Aquarius

Omg Leo saw my post *explodes* <333 Ok sorry. *cough cough* Soooo, yeah I agree, it's not that I am wrong or he is, just different values. And an answer to your question, maybe I just love this shoe. Idk. It's my favourite shoe. I sense some ego. Daaayyumm...

@MaxBlank Thanks, I actually wanted to delete this topic shortly after posting it because I realised these things myself as well. I'm not even sure what I was asking myself with this post. I hope I didn't sound too bigoted. I guess I was just wondering if someone who doesn't even care about his life can be with someone who wants to eternally grow. But I should ask this from myself not other people...

Thanks for sharing this beautiful and inspiring song and that website with us (saved for later).

Basically your friends think that if they dislike someone that means everyone agrees with them and that their opinion is the most supreme truth. They have no idea about love, they sound like some superficial pricks. They are the ones you should feel sorry for. As for love, I always held the belief that one should love himself first before expecting love from others. The person with low self esteem CAN be loved, but he makes it hard for both parties, since he will always seek approval and validation and proof, and it's painful for the lover too to see his loved one suffer like that. Self-fulfilling prophecy in a nut-shell. Love is not conditional either. And yes, everyone can be loved. I mean look at Hitler, he has a huge fan base, when in fact he wouldn't even deserve it since he killed masses of people and stuff.

Ever since I was 14 I kept having this guilt about literally everything. Guilt about materialism, guilt about enjoying things, guilt about being sad sometimes, guilt about being happy sometimes. It's like every thought I have, anything I read, everything being told to me, it all triggers this guilt mechanism. It usually happens when someone says something I do not agree with, but they are more well-read than me or more experienced or it's something that I'm not ready for yet. Then I'm just harsh on myself and beat myself up, that why can't I be a "good" person in that area?. It basically paralyzes me in life. So much that sometimes I feel guilty to even brush my hair! (not literally, I still do maintain a healthy hygiene lol...) Now I'm 20, and I started self-help, studying Leo's videos, reading articles, butI keep having severe guilt trips and I don't know why??? Could it be black-white thinking or certain dogma? Moralistic thinking? How do I get to the core of this emotion? I'm sure there are unresolved things in there but it's unlike anything I've dealt with before. It's super hidden. If this helps, I used to be the most hardcore Christian when I was 14 but it only lasted 6 months, then I was totally atheistic (until finding nonduality), but this guilt behavior continued and still continues. What could it be? Also, it's not always present, it comes in "waves". That's why I can have great insights, give quality advice and function well, and I'm also quite healthy, both physically and mentally, but after a while it comes back. I am curious to know where am I mistaken when this problem is present? And how come it's not always present, just sometimes? What induces it? Thanks in advance!

I actually found someone talking about this exact issue on YouTube. Most of his ideas are centered around this. He's pretty underground tho, not a big channel.

@star ark You're right I didn't meditate on this yet. I will try. @SOUL Thanks!

@pluto I see it with my eyes too. Hecc, I even see it around me with closed eyes! I'm ok with them, not really my favourites. I tend to like blue and purple, not yellow and green. And my favourite colour is black.

