Femininity and masculinity mega article

[Alexop]

 

This topic is quite sensitive and controversial, this is why it is especially important to talk about it. The uncontroversial topics can be answered by the AI, that thing is getting pretty good but it still has a long way to go. We have two different energies within us that play a crucial role in determining who we are. Let's dive into finding out what really means to be a man or a woman. It is very important to follow through till the end so you don't miss my point. This article has a more ambiguous structure because it was written in many months. It grew from the beginning, from the middle, and from the end. 

 

Warning! This is an advanced material which tackles a sensitive topic. If it will sound offensive to you, I don't mean it, it is just that my passion is to find the most objective truth possible, not to feed into people's ideologies. If you read this, please read the whole thing before judging or labeling me. If I say that there are biological differences in behavior between biological sexes that does not mean one group is better than the other. Be very careful when you study the behavior differences between sexes and races! You can fall for racist ideology, eugenics, sexism, conspiracy theories. There is NO such thing as "inferior" gender or race!

 

Introduction

If you find yourself at the table with some hippie people and you dare to open this female vs. male topic, most probably you'll ring all their sexist patriarchy alarms. And I understand why, it is a topic that requires a lot of research and contemplation, a lot of logical analysis, and as we know them, they are not the best friends with research and logical approaches. What is their approach to this topic? Well, they might say something like this: "Yeah the traditional beliefs that men are like this and women are like that, these are outdated beliefs from traditionalist religious people and they always tend to favor men over women, I think everybody is different man and we should embrace every individual as it is regardless of gender. We need to break free from stereotypes man...". Although their point is valid to some extent, you don't need too much research and effort in order to hold these positions, positions like: "do not generalize", "we are not that different", "I reject labels", and "just accept the person as it is". That is cute and all that, but I always had a feeling that something is missing. I observed closely that in general there are important differences in how biological men and biological women are behaving. You might say we behave differently because of cultural expectations and norms, not because of our nature. Of course, culture has a lot to play here but is it really only cultural determinism? We have literally different organs in our bodies, different bone densities, different average heights but some say we have on average the same behavior and preferences. I don't buy that. If you have a point about this topic, you might be put in two categories: the progressive category which advocates for cultural determinism, or the conservative, religious, traditionalist perspective which advocates for biological determinism. Both perspectives lack complexity, depth, and nuance. We are influenced by both biology and culture and I'll explain why. We are not the same, although it might seem so nowadays.

 

There are niche cases of feminine men and masculine women who love being like that, and even individuals who want to transition to the opposite gender or to identify as something completely outside of these binary genders. There are also people born intersex with XO or XXY sex chromosomes which means having biological characteristics of both male and female or just a completely ambiguous biology. These are rare cases, I honestly do not know enough to discuss this, what I know for sure is that you need to find your authentic self. If you really feel that you are the most authentic when identifying as non-binary, and this is also confirmed by experts, then do it. In this article, I discuss what the main trends are but I'll also try to tackle the gender identity issues because when I say masculinity and femininity I don't mean biological sex, I am pointing to the two energies within all of us, a part of who we are or at least want to be. You'll want to classify me as conservative or progressive. Open your mind to a third possibility and forget about this binary political crap for a moment.

 

Here I am after more than three years of researching this topic. I don't even know where to begin, at first I wanted to make this material to be a quick info article but it turned out to be a mini handbook because it is a remarkable topic. There is just a lot to talk about. Again, forget about politics, we are trying to find what is true, this is not scientific proof for sexism, we are different but equally powerful and beautiful, each in our specific ways. I understand your concern, women were thought incapable of reason 300 years ago, that is not science but complete horseshit.

 

The Beginnings of Life

I found research which says that on average, when a baby boy forms in his mother's womb, he gets a testosterone injection in the body, which means the brain also receives it. What testosterone does to the brain is remarkable, it makes the individual behave in a slightly more autistic manner. Scientists measured the prenatal testosterone levels of individuals and correlated them with increased slightly autistic behaviors in childhood. Nature is not 100% precise, so baby girls can also get a high dose of testosterone before birth, leading to a more boyish girl or tomboy, and nothing wrong with that, but boys got on average double as much as girls. Here I agree with hippies, everybody is different and needs to be accepted as they are. There is a chart on the PubMed article I put at the end of this material with prenatal testosterone exposure on boys and girls. They found a strong correlation between prenatal testosterone exposure and sexually differentiated play behavior in both girls and boys. And this is a PubMed article not some evangelical church science. The base brain, the one unaffected by testosterone, is the feminine brain, and I'll explain what femininity is throughout this article. The "extreme male brain" theory of autism proposed by psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen suggests that individuals with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) exhibit an exaggerated version of typical male cognitive patterns, characterized by a strong interest in systems and a reduced emphasis on social cognition. Just because autism as a disease is debilitating, that does not mean a tiny bit of autistic behavior is debilitating! If I say men are on average a bit more autistic, that does not make them inferior in some way, it is only that their brains function differently, they get excited by abstract nerdy stuff, they like to figure out stuff, create maps as I am doing now and further differences that I'll discuss soon. ASD is 3 to 4 times more common in males than females. Notice when I mention the words: "most of them", "on average", and "tend". There are no black and white distinctions in this article.

