Fountainbleu

@Razard86?

I took part in a wachuma (san pedro cactus) ceremony while traveling in Latin America. It was a very powerful and intense ceremony. For context, partaking in the ceremony was a group of eastern europeans and someone from North America. Once I started to really feel the medicines effects I started to feel the energies of some of the people there were infiltrating mine. I started to get paranoid thoughts. One of the space holders for the ceremony, a younger guy, when I asked for help he seemed to get energized by my distress rather than helping me. The main shaman, who I silently called upon for assistance, seemed unresponsive to my apparent inner turmoil. Then later we took a walk out into some sacred ruins and the facilitator said we were going to make prayers at this sacred temple where supposedly the first humans were born. At this point I was feeling pretty paranoid. The people I felt were infiltrating my energy kept looking at me and laughing that felt dark. I felt they were the grey's aliens and infiltrating my mind when I was about to go into the temple to make these very important prayers. I thought they were changing the future of humanity by messing with me. I thought I was paving the way for humanity through my prayers. Even though I had these fears I went into the temple with my best intentions and made prayers of gratitude, peace, love, and joy, for myself and humanity. I was in the temple for a while and when I came out only the shaman was there. The others went on a hike. Still feeling fear, I asked the shaman what he thought about those people and he said they were "bad people". I felt more fear when he shared this but didn't want to say they were bad people so stayed quite. When I asked him again what he meant they were bad people (still feeling fear) he seemed to get upset. Like I disappointed him. Then he asked me what my profession was. I currently not sure of my purpose/aligning with highest excitement (in between jobs) and in that state didn't feel called to answer a question about work. I asked him why he wanted to know and he said to connect. I answered I work in love. He seemed to be really disappointed by my answer. At that moment I felt this curandero, a seer, was creating realities based off my fears. I thought I was doomed and the next morning my life was going to be changed. Things spirled 'down' after that. The rest of the night I was experiencing a lot of fear and thought I was being psyhychly attacked by these people. I was afraid to go to sleep that night thinking I was going to wake up into a new reality. Since the ceremony life has been great actually. I've grown a lot since it and expericing more joy and harmony. I know to focus on the now, but an aspect of me fears there's a parallel version of me expericing this reality the Russians and shaman brought onto me. And the me now actually is a new me that shifted into a new reality.

Feel really called to share this amazing, beautiful late 70's gentleman living off grid on a beautiful mountain property in north carolina. It's amazing what he's done. He's looking to start a community to live on the property. Text book green with maybe some yellow.

Thank you. I get you but reading it it kind of feels like wishful thinking. How about the whole parallel reality thing?

I recently went to a festival where I took about ⅓ LSD the first night, and a couple of hours later microdosed mushrooms throughout the night. The first night I had a profound experience listening to a DJ/show. I for the first time ever experienced what I think is no-self? It’s like I was watching the show but didn’t see my body (nose/face/feet..), it was just like a screen of the show. The next day I continued microdosing mushrooms and later at night smoked some cannabis. Then it happened. I saw everyone as if it was me. I was like what’s the point of even talking to you if you are me. It started to get pretty intense. I started to comb through every little detail in my life and saw it was all me. I felt very alone. I saw a picture of Jesus and said it was me. I started thinking about the dinosaurs and all the history we were taught and thought it was me. Then I started to think of my parents and siblings and thought it was me. All my negative emotions were me. I started to question all my beliefs and wondering if anything was real because it was made up by me. Even stuff learned here on actualized. Eckhart Tolle, Buddha, why should I even listen to their teachings if it’s all me? Then I started wondering wtf!? If all this is made up then wtf is going on and wtf am I, wtf is all this? The universe, the “void”, “enlightment”, is all this made up? Wtf is real? I became obsessed with it. Everywhere I walked and everyone I ran into I kept walking away because I said it’s all me. Even things that comforted me like taking a shower and going to sleep was just me. What’s the point? Nothing made sense. I thought I was losing it and I didn’t know how I was going to function in the world. Some of my housemates were in the kitchen and I was like there they go playing their role, so typical, it felt like a movie set or something. The more I started to ignore these people the more they were seemingly trying to get my attention. Like they didn’t want to stop existing. Like in the movie the Truman show at the end when people started taking desperate measures to keep his attention because they still wanted to exist. What happened to me? Was this a non-dual experience? Did I experience oneness for the first time? Should I not take any psychedelics or smoke cannabis (I get really deep when I smoke and start deconstructing everything) for a while? All I could think about was Adyashantis title the end of your world, that’s what it felt like to me. When I was taking a shower I thought if all this is made up I can live till whatever age I want and manifest any reality in the world that I want. I thought that I could immediately imagine myself in a 5 star hotel taking a pampered bath. This feeling persisted the next day (although not as intense) but the following day I had a bad night of sleep and when I woke up it went away. Back to my old self. What happened to me please? Any help and guidance would be greatly appreciated. Much love y’all

