Sven

What's the difference between 5-MEO-DMT and DMT?

Do you also lucid dream?

Yes I have this too! Cool to hear Sometimes abstract "concepts" like infinity demonstrate itself visually in the most creative ways. For example an infinite regress type of dream

Don't let yourself dwell in the depression, it's like a snowball effect Also, there's plenty of people here who would be willing to skype if you'd like. Sharing your thoughts/feelings in this way might help Or speak to a licensed psychologist or the like. Speak to anyone you might feel can help. Another option all together is to go really really deep into what you are actually feeling. Meditate on the feeling. What is this feeling? This kinda stuff. Maybe there's a lesson to be had which you are resisting. Suffering comes through resistance

I'm not kidding and it's also starting to make me feel completely out of control in this matter. It's not just once in a while that there's a song stuck in my head. No, it's always. Every day. For example: I might go to work out and then cycle home, only to realize that the last song which was playing in the gym is playing in my head the entire time and even when i come home. I only became conscious of this now that I am meditating for about two months again. My path so far from my perspective is very rollercoaster-like. Had some great times but usually I try too hard to hold on to the peaceful days and then I get ego backlash. I often forget what I'm even doing at all in regards to this work. I googled for this stuff, but I hate the advice google offers. "Finish the song and then do a cognitive task" yeah great... But what if you always have a song running through your head? I like singing. So sometimes I even sing the songs. An example would be Wake me Up from Avicii (irony) which I have sung now for maybe a month daily. I'm not even that good at singing. These are options I am considering: 1 I've read on modafinil recently on the forum, perhaps this can be the trick. I don't know. 2 Starting a journal on this forum and keeping track of... well... I don't know what I am supposed to keep track of. I get lost in this stuff all the time. Thanks for reading. Just had to address this as it's definitely driving me mad.

Some Christian story says God left you in the wilderness so that, when you get back to your Father, it will be so much better to be with him than it was before. Imagine you lose your loved one (she went off or something) You're devastated, completely losing it and maybe thinking about ending it all. But then one day she comes back. Your unition feels unexplainably better. Now: times that a million- and that's what it would feel to really get back to God (Dont get mixed up about the christian terms, theyre just words)

@purerogue Yes and no. That all depends on your perspective Leo warned for this in his 10 oxes video: teachers might say "there is nothing to do, you are already enlightened" but that's only from their perspective

I am crying and I don't know how this is possible. I am totally feeling insane right now. I have trouble keeping myself together Okay so I was watching Black Mirror... I reall ly cant get myself to go in detail. Im shaking. Everything is just so beautiful and it is so heavy on me. Im so glad this forum exists.

@TheAvatarState because you have known yourself an infinite amount of time longer than you have not known yourself. We all pretend we don't know who we are. That's the game we're playing. It's just that, you and me, we're kinda tired with this game. We want out. So we do all this crazy stuff like standing on one foot for a prolonged amount of time to get back to ourselves and then, when we do realize the truth, it's like "are you serious. HOW DID I FORGET?" and then you can only laugh

@Nahm Haha *cough* what are you talking about Nahm? I see no way how this question relates to this topic. Absolutely ridiculous. It didn't seem to matter. It's like, this me at this exact moment is doing exactly what has to be done right now by some divine orchestra. Whether I feel like that's the case or not, that's not really the orchestra's problem. Only a problem of perspective. But no I don't know whether the past exists. It seems redundant of a question, because even if it did exist, so what? I guess we can learn from history... Definitely not sure about this, though if I were to say to a friend who starts talking about how nice of a girl he met and I say: "bro. listen. there's no past man. your girl does not exist! Unless she's in your arms at the moment you're speaking of her. Otherwise, she's just an illusion." He would probably say "You high?" and then I say "No, it's just the way it is. The present is all there is." Well... You know. I think this conversation would not be all that fun. I'd rather just go along with his story and nod and stuff, instead of going there

I don't listen to rock or metal music, but these lyrics gave me goosebumps! Awesome post

Well, definitely don't resist it (when you are alone, that is ...) As far as the 'I feel like a crazy person' part goes, you know, my mother has schizophrenia and psychosis. Yeah. So when I have these kinda thoughts back in my mind it's not just saying "bro you're going insane" it's also saying "this is it. you're gonna have a psychosis. your life is over." But I think there's a big difference between going crazy and contemplating yourself. You yourself know that - others don't... Which is why I said do it when you're alone Until you have fully tamed the ox, I suppose

