Aquarius

I went through a maturization process but I vomited out all my subconscious shadow shiz and random music lyrics that could be easily misunderstood all over actualized forum when I had spiritual psychosis that was triggered by enlightenment this Christmas/New Year. I also had a hard time integrating red and orange, but I succeeded. Not saying this to brag, just a reassurance for people that worried for me. And now that I'm stable and embraced the shadow side I feel ashamed and misunderstood because everybody saw my dark side. Most people possibly think I'm an immoral person, but I just tried to be myself and to give the best I could. I tried to help, but I realized it wasn't helpful to write nonsensical stuff that could be easily misinterpreted. Please give advice on how to forgive myself for all the possible hurt I unintentionally caused with my words while I was in that state of mind. I assume the responsibility, but it hurts to look back at my old broken self that since then has gone through enormous healing. Thanks in advance. I write this post because I lack understanding from most people around me, even though I adore constructive criticism. And to compensate for your time and effort you put in readings this, here is something actually very motivational and lovely that I highly enjoyed and you might do too. It's something I live by nowadays and I'm so glad I found a quote that describes me so well. Enjoy! “ The Paradoxical Commandments People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.” ― Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council

What I do is active meditation. I listen to my favourite jam and I enter a state of trance while dancing. If I get a creative idea, I write a poem for a loved one. @CreamCat What do I eat if I'm gluten-intolerant?

Thank you... I.. I really needed that.

Gee thanks dude hugs to you. Yes, I regret those posts sometimes. Did shadow work, worked so well, getting therapy but it makes me depressed because things are being brought up and im having this psychosomatic vomiting reaction when I see something I don't like. I'm a girl btw, not a "he".

@Charlotte Never been allowed to feel anger, couldn't allow myself, I had to take care of my family. Never been allowed to think sexual thoughts, religious dogma. I'm a psychological mess. I feel guilty for being attracted to hot men, it's an irrational thought I know but but... I wanted to be a saint ok and I'm crying when typing this. Edit: I'm a heterosexual girl, for the newbies who didn't see my older posts lmao.

@Tal Thank you! Great idea, the journal one. I already meditate while doing cardio. I don't know if you saw my previous posts but I'm a Coral, if that helps you help me. Burning some sandalwood incense stick to clear my subconscious negativity right now. It brings up so many traumas, I pray I can release them in healthy ways. Maybe write my thoughts down on a piece of paper then analyze them when the anger is over. I've never been allowed to feel anger and I'm emotionally manipulated into feeling guilt for my healthy anger reactions.

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks, you're very kind for taking the time to write all of that, I love you a lot. Look at this: "Concluding and Integrating - a flowering of coral "Conflicts will diminish as our global, universal, spiritual, and cosmic awareness increase. By far the greatest contribution to peace an individual can make is to become a global, universal, and cosmic being." Robert Muller, A Planet of Hope, 1986 The only real problem our planet has is people. Luckily we are not all the same, despite being born equal in all meaningful respects. What we do after birth changes our not-so-blank slate into what we are today. If we are nasty then so will be our world, if we are nice then our world will be nice too. It is entirely up to us, so the optimistic focus in our quote is highly relevant and the sort of being Muller describes relates to our last 2nd tier vMeme, coral. Gaining this sort of enlightenment is of course not at all easy, there is no 'quick fix' to Godhood. But every little helps, and if we target our own improvement, then we can (as we say) "Free Our Wild Side" and become content with our lives. As we are all inter-connected, then this goodness in us will flow outwards and inspire goodness in others. Our world will thus become a better place. We have looked in this essay at how the view from Spiral Dynamics helps us to understand better our behaviours as a species, and of course from a complexity science point of view understanding ourselves as a 'system' is an essential step in working towards that better optimum, whether considered personally, as a local group, or globally. Here we recognise the importance of self-stabilizing attractors, both in their correspondence with the various types of vMemes and in their relevance to the problem of 'freeloaders' - selfish (red) elements that try to disrupt society and turn it 'bad' (e.g. promoting lies, hate, theft and bullying). An integrated society is better able to resist such pressures (a valid contribution of the purple vMeme), but further research is still needed if our science is to assist us in better understanding and minimising this problem (so widespread today). All vMemes have their positive and negative effects, and whilst we should not neglect the latter, we can also embrace the former, and this is the ultimate coral message." (Source: http://www.calresco.org/wp/spiral.htm ) I am already healthy. My friends and family call me a miracle. @brugluiz But... but society needs orange! It grounds... Those were from the DSM-5 btw. Nuff said. I talked with my therapist on the phone, she seems to be very green/yellow. Did not see her yet. She also understands my ironic jokes which is wow. She said I'm schizotypal because I told her I'm a catholic mystic. Oops lol, my bad.