 

Some Key Differences in Biology and Behavior

How about when the children grow up? Of course, they will go through the renowned period of puberty when men get another big dose of testosterone in the system, which makes them grow taller, grow hair everywhere, grow bigger and stronger muscles, and get a lower-pitched voice. Whereas women get a good dose of estrogen which makes them begin the menstrual cycles and develop the typical feminine traits of wider hips and bigger breasts. What about the behavior though? There is the so-called "big five" personality traits test. This test was given to  millions of people around the world. Statistics show that women scored on average higher on neuroticism and agreeableness which means women are on average nicer, more agreeable and more sensitive to emotions. Women tend to be more social, are more in tune with other people's feelings and they tend to choose fields and jobs where emotional intelligence and socialization play an important role. Fields like psychology, human resources, healthcare, and very interestingly they get attracted by science fields where they study people or animals like sociology, political science, veterinary science, and gender studies. Much less to computer science and programming. Now does it mean women can't be good programmers? Of course they can, but many won't find it very enjoyable. Fun fact about the ICF coaching course I went to: coaching is an EQ-based profession, the trainers were two women and the attendees were 7 women... and me. At my first job in Sweden as a massage therapist at a SPA, the staff was composed of 11 women, one gay guy, and me. At Swedish nurse schools there are around 100 women for every 10 male students. Sweden, the big mamma of gender equality has made considerable efforts to equalize the gender gap in professions, but the result was the opposite, the gap is even bigger in Scandinavia than in the more traditional countries. People will choose to work whatever they want to work regardless of your equality ideals and ideologies. India has a higher percentage of women in STEM fields than Norway, even if Norway created the "gender point system" where they give a head start to people who choose a field in which they are a gender minority. People will choose to work in fields that fulfill them when money is not a big problem anymore. Scandinavian countries try to erase the behavioral difference between men and women, teaching boys to be more emotional and girls to be stronger and independent. Basically swinging the pendulum from one extreme to the other, if traditional countries push for widening the gap between men and women, progressive countries push for making them behave the same. If you raise the question of behavioral differences between sexes in progressive circles, you get that vibe of "we don't do that here". Why? Are you afraid that your hippy-dippy position is wrong? As the Buddha says, always take the middle way. You can brainwash people to believe biology is not an important factor in the same way women were brainwashed to believe they are inferior 300 years ago. Having the right approach to this topic requires real intellectual skills and knowledge, it just doesn't work to "follow your feeling" and "reject labels".

 

Let's take a look at the gentlemen for a minute. Asperger himself said that in order to become a successful scientist, you need a touch of autism. Nicola Tesla might have died a virgin, and Albert Einstein was late to talk and said he was never very interested in socialization. Statistics show a much higher density of autism-spectrum individuals in so-called "IT hub" locations like Silicon Valley, and they are mostly men, you guessed it right. Men are on average more individualistic and less communitarian. Have you noticed how many men are advocating for libertarian ideals like tax cuts, deregulations, free market, and private property? Whereas more women than men tend to advocate for socialist ideals like welfare state, tax increase, and more regulations. Women's holistic, less autistic brains make them on average less competitive, more cooperative and more compassionate towards those in need, for animals and the environment.

 

The pay gap between men and women is influenced by this, besides the still prevalent prejudice against women in patriarchal societies. Tech jobs are on average much better paid than HR or healthcare jobs, another influence is that men negotiate their salaries more aggressively and are much more confident in their capabilities even if in reality they pretty much suck, they can at least appear convincing. Testosterone makes them more competitive and drawn to seek appreciation for their efforts, if money and hard work is a valued character trait in their social circle, testosterone will motivate them to climb the ladder, earn more money, and work until they fall sick, especially because that will bring them better chances to mate. If you ask ChatGPT about how testosterone influences behavior, it will answer among other stuff that it develops aggression in the individual. You see, there is a misconception that testosterone makes all men more aggressive. It can be so if their social circle appreciates aggressiveness or the survival needs pushes him towards aggression as we see in the animal kingdom. If they lived in a ghetto neighborhood for the last 20 years, then yes, testosterone will make them more aggressive as it makes them seek the appreciation of their social circle who value a dominant and aggressive behavior, and of course, improves his chances to mate. But if a man lived in a Buddhist monastery for the last 20 years, testosterone will only motivate them to become even more kind and meditative, as these qualities made them feel appreciated there. Want a less aggressive man? Then don't date a gangster for God's sake. In fact, what makes most men aggressive is too much estrogen and low testosterone, which makes them unmotivated, passive, and irritable. Now that we have an idea of what testosterone does to the brain, let's take a look at what estrogen does to it. Estrogen is renowned as the main female hormone. John Gray presents in his book, Beyond Mars and Venus, the whole hormone dynamics that happen in a woman's menstrual cycle and how it changes her mood throughout the month. I won't delve into that here, I just want to skim the surface of how estrogen affects men's and women's lives. Disclaimer! I do not agree with Gray's points on gender and sexual orientation, he got that part wrong. But I also know that almost nobody has the complete picture of this complex topic I raised here. It needs an eclectic approach. If I mention his work, it does not mean I completely agree with all he says. This is how you do good research, you triple check the information, you reject what is flawed, and take only what is good. Dismissing a teacher just because he or she is not 100% right is a trap, almost nobody is 100% right when doing such sharp statements. I'll quote a note I took from his book which says like this: "A life purpose, appreciation and the feeling that people need them for their competence increase men's testosterone which makes them endure unimaginable stress and they'll do it with pleasure, but when they lack these feelings, they lose steam and testosterone levels decrease. Both sexes lower testosterone and increase adrenaline and cortisol when they encounter a lot of stress. If they are in touch with their authenticity, men tend to do actions which increase testosterone to get rid of stress. At the same time, women tend to choose activities that increase estrogen, and oxytocin."

