. So before the fall, the fruits and seed-bearing plants (wink: marijuana - although the tree of life indeed were intended for consumption for Adam and Eve. Research the Demiurge and Gnosticism for more information (who knows what their real names were in Hebrew though. 

 

I’m the 21st Century, Aussie version of Jin from Samurai Champloo, the anime. 

 

People on Pdb type him as an ISTJ but that’s false. He’s an INTP, for sure. They mistype him because Japan in the feudal era were a very traditionalistic culture. 

 

Nicotine addiction almost cost me my life. 

 

The sheer anger that builds up internally during the withdrawal phase is incomparable to anything else. 

 

Just entered Sola with Chester Watson. 

 

Listening to a Japanese Horror Film by Chester Watson. One of the greatest albums of all time. 

 

IYKYK. 

 

If just 3 of you reading this understand the profundity of this album, I’d be pleasantly (?) surprised. 

 

Beware: Only for the Brave. 

 

“Nature loves Courage” 

-Terence McKenna 

 

2h 43m from Brisbane. 

 

I need a cigarette. 

Badly. 

 

Tough being at the Pinnacle sometime. Truly carrying the weight of the world on these tiny shoulders. Fuck me. Feel like I’m going to have a fucking heart attack. 

 

Sexually frustrated. Should’ve taken my myriad opportunities when I had the chance, but couldn’t really be bothered tbh 

 

Brahmacharya is second nature to me. 

 

Time to Brisbane 2h 34m 

 

9m difference from last night. 

 

Wish I had a 9mm so I could blow my brains out. Only half-joking. 

 

Being surrounded by bots for 14 hours straight is a Herculean effort. Even as far to say as Atlas himself. 

 

I was Atlas in a past life. And Metteyya in a past life. Those two are confirmed. 

 

Same being. Different manifestations.

 

This reminds me of the last hour or so at some of the jobs I’ve had in the past. 

 

My last proper job was a dishwasher. 

 

That tracks. 

 

Mobb Deep 

 

Is it ever a possibility that time completely stops for every conscious being simultaneously such that we’re all in that frame for eternity? Maybe that’s the nature of God. Strange thought. 

 

Holy Shit. I just had God-realization. 

 

Not that mind-blowing, Leo. 

 

Went back to watching some random yt vid straight after. 

 

Time both exists and doesn’t exist. Seems impossible. It’s not of course. Because what standard are we using to evaluate between possible and impossible. 

 

There is none 

 

And even calling reality “God” is just a label. 

 

The fundamental nature of reality is sheer silence. 

 

Allan Watts was one of the greats. Listen to him if you want to understand the fundamental nature of reality. 

 

Listening to Sam Harris debate this Christian fundamentalist right now and it’s as if two toddlers are playing with some toy cars while thinking they’re doing something impressive. It’s actually pitiful. 

 

I pity you all. 

 

 

Fuck my life. 

 

THIRD CHAPTER

 

Waste not, want not. 

 

I enjoy drugs. Sorry not sorry. 

 

Chapter Four

 

Feel like there’s a metaphysical hole through my sternum. 

 

The earth is flat and round simultaneously. 

 

Everything is itself and it’s opposite simultaneously. Except for me.

 

I am one. 

 

Chapter Five

 

The amount of philosophical blind spots Leo, of Actualized.org has is comical (once again, only judging from work that is released so far, as that’s all any of us can really do — except for the Oracle). 

 

But even his comments on the forum are laughable takes. Some of them anyway. 

 

This piece is going to bruise his ego. 

 

Oh and btw Leo, you’re obviously an INTJ. Stop larping as an INTP. 

 

You’ll never be on our lvl lil bro. 

 

I’m actually sensing a ban. 

 

That’s actually my desired result. 

 

Would be the epitome of irony. 

 

Chapter 6

 

It is my solemn duty to make the world a better place. Call of duty, if you will/ 

I bear the burden with honour… 

 

Chapter 7 

 

Can’t wait to be back on home soil. As much as I loved America, nothing better than sleeping in your own bed. 

 

Not smoking a ciggie on the plane was my initiation ritual. 

 

Gonna go live at Jordie’s once she gets back. 

 

Will be chill. 

 

All I care rn though is about a cigarette.

 

Bloody nicotine, bane of my existence. 

 

Low-key feel like I’m having a heart attack 

 

Not as bad as that one time tho 

 

The Nadi nerve got activated. 

 

Wanna go to Auckland 

As much as I like America, New Zealand is still the favourite place I’ve gone. 

 

Went on my 21st with mum. 

 

If only I wasn’t so depressed when that happened. Would’ve enjoyed it so much more. Sorry mum. 

 

Doomed to be Perpetually bored. 

mf doooooom…

 

Travelled over 11000km. Hectic. 

 

The globe is fucking huge. 

~ 11 days is 1 million seconds, 31.7 years is 1 billion

 

Jin is 100x too steezy to be an ISTJ. People on Pdb are trippin 

 

(Intermission) 

 

Being bored is the least of most people’s problems, so I think I can deal with it for a mere one more hour. 

 

Let me re-read and proof-read what I’ve written so far. 

 

With great power comes great responsibility. Fairs fair. 

 

Everyone experiences exactly what the core of them wants/needs in each individual moment. 

 

Some people want and need to go to hell believe it or not. 

 

This is a self-directing universe.

 

Everyone writes their own story. 

 

Neither atheism nor theism are technically true. 

 

I’ve seen through all of reality. 

 

It’s hollow. 

 

All is hollow under the sun. 

 

And in the sun.

 

Ok, that took a detour, chapter 8 shall we? 

 

Chapter 8

Wouldn’t settle for anything less than the tippy top. Never seen anyone cooler than me. 

 

Except maybe Jordan Blackie and Chester Watson. 

 

Berrymane - Mary Jane (look it up) 

Theme song 

 

Chapter 9

 

Mistakes are for rookies. I’m not a rookie. I’m a Rook. 

 

Anyone who doesn’t believe in reincarnation is a dimwit. 

 

A lot can change in two weeks. A lot. 

 

Good to be back on home soil. 

 

Chapter 10: New Beginnings. 

 

People forget that Collective Consciousness is a thing. Even me. 

 

I’m too kind. That’s my problem. 

 

A Majestic Golden Rook was the first creation. Named “EitherOars” in the original language of God. The name of the language hasn’t been revealed to me. 

 

The Creators name starts with N. Need to research earliest religion. 

 

Toorabull country. 

 

I’m inferior at perceiving physical reality. Superior at perceiving mental reality. 

 

I wrote this short Ten Chapter book on the way back from Las Angeles to Brisbane, which was thirteen hours. 

 

Long Flight. Time to kick back.. 

 

Might buy some kava and cbd. Recommended by Ange. 

 

Chye. 

sharpshoota out. 

 

Now to enjoy my much deserved duzz. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited Thursday at 03:19 AM by Ponder