Lise

OK, it's done. I have a master's degree. And a job. Suddenly, I don't feel like the tiredness is weighing on me. What do I even feel now. I still feel like I need to deal with my fucked-up-ness. I still feel like there's something inside me, a true nature perhaps, that I can't quite reach. And I don't know how to reach it. But I know what I'm going to try.

Tomorrow I'm defending my master's thesis. I was thinking of working on my presentation today, but I haven't done so yet. Why? Because I actually couldn't give a fuck about the topic of my thesis. I made a big, big mistake in not creating my own thesis, but rather grinding away at something because it would look better solving an actual issue than doing something more creative but useless. But the creative and useless are more in line with what I'm actually interested in. Because I have sadness that will be with me probably for the rest of my life. Have I seen war? I still struggle with guilt for my emotions, because some think they are nothing. But for me, my experiences are deeply traumatic, and I have nightmares that send me right back when I think I've finally come to peace with what's happened to me. I struggle with life. The things in life which are supposed to be the most pure and innocent have, in my life, been muddled with violence and predatory sexual drives. I'm amazed at how far I've come, these things considered. But is life really supposed to be a pendulum between neutrality and sadness? Why do some girls manage to, despite being in similar conditions, attract care for themselves? I don't know how to get myself out of this. My soul is tired.

I feel like we agree @Jodistrict? Still kind of feel gaslighted about this topic by my society. Because of course the people for cancel culture don’t frame it as that they are cancelling or against freedom of speech. They just think «wrong» thoughts should be deplatformed (often with weak arguments for why). Do you think that that is self deception?

🙌

I don't know if anybody is debating here still, but I'm curious about this topic. Isn't the problem here what's propaganda? What are morally despicable arguments. I see all kinds of meanings taken as propaganda, and attempted cancelled. Like saying that Russia might have felt threatened by Nato, without justifying or defending the war against Ukraine. Should you be silenced for this opinion? Isn't this OK to mean? And if it's not OK to mean, is it productive to silence you, instead of answering why it is despicable by trying to explain? This is a huge topic today! Because in a society, lots of people have opinions that are incorrect. We hopefully live in a democracy, so these people can vote. If we are going to live in a democracy and not trust people to find out the truth in open and honest dialogue, meanings are not going to be questioned, and if meanings are not being questioned, and questioning is punished by cancelling, how are you supposed to know what's true and not? How can you know that the views aren't themselves propaganda? If you see this, I'd really appreciate a video (or blog post, I read you're response to the evil demon argument and you gave me a lot to think about) on this @Leo Gura. This is a big, divisive topic today, and I'm curious on a deep take from you on this. I disagreed with you a few days ago, and you shut me up, not by mere cancelling, but by explaining why I was wrong in your recent video. And I recognized that I was wrong. Would it be right to ban me? Because it seems like that's what most people think nowadays. But in this case, you're still allowed to vote when you're banned. Then, the argument could be that a democratic society is not the best society. But plenty of people are saying that they are for democracy, but not for freedom of speech, and isn't that a contradiction, as you end up with established truths not being able to be questioned, which is defeating the purpose of democracy? Edit: isn't it a problem that people can't distinguish Fox news from honest conservativism, and are using cancellation to silence both of these voices?

I just had the most terrifying nightmare of my life. The nightmare was this. It came to the knowledge of my university that I've been chatting about something about race theory, and gotten an answer confirming that some races was more superior than others. I think it was some debate on the actualized.org forum. (The wording was something like "because of the [...]" (insert some very questionable, brave new world sounding theory)). My supervisor came to me, showing me what I had done on his phone, and I tried to say that I don't mean that, and he had to see the context. I explained that I've been on a forum, and he immediately took it as I had been radicalized. I continue to try to explain, since there had been a big fight on actualized.org (like there was just now!), and that I didn't support the answer I got, I was just curious to explore the topic. I eventually managed him to let me explain, and he listens, before he heavily implies that he wants to have sex with me, if he is going to let this slide. I agree. Suddenly the time warps, and I'm transformed into the same room, but some minutes later. And I still get no understanding from my supervisor. I don't forget what happened later, but the situation continues to get worse. Nobody wants to listen to what I have to say, and finally I find two people (female vietnamese professors) that are willing to meet in a debate about the topic. Have I just been shown a glimpse into the world of somebody being cancelled? Their life and livelihood being taken away, because they meant something wrong. And maybe they were wrong, but it was not enough to admit it. They had to be punished harshly for it. And nothing you say mean anything, the mob is right, not you. Sorry is not enough. It's like in Severance, in the break room. “Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world. None may atone for my actions but me and only in me shall their stain live on. I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those with wizened hands. All I can be is sorry, and that is all I am.” Being a public speaker is certainly not something to be taken lightly. I feel I have committed a serious mistake, posting my meanings online. But at the same time there's something chilling about the reaction from the mob. Something I somehow think very similar to the Severance break room statement. Except that not even this statement is enough. What does this mean?