@star ark Thanks but I know what meditation is, I do meditate. I am so conscious that I sometimes wonder if I even have a subconscious at all, I just have it all mapped out. I didn't steal anything, I was literally a saint my whole life, I know exactly where my guilt comes from, and it's the mechanism I described above. But yes, I might need to go back to that experience when I was 14. Thanks for your reply! @SOUL Interesting. But I wonder how could becoming religious when I was 14 increase this trigger so much that now I feel a MUST to search for that model! How do I let go?? Also wow, you're pretty good at understanding me, usually noone does. @sgn Hmm not quite undeservingness or low self-esteem, but definitely perfectionism/ruthlessness towards myself. It's not that I feel I don't deserve love, I am more "mechanic" than that. As in, I think love, care, happiness are distractions or even bad and should be avoided, and that I should concentrate on doing the right thing no matter what even if it cost my life or well-being. Or something like that. But I don't know what is the thing I'm doing this sacrifices for, or why on Earth do I have such a radical thinking?? This is not me thinking this stuff, I'm not like this??? It doesnt feel right or true??? And I say I don't always think like this because this isn't like my real thoughts or what I would normally say. My authentic self wouldn't think like this, but for some reason I cannot let go of this internal struggle. It's like I'm searching for the Truth, but in a way where I'm asking myself what do I need to give up? Almost like the truth meant giving up everything that's important to me. That's the kind of education I got from my family. That's what I grew up in. I don't know how else to think sometimes. I understand enlightenment concepts, yes, I had that moment when I was close to enlightenment, I felt the panic, like oh God, it's happening now, pls no... Then I distracted my ego because it was too scary. I know Truth is no-truth, and yes, I should meditate more on this, but honestly I'm not ready for it, nor do I want it, because I still have the feeling that "You must do this, it's the only important thing in the world.", and I don't like to be told what to do. I am content. Honestly if my whole house burned down I wouldn't blink an eye. That's how detached I am. Maybe I'm just confused a bit. I don't know. @Nahm I know I cannot know what exactly the other person thinks, although I'm pretty psychic I guess. I usually know people better than they know themselves. I know the past doesn't exist.

What if we never masturbate(d)? Is "nofap" (or rather no masturbation) for girls too? :3 Does it have the same good effects if we don't masturbate? Personally I feel like I'm quite sensitive, actually oversensitive down there because of no stimulation. I mean sure, if you masturbated your whole life then nofap is great, but think about the fact that you were once a fapper so you had that initial boost or whatever. Just my thoughts.

@Mighty Mouse Yeah, exactly.

@SOUL You are right. Thanks for your insights, I'll think about it! Religion has unfortunately taught me that I must meet the expectations of some higher authority/God/church/etc. And when I stopped being religious, I still kept searching for that model, that externally imposed set of values or belief systems, etc. It often comes in the form of a person I respect or an ideology. It's like I need some carved-in-stone principles to go by, or else... I don't know - else I might just be free. Haha. Yeah I think that's it.

Do you think aura colour is correlated to this? Just wondering because mine is green but sometimes yellow.

Life is too short for debates, arguing, fighting, and so on, and so on. You don't want to waste your time and energy with that. Know what you want in life, do it, and cut out the toxic people. Chances are they'll never listen to you. People only hear what they are ready to hear. Plus you don't need anyone to validate anything for you. Know that you are on the right track. Just do your thing and let them do their thing.

Me: I'm new so I don't know how much say I have in this, but I find it a good idea. Let's do it! ^^ My ego: Nooooooooooooooo

Wonderful lessons and great video, I subscribed!

In one his recent episodes, Leo talks about nihilism/meaninglessness. It's not the meaninglessness that makes you feel this way, but the fact that you label meaninglessness as something "bad" or "negative". Even Leo himself said that you can even become a professional baby killer (not to be taken seriously though) with his life purpose course, if you feel that way. Which means you are free to do what you want. Nothing is really bad or evil, and once you'll come to a point where you'll realise that there isn't really a difference between spiritual and the non-spiritual practices, it's all one! I mean name something that isn't spiritual? Life is sacred in itself and it's beautiful! Kinda difficult to grasp this concept though. even though I've come to this conclusion I still struggle to embody it. Watch Leo's video on things going full-circle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7COBxw71MM

1. What colour do your eyes have? They looked blue at first, but recently they seem to have turned into gray. I went fullscreen on a video, and I realised they are actually green?? Do they change colours perhaps? In any case, they're very beautiful and profound! 2. In your video, "The Dark Side of Meditation", you talk about side effects / unpleasant effects of meditation. What is the worst you experienced in your meditation journey? 3. If ego is unnecessary, why does it exist? Or rather, how did in come into existence? Some people claim it's even impossible to remove ego, but it's possible to heal it, so that it gives you the best support you need (I read this in an article somewhere). What are your thoughts on this?