 

When they have low stress levels and their hormones are in balance, men and women tend to act similarly, it is only when the imbalance happens that their differences become obvious. This is overly simplified so that we have a big picture, I know it can be confusing. Especially nowadays when women are becoming more independent and men are less masculine, we get the feeling that only looks make us different, that until your relationship goes to hell and you don't understand why. The science based evidence on how our biological sex and hormone dynamics correlates with our mood and stress moderation is bad. Mainly because we are bad at soft science and we cannot apply hard science very well here, there are so many "soft" variables that cannot be properly measured in order to "prove" this hormone dynamics theory. And this subject requires more tools, not just the scientific method. It is like trying to understand art with math equations. On top of this, in the west there is also a bias of getting rid of the biological differences in order to better understand gender. I've read somewhere that a neurophysiology professor from Lund University was denounced for being "anti-feminist" because he said that there are, on average, real biological differences in behavior between men and women. Academia has become an insult to real intellectuality in many fields. Sometimes academia feels like a cult to me, they feel superior, they have their complicated way of explaining things so it sounds smart and you can't point why. I see this happening in philosophy, science, gender studies... They need to humble down and get rid of that stupid complicated academicsplaining jargon, just because you sound smart does not mean you are smart. Some basic people come and turn all your academic ideas on their head, there is a chance you are wrong, keep that in mind. Glad that I chose a non-ambiguous and fun major which was physiotherapy and had intelligent wise professors. Anecdotal proof is also proof, millions of people resonated with John Gray's books. You might be turned off saying that these are just generalizations. Yes, you can use generalizations as a map that helps you understand life better. If you get that the map is not the territory, you'll be ok. If I make the generalization: "Men are taller than women", I also make it implicit that there are women who are taller than men so there is an overlap, the same when I talk about behavior and preferences.

 

I was rejected by two Swedes I met telling me "we don't click" just because I said I am studying this topic and writing an article. I usually don't tell about my self-improvement shit to new people I meet because they might not give a damn or get prejudged and misunderstood, but the subject came naturally somehow if I remember right. That was my welcome to the Swedish culture, thanks guys! Even Swedes had enough of these snowflakes who cannot accept divergent opinions, the right wing raises like a rocket. The Universe has a lovely way of punishing you for being an idiot in the end. Everyone who does not completely vibe with them is an enemy. Sometimes, right wing Swedes come to me for massage, they explode in frustrations when they realize they finally have someone who listens and understands them. You silenced them instead, they voted in silence, against you. Now just because of saying what I said now, some of these people might label me "right wing". How dare I understand and love the enemy? You can understand and love even the "enemy" dear adult child, I hope you will understand that one day.

 

Activities that disconnect you from your emotions and make you feel useful, competent and appreciated increase testosterone, like skillfully riding your motorcycle or discussing the last football match with your male friends in your man cave. Again, it is not black and white, I also heard of women who go into their male side when feeling stressed. I heard of a woman running 30 km a day during stressful periods. But in general, when a feminine woman is stressed and she is in close contact with her needs and intuition, she'll want to do activities that connect her with emotions and with people, activities that increase her estrogen and oxytocin. Like these so called "me time" activities, eating a tasty meal, reading a romantic novel, watching a love movie, or calling her best friend or therapist and telling her how she feels and what happened, getting validation. You'll wonder why men want to increase their testosterone and women their estrogen. Gray advocates that men need to go into their male side to be able to relax and get rid of stress whereas women need to get into their female side. Shortly, men feel good being men and women being women, the same as an introvert wanting to return to silence and an extrovert to his/her friends in order to recharge. I identify as a man and I know that the so-called "man" identity is a social construction, but it is a social construction that fits my biology, personality, looks preference, and hormone dynamics. We have these two genders not just because the oppressive patriarchy forces us to choose them, they also align with 95+ percent of us, we actually like to be like this. I love to be a  masculine man, most women love to be feminine women.

 

Relationships and Contrasts

Gray also talks about the actions that create contempt in relationships. Most commonly, the man is lazy and careless about his actions: not properly cleaning the house, not helping her with basic chores, not showing her enough attention and affection etc. The woman usually complains about the man's carelessness and gives him unsolicited advice that will lower his testosterone and make him even more careless, angry, and detached. How much better a world would we have if men would treat their women as well as they treat their cars and if women would talk to their men as nicely as they talk to their clients. This problem is so common that you can find jokes about it on the internet. I'll leave one here for you.

-My dear, for 34 years you have only been criticizing me!

-35 years my dear.

