Years of infinite mind and now being torn appart

[Adrian colby]

I had the experience of the pure light of consciousness and also an understanding of ‘the one’ it all pointed to but understanding how the whole universe worked and its nature being that of infinite mind was easy for the intellect. Embodying into the experience has never been that easy because naturally, the more limited, the more complex. It’s not always obvious that’s somethings wrong especially the deception or trauma constructed that life in the first place and it’s all you’ve known. 

[Adrian colby]

It’s not complicated.
It’s complex—and it was already complex before it was given meaning.
Complication is the result of confused thinking, whereas complexity is the nature of the thing itself.

So what is it that is already complex?
There are two sides to the infinity mirror: the One and oneness, being and knowing, awareness and consciousness—the void (nothing) and the infinite dream of reality (everything).
We live in the interplay between them: mirrors facing mirrors, depth reflecting depth.
Meaning isn’t an error—it’s a function of awareness encountering complexity. It’s how the universe understands itself.
The complex is the everything that comes from the nothing, and we are the meaning-making filters (egos) that reside in the middle.

Humans evolved to navigate and make sense of that mess—not to survive alone, but to survive together.
‘I am your friend, but I don’t know if you are mine.’
It’s an interesting paradox, but it rests on a kind of intellectual detachment that forgets the roots of our nature.

Friendship isn’t an abstraction. It’s an evolution.
Our ability to discern who is truly a friend comes from the crucible of survival.
We’ve survived as a species not through isolated strength or by being the fittest, but through interdependence, cooperation, and care.
We kept each other warm, watched each other’s backs, and held one another up when we faltered.
That wasn’t sentiment—it was necessity.
But in that necessity, something beautiful emerged:
empathy, intimacy, reciprocity, love—a deep mutual attunement, rather than a performative or superficial role.

At its core, friendship is an extension of that evolutionary impulse:
to reduce entropy, to build cohesion, to hold not just ourselves above the water, but to ensure that others do too.
Humanity, society, culture, community, family, friends—all evolve and grow through cooperation (mutual love), and they fall apart when their members don’t cooperate.
A body is the harmony of all its cells and organs—but when one or more parts go off on their own and don’t cooperate, the body falls apart.
Everything flows and grows in harmony because they are all one and the same as the whole—as a unity.
The whole universe grows and evolves itself through love.

We’re not separate observers.
We are the witnessing heart of the universe, giving form and meaning.
It’s not that nothing matters—it’s that nothing has inherent meaning, so everything matters.
If we don’t choose to care, to show up, to reflect and reach one another, then what are we?
Just fragments adrift—meaningless mirrors facing away from one another?

We can create spectrums to describe and categorize “friendship,” but every spectrum has a range beyond which it becomes self-neglect to still consider it a friendship, no matter how honourable we deem ourselves to be in showing up for that other person.

We can believe ourselves honourable in saying that all responses are valid expressions of friendship—from the heroic gesture to avoidance and silence—but that spectrum has a threshold.
Beyond it, a ‘friend’ who never shows up, never reaches out, never stands beside you when it matters—ceases to be a friend.
Their behavior isn’t just neutral; it actively increases disconnection.
It fragments what would otherwise cohere.

Life is relationship.
How form relates to form.
Reality. Relate. Relationship.
Duality exists for relationship—to teach the One how it appears in many.
And if all forms are part of the Whole, then in relating to one another, we are essentially relating to ourselves.

To love—to show up, to listen, to care—is not sentimentalism.
It’s cosmic maintenance.
It’s coherence.
It’s low entropy.
And in that sense, the universe teaches its own lesson:
It is always better to hold together than to fall apart.
What is the point in falling apart back into the void, when you’ve already spent eternity there and grown tired of its silence?

You can know a friend by how they show up and reflect you—
by how much they want your company,
by how much time they want to share with you,
by whether they not only ask of you but also offer something of themselves.
By respecting your energy when it’s low,
and loving and indulging in it when it’s high.

Sometimes a friend’s actions might not fully reflect their thoughts—they may not have the means to be there for you—
but you can still feel the sincerity in their energy beneath it all…
because they want to.🥰
 

and then the response was ‘Nope! Lovingly’

the heart, still raw, sank once again. 😢