Knock

Maybe move onto the self-acceptance sentence stems next. They are just as good as the self responsibility ones.

There is none left. The smartest intellectuals became smart enough to realise life is a cosmic joke and hence became playful and lighthearted instead

@Soulbass nice work, and congrats on the speedy recovery!

Nice find @CreamCat I am interested in hearing the practical results from this method. Do you mind sharing how you have raised your standards and how it has helped create results in your life?

I agree with @DivineSoda . You shouldn't do nursing if you think it gives you freedom. You might not get the shifts you want, but instead what you are given, especially if you are just starting out in the profession. Think nightshifts over the weekend, that leave you so exhausted you sleep half of day off the next day. Secondly, nursing is an emotionally exhaustive job. You are dealing with people at their worst, they are in pain, so they lash out at everything and everyone, which 9/10 is you, the nurse. They will call you names, scream, complain, etc. You have to realise that the healthiest and most sane people don't go to the hospital, it is usually the ones which have poor mental health, lonely, lack proper coping mechanisms, lacking decency/respect, etc. Thirdly, you have to deal with peoples shit, literally. You have to wash people, deal with gaping wounds that patients keep picking at, and many more 'gross' stuff. The worst are the patients with Alzheimers that are perpetually confused and don't even communicate that they have shit the bed or pissed their pants. Not to paint a bleak picture, but nursing is a really tough job and you really have to love what you are doing to stay at it. You will be burnt out and exhausted most days, but the fulfilment in what you do makes it all worth it in the end.

I decided to write a more generalised guide for those who share the common misinterpretations of sexual abundance that I often see online. Sorry OP if I jumped the gun and this doesn't apply to you, but I hope it may resonate with some others if that is the case. Sexual Abundance - The common misconceptions and how to overcome them. If you think sexual abundance means being able to pick up any women, then you have to settle for being what most women want in a guy. Think typical masculine traits like confidence, money, assertiveness, good looks, etc. But trust me, this is a very poor goal and is not what you ultimately want. What you ultimately want is someone who you can connect with. Someone that shares the same values as you do. Obviously, this means you need to find your own values, if you haven’t done that already. If you don’t know that that means, I am happy to explain further. Secondly, through this screening process, this means that you immediately reject 90%+ of women who have different values to you. This is a good thing, you DO NOT want to waste time with them. Having this, you have conquered the #1 reason of unattractiveness; neediness. This moves you from the deficient mindset to the abundance mindset. When you know what you want, and you are not afraid to reject others to go after it, you become purposeful. You stand for something. You are not a people pleaser. And this makes you attractive. Girls like a purposeful man, someone who is confident in what he stands for, someone who knows his value and won’t bend the knee to anyone who will pay him attention. But you can only do that by coming from a place of self-worth. And more importantly, a self-worth that is based on meaningful values, and not on narcissism or pride. That is not to say that you blow anyone off who is talking to you that doesn’t fit your standards. Being respectful to another human being, even if you are not attracted to them, shows decency and mutual respect. Girls will show you the type of person they are when you talk to them. If you approach a girl and say “hi”, and she immediately blows you off, she has entitlement problems. The screen doing its job, you can move on knowing that you dodged a bullet. Now, you have conquered the inner game, how do you manifest it into reality? Well by obviously taking action and meeting girls. Your values will predicate where you will find the girls you want to attract. If you want to attract immodest girls, nightclubs are a great idea. If you value nature, join a bushwalking club. If you want to attract girls with humility and altruism, then join a volunteer group. But ultimately, I think the best way to find an attractive partner with similar values, is to just be your own man doing the things you love and putting yourself out there in the world. That is, to let-go of the need for a relationship, but still putting yourself out there for the occurrence to happen. Not because you need a girlfriend, but because you just love your life and love doing what you value.

@docs20 Great topic! This can be a loaded term, so here are some quick clarifying questions to establish some context: What does sexual abundance mean to you? Why do you want sexual abundance? What kind of women do you want to attract?

That sounds great, you have overcome the 'neediness' of having a relationship. This means you are no longer coming from a place of fear or deficiency, but from abundance and expression of love. In time, you will naturally grow to a place of wanting to give back. You will naturally want to find someone to share your abundance with, and they too with you. You are right, this can't be forced, but will come in its own time. Know that desperately trying to get your desires back will only emphasise your 'lack-of' mindset. Just like someone who desperately wants to be seen a beautiful, they will always have self-esteem problems. It's counter intuitive. As for the fear of being single for the rest of your life, realise that this is just your mind catastrophizing. Your still very young. Come back in 5-10 years and it might be a different situation, but for now, have no fear, keep doing what you love

@Hansu Great questions and your honest self-reflection is quite remarkable So true Emerald! In fact, you can could say the same thing about 'nice guys' and why they are fundamentally unattractive, but I guess this is the wrong part of the forum for that! I find I really enjoy talking to people with 'radical views', if they can back up their stance with understanding of both sides, but then chooses the one that resonates with their higher values. Those that I come across that always hold Centrist views are boring as they usually demostrate a lack of defined values (other than people pleasing).