 

You might ask: what about gay relationships? Well, you have to have an open conversation with your partner and realize how your personalities and energies can blend together harmoniously. And beware of compatibility! If both of you have a strong masculine energy, it might not work. This applies to straight relationships also, sometimes it won't work, no matter what you do. That is due to personality and hormone dynamics incompatibility, or even trauma. Trying to change your partner in order to fit you is the most newbie mistake you can make.

 

Everybody has his or her male and female side. In progressive countries like Scandinavia, we see a lot of women tapping into their male sides by getting into leadership roles and stressful positions that crave a lot of competence. That is great news. Finally, women can fully embrace both their energies, not just the female side by taking care of the children and being provided for, but in some cases it can lead to burnouts and depression. Even in Scandinavia, the work environment is still stressful and competitive, especially in high paying jobs and people still work their ass off in order to travel and get a nicer house or car, not as socialistic as you imagined. If your man isn't properly helping you, you always have to tell him what to do as if he is your child, then you end up worse than in a traditional relationship. Not just that you keep in check the house, food, and the children, now you need to earn money too. When women are not secure in their female side, they cope by giving and sacrificing themselves till they get exhausted and sick. Vulnerability and asking for help, asking not complaining and criticizing, is key in this situation and swinging from sick leave to a job that you hate just to "keep up with men" is not a long term solution. It is not ethical to your colleagues and managers who don't do that and have to deal with replacing you all the time. The welfare state compensates for the lack of support you feel in life. There is no shame in choosing a lower paying job or working less just because you want to feel better, happiness is money.

 

I am a relatively masculine man but I still prefer happiness over some high paying corporate job or working all day competing with workaholics, but if my family would need more money, I'll make it happen. A real man would love to do the hard work for you as long as he sees that you and the children are happy. He'll bring the money, he'll do the house chores, anything for a family who deserves it. Men would even risk their lives for a good cause and you stay there and count to bring home the same amount of money. This is why it is crucially important for you as a masculine man to have a strong purpose, everything will become bearable if you have a passion and something meaningful to fight for. It doesn't mean you have to become a millionaire entrepreneur, it can be simply working what you love and supporting your beautiful family. Forget about that elitist bullshit of becoming a top business tycoon, you can be a self-employed programmer, coach, trainer, bike mechanic, massage therapist, barber, plumber, construction worker, electrician, whatever… You just have to love what you do and do it for a reason. I am probably biased here because I like that my work is not dependent on a lot of colleagues or a big team but if you like corporations, so be it. The masculine grows by challenge, purpose, appreciation, and duty. The feminine grows by support, nurture, care, and praise. We don't care about splitting everything 50/50, we care to see our women and children happy and to appreciate our efforts, and in that case we will move mountains for them. One magic thing though: appreciation, understanding, and non-criticism. If you don't do so, your man is gone, he might also go on sick-leave in this case.

 

Fun fact: I remember when I was a horny virgin adolescent full of testosterone and riding my BMX bike in the skate park, I was completely done after a full day of riding but when my crush came to watch us ride, my energy went to full in an instant and performed again like a peacock in front of his potential mate.

 

You might say: "He does not take good care of me and I have to beg him to help me around the house all the time and I don't criticize". That is because nobody taught him how to be a man, he is a boy. A real man is a leader, he organizes stuff, he understands the needs of his woman, he is full of testosterone and energy due to his life purpose and feeling of duty. As Teal Swan says in her teachings: "healthy masculine men feel the need to "contain" their women, which means to provide and offer safety without constraints and oppression." Still think all this is bullshit? Just take a look at the young guys in first world countries, I never ever seen so many unmotivated and passive men. "The system is rigged so they give up". Give me a break, you can create a successful small business even in Iraq. Don't blame the system so you have an excuse to watch porn and play video-games all day, there are tons of opportunities if you open your eyes.

 

We are mainly attracted romantically to qualities opposite to ours, if you are a more masculine woman, you might find the feminine men more attractive. Only you can find who you really are. Ask yourself why you don't need support from a man in your life. Because you analyzed it closely and you know for sure this is you? Or is it because you were socialized into that by your progressive friends and mother? Is it because you want to prove something to yourself and others? Is it because the men in your life were worthless and you were forced into it? Or just because you were treated or still treated badly by men and now you create a shield as a trauma response?

 

The different ways men and women behave and respond to stress are very important, especially in relationships. If your man comes home stressed and wants to go take a beer with his buddies let him go instead of continuously asking him what went wrong. He does not want to speak to you because he wants to detach from what happened until he replenishes his testosterone and feels better. If your woman comes back home sad and stressed on the other hand, ignoring her will not help, because in contrast with what you used to do when stressed, she wants to connect with her emotions and have someone to support her. And the way you as a man solve this kind of situation is a bit different from how women do, she won't need solutions and advice at the moment, she only wants emotional support and understanding. You can be "Mr. fix it" another time. If we do not get these critical differences the relationship can suffer.

