Aquarius

I wasn't saying "don't make love", I was just bringing awareness to an unpopular opinion. You guys do as you wish. Many are not aware that accidents happen even with the pill or the condom. Many used both, I read in facebook groups. If it's 1 in 1000, then in a city of 35,000 people there are 35 or more women getting pregnant, IF they used the condom properly, but some don't use it properly and then the rate is 80% or less. And personally I'd have abortion if it ever happened.. but I wouldn't know if my partner agreed. And it's very traumatizing for some women. Maybe I'd want a child in the future, but I'd feel guilty. And maybe I'd get miscarriages if the abortion hurt my organs. It's not so easy like, "meh im getting an abortion, nothing special". You can also die from abortion. It's true, you can use combinations of methods. Just be prepared with a plan for when an accident happens, if it happens. I never had accidents happen either, but I had missing periods which scared me really badly. Again, just bringing awareness. I don't mean to scare people into not having sex. I have sex with a condom only and I just hope nothing happens. *shrug* I'm not so scared of statistics, but I thought you guys needed to know more about what happens to some people.

Lmao.

@intotheblack @Preety_India Nono no don't try the fertile window method! It's unsafe because every fertile window is different! Every woman has it differently, some even have fertile window on their period, some right after period, others 10 days after period, others have irregular ovulation, you never know when you ovulate please be safe. Also precum can contain sperm. @Preety_India This is the best book on fertility that you can buy. Using the methods described is very tricky though and takes constant tracking of every little symptom, so I think you are better off with the pill. https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031 My aim is not to scare anyone though, so sorry if it seemed that way. The actual message of the video was to only engage in sexual activity when you have financial stability and a partner you can trust. Because accidents happen. Shit happens. I agree with @SgtPepper , the condom is safe if it's not broken. And if it's broken you just take a plan-B.

Every day I wake up and I think to myself what mess my life is. I wake up around 12-1pm, which means I sleep like freakin 15 hours. (!!!) I go and eat something, chill around the house, listen to music, watch some videos, maybe hop into the forum to see what's new, meet my boyfriend before he goes in for night shift, and I go to sleep early. I have no passion going on in my life, nothing seems interesting or worthy to work on. I procrastinated a lot with my art, and on my art course that I'm taking we learn different type of art than I usually work with, which further feeds my depression. I go to psychologist and together we are working on what should I do with my time and life. There is the option of going to work on a boring job, which, for me at least, would be a blessing because I never had a job and I'd probably be happy with it. Yes, I'd enjoy a job! On the other hand I'm kinda vulnerable to work stress because I'm recovering from my mental illness, so for a year (minimum) I could get pension salary for my sickness. Which would be a decent pay, not really becoming rich from that little money, but something that would help me calm myself meanwhile I work on my other projects that I enjoy, which later I could make into businesses. Idk I really suck at life though. Never really had a job and I'm 22 already. The other kids I hung out with are either finishing university or have a job by now, some of them in another better country. What should I do? Any other options for me? Does the pension salary plan seem like a good idea? I genuinely don't know if I'm able to work, at least not right now till im fully recovering. I could try getting a job but I wouldn't risk getting in hospital again. I mean meh, I already got used to those people there.. But still. Also trying a new job could be a success. I never tried working anywhere so maybe I'm actually a hard-worker individual just don't know it yet?

@Preety_India There are thousands of methods. You just have to research it. I heard the pill is even better than the condom.

Yes but in my current awareness I don't see all of these, I only see that I am on a chair and replying to you. I hear some sounds, see some images, that's all of my reality.

I don't know. I just became aware that everything that is real is within my experience, and there is nothing beyond that. And the one, "me", looking and experiencing the world, or seeing through my eyes, doesn't exist. Only experience is. It's all experience and no experiencer.

How? I'm really confused. Because I had awakenings where I became aware that I don't exist.

I was watching Leo's bonus content that he gives when you sign up to him. The Dreamkillers one, I really recommend it! So the first one was fear of failure. And well, I thought no way I'm immune to that. But I realised I wasn't getting anywhere in life because I tried things but later I quit because I felt like the whole thing didn't work out. So I took my YouTube channel and decided that I should create some content instead of just deleting it again. I failed already 2 times in the past in starting it, and I got a pretty decent start now. Okay, it's not perfect and it has too much woowoo and weird wording. It's not what I was trying to do. But I didn't give up and decided to just go with the flow and let me see where this thing leads me. So I created some new content recently, and it came out pretty decent. My voice might be a little sleepy because I recorded it at night. I felt like if my mind isn't sabotaging me because it's half asleep, it was more easy to just read the script I wrote. Enjoy.