@crab12+1 What you resist, persists. Most of social anxiety is making mountains out of molehills. I had someone recently say to me, "you must be very brave living by yourself", like it took some great amount of courage and overcoming internal struggles to do something like that. It didn't. In fact I didn't even think about it. But to them, it's scary and some big challenge to overcome. Same can be said with talking to people and socialising. Maybe not the best example, but I hope you get my point

Follow the 6 pillars of self esteem: essentially - Take fully responsibility for your life Accept that you are never perfect and love yourself Stick to your word and be congruent with what you say and what you do Have a long term vision that you want to work towards and take the necessary steps to get there everyday Be intentional with your actions Be highly assertive in what you want, never be afraid of asking. As a bonus, get rid of negative beliefs and disempowering labels. This is actually a very big topic, and there is a lot of nuance in what was said above. What specifically brought about this question? Is there something you want confidence towards?

@7thLetter My apologies, that was definitely projection. Your plan sounds more level-headed than most. As @Meditationdude said, having a 1 hour practice of meditation or yoga would be a great habit to keep, even if just purely for your personal development goals. My point still stands however, in that you must be very passionate about what you are doing to work long term in business. All the best

Yeah, I was thinking of just spending like 6-12 months, make a quick 6 figure passive income business/trading scheme, then go back to spirituality the year after and not have to worry about money ever again for the rest of my life. Sorry I am being facetious Despite what your Facebook news-feed says, or what hotshots make it out to be on online forums, 99.9% of people will not make it in business, if they come in with this attitude. There is no shortcuts in making a quick buck whilst dreaming of something else. You have got to have the mindset that you will stick in it for the long-run, through failure and set-backs and all the obstacles that come along the way. Without the long-range mindset, the passion, the desire, you will not be able to stick with it. My advice is to stick with what you love, then work backwards on how to make it happen. This is the long-range mindset you will need to make it work, that will drive you towards your goals. And only you know what that is.

Entrepreneurs providing products and services are the same. They are paid on what the client/market wants. If the clients don't want it, they won't pay for it. They are a "profit slave" (@7thLetter ) to their clients needs. The real advantage of running your own business is autonomy and (potentially) unlimited growth. The downside is the long working hours and stress. For most people, less working hours and less stress is the preferable option.

@Will Unpopular opinion incoming. We choose our abuse. Through the way we conduct and treat ourselves, we show others how to treat us. Offering handouts and helping others is great, if their appreciation is sincere and unconditional. If it is not, they are just using you. If you are unsure, try saying "NO" a few times. If they have no problem with that, then they love you unconditionally and are good friends. If they do have a problem with that, they you know that they don't love you for you, they love you for what you give them. I.e. they are leechers, the worst of friends. Those with high self-esteem don't stick around and get abused. They know they are better than that, and find better friends, because they are confident in their ability and know their self-worth.

@crab12 Really good post! A MUST read for anyone struggling socially.

I agree with @Shiva , there are a lot of great pro's in working a 9 to 5 job. Don't put so much pressure on yourself that you are affecting your health. A "wage slavery" job is great for a number of things. You get guaranteed money, lower stress, great training, learning opportunities and support, etc. After a few years, you would of gained great experience, and have enough capital for a large 'runway' or investment in your own business down the line. What kind of business are you thinking of creating?

@7thLetter 3 possibilities: Become more attractive Lower your standards Not worry about girlfriends for now, focus on you instead.

Indeed it does. That's why you shouldn't take mainstream media too seriously. It's just like trashy gossip. This perception is a great advantage now, as it's easy to impress interviewers, bosses, etc. It's easy to be seen high value amongst the perception of "entitled millennials".

Fully realized development transcends and includes. Going straight for the gold leaves holes in your growth. There is nothing wrong with pursuing sexual abundance. It is a very important stage of development. If you feel the need, go do it. It's not that it is incompatible with high consciousness, it's that with high consciousness you naturally begin to see through the facade of false happiness that pursing sex entails. Just like how you grow out of playing with legos and dolls, you will grow out of the obsession with pursuing sex. But it is very important that you come to this decision naturally, not out of any obligation of what you should do.

There has always been arrogant people. In the past they never had a platform (like social media), so you never saw it. Media does not reflect reality. You can have 1000 humble people, and 10 arrogant people, and all you will see are arrogant people on social media. You will wrongly conclude that everyone is arrogant, but in reality it is the opposite. Extremism sells, because it invokes emotion, and media is 99% extremism.