 

The masculine-feminine polarity is what makes it a romantic relationship, the contrasts between us make it exciting and romantic. Otherwise, we will be just two friends who have sex occasionally. A healthy long term romantic relationship can remain healthy only if both partners have an understanding of all these things, either they are smart enough to intuit them or they learn them. One more tip for improving your relationship is to find your own and your partner's love language, there are mainly 5: physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Read Gary Chapman's book for a deeper dive. Common interests, romance, and polarity will make you commit to one person, not just sex and looks. There will always be a hotter girl or a bigger cock somewhere else. It is not just about the looks, the behavior makes you who you are, you perform the gender. Think about how cool a well made MMORPG game is, how equal in power but at the same time how different the mage is from the warrior. The same with men and women, we are equal but not the same. In this kind of games, the strongest pair team is a team formed by two very different characters, usually one who screws the enemies while the other one supports him with healing. Why should we erase this beautiful difference between us that will make us stick to each other like a magnet?

 

Sex and attraction

Of course, we need to talk about sex. There is an extremely obvious contrast here. A man can get aroused by simply seeing a beautiful woman, whereas a woman needs to get to know the man, and feel secure and intimate with him before getting aroused. She actually needs to make a bond with the man and feel safe, she wants emotional stimulation and safety first. This is what many men don't realize and get surprised when their women don't want to have sex on command. Because for men, having sex is like taking a piss. There is a huge underground sex market for men. Because women are not so interested only in the act of sex, at least those mature women in whom I am interested, they want a whole emotional experience. This is very important, many guys who struggle with dating are getting sour on life because they feel that women have it much better, that they can get sex much easier. Yes she can get sex whenever she wants, but she doesn't value the act of sex as much as you do, she values finding a quality guy who is willing to commit only to her, and that might be very hard to find. And the main cause of you not getting laid is not the feminists or your looks, it is because you don't socialize enough and stay all day in your room watching porn and playing video-games. Back to sex. Women who deny their female side can have trouble having quality sex. If you always penetrate the world at work and at home, how would you be able to receive your man's penetration? You'll resist it. So many women have this submission to dominance fetish because at least in bed they want to feel the taste of masculinity if not somewhere else. If we look at the animal kingdom we see that the right to sex is not given at birth, males need to fight for it and the female will choose to mate with the strongest male which will ensure the highest survival chance for her cubs. Most of us are not wild animals anymore but this dynamic still expresses in us to some extent. Feminine women tend to not care so much for beauty, more about the survival abilities and social status the man has in society, so that he'll ensure the kids survival while they can relax in their feminine side. Masculine men are so attracted to the genetics and physical beauty and less about the survival abilities of the women, because they are the ones who will mainly take care of survival, they just need to be sure the kids will have the best genetic baggage. Maybe women will value men's beauty more in the future, when society becomes less dangerous, competitive and stressful. It will make logical sense, but our biology will not change overnight, we will still somewhat be driven by feelings and instincts that drove us millennia ago.

 

What are the main things women want from men? Emotional stimulation, charisma, initiative, security, high status, boldness, confidence, affection, support, and beauty but as secondary to all previous. What are the main things men want from women? Beauty, sexual diversity and availability, companionship, appreciation, and a sense that she needs his help in her life. Imagine you have these two energies inside you: masculinity and femininity. Masculine and feminine are not gendered, they are archetypes, energies.

 

Femininity vs. Masculinity and Excesses

Forget about gender and sex for a minute. What would be the masculine characteristics? Action, groundedness, focus, assertiveness, individualism, penetration, ambition, courage, logic, cognition, strategy, detachment, duty, purpose, competitiveness, enduring hardhsips. How about the feminine ones? Beauty, sense of belonging, interdependence, intuition, feeling, receiving, vulnerability, sensitivity, nurturing, creativity, flexibility, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, rest. The ultimate distinction would be that masculinity would rather hurt feelings in order to tell the truth, and femininity would rather hide the truth in order not to hurt feelings.

 

Especially progressive women are scared of the word "interdependence". They want to be independent, but you see, we all depend on something. In general, women want to depend on other people and estrogen-increasing activities, men tend to depend on things and testosterone-increasing activities to make them happier. Just look how dependent your man is on his beer buddies that disconnect him from emotions, video-games, football, or his car. Or in my case, dependence on learning and figuring out stuff, I love it. Have you noticed how men always want to figure out stuff and create models?

 

If these energies are in balance, you will behave in a calibrated way, when you swing too much towards one energy and ignore the other, problems appear. What does excess of masculinity look like? Well, toxic masculinity. An unsocial, over-competitive, unemphatic, selfish person who has a robot-like behavior and sees everything else as objects to be exploited. An overly masculine society would be an autocratic, mafia structured, overly-hierarchical, every man for himself, law of the jungle, libertarian hellhole where if you're not tough, you'll be basically used as a slave, killed or starved to death. Children will be traumatized by the beatings and non-permissive parenting, they will grow up hating their parents and eventually rebelling. Women will be treated horribly because they don't fit the revered "tough and strong" vibe. The country will have a high chance to go to war because they will see the smallest threat as a call to war. Society will eventually become more feminine as more and more people get educated. With education and affluence, comes empathy and compassion.