@ajasatya I could use my time to enroll in courses, yes. Tons of art courses. And as @Preety_India said, I could get the pension and use it to pay for my courses. Since I am not able to work as of now. Learning from home, maybe from Udemy would be an option.

@SerpaeTetra Right. I had a part-time job to deliver newspapers and it was a mess. I didn't like it at all. The town I'm living in in certain areas is like a village, and I got attacked by dogs and got into scary places where I didn't even know where I am and I barely found the way back home because it was night by when I finished. And I even got fired because I delivered the newspaper elsewhere accidentally. It was a mess.. And I did the work of 2 people paid as for 1.. I don't know about other part-time jobs unless I would sell cosmetics, but who would buy? I have no friends or nearby women. The only options I have is factory work, cook's helper, bartender and supermarket worker. All full time.

You're really saying something with the micronutrients thing.. I bet I suck at those too and should get some bloodwork checked. I'm a very grateful individual by the way. I am grateful for many things, I just tend to be more severe with my expectation from myself. I don't expect much of others and I'm quite empathic no matter what, but with myself that's the way I work because if I am too forgiving of myself I would never take my life seriously. I'm starting to wake up to all the time I wasted that could have been used to do different things. Today, for example.. I spent time starting reading a book from Leo's success list from the book list and it motivated me enough to start drawing. The drawings were shit af but i didnt give up and I was happy I did start somewhere. I am grateful for my family for being this understanding and supporting my ideas. I am grateful for my boyfriend and how he sees me as The One. I am grateful I can eat every day and drink fresh water. I am grateful I was born healthy and can enjoy life like most people without disabilities (my respect goes out to the disabled too!). I am grateful for other luxuries like a laptop, a smartphone, Kindle bookreader and Wacom tablet. And many smaller things I notice every day. Maybe getting a job is not the most important thing in the world right now. I can get a job anytime. There are no part-time job options sadly, just full-time ones.

I don't even know what the basis of this crisis is. I just simply questioned all my beliefs and let go of my core beliefs or beliefs that didn't seem true to me, or seemed too shallow. I stopped believing in horoscopes, magick, the paranormal, even religion (cause I had some Christian stuff going on too..). I questioned everything and now I feel lost. Back then it was fun to study astrology or to learn about magick, read books about magick and magickal practices. The thing is, there's a big confusion in my head on where to go down, where my path leads me now that I let go of all those beliefs. I'm not saying paranormal cannot be real, I'm just saying everything can be real and I don't know what is most real. Because I see these young people talking about horoscopes and it makes me wonder.. what would the elders say, who were ancient secret keepers.? Isn't it all just a sham, a meaningless thing or a trend? The modern world seems to be full of trash. But yet, so many people are very creative and I love seeing their work on videos. I also feel my Christian upbringing fucked my head up quite a bit. That religion seems innocent, but it is full of dogma. Sorry to any christian believers here to say this, but I cannot make a real move in the real world of the 21st century when I'm in my christian mindset. Cannot make a move without being fearful that im being punished or something like that. I understand old ages needed that system, and there was a lot to learn from it, still is, but it just ruins my life. And it's really deeply seated in my subconscious, the christian thinking. I'm gonna have to question that too. With cards and horoscopes, I feel like they aren't always true. Sometimes I read something that is like 100% accurate and I wonder how, other times I am thinking such things can be true for everyone not just 1 zodiac. I was really happy when I made readings for people based on horoscope. But now im depressed because i dont really believe in it. I don't know what I believe in. Probably nothing. I'm always wondering how Leo keeps such a sharp mind after reading so many things and hearing so many stories from people on the site. What should I do? Just study thousands of perspectives? Watch hundreds of thousands of videos until I find a kernel of truth? Stay away from falling into one belief, just study people skeptically?

I do that too. I just look at someone and know their zodiac. Don't need to know them deeply. Even from photos I can tell. And I can tell other placements too. Like Moon or ASC. @Galyna It's indeed powerful to be in that place. I think that's the place I'm finding myself in. But for me it's scary. I'll just inuire deeper..@mmKay @Soullee Yes, I might need to read hundreds of books. @Nahm Godspeed! @EnlightenmentBlog I mean, I can get used to it.

Ohh I see.. right. I will try.