@kieranperez Woah dude, don't lower your standard like that, look for a Turquoise one! Anyway, doesn't matter what stage she is at if she is a decent person you feel good with. How a woman acts depends a lot on how you treat her and others around you. I know this from experience, I mean, from observing myself. I only have experience with dating men, because I'm a heterosexual girl and most of my friends are also male so I don't really know much about other women. And I'm Coral and rarely resonate with others' lifestyle choices, but I respect everyone anyway. Here's a hug: *hug*. You will make it, you're a really strong individual, I saw your previous posts, you're very intelligent. You need to balance theory and practice. Also, let life happen, things will all fall into place. But look, you have to .... JUST DO IT, DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS AAAAAAAAA!!!! Helpful links: - really cool article from a dating expert: http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/how-to-date/ - again, expert psychologist advice: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love/201202/deeper-dating-the-three-steps-lead-love - a book that I enjoyed and helped me (even though I didn't finish reading it lmao): Models - by Mark Manson I hope this helps, good luck.

Great post! I went through these realizations when I was about 17-19 or so years old and it was indeed very liberating. I love watching you evolve, it makes me, the individual typing this, really proud of you. I used to regret going into enlightenment work and spirituality because of all the pain it caused, but right at this very moment in life I cannot be compared to the hot mess I was. So it was worth all the work in the end.

Update: I've been told by my new psychotherapist that I might have borderline and schizotypal traits. TRAITS!! Not the disorders themselves. I might just have sleep deprivation. I did some "research". (Actually nah, I clicked the first links I saw on google. Lolol. ) Borderline: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201112/borderline-personality-disorder-big-changes-in-the-dsm-5 Schizotypal: Schizotypal Personality Disorder Persons with Schizotypal Personality Disorder* are characterized by a pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal limitations. They experience acute discomfort in social settings and have a reduced capacity for close relationships. For these reasons they tend to be socially isolated, reserved, and distant. Unlike the Schizoid Personality Disorder, they also experience perceptual and cognitive distortions and/or eccentric behavior. These perceptual abnormalities may include noticing flashes of light no one else can see, or seeing objects or shadows in the corner of their eyes and then realizing that nothing is there. People with Schizotypal Personality Disorder have odd beliefs, for instance, they may believe they can read other people's thoughts, or that that their own thoughts have been stolen from their heads. These odd or superstitious beliefs and fantasies are inconsistent with cultural norms. Schizotypal Personality Disorder tends to be found more frequently in families where someone has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia; a severe mental disorder with the defining feature of psychosis (the loss of reality testing). There is some indication that these two distinct disorders share genetic commonalities (Coccaro & Siever, 2005).

Update: Problem solved, got the right medication. I corrected my sleep schedule by myself and I am slowly healing step by step. I love my new psychiatrist, she's very nice and I am already healing every day. Been inactive on the forum for a few days because busy with studying.

I second that. Ever since I got enlightened people are literally staring at me on the street with great awe. It helped me a lot in socializing.

@Water Try listening more than you talk (of course this isn't written in stone, just an advice). Try asking people questions about them and what they love to do and such and such. People love to talk about themselves and about what they love. And if you really are a full of love they will sense it and will gladly share their stories and conversations spark up out of sweet nothings. It doesn't always have to be complicated philosophy, just ask them about their day, how they are, tell them about your projects and talk with passion in your voice. That's all I know about people so far from experience. I hope it helps. p.s.: Look up active listening and non-violent communication. If you master those two skills, man, it will be so much easier to connect with anyone! @ajasatya Thanks, much love to you!