 

What would excess femininity look like? An over-emphatic, over-indulgent, overly-collectivistic person, emphatical to most people except the perpetrators and "wrong doers". What Does an overly feminine society look like? A partially democratic, socialistic, overtaxing welfare state, non-hierarchical feelingcracy. The resources will be shared equally and you'll be all good so long as you don't say or do something which will raise feelings of you hurting or offending others, or try to rise above the rest and control people in some way. In that case you'll be seen as a cancer and will be canceled, reduced to nobody. Some children can grow up soft, vulnerable, immature, undisciplined and with emotional problems because of overprotective parenting. You cannot protect them forever, teenage years will hit them like a train if they are not ready for it. The society will lack innovation and a full freedom of expression. There will be endless talks in political and philosophical circles on what is ok and what is not ok to do. There will be indecision, lack of action, and fear of "being wrong". The army will be weak and underfunded and God forbid if some country decides to invade them. The law enforcement and authorities will be weak and permissive, the borders will be almost completely open and unenforced. The crimminal gangs will move into the country because they see them as an oportunity to be exploited. The masculine part of society will eventually revolt because they cannot express their real personalities and will have enough of all the crimminals wreaking havoc, the overly feminine government will eventually be overthrown and the energies will balance.

 

An overly feminine person will get burned out because she only looks for the needs of others and disregards her own needs. Many women get abused and exploited in relationships by selfish toxic men and forgive them all the time by backwards rationalization. What they should do instead is to connect with their male side and decide to end the relationship for good, to heal their female side by taking care of their own needs and forgiving those who hurt them, raise their standards, and find better men. Be careful about your childhood trauma though, my mother had a bad relationship with her father, he was dominating her all the time. That made my mother vow to take care of everything by herself and marry a docile man. She ended up regretting the choice she made. She had to literally do everything as my father was mostly passive and absent. Women love to be vulnerable and be led and provided to by a competent loving man. They hate when they are always forced to go into their male side and come up with solutions, figure out stuff, and fend for themselves because their men are lazy and incompetent. Now think about how many women are in this situation, living 20-30 years in the same house with such worthless men, no doubt why they get fed up and become passive-aggressive and depressed. You don't have to fear masculine men, you need to find one who embraces his feminine side also, they are pretty rare though. Better alone otherwise.

 

The problem with most men is that they either have the attractive masculine vibe but they are "old fashion", domineering, closed-minded, and macho-like; or on the other hand they are too soft, unattractive, unmotivated, and emasculated. The nice guy vs. asshole dichotomy. A wise blend between these two characters is preferred but if you like being feminine as a man, cool. There are women who like more feminine men. Just make sure this is really you and not only a coping strategy or a mask. Eckhart Tolle is a feminine man, and he knows his shit, one of the wisest people alive. To be more like a man you have to be more like a woman. The problem with the macho old-school man is that he creates a shadow from his female side and only channels his masculine energy outwards, he should focus it inwards instead, fighting his own fears and inner enemies. If he would do that he would realize that he is playing a "tough guy" role in order to mask his insecurities and traumas. The masculine energy is immensely potent in curing trauma, but at the same time it also can prevent you from seeing it. Being a man means to be yourself as you are regardless of what people think of that, to be an unshakable pillar in the middle of a storm. Playing the role of the "tough guy" is probably not authentic to you, you do it because you don't really trust yourself.

 

You might ask why did the universe make us in this way? I see it as a survival specialization, we lived in tribes for millions of years. The universe specialized women in keeping the social cohesion of the tribe, gathering plants and fruits, and taking care of children, because children need love and empathy more than anything else. Men specialized in hunting, exploring, defending the territory and competing with other males for the most appreciated females. Ensuring safety and providing resources, actions which require more detachment, courage, a desire to figure out stuff through strategic logical thinking. Imagine the women being beautiful pearls and the men being the shells protecting them so as they can express their love, beauty, vulnerability and creativity. Now that can be a reason why women vote for welfare states these days, because they feel unsafe in this men-dominated capitalist madness.

 

Masculine people metaphorically ejaculate into society, they impregnate it with ideas and technology, the feminine part of society decides which "sperm" is of the most quality and rejects the harmful "sperm" (bad ideas and unregulated tech). Without femininity, all that technological progress will do more bad than good. Nuclear technology will do more harm than good if we use it to nuke each other or destroy the environment. In fact, the world is so broken today because there is too much toxic and too little healthy masculinity present. We need to become more feminine and emphatic in our approaches. We also have to be careful about the toxic femininity, which will try to filter out the very popular "bad ejaculators" by force and oppression. If a such person is popular then ask yourself why it is so. Maybe your society is not yet ready for so much empathy and compassion as you imagine. Another flavour of toxic femininity is naivity, I presented in the analogy with the feminine country, we are not all at the same level of development, there are crimminals who cannot wait to find a naive unexpereinced victim to exploit. Healthy femininity is pure love, love and understanding even for the oppressors and egomaniacs, but it is also realistic and understands that boundaries have to exist. The masculine and feminine were somewhat balanced in most tribes, but around 10 000 years ago we started to create "civilizations". In these civilizations the feminine energy was systematically suppressed. In the middle ages, women were belived to be lesser humans, less intelligent, deserving only to be ruled. It was taught that because of Eve, they lost the kingdom of heaven. It was taught that they have to constantly procreate because otherwise their "seed" will coagulate inside themselves and will make them fall ill. I didn't know how to react, to cry or to laugh. Fortunately we do not live with those dark mentalities here in the west anymore. After such a long time we finally begin to embrace our feminine side again and women are empowered. When the resources are scarce, the societies structure in a patriarchal way, because there is lots of competition for resources, but here in Scandinavia I see the society becoming more and more feminine because the resources are more abundant. The same thing we can observe in chimps and bonobos. Chimps have a patriarchal social structure due to the scarce environment in which they lived for thousands of years, bonobos on the other hand have a matriarchal social structure due to a frugivorous diet and the abundant environment. Our societies today are still overly-masculine all over the world, this is why there is a bias towards masculine qualities and women strive to acquire those qualities because in this way they ensure survival.

