Sources That Tickled My Mind

[Sincerity]

This week I came back to this great video about al-Hallaj. I liked it so much and had so many insights that I watched it twice.

10:55 - I resonate with that wish to have people kill me. I experienced it once on a "spiritual high" for a few days.

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Kill me, friends, for in my killing is my life.My death is in my life; my life is in my death.
Annihilation of my essence is the noblest of my glories.
And my attributes remaining is the foulest of my crimes.
My spirit tires of my life amid its lingering traces,
So kill me, burn me in these fading bones,
And later pass my dust in ruined tombs — You will find my lover’s secret folded into my remains.

22:08 - I also resonate with that desire for spiritual annihilation. 

Beautiful:

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I saw my Lord with the eye of my heart
I said: ‘Who are You?’ He said: ‘You!’
But for You, ‘where’ cannot have a place
And there is no ‘where’ when it concerns You.
The mind has no image of your existence in time
Which would permit the mind to know where you are.
You are the one who encompasses every ‘where’
Up to the point of no-where
So where are you?
And in my annihilation my annihilation was annihilated and in my annihilation I found you!

23:40 - I am the Truth/Real!

So simple, elegant and direct. 👌 This is what it's all about.

Also this:

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Subhani!

'Glory be to Me!'

32:12 - I don't know about the two spirits. I'd omit the second sentence and then it resonates:

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I am the one I desire, the one I desire is I;
we are two spirits dwelling in a single body.
So when you have seen me, you have seen him,
and when you have seen him, you have seen us.

34:59 - Al-Hallaj was also awake to Love, seeing it as the core of reality. Very inspiring. I'm not awake to that yet.

37:40 - And lastly, I find al-Hallaj's interpretation of satan very interesting, seeing him as the "ultimate monotheist".

Quote

"God had said to him "Bow down (before Adam)?" —
"Not before another (than You)!" —
"Even if My curse falls upon you?" —
"It will not hurt me!" And Satan said:
"I reject (Your command)... in order to affirm You Holy!
My mind is going mad because of You!
What is Adam? Nothing but for You!
Who am I then. I. Satan, to distinguish him from You!"

I interpret this as embracing "this life" vs rejecting it in favour of God. I enjoy to choose the former (embracing high energetic choices as much as possible), and to me that's the greatest spirituality. The latter doesn't make much sense if given more thought, although I do understand it. I can't help but recall when Leo said that he stopped brushing his teeth because only truth mattered to him anymore. 😆

Perhaps there's some truth in both. I'm considering that someday, embracing energetic choices fully could lead me to full asceticism, rejection of the worldly and total devotion to God. But that'd still be the embrace of this life. So yeah, rejection isn't the way for me.

Also, I wonder if al-Hallaj saw himself in that devil, at least to an extent.

Overall, very inspiring figure. I want to learn about him more.

[Sincerity]

This channel is a goldmine:

I "study" these videos - listening on 0.9x speed, making notes and thinking them through deeply. And observing the mind in action, of course. I want to deconstruct and become wholly aware of the pervasive "self"-orientation of the mind.

My best friend recommended it to me. 

[Sincerity]

By Roger Thisdell: