Encounter with a narcissist

[Butters]

This happened over a year ago where I encountered this man. I was in a low place mentally at the time. Confused and somewhat lost. 

I met this man at a business expo. He seemed really interested in me as a young entrepreneur and he told me he thinks I'm going to be a millionaire. He basically posed himself as a potential investor. We exchanged contact info and that's that. 

About 6 months later I need investment and I'm still kind of lost, sexually confused, not very grounded. I call this man and he invites me to his house where he gives a presentation to some of his students who are all younger than me but I'm there too. 

I meet this man at the train station and he drives a brand new Tesla. We get talking and not long in he asks if my parents are divorced. I had no problems talking about this but I took a mental note that this was slightly inappropriate of him to ask just 10 minutes after meeting. I said I'm not really in touch with my dad, to which he responds that family is the most important thing but he can also see in my eyes that not talking to my dad is the right decision. 

Teenagers walk past us and he clearly stares after a boy, and then after a girl. This was strange he would do this when I can obviously see him. 

We collect the 4 guys who were 18-ish and go to his home. On the way he really praises me to the young guys, but the things he says about me are slightly exgeguratted and therefor not entirely truthful which also made me uncomfortable.

Note: Had I had lower self esteem and less awareness I would have gladly taken this praise I think. 

We go to his house and he gives a presentation about how to be happy. He literally named the program after himself "the [his name] happiness program". It was quite boring, like he sucked all the energy out of the room with his high energy presentation. I noticed that when we arrived none of the students wanted coffee, but during the break they all wanted coffee. 

I noticed an underlying anger that he must have worked hard on to hide, but it came out very subtly whenever I challenged him with questions. 

The most inappropriate part of the presentation came near the end where he talked about some story from when he was a teenager and his step-dad covered for him by not telling his mom that he got drunk at night. Now I got straight up pedo vibes from this guy because he was just weaving in all sorts of strange stories about older men keeping secrets and things along those lines. Mind you I'm in my 30s and this dude is creeping me out. 

He has children and a wife, who all seemed very normal and quite happy, the perfect family. He made me meet his teenage daughter but it felt like he did this in a way of bartering, almost as to say "hang out with me and you get a piece of that too". 

Eventually he drops us all of at the train station. One of the guy asks his friend for a cigarette even though he quit months ago. I believe they had an honost physiological stress response to this narcissist but weren't consciously aware of it. They all talk about him and praise him constantly. When I say something about him they take a long pause before they respond, probably because his influence is still over them so strongly even though he was physically not there. 

I thought about this a lot because it was such a consufing experience. On the outset he may seem like a very friendly and energetic man who just wants to help young people to succeed, but energetically this is the biggest narcissist I've ever encountered. I think one of the biggest characteristics is he sets the frame and gives you almost no options. It feels like he does not respect another's autonomy. This is very important. Normal people respect another's autonomy, while these real narcissist see you as an extension of themselves or an object to be manipulated. 

For example: I called him on the phone and I hear someone in the background leave the room and saying "bye". Then he goes "you hear that? I just finished a meeting with a student". Yes I heard that myself, and you are now trying to influence my mind and thoughts by giving this direction. Idk how to explain this otherwise but it's significant, even though it doesn't sound like much. 

If you wonder how this ended: I stopped responding to his texts, which is my right and any normal person would respect this. Of course not this guy. He kept sending one about once a month until I told him very firmly to stop bothering me. And that's that. 

The narcissist is harmless in the sense that they just want to impose their ego upon as many people as they wish, also called narcissistic supply. When that supply ends they will try to find someone else. I believe this is the main reason this guy is wealthy, is so he can bother many people who then have no choice because money is power. 

But the narcissist is very harmful if you accept them as a leader. You will resign your autonomy to this person. An important way to judge the leader is to see how people around them are. Are they the best version of themselves or are they small? This is #1 tell. 

Later I thought about why this man targeted me. He must have thought I was gay because I wore a pink tshirt at the expo, and I showed some insecurity perhaps. Little did he know I was actually consciously going through this confusing period, and I noticed every little thing he did. 

Edited August 2, 2024 by Butters