 

Further Political Problems and Solutions

It is great to see this powerful raise of feminine energy, but there are some excesses. The progressive liberals don't really understand masculinity and why most straight or even gay or transgender men need to learn about it and embrace it as part of their identity and personality. People watch the horrors of excess masculinity and get disgusted by it, and in an emotional reaction they label whole masculinity as bad. I totally understand, I am also put sometimes in an emotional righteous care bear state whenever I see how women are treated on the streets and in relationships and especially when I read human history, then I really get sick in the stomach. But with emotional reactions we don't solve the problem. We have to let ourselves cool down and think rationally what can be the solutions, criticizing and calling names won't really help, it just makes them angry. The leftists want to equalize everything in society, they have a hard time dealing with equal asymmetries, things can be equal even if they are different. And by the way, how can you call yourself egalitarian when you say that women would do better than men in many fields like politics or leadership? Double standards. My work here does not throw away the work of progressives and gender scientists, it just adds up what is missing. You read Judith Butler's books then you are in the air. Ok gender is a social construction, now what? What are we going to do? Telling your 7 or 8 years old children only that they can identify with whatever they want is just unwise. It is not that children cannot find who they are, it is that the adults don't have a good approach to teaching this and they themselves do not understand this stuff. I think the best approach would be to teach them that gender is a social construction, but also about masculinity and femininity, their biological sex differences, how the brain gets influenced by prenatal testosterone, hormone dynamics, and the correlation between all of this. Then they might have higher chances finding the perfect blend of energies and perfect gender identity for them. They need clear information that will help them decide, otherwise they will just do what is "cool" and copy each other without a clue of what they are doing. This is dangerous stuff, if you send your kids to hormone therapy without good investigation and patience till they understand how to find themselves, you can destroy their lives. This stuff has to be handled by serious experts not by brainless politicians and parents. And these ideas of gender neutral changing rooms make me laugh. If there will be only one changing room, you as a girl will have a bunch of creepy guys staring at you while changing clothes, then suddenly you'll admit that we are different, oh the irony. There has to be a limit to anything, it is great to be inclusive and open-minded but not so open-minded so as your brains are falling off. In the past it was cool to be a rocker or a punker, now it is cool to be a political activist. Fill your own buckets before filling other peoples buckets. "I don't know" is a powerful wise sentence! Much better than spitting some ideology you've heard from some blue haired leftist Karen. I don't care to prove conservatives wrong on this topic, that is easy and boring, there are lots of people who do that well already. My ideas show even how progressives get it wrong. And I don't want to sound superior, I just want to humble you down, your perspective is better than the conservative one but it is not perfect.

 

The society will become less sexist and patriarchal by simply spreading this information and those who are ready for it, will receive it. I dare to talk about this because I have over 13 years of serious personal development, this is my life purpose not just an interest. People just hear: "Masculinity is toxic". Ok but show me what healthy masculinity looks like. It is like me being an introvert and instead of accepting this part of me, I suppress it because everybody around me says that introversion is toxic, do you get it now? Many people now portray the perfect man as being some variant of Eckhart Tolle, namely an agreeable, calm, zen-like man. No! Eckhart Tolle is one type of a great man, for some men like me that is not authentic. When I was following Eckhart many years ago I forced myself to be like him because I believed he was the perfect man example. This is the big mistake that spiritual people make, they portray some spiritual guru as the one and only ideal for how a man should be. We are born different, we have different personalities, I had to accept my spicy way of being, I get excited and passionate about problems in society then tell them honestly and sharply, and sometimes in a more emotionally reactive manner. There are uncomfortable things that have to be said even if people get offended by them. That doesn't mean I invade Poland after, some emotional reaction in talks spices up things, makes it feel real and taken seriously.

 

This stuff has to be taught in schools, exactly like sexual education, so kids can understand themselves and become men, women or something else instead of remaining boys and girls their whole lives. When a wounded and suppressed demographic finally gets empowered, it tends to swing the pendulum all the way to the opposite extreme. Mothers who teach their sons only feminine qualities because they were wounded by toxic men. If we only teach feminine qualities to boys, they will become unmotivated, prone to addictions, unattractive, lonely and disconnected from who they are. And because of that imbalance they can become aggressive. You get what you fear for. We need to show our boys what real masculinity looks like not to throw it away. In regards to women, most of them are very intuitive and behave in a feminine way even if they don't know about this stuff. Some of them can exaggerate with this "strong independent woman" crap they get from the extreme left, but I perceive this to be a rare occurrence. Some women are constantly bossing others around, complaining and moaning about how unjust everything is, imposing to others their point of view and if they don't embrace it, they're calling them lazy, dumb, toxic, sexists, racists, homophobes, Nazis, privileged etc… It is mainly because for some reason they did not manage to mature emotionally or they met such low quality people in their lives that it accumulated and made them sour. Femininity is about daring to be vulnerable, delicate and ignoring the things you can't change. A mature woman knows that criticizing others, canceling them, or calling them names will not change their minds or actions, in fact it will have the opposite result. She has the courage to find and let a real man help her in life, she is a flower instead of a cactus. She dares to relax into her authentic vulnerable self, trusting that her man will not hurt her. This dynamic is exceptionally beautiful.