@Dumivid Well done, sounds like you are doing great and know the fundamentals well In terms of doing a pull-up, these are actually very hard to do for beginners and those that are on the larger side. To work up to it, I recommend doing lat pulldowns until your back muscles get really developed and strong. It sounds like you mostly working on the machines, correct? Ideally, you will want to move towards lifts with olympic bar such as deadlifts, squats and bench press, however I know that those exercises can be a bit intimidating. What I recommend is to hire a personal trainer for about 3 or 4 lessons, and get them to show you how to do the big lifts. This may cost you quite some money, but it will give you the confidence to really skyrocket your gains through heavy lifting, knowing that you will be injury free though being shown the right posture and technique. In saying that, I know not everyone has the money, and lifting on the machines can still contribute to amazing muscle growth, especially as a newbie. To exercise mindfully, I recommend to play some light music, make sure not to play any podcasts or intellectually stimulating media, as it detracts from being 'in the zone'. Even in between sets, try not to get distracted and be on your phone. Lastly, really focus on getting a good contraction in the focus muscle when you lift. For example when doing a seated row, really try and retract your scapula (shoulder blades), so that you are working your back more and less on your biceps. For cardio killing your growth, doing 20min on the treadmill won't affect it. Once you start running 6kms+ a day, then you will typically notice a reduction in your lifts due to fatigue. Until then, I wouldn't worry about it and would say that 20 minutes is great as it will compliment your stretching.

@Leo Gura Great points Leo, and ultimately true. I have a question for you Leo - What do you make of yourself going through a pick-up artist phase? Do you regret it? Are you glad you went through it?

@orpheos Don't worry about 'performing' during sex. It is all about letting go As mentioned above, your boyfriend may have some unrealistic expectations of what sex is supposed to be. Regardless, if your boyfriend loves you, he will want to work with you to make sex as comfortable and enjoyful for the both of you. This is a 'us vs it' issue, not a 'me vs you' one. Communication is key.

That is a good point @CreamCat , you show great discernment in your objections and are great at getting to the crux of the most important points! I guess I should elaborate better on what I meant, it is not the money necessarily that I am talking about. Incoming short novel below: Seekers do not choose to seek. They are chosen from events unbeknown to them. This is a gift. This is a privilege. Just as I didn't choose to be born in Australia. To be given the opportunities I have, the upbringing I did, is a privilege. To be alive in the 21st century, where I have rights and freedoms, opportunity and education. I did not choose this, it is a privilege. Now imagine if I was still born in Australia, but in a tribal indigenous community. My environment would be different, my community and influences would be different, my values and behaviour different. Note that the probability of me finding Actualized.org and discovering ways to personally and spiritually grow would of been abysmally low. And this would have nothing to do with a lack of trying and a lack of caring. How then, can I judge an indigenous man for having low consciousness? How can I judge others for caring about their own survival? Can a man born a millionaire judge those that are poor? We are the born millionaires here, not in money, but in our lifes path giving us this opportunity to expand our consciousness, and our minds being ready to accept the gift of the opportunity. Now is an incredible time to be alive. There is more opportunity than ever to raise our consciousness. But note, that one does not choose to raise their consciousness, life chooses it for them. The mind has to be ready. But the mind being ready does not come from a choice, from effort or lack of. It is a mixture of culture, environment, experiences, suffering, opportunity and a million other things, that renders the mind willing and having the means to seek. That is the privilege we all have here. We are the fortunate ones to be blessed to be bitten by the spirituality bug, and been given the ability to raise our awareness. Most people are not consciousness enough to have this capacity. Our job is to help them, so that one day, they too can fill up their cup and use it to fill up others. I agree that money is not the bottleneck, and that people create their own misery. It breaks my heart seeing the pit of suffering people spiral into. They just want what we all want, to survive and be happy. They are misguided, being lead down the wrong path, so they don't know any better and they are trying their best. If we too have been down that path, but then found a better way, the compassionate thing is to help them in the best way we can. And this is where wisdom and understanding comes in. Some times the best way may be tough love, which is a masculine form of compassion. Other times a more feminine approach may be necessary, depending on who you are dealing with. This is what separates a great teacher from the ordinary. A great teacher thinks beyond themselves and teaches at the students level, receptivity and understanding. An ordinary teacher just teachers how they would of teached their past self. (Note, this is how most teachers start off, often in a 'old self-hating' kind of way, which leads to self-hatred and anger instead of compassion and acceptance.) Regardless on how you choose to teach, it is important to note that the delivery is just as important as the message. If the student is feeling attacked, they will tense up and absorb nothing. This is why debates without mutual respect cause more harm then good. You learn best when you like the teacher and like the subject. You'll notice the best teachers are often the most admirable, because people like some aspect of them that they wish to have in themselves. Hope that clarifies more than it confuses