So yeah that just happened...

[theleelajoker]

...I come back to the hostel. It was a nice day with great guests & the staff. Ok I have a lot of thoughts, intentions about what to do next this evening, who to talk to etc etc. A bit of a mess in my mind, trying to figure out what I am actually projecting on some people and what's beyond me projecting.

Is this girl flirting with me? What about the other one? All clearly my type, just in different ways. Is her body language inviting me to talk to her? Or is she sending the signals to some else? Maybe no signal at all? Maybe what is see as a flirt is just being nice? Maybe I'm not as interesting as I thought as I am, or maybe I'm missing out on a cool experience by not acting despite her communicating to me to take initiative? 

Ok I interact a bit, and few minutes later I'm at the same point. Mixed signals, or mixed interpretation, I simply don't get more clarity. So women asking where I sleep, and telling me where they are sleeping while rearranging their hair. But none telling me with clarity what they want. Just talking? Just flirting? A little attention and appreciation? Sex? Cuddling? What is it that they want? What are these signals telling me? I pride myself to be a good communicater, also with women - so why am I so confused about what they are telling me, and what not?

And what do I want? Better to be alone tonight, to go for making out, or to have some company even if it's only to fall asleep together? Damn, I am so fucking confused.

In this state, and for no particular reason I remember, I take a seat on the couch next to a woman I did not know before. She turns out to be Colombian. She's nice, asking me some questions, bringing life into the conversation and tries to keep it flowing. I don't really feel having a lot of conversation, I just do the polite minimum to keep the conversation going. She ask and also says deep stuff, as if she already knows me. Knows who I am. That by itself not unusual, happens to me more and more over the years and currently basically all the time. But there is one thing about her that is new, and that has a ambiguous effect on me: she has the strongest eye contact I have ever seen. HOLY SHIT 👁️ 👁️

It scares me. I have become quite confident in making eye contact in the last weeks and months. Drug dealers, MMA guys, flirting and talking to attractive women, tough emotional conversations, arguments with close friends, doesn't matter. Easy for me to make and hold eye contact. Typically I can hold it comfortably, calmly, signaling presence and attention.

But this is something else. The woman is maybe half my weight, her words are calm, nice, supportive. Her voice is full of clarity. She knows exactly what she is doing. Zero doubt on her side. Zero hesitation. Zero ambiguity. Her eyes are looking right at me with an energy I have never seen before. I can't shake the feeling of "Ok SOMETHING is happening here"

Her body language is relaxed. Her eye contact has zero aggression. But it's so deep, so strong that she's scaring me. It leaves an impression on me. Difficult to look away. Impossible for me to get up and leave the conversation, even though I am somewhat uncomfortable. So I make some eye contact when she talks, as best as I can. It's maybe with 50% of my usual ability to hold the space and engage in the conversation.

Takes only a few moments and we talk about weed. I say I like it, she says she doesn't have some now but has contacts here so she can buy some tomorrow. She offers me to buy through her contact, too. Normally yes, I love weed. But also want to quit, I know it's not good for me. I tell her that.

We continue talking. There is this gaze again 👁️ 👁️"It's your only addiction" she says at one point. 

I hold my breath. Fuck, that's what I told someone else the day before. Yes, it's all one, all reflections, etc etc. Fuck this meta bullshit. I can feel her eye contact, and that is bigger then any mental explanation of reality.

I tell her that I know I can get into the feeling of being high naturally. She looks at me. With this look, with this particular eye contact. "That is the goal"  she says. 👁️ 👁️ 

She says it with a voice that radiates 100% clarity. And her gaze, holy shit this is scary. The vibe she's giving, it's not a command. It's a vibe of "it's your choice, nobody is forcing you but I very very much very strongly recommend you to follow this path. I recommend it to you with your best interests in mind, as strongly as I can while still giving you a choice. I make you aware of my power, but I am not using it (yet?).

Who or what the fuck am I talking to right now?

The Day before, I met a guy. He was drinking and smoking, but did not touch the joints going round although pretty much everybody else in the group was doing it. "Promised my daughter to never smoke weed again". 

And now this. Recently read through the"how to quit weed" thread here in this forum. Just smoked weed at the beach with the other guys. And now this. 

We talk more, the Colombian woman says some things how weed can distance you from the world around you, and some other things that seem smart and full of wisdom. I hear what she's saying, but my current state makes it hard to really listen. I go upstairs, I get the weed I have left in my backpack. I give it to her as a gift. She's happy about it, while I am in a trance like state of "ok what is happening right now?"