Thanks everyone @Serotoninluv I hear you about your State of mind changing depending on where you are... @DrewNows I know what you mean

So I have ADD (attention deficit disorder) up the ass and it really helps me to concentrate on something when I have to work. However, it's been 4 days since I've taken it and my nerves are still paying the price for it. I also feel a bit of dissassociation, I'm here but my mind is elsewhere. I take a low dose of 50 mg, 3 times a week. Is it worth it?

@Serotoninluv whaddya think do the side effects outweigh the benefits in my case?

@Serotoninluv thanks for responding. I'm definitely hyper sensitive to all stimulants. Can't even drink green tea honestly

@7thLetter I hear you. I'm in the same boat. Although it's often said you need to fix your inside first before the outside gets better; or your outter is a reflection of your inner... so it's kinda like a catch 22. *Check out this angel number that came to me today in the attached image. Getting these angel messages ALL THE FRICKIN TIME. And yes i feel the same about 5MEODMT. I'm trying to get my financial straighten out but I'm afraid I just won't care after doing it.

Hi, why do you say the 5-Meo-DMT ceremony comes after getting your financial situation handled? Just curious...

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time now that has me distraught. I’m originally from the U.S and am living in Latin America at the moment. I have some some pretty unconscious family members here, an uncle, his wife, and their children/my cousins. Just to give you an idea, we had other family come visit from the states for several weeks and they didn’t even go see them once, just because they were trump supporters. Sorry, but I don’t know how you can put someone’s political affiliation in front of the love of your family. Not only that, but they pretty much also avoid almost everyone else in the family. For example, my uncles wife, doesn’t talk to her dad, sister, or brother anymore, my cousins don’t talk to their cousins (on both sides of the family) and 1 of their aunts and uncles anymore, my uncle pretty much doesn’t have any relationship with his other brother (a grudge he holds against him since childhood) or sister, and they barely don’t talk or go see my grandma anymore (my uncles mom). Just to be fair, my aunt for example, was traumatized badly as a child and now in her old age is a nervous wreck, so it’s hard to be around her because she’s always snapping at people. Also my grandma can be quite negative. My family in subject, are kinda spiritual people, so maybe they make it a point to be careful with who they mix their energy with? Dunno, just one of my rationalizations for trying to figure out why they are like this, if so, I think at the level they do it is just plain inhumane. Then one of my cousins from family in subject is an extreme feminist and spreading hate for men (like we don’t already have enough separation in this world already), and she has contaminated her other siblings and parents. Mind you, I live in a pretty unconscious country, so many of these things are symptoms of the collective here, that has endured constant political and economical changes, since forever, causing mass hysteria. As I’ve mentioned before, I had a brain injury in the past, and experience a lot of anxiety now, although much better than before. So I suppose I make some people uncomfortable sometimes (shallow people?). I grew up with family in subject and used to be really close to them, but they basically avoid me now too, and it really hurts. My cousins, who are near my age, have never contacted me to do something since I’ve been here, and they take a long time to answer my texts or just never answer them. My uncle also never contacts me. I just think how I would be, if I had a family member in pain I would do anything I could to help them, or at least be a good host since I'm new to living in their country. Also, to tell the whole truth, I upset one day told another cousin of mine that family in subject are like a bunch of cold, emotionless fish, which they might have found out about. If so, they might be holding a grudge against me? If that’s the case, grudges and resentment are unconscious, things need to be brought to light and talked about, not something to hold a grudge about and stay pissed at for the rest of your life. Should I confront my family in subject about this? I’m really conflicted about what to do. They are good people but obviously very identified with the ego. My uncles wife told me once quite a while ago that she’s working on becoming more humane, obviously implying that she’s inhumane, but I haven’t seen any significant changes yet. I feel she’s the cause of all this. She’s like the yoko ono of my family, breaking us all apart. I remember since growing up she randomly judging and criticizing members of my family, and my uncle is not such a strong person, so he just listens to everything she says and goes along with it. My options are, write an email to my dad explaining to him all this (my uncle looks up to him), but then again my dad isn’t so communicative either and might just get pissed at me, speak directly with my uncle telling him all this, but he’s also not that communicative, which might make matters worse, or bite my tongue and wait until I go back home to the states, which could be like another (long) year. Sorry to drop you guys with all this drama, but this is something that hurts my inner most being, my soul and heart, affecting my day in day out for a long time now; their unconsciousness makes me cringe, and I don't know what to do. I would really appreciate any feedback.

