Goal tracking

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Too much of that bullshitto I been smokin on fr, I'm prolly made of bullshit by this point, swear on my momma

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I been experimenting and meddling with some A.I. stuff, I'm curious how the end product is going to look like. At least I got myself a solid hobby for the foreseeable future

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I've been stalling with the A.I. stuff but I'll get to it again over the weekend again. Slowly learning to code as well. I just need things to go in my pace - even if that pace is that of a snail - to make progress, I can't prosper under pressure. I really don't.

Honestly the way I see it - the way I see myself advancing financially - is just focusing in advancing in my job inside one company and then make some online BS on the side (so far I've been thinking of some A.I. products), that way I can make a maximum ammount of income with maximum convenience and comfort. It's the best way to max out both of these parameters. Of course there's no telling that the side things are going to work out at all, but I don't care, if it ends up working out then great, if not then I can at least say that I tried to not just be a complete 100% wagie. Not that there's anything wrong about it ofc.

Actually the biggest irony is that, under the current laws in my country, not only would I not pay income tax if I was to, for example, hypothetically make additional 1k a month doing these side quests, but I would actually get like 20-30 euros back as well, as opposed to me working strictly just 9-5 (in which I would also pay nothing of course, but also get nothing back). The reason why has to do with a funny way this kind of side income gets taxed and all the calculations around it. LOL

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

This week's weather is the fuckin best. Except for the rain and storms ofc, but other than that. Ideal temperatures, perhaps slightly higher ones would hit that sweet spot directly. But anyhow. 15 -25 °C while relatively sunny is where it's at for me.

Mentioning weather is normally boring af but sometimes you gotta appreciate the small things in life. People in other parts of the world are either sweating their balls off, or on the contrary getting their balls frozen, and I'm glad I'm not one of those people this week.

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Just reminded myself how important is it to do a lot of physical activity AND be in nature. It's very difficult to be sad when you are in a nice looking forest, or on a forested hill with a beautifull looking scenerie, I'd actually have to activively try to think depressive thoughts to maybe have a chance to eventually get sad. But in the sterile city enviroments it just comes naturally

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I'm kinda screwing with the whole medieval esque, historical-centre city look though, not gonna lie, perhaps it's just strictly the modern architecture and certain lifestyles associated with it (such as cars everywhere cloggin the fuckin road and all their fumes, everyone being on their fuckin phone all the time etc.) which I actually don't like. Althought, I would say I dislike the large quanties of people as well, beside the things previously mentioned. But just imagining having another residence straight in the historical part of the city, even if it was filled with annoying tourists, shit I aint gonna lie, there's a certain charm to it. One can always dream, even my brokie ass, as dreaming is free

Ngl medieval and rennesance architecture was the peak of human... well, architecture, LOL. Nothing more to say about it. Cities were just so beautifull back then. Ancient architecture was also beautifull, but it was definitely upgraded during medieval times. It all went downhill from there with all this efficiency focused utilitarian bullshit we've adopted

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Really would like to get my money up fr tho. So many options and freedoms open up to you in life if you got money

It's trully a way to climb social hierarchy in this world, teoretically we're all equal and nobody likes snobs and people who brag about being rich, and like they're above you. But the thing is that they are LOL. Practically I have more freedoms in life than you have if you're poor, effectivelly making me ranked higher in this social hierarchy

Edited July 11 by NewKidOnTheBlock

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I am who I am. I've been born a certain way and conditioned a certain way for years. Crucial early years, at that. It's honestly unrealistic to expect me to change and I'm not gonna go throught life criticizing myself for existing. Just gonna do me

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Or maybe I just haven't fully grasped it yet. I will try to

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I mean, just me being aware could already be good enough. I will always be self serving, but that's fine in my book. I'll be able to navigate the world a lot smoother tho

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Let's see what my options are for the rest of this day:

1. I can lay in my bed playing a video game

2. I can lay in my bed to play a video game, but move to my flat to do so

3. I can go out to a city, find a nice spot, preferably a wooden bench so that I can sit on it as comfortably as possible and play a video game

4. I can learn to speak fluent mandarin

Hard choices. Very difficult indeed

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I wonder if there's genuinely anything on this planet that I could legitimately enjoy. (Except the obvious stuff). Why does life have to be about discipline, and "you need to put in an effort bro" typa fa* shit. Why is life either so meh, or painfull. And then once in a while something positive will happen to you or a positive thought or mood come to you, and suddenly it fools you that yeah bro, this life shit is so totally worth it, you're winning bro, don't you see, I'm so glad that I've been doing this XY thing for all this time - only for it to be meh, or shit again.

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I'm constantly confused and undecided about what I want from life, sometimes it's nothing. Sometimes I get bothered about something enough to start thinking about doing something and the steps I could take towards it, but then my mood changes and I couldn't give a fuck. Or the enviroment influences me. Or the difficulty of the goal, or my impatience. Or just the thought "What the fuck is the point of it all, at the end of the day" seems like I'm just cursed to forever be stuck in the purgatory stage and just be mediocre, or even slightly bellow mediocre

[Sincerity]

Hey man, I read a bunch of your latest posts here. I don't know if you're aware of this guy, but I feel like he might resonate with you:

He's inspired me with an uplifting, manly, not-giving-a-fuck energy. Maybe he'll inspire you as well. 

(If you don't prefer ppl posting in your journal - apologies, I can hide the post)