Greed for insight

[Lews Therin]

Hi, i am currently in a dilemma i imagine people here have dealt with wanted to share my thoughts on the matter

I have three goals in my live. Attaining Enlightenment, developing my mind to be able to understand the problems of our world, and being capable of causing a positive impact on the world.

The problem to me now seems to be a certain clash of goals, as i feel both my desire to understand the world better (which involves constantly making notes of ideas and thoughts), and my desire to achieve the means to influence it (which currently rely on making videos about those ideas) make it so that i am always grasping at any interesting thought that may arise in my mind, as it could either offer new insights, or be content for a video by itself.

Now, i imagine lots of you already see how that is counterproductive in regards to the goal of being liberated. Today i had to stop during my meditation session because i had a few thoughts that i wanted to register. Now, this instantly felt bad, as when i went back to meditating 10 seconds later i could feel the grasp of the ego was stronger.

But even in observing this we have but a manifestation of the problem, a part of me thinks it was useful to have stopped just to be able to observe how the ego got stronger, which is an insight i am now attached to.

Is this greed?

It seems to be the case, and i have my mind set on maintaining the sanctity of my meditation sessions. But **how should i know something to be greed when it is so well aligned with what i believe to be my life purpose**?

Sure, we could rationalize most things to have alignments, like earning money that could be useful in a project or finding a woman that could be helpful and provide emotional support, but some things, like thinking about the our collective problems, are tied to the core of what i want to pursue, not as a support for it.

I feel like it goes to the realm of greed when it threatens other goals and principles you might have? like when it interferes with my meditation?

So **greed will push a goal that you already have into sacrificing other things that are important** in the name of that original thing, but **when that sacrifice is done, greed will get stronger**.