2025-03-29 I too am deluted Where should I start. The older I get, the more I realize how wrong I am. How two-faced and deluted I am. How I see the splinter in my brother's eye, but not the plank in my own. And I am not done realizing this. And I'm too dumb to realize it on my own. What am I feeling about my SJW friends. I've been too busy judging them, when who I really should have been judging is myself. Because didn't I do the exact same thing as they did, just at a higher plane. Or maybe I don't understand enough about this situation, and the depth of my own corruption. And that's ok. You live and you learn. The recent video has been the most important for me until now. I really need to think now. I'm scared.

Just watched the recent video. Touché.

God, Leo, we are your most devote followers. You've literally been Jesus to me. I'm being honest when I say that. But perhaps that's been dangerous? We have questions too, and of course nobody's right all the time. But I truly want to debate this, if that counts. I am aware of how lucky I am. God, I've lived in a psychological and physical abusive relationship for two years, and if I didn't live in a western society with female rights I would have been stuck in that hell for the rest of my life. But I didn't learn anything from that suffering. I learnt by understanding my patterns, and why I was doing what I did, because a friend told me. Is your opinion that suffering automatically leads to awakening? I'm genuinely curious, because if you don't give reasons for why, how can I trust the arguments? If we look away from this suffering thing: can you agree that "disagreeing proves you're underdeveloped" is such a self-sealing, closed logic argument? No reasoning can touch it. Claiming personal insight as universal law, and then punishing disagreement by claiming underdevelopment seems like blind faith, not truth. But perhaps sometimes the truth doesn't have a reason. Then that is the response to such an argument. But if truth lacks reason, how do you distinguish it from delusion? I feel like the point is still this: you need to form opinions by yourself. And in spiritual communities, there's such a "you don't understand" attitude. This attitude can be deeply threatening for critical thinking, and without critical thinking, how do we distinguish it from religious dogma? I'm not trying to attack you. I want to find out the truth too.

That's interesting. 2025-03-22 Because I've been slured I got into a pretty interesting bluesky debate. Got a lot of response, so perhaps I'll get more followers? Who knows. But fuck, I am justified in opposing the SJWs. Because by me doing it, I my self am a form of SJW. I fight for the rights of people to say that there's nuance. Suddenly, you should not ever invite somebody who says that there's nuance. The problem is that the SJWs don't see the nuance. They se a defence of the thing, and they gather up as a mob to take down the poor person. Then, they are like "I'm not doxxing, he put his house up for sale online, and I just shared it". It's disgusting the moral superiority they have, because they are witch hunters. And, I have a personal vendetta against them. Because it's happened that I've said something to bring up nuance, but gotten called transphobe, racist, biphobe, or such things because of it. That's why I hate them. And it's justified. Feel like Voltaire is on my side. Apparently, he couldn't stand morally superior people, and these people in his time was the inquisition. PS: These people have good sides too. I have bad sides as well. That's why I stay friends with them. And that's how it should be.

I've actually experienced losing access to God, because I've realized him both sober and on psychedelics. But I wouldn't describe it as suffering. Yes, it's a kind of "I lost something important" sensation, and perhaps I didn't realize him completely, so that's why I don't suffer, but perhaps this suffering is mostly Leo's own suffering? And you're kind of projecting it onto the others also following this truth-seeking path, in a slightly arrogant, hierarchical way? I also saw the last thread about Shodburrito leaving the platform, and I know you said enough, but this conversation is super foundational for the use of this platform! And it's clearly not resolved; why has nobody answered Shodburrito's very well-formulated arguments with actual arguments? I think Shodburrito has good points. That doesn't diminish the general teachings of actualized.org. But perhaps we all need to be more critical about the teachings, especially about suffering. And perhaps the power went a little to Leo's head, more than he'd like to admit. And yes, this forum is kind of littered with bullshit. But so are a lot of stage green environments. And every cloud has a silver lining. There's too much saint worship here. Did we fall into the trap of worshipping the golden calf? I think yes. And actions speak louder than words. PS: the golden calf was perhaps a bad comparison, but the idea is that perhaps following Moses or Jesus or Leo is something to be done more carefully. PPS: hold the ideas in high regard, not the person. PPPS: this forum at least allows you to have a good discussion. LUnlike twitter and bluesky. Just there's very few people that have replied in a way that actually address the issue. PPPPS: Maybe a little sandwich is good. I really appreciate Leo thinking through his videos, taking responsibility for his following. But maybe some of his teachings are influenced by him thinking he knows better. He still is not the most harmful in the self help field, and it's quite valuable that he tries to inform us about the fact that we are slaves, and things like that.