I ask a guy for a cigarette to calm my self. There was no talk about cigarettes, only weed, that's what I am saying to myself 😂

I feel like I have been on the other side of this kind of eye contact sometimes. I remember having arguments with guys that were clearly stronger physically, situations that had some level of aggression and had at least the chance of escalating further. Nothing ever happened. In these situations I just intuitively made and held eye contact and after a while, the guys just looked away. Or they even avoided to look into my eyes before I could establish eye contact. I thought about these situations lately, and I have been wondering if my eyes have a kind of Yedi-like power in these situations I can't see myself. I KNEW in this situations that guys were not afraid of my physical self. Wondered what they saw in my eyes that I couldn't see myself. Well, nothing better than a taste of your own medicine, right? 

I am assuming that they saw the same in my eyes that I saw in the eyes of the Colombian. A sense of power that is so overwhelming, so strong that 1) you know you're not only talking to the person in front of you and  2)  you know, you FEEL that at no point in your life your never fucking never even just think about going against this power. No hesitation, instant surrender. 

I go to sleep soon afterwards my encounter on the couch. Did I mention that Colombia is my probably my favorite country and that I have an absolute weakness for Latinas? 

Edited July 3 by theleelajoker

[theleelajoker]

So next day, I go to this woman. I tell her about the eyes and my experience. She's quite open to chat, and very grateful not only for the weed I gave her but also thanks me for the interaction in general. She's mentioning Shiva. She says she's impressed I go and talk to her about last night, appreciating the openness, that I mentioned the energy in her eyes and the message. Well, same goes vice versa, I am grateful as well. Large parts of the next 24h we spend together, chatting, exchanging. She's a traveler, exploring the world, living free.

Main topics are humanity, consciousness, relationships, ex-partners, dreams, evolution, energy, fairness, exchange, trauma, manifesting, onenness, fractals. We listen, talk, analyse, give advice, help each other where and how we can. She said she manifested an interaction like that. She also tells me that she likes me and finds me cute (HA! So there were signals last night) but our physical interactions are as if we are siblings. It's clear that our energy exchange is not sexual. A few hugs and gentle touch here and there when we feel that this is what the other needs. One hug gives me ...let's all it electric vibrations across my body. 

Crazy woman. Don't know what she's in touch with, but it's....I don't know what, but feels beyond this reality. 

I tell her about my ex. "You are still thinking about her, why she does things, start thinking about what you want"

I talk about my plans. "You are still thinking in 3-D reality. You are still in survival mode."

I ask her about a specific advice, about what to do: "I am not allowed to tell you this" I ask who does not allow it. She says she does't know. She says she does not care. She says she does not think too much. Her gut tells her to say something, or to not say something. 

I talk about how I want to do things. Step 1, step 2, step 3...making money, traveling etc. "You are thinking in structure. You can do that, it can be helpful. But you are structuring. It's not good or bad, just saying that this is what you are doing". 

We talk about other people "The new generation is different. Young people are further evolved, seeing things differently". She talks about quantum consciousness, diamant consciousness, sth like that I don't remember the exact words. She also mentions the concept of NPCs. 

We talk about our current lesson. It's the same for both of us. "Everything we need is always in the present moment. Maybe not what we want, but everything we need."

We say goodbye at the train station. I move on to the next city. I eat in a restaurant. You can feel love in this place. I read the "life story" of the owner on the menu. I cry a bit. I tell the waitress and ask her about it. The author of the story a woman, Maria. I say it would be interesting to meet the owner. The waitress says there is a second restaurant. She calls this restaurant, asking if the owner is there. I go to the restaurant. I talk a bit to Maria. She invites me. She tells the waiter that I don't need to pay. I eat for free. I drink for free.  She asks me for a review. I do the review. There is a beautiful portugese girl with her friends at the table across. I ask her if she wants to join me, I would like to get to know her. She says no.  I go back to the place I rented for the weekend. I am drunk from portugese white wine. I fall asleep.

I wake up. I post in this forum. I am thirsty. I go to buy water. I walk there barefoot, simply not giving a shit about what other might think. There is a beautiful brasilian girl in front of the shop with a Tuk Tuk. I talk to her. I ask her for a date. She says yes.

My life became so strange, that "strange" things became "normal". I think it's all about creating. About creating consciously. About creating good things. I can see how it's happening. Crazy how blind, how asleep I have been. I don't feel bad about myself. If I could have done it better, I would have. No hard feelings. I am just impressed how everything can turn upside down. Infinite possibilites. Todo es posible.

I listen to "We are a Tribe"  remixes from "Temple Step Project". Enough writing, what's next?

Edited July 4 by theleelajoker