woow some very nice comments, i'll get back to ya'll later tonight when i'm done with work Many thxss

@David Hammond what @playdoh said. I'm not saying I'm enlightened or anything, but I I'm less identified with my ego than said family members.

@Pouya Thanks, I'm not awakened but more than them ! @molosku Thanks! @Pouya @molosku In regards to them not contacting me, do you think also not bring that up? If not, I don't see how our relationship can improve.

Really need your help guys. So this is something I've been debating with on and off for over a year now. Just a quick back story. A while ago I had a car accident and sustained a severe brain injury and ended up in coma for a few hours. Let's just say tough times pursued after that. I experienced neuro fatigue, severe anxiety, insomnia, personality changes, among other mood disturbances. My life had fallen apart. Broken relationships with all my friends and family, and not being able to hold a steady job. Thankfully I've within the last year actually started to do things to heal my brain (& emotional traumas ) that pharmacology couldn't do (for many years I was on an anti depressant, that all the doctors I saw prescribed me when I told them I had a TBI). I did an Ayahuasca retreat followed by a couple of San Pedro ceremonies, silent meditation retreat, became spiritual, hyperbaric oxygen therapy and I'm doing significantly better. I stopped taking the meds before doing the Aya and in the beginning it was so hard. But since coming off the meds I have become so conscious of life that I'm afraid if I get back on meds my consciousness will go back down while on them. HOWEVER, while I am more conscious off the meds it's hard for me to function in the material world without them. The anxiety is so bad it has made me a loner. When I do leave my place it's to go to the park by myself. I have trouble making eye contact with people, not really sure what that is about. I can't have conversations with people, nothing comes to mind to talk about. It's hard for me to concentrate on something because the anxiety has my mind racing and gives me scattered thoughts. On the meds, these things don't exist or are much more tolerable. I'm able to have a balanced life, something a spiritual teacher told me is necessary in the spiritual path. Wanted to know what you guys think, especially Leo since he's commented on one of my posts about my TBI so I'm curious to see what he thinks. All the doctors and psychologists that see me tell me I need to get back on my meds. My family that sees that I've improved so much lately says I don't need to. It just really hurts to not have friends or a social life, or a good job (not doing so well financially and I'm over 30, times ticking). I feel if I take meds for a temporary time, say maybe a year, I can concentrate on trying to start a business, make it profitable and go back to living a balanced life. Then when I have more money I can afford to do more treatments for my brain injury and mental health which will make me feel even better, which in turn can make my spiritual practice even stronger. I'm from the US and currently living abroad in a 3rd world country (consciousness level is really low here). I can then move back to the states, somewhere out in nature feeling comfortable, I can come off my meds and take full advantage of living a conscious life. What do you guys think? I'm honestly torn between the two... Would be greatly appreciative for any of your feedback.

@cetus56 thanksss ?

Anyone know when @Leo Gura gets back? I've started my medication again but can't feel my innerbody/pain-body anymore and thus feel so misguided now, like I lost my inner compass. Also feel low vibrational, kind of dirty, I'm cleaning all the time now with palo santo. I don't know if it's because I need to give the medication some more time or try a different one but I just feel so yucky all the time now. Although I do feel more relaxed and at peace I just want the feeling of the medication to go away. Would like to know what he thinks ? TIA

@Nahm Thanks Nahm! I will give those techniques a try, seem interesting!

@Enlightenment just something for anxiety...

@Highest thankss :))

@Breathe thank you ?

@Gabriel Antonio @Gabriel Antonio ??

@cetus56 yes I know neurofeedback, along with HBOT they are the best treatments out for TBI! It's my next move ?

@daniel695 thanks Daniel!! You too seem like a strong person ?