Narrations & Rehearsals

[samijiben]

I'm fucking sick of this shit.

Always speaking to myself in my head, ARGGHHHJA, it is annoying to say the damn LEAST!!!

Fuck, man, I won't shut the FUCK UP!

the narration & rehearsals

Always role playing in my mind. Asking myself question as if I am someone else. Because everyone wants to hear WHAT I HAVE TO SAY! LISTEN UP FELLAS, BEST WORD IN TOWN FOUND HERE!

Fuck, sickening, I tell you. In the shower. Asking my own damn self questions & sometimes even responding OUT LOUD!? AS IF TALKING 2 MYSELF IN ME HEAD WASNT ENOUGH??

I'm sure lots of you people can relate since people do this sort of thing. Because they want to be loved, approved, fondled, etc. But this is str8 fucked, mane. I don't wanna hear my own bullshit anymore. I feel ready to shut the fuck up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[samijiben]

This keeps happening, now that I am getting sober I am seeing how much I narrate and rehearse in my mind. I want to impress people, to be heard. It is so important to me. And it's making me mad

And yet, when I finally wake up from my self-dialouge (it's like, OHHHH, AHA, I was TOTALLY lost for what might as well have been a whole lifetime of blabbering), I am disgusted with myself. 

Rather, disgust arises out of nothing...

But this is self hating self — not getting anywhere.. Me being disgusted at myself is more of the same story — the story that disgusts me.

Holy fuck, I'ma Vomit!

Edited June 23 by samijiben