@IAmTheHolySpirit I'm wondering. If thoughts arise anyway, and feelings too, why not choose the best ones to fill my mind? Or just let go of all the delusion and create a good life with the best tools?

@IAmTheHolySpirit Yes. Thank you.

@IAmTheHolySpirit I found that silence to be non-nothing in one of my meditation sessions. Everything disappeared, even ego and there is was, pure emptiness and silence. I became aware of it the first time in my life. It was about a month ago. I was praying a lot back then, for other people and people in general including me. And I was shown that emptiness. I kept getting confused by good and bad. I never believed in good or bad, but deep inside in my subconscious I had it buried. It came up and I had to work through it. Like most traumas that come up. Beautiful read, thank you. Just what I needed. I don't think I have any questions, other than wanting to discuss it more deeply maybe with you. <3

You seem really wise. Sorry for misunderstanding your intentions. I will be more careful next time.

@IAmTheHolySpirit I'm sorry dude, I might have been a bit less understanding you did deserve. I'm trying to read it in a slower manner. It really does help, I was skeptic because you wrote the comment so fast. I actually feel honored that you wrote this first message to me today. Sorry to attack you on the other post, I meant no harm. Didn't expect you will be angry. So this first part of your message says, I am the source of Love. Yes, it's easier to let go of everything right now that I'm not really holding to anything. You say I am that higher force. Am I God? Or what is meant here?

Iteresting take on it, I actually interpreted it differenly. Now I see what it means. I didn't mean to attack you in any way, I'm grateful for your willing to help and share that long message with me, I will try and read it again more carefully. It's just confusing. I'm in a shitty place in my life. Thanks.

@IAmTheHolySpirit Yes, I might have delusions as of now. And I'm trying to find my way out of delusion and being lost. Mostly I'm lost because I'm young. I actually felt you didn't read my messages. I didn't say the message you copy-pasted to me was bad or anything, but it didn't really have anything to do with it. IT wasn't the solution to my problem. I would've appreciated a written text from you actually acknowledging me and my problems. Are you saying my problems are an illusion? So I should just stop believing I'm lost, then I'm found? The guidelines are against spam or stuff like that. I just recommended it you don't do it further because you can get kicked out. It was a friendly advice yet you take it as an attack. You can do as you wish, I don't have anything with you or against you. And if I disagree with something you wrote then I'm a troll? I read it through in a fast-paced manner and it had nothing that helped me. I'm sorry. I would've appreciated more empathy, sympathy than just you copying a pre-written text.

@charles1 Hi! I'm having the exact same problem. It's giving me an existential crisis. I don't wanna fall into traps or wormholes along the way but I'm really vulnerable. I used to have a set belief system, but now I'm all about open-mindedness cause I believe in nothing. I think to get a little bit of truth or perspective, you have to study all kinds of videos and books about many topics. Study something, then study the opposing view. You gained two perspectives this way. You'll feel closer to a subject than another, but that's just an emotional response. Maybe a passion coming up, but also maybe being manipulated into believing this. Religion, cults.. they do this, knowingly. I'm also kinda lost right now guys, so please any advice,? I'm following.

@IAmTheHolySpirit I recommend not copy pasting this message a thousand times because Leo doesn't like spam. Just write it in a blog post and attach it to your signature.. You could write a unique comment to everyone, not just spam people with a message you want to bring forth. You're not helping.

@IAmTheHolySpirit Thanks for the comment. I was expecting to see you reply. How did you write that so fast? Or did you just copy your essay to help me? I appreciate it though. You seem to bring more beliefs and more dogma to me. Would you tell the same to a Hindu or a Muslim? That Jesus will come and save them? I don't even believe in any presence or anything you talk about, I don't believe in anything. And it's frustrating. I gave up certain beliefs I held dear to me because I did so much with horoscope and tarot cards and now they are gone, because I don't trust them. Maybe I need a mentor of some sort, who knows well about cards and all those things. Or else I'm just skeptic about them working the way they intend to work. Christianity just makes me very depressed, it takes away all that I love. The same as skepticism, but this time with emotionally manipulating me into leaving everything because only then is God happy. Why can't I both believe in God and find happiness in the tools I use? Most people who use crystal work or healing work are very close to God. Same to people who do darker work. They are also close to God. Christianity is just a path. Exoteric rules are almost the opposite of their esoteric knowledge. Normal, outside folk aren't initiated into the secrets of the church. Just some things that were on my mind. Don't take offence please.