Are all of you cis, hetero men? Because perhaps the truth is this: as humans, it's natural to grab the most we can. We don't try to combat the privilege that benefits ourselves, and sometimes we think we're virtuous and combatting privilege when this again becomes a kind of way of having privilege. Sexual violence is a kind of grabbing the most you can while killing can be kind of selfless. And we're all guilty of trying to grab the most we can, in the sexual domain this is especially over represented by cis, hetero men, with all of the negging and the banality of rape. Damn, the end to which somebody can be oppressed so that another group can grab the most they can is almost limitless. And this is a part of the human nature residing in us all. When we all want to deny the ability in us for sexual violence, the truth is that it hits a nerve.

@Schizophonia What does that mean?

2025-03-20: Trying to get to the root of my social justice warrior hate I think social justice warriors are little demons. Who are they fighting against in Norway, a social justice warrior hegemony? Is it people like me, that just want to say what I mean without being told I have a phobia of some sort? They are fighting against FrP, but I am too. But I'm more moderate. And I recognize that there might be a point there. But for that, I am a transphobe, biphobe, racist. For questioning their established truths, I am a demon. For questioning if people really are that bi as they say they are, when all of their partners have been of the opposite sex, I am a biphobe. For questioning if they really are prepared to not have biological children, I am a biphobe. What established truths in me are they questioning? That there are more than two genders? I don't completely understand it, but I'm not against it. I just wanted to voice my concerns as a female, and for that, I am a transphobe. For just presenting my fear, my biological vulnerability as a naked female in a wardrobe, I am told this fear is not justified. Is this fear something to be questioned? It is basic survival. Is my survival being undermined by the transwomen? Actually, perhaps this is it. Because why would somebody want to be a woman. Men feel entitled to control me. To have sex with me. To be smarter than me. But this is not what being trans is about, if I've understood it correctly. But it is perhaps something that I'm mad at them about not recognizing. Perhaps it is because they are allowed access to the spaces that originally were intended for me, and I don't know if I can trust them. Because I've met transpeople that I can't trust. And different to other females, they are much stronger than me. What don't I like about social justice warriors: their symbolic protesting and instagram posts. Fuck off, why are you crusading something, perhaps you could actually do something about it, like becoming a leader somewhere and making real change. And sometimes, the causes they protest for doesn't even seem like good causes! Like boycotting McDonald's because they support Israel. They're just trying to earn money. They might pull out of Israel if you boycott them. But what would that solve? And why am I shamed for not agreeing on this? their fricking entitlement. They are the first to demonize the Trumpists. And the Trumpists are dumb, but they're not demons. It's the banality of evil. God, but perhaps I'm just too bad at defending myself. defund the police. The police have actually done a lot for me, even though the system side with the oppressors (in Norway), at least that's my experience as a woman. that I'm a fricking minority now. Yes, it is survival. But, as Leo, our Jesus, says, survival is the engine that runs civilization, so maybe it's legitimate to be sulky. am I really stage orange or blue for saying this? I feel like I'm not, but people always think they're right, so I guess I might be. Yes, I am evil too. I am deeply, deeply evil. Evil is banal, or perhaps Leo would say stupidity leads to evil. But at least I'm aware of it. All in all, I agree with woke people about several topics. But I think it sucks that I'm afraid to question things, and they make me afraid of questioning things. I feel gaslighted. Who's the delusional ones? Me or them?

I want to journal more. And I have a lot of opinions and feelings. And I've realized Leo is my Jesus. And I'm really embarrassed about it actually. That's why I don't have a profile photo. But whatever. I just want to be heard. I feel like nobody understands me, and I can't talk about my ideas with anyone. So I can put it out on the internet here, in a safe space, where nobody is going to come for me because of it. And I'm really afraid I'm genetically inferior because of one of the blog posts in Actualized.org. I hate that the mean girls are winning life while the bullied ones, like me, are (perhaps) losing. I'm trying my best. But I'm not great. I'm a lazy fuck, I'll admit. Because I'm not motivated by status or money anymore, which might be a little dysfunctional actually. And I'm deeply stuck in survival. As a multicultural, educated 25-year-old woman in Norway, a social justice warrior hegemony where I'm not only alienated by the right because I'm an immigrant, what they're fighting against, but also by the moralism of the left. And I'm trying to survive. I should be working on my master's thesis right now though. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist, and this is absolutely time well spent. I don't know. I feel like I'm the smartest, but so are the idiots. Fuck. At least my parents love me. That makes me cry a little. Welcome to my diary. PS: and I'm really confused about life and reality. But you got to work from where you're at. I guess it is what it is. Hope nobody reads this and realizes how dumb I am, but then, perhaps that would be a gift.