 

You might say: "There are no good men around". It is true that they are rare, because someone has to teach them this stuff, but do not generalize men based on your subjective experience. You do not attract what you want, you attract or get attracted to what you are. Think about this next time you reject or friend-zone someone or when a man disappears from your life after a few nights with you. What can you offer more than just sex? Easy to criticize others. Even the most commitment phobic man will eventually want to commit to a woman in the end when and if he realizes that sex is empty and will not make him fulfilled. But to the woman who he really feels happy with. Forgiving the men who hurt you is the only way to liberate yourself.

 

Where I feel we as a society need to really become better at is taking care of our health. A healthy beautiful physical aspect is important for a woman, but our sick society makes them overweight, stressed, insecure, and unhealthy. Wherever you look you see unhealthy food and everybody eats it, which breaks my heart to be honest (check my article about how to take care of your health if you had enough of all the bullshit health information on the internet). A woman can develop her male side very well and she can take care of herself and kids without any help, like a female mamma tiger or mamma bear. But we never lived like bears and tigers, we are social animals and love being like that. Why struggle with all that when there are men who would absolutely love to help you? If all women will get on this mamma bear path, what will happen to men? Some people wanted to do a study on how porn influences men's psyche but they did not find enough guys who don't do porn for the control group. Pornhub is the 4th most visited website in the world. We already have a loneliness crisis among men especially since the rise of social media and dating apps where women have by far the upper hand. Young men are gaming all day and doing nothing with their lives because they wake up in their 20s unprepared for life and they just give up. Angry, lonely men following toxic role models like Andrew Tate. You cannot cancel these people, you throw them out the window and they come back out the door, they are popular because there is something wrong with society. Why do so many young men follow these kinds of people? Because they are those who at least pretend to understand their suffering, the rest of society tells them somewhere between the lines of: "Dude you live in a male dominated society and you are a white man, what do you want more?". Well they want more, they want to find who they are and why they suffer, they want someone to understand their suffering, you cannot hug yourself. This is the thing that those feminazis don't understand. EVERYBODY needs love, not just the victims. Even the perpetrators are suffering, this is why they do what they do, mainly because nobody listened to their suffering, now or in their childhood. The most life-threatening thing for men under 45 in the first world is suicide, it is themselves. And the most dangerous people for others in a society are men who feel misunderstood, lost, lonely, and depressed. In a democracy everybody should believe whatever they want, but I agree that some influencers are so toxic that they need to be kicked out of all platforms. The same way we don't let people take a shit in the city square.

 

Afterword

We are approaching the end of this material, reflect a bit on the way I wrote all of this. This is a healthy masculine energy. Courage to challenge the common beliefs but still tamed enough to be desirable and sound. A blend between ambition, discipline, competence, logic, courage, and empathy. I encourage you to do the same in your search for meaning and answers, theory is very important. If you don't have your theory right, you won't know how to act and whom to believe. My masculine personality of detaching from silly group-think and pursuing my own journey of figuring out how the world works saved my life. But I see how important it is to balance it with femininity, to help and connect with others instead of judging them for their intellectual laziness. Try to find the right feminine-masculine blend, the one that fits your hormone dynamics, physical aspect preferences, sexual orientation, gender identity, and personality. Most probably you'll fit your biological sex gender like I do, but even if you need to find another gender that fits better, it is fine as long you know what you are doing. I hope this was helpful, if you want to deepen your knowledge on this topic, check the books listed in references. 

 

References:

 

Ridley, M. (1994). The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature. Macmillan Publishing Co, Inc

 

Deida, D. (1997). The Way of the Superior Man: A Man’s Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire. Austin, Texas: Plexus.

 

Waal, F. B. M. de (2006). Our inner ape: A leading primatologist explains why we are who we are. New York: Riverhead Books

 

Auyeung, B., Baron-Cohen, S., Ashwin, E., Knickmeyer, R., Taylor, K., Hackett, G., & Hines, M. (2009). Fetal Testosterone Predicts Sexually Differentiated Childhood Behavior in Girls and in Boys. Psychological Science, 20(2), 144–148.

URL: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2778233/

 

Gray, J. (2020). Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills for Today’s Complex World. BenBella Books.

 

Tolle. E. (2023). Why Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energy is ESSENTIAL. Youtube.

URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIa-WABHOMY&ab_channel=EckhartTolle

 

Smith, J. D., & Johnson, A. B. (2023). The Extreme Male Brain Theory: Evidence and Implications. Journal of Neuroscience and Psychology, 15(3), 123-135.