I don't think it matters where you are at in life, but most people outside of self-help communities (friends and lovers alike) are usually looking for someone to make them feel good. If you cannot provide that, they won't stay for too long, but it's not like it's your fault or theirs, because there is really no one to blame for being themselves. It's rare to find people nowadays that are caring and strong at the same time. It requires a level of maturity to be that way. And even people who are caring and strong can have hard times sometimes, because we are human and you cannot expect everyone to shower you with love all the time. If you feel good, you can spread that love and it will come back to you, and you will feel even better, and you will be able to give even more love, and then receive even more love back, and the cycle goes on and on. However, if you feel bad, it's not the smartest option to suppress anything, but why not try to invest that "negative" emotion into art? You will get more love and admiration in the long run from people who enjoy that type of art, if love and admiration is what you are looking for. Perhaps making a side-project, if that's not something you usually do (assuming you're an artist by your signature). From my experience, on the internet it can be very difficult to maintain relationships, and friendships even! I deleted all my internet friends from my Facebook and I only keep it for family and close friends and people whom I trust and know personally / whom I met face to face, like teachers from school. And I'm not visiting chat sites and dating sites anymore. I feel like this was the smartest choice of my life and I feel so much better since then. Internet addiction is a real thing! If you feel like you're not in the "right place" in life, invest more in yourself. It doesn't even have to cost you money, because there are so many great sites, like wikihow, openculture or guttenberg project, to name a few. You just have to do the work.

Woof!

Oh, alright. Thank you.

I tried masturbating yesterday night, only to see if I could ever feel arousal again. I kept getting orgasms on my own without masturbating so I realised something is not right, I thought maybe I was repressing something. It was possible to masturbate, from what I observed, and I did reach an orgasm. It was the same way as it used to be always, it was all fine, no extreme Kundalini and whatever. The insight I got right before falling asleep: I was in tears. I cried so much and so hard. I felt pain, but it was so liberating. Pain is liberation, liberation is pain. It was the same pain I felt after every sex I had with my ex, the same crying, the same tears. I never wanted to be successful with men, I only wanted 1 loyal partner who would love me. I made so many mistakes by trying to apply non-dual to dual. But after this experience I felt so human. It was hard to channel my Kundalini back into its place, but I'm fine now. I think going outside and dating people will be nice. Maybe it's what I need. Maybe it isn't. I will choose nice guys anyway, not "nice guys" and fuccbois. :3 I know how to be safe now. Everything is fine now. My family is supportive of me and helps me to fight withdrawal symptoms of medication that I'm NOT TAKING SINCE YESTERDAY BECAUSE I'M HALLUCINATING FROM IT IF I TAKE IT! I will heal soon. I'm an adult now. I hope you guys are supportive as well.

Screw that, I am all of them.

The Magician.

This post is the epitome of delusion and confusion and playing devil's advocate and pointing fingers. Look at it. Just look at it, EVERYONE. I hope we can all learn from it.

I suffer from insomnia and malnourishment. I never meant to be a judge or an actor, I'm not. I will try to speak in a way that everyone underdtands from now on. I'm not coding anything, I simply had things come up from subconscious. I have been molested by an occultist. I am a healer tho, and yes I'm fine, and yes he is fine, we are all family here not fighting anyone. No victim syndrome here. No savior-complex. Not trying to do anything. I am many things: healer, writer, meme creator, lowkey singer, artist, a mystic, astrologist... Please don't try to help. Help yourselves. If you need help I am here, but I had moments when I wanted to leave this forum because of certain individuals who called me a piece of shit. I really am suicidal but not because I lack dick or anything of that sort. I am in total peace of mind. I feel safe already. I had hard moments, but I just had delusions, shit happens. Taking medication is a really shitty experience. I am getting therapy and that's it. I am depressed.

Last words (9th of February 2018) My dear please, tell me Have I been important to you? Because you were for me I do reassure, you cut in my heart. I dared to believe your word When you said I am flawless: The most beautiful, the best, the smartest That there is no one cuter than me But you see, you left me now You don't have to hide your feelings You've been a coward, so you stayed in silence But now I see where you've been and what you've been doing What I give is never enough to you What I say is never plenty A thousand kisses like a thousand words: Neither are kind, neither are pure. This is the way we departed The prince and the princess Two fragile souls that matured Broken by each other.

For a dreamy guy (2th of July 2018) It took you a word To grab my attention It took you two weeks To earn my love It took you a month To make me a new person But it took you one moment To take all of this away from me So how much will it take Until I fill up the void you left?

There's always been suffering in the world, it's only natural. I assume you read too many news or watched too many politics. I honestly don't even watch tv anymore, nor do I read things that I know aren't beneficial for my mental well-being. I would definitely recommend getting your blood tested and visiting a dietetitian. It can only help. Or simply take multi-vitamin supplements twice a year. If you wish to reduce suffering in the world, get yourself together first. We can do small acts of kindness with great love, you don't have to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do you have genuine friends to talk with?