Regret, Regret, Get Away! Deal With Regret

[Miguel Oliveira]

Hy!

I´m in college and where I live, Portugal, we have an activity called Praxe. Praxe is an activity that all the freshmen year you have times that you with the other freshmans make some difficult tasks, like on the training of troops. You sing against the other colleges, you make connections with people.

In Praxe (from the Greek Praxis) there are an hierarchy. Freshmans, then the second year, third and so along. The higher you reach on this hierarchy you can order them to do the tasks, like walking on the mud, singing some songs against the other courses and colleges.

We have amazing activities on the city and that things.

If you go through that year you can wear a special clothes, university clothes and you join the "doctors of Praxis".

 

With this, in my freshman year I made almost my entire year in Praxis but in the end and since I had some mental issues like OCD, mental barriers, anxiety, was introverted, I got out.

I thought that I can´t handle anymore time in Praxis and just  3 weeks to me to jump in the hierarchy I got out.

Today (my 3rd year in college) was the final activitie where all colleges make like a parade for the end of the year and to the freshmans jump on the hierarchy.

Today and this last times I feel so much regret cause the "Me" that made the freshman year wasn't the "real" me, was the "me" that OCD, anxiety and mental barriers created. I felt so bad, so bad and I got out BUT the authentic "me" was the party guy, the guy that made the "normal" college things, like drinking, singing the loudest possible against the other colleges and more important I was the guy that want to wear that so simbolic clothes, to be able to have freshman's that want me as them "Praxis Godfather" and that is so simbolic cause that marks the passing of college.

Now that I´m better from my psychological things, (by the way, due to Leo, his videos changed my life) I wanted so much make that freshman year and now ALMOST FINISHING MY COLLEGE GRADUTION I FEEL LIKE i'M GOING TO THE "WORLD OF THE ADULTS" WITHOUT THAT SO SIMBOLIC THING.

-> When I say today all that freshman's, the "Praxis doctors" so happy, an amazing ceremony that I can't be a part I'm in tears, cause I'm not enjoying the fullest my college passage.

What you guys do about this, I'm not ready to left the college, to be a part of the grown up world, to really not be a child and passing the college without that simbolic, so simbolic here in Portugal event, destroys me.

 

What you guys do about this?!?

So many thanks for this forum, it's amazing for us to self actualized and grow ourselves

 

PS: SORRY, SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH

 

Edited May 9, 2017 by Miguel Oliveira