@Shin Well I'm not sure what to say to that. I can say two things: A: This in't "it" - 100% what Leo says is true. there is so much to learn. I was speaking with @Hellspeed the other week and he said that he had had thousands of awakenings so far. Now that's something to write home about B: Tomorrow I'll feel like my regular ol' self again. But something, somewhere, I have made a step. Whether I'm conscious of it or not. And I will not stop this "pursuit" Okay now let's all get back to chopping wood and carrying water

My god Leo thank you so much for this forum what would I do now without this. I would not know who to call. I only have one IRL "spiritual" friend and it feels off to call someone randomly. @EvilAngel it was "Hang the DJ" @Shin That's so funny I can't even. But I guess you use Bentinho just as an example here right? Which is what makes it so funny to me- it could've been any teacher really

I now just return from a meditation in which memories arose from when I was a child. From when I was about 6 years old I used to play games like World of Warcraft or Toontown Online (a fun Disney game). The memories of the worlds I played (but felt more like I lived inside of) are of so much awe and joy. Everything was so new and so remarkably mysterious! I had to cry because of these memories quite intensely. Nowadays, "my life" is just so gray. Everything I do seems to be for some other purpose, or to achieve something I don't already have - like enlightenment. As I write this I feel tears coming again. I'm not completely sure why I write this all together. But since it was an emotional moment it does mean something to me. It's like sometimes all the searching feels a little silly. Feelings of wanting to improve the world, improve myself, help others or whatever. It's all so gray instead of just enjoying the moment. All in all, however, I'm glad for this realization as it's probably a sign I'm doing the right thing by meditating and trying to become less attached to my identity - also that I'm confronting my emotions. Something like that... Thanks for reading and have a great day!

@Nahm When did it happen... It's happening now... Yeah... But- there's the but again... But it can't be, right? Though I know it to be true - I've experienced it before. It was all so obvious then. I had laughed harder than I've ever laughed at my own delusions. Why is it not obvious now? But how can it not be obvious now and in a different now it was obvious - even though all now is now and there really is no different nows? How can that be? Seriously? @Shin I love motorcycles. I want one someday (when I am allowed to get a semi-heavy motorcycle license at age 21) Yes that's a great example. Fake Evidence Appearing Real is what I tell myself when I get scared by my own lucid dreams as well. I made all of this. I can confront it. It can't eat me alive because it is ME! And so this confrontation has to continue in my "waking" life. For me personally I think my dreams can work as a lever for this. But no- he of course does not look scared. "Resistance is futile". Thank you so far guys for helping me along this "train of thought" <3 this is why this forum exists I would say

Yes, if you were to make an imaginary linear line of these kind of topics popping up from now into the future - pretending to predict I suppose - you would see a future where stuff like Ayahuasca, DMT, Ketamine by all means, mushrooms and the like can be used to cure our worldwide suffering. I have never used ketamine, though. I've heard it can be very intense. Anything intense should be good, as it shakes you up real good and says to you "get out of your stupid habits and thought patterns!" Also, MAPS is doing great work for psychedelic research You can google them If in 20 years we are not on the right tracks, we're doomed most likely. Well- masses will be. Ultimately you can only help yourself

@Nahm You made me laugh Whatever I thought happened... Happened? And whatever I think is just that... A story I tell myself. A story I have started believing at some age: that stuff would be different. That stuff actually has to happen in a certain way instead of in another way? You know what's funny. When I was 9 years old I made a drawing under which I wrote "Made when I was 9". The thought behind this was as follows: "When I grow up - 18 years old specifically - finally I can really be myself. I will be steady in my being instead of all this being pushed around that happens now (by external factors I suppose). People will finally take me seriously instead of seeing me as "just a child". Yeah people take me seriously I guess... Not that fun, though @Shin But ... (uh oh) Fear! Plus I'm just way too stocked up on idea's and beliefs now. What would happen when I drop it all? Would I fall into a pit of never going back? This kinda stuff. Nasty, sticky stuff

Damn that's a powerful piece of text you just wrote! And what do you do then? Just laugh or just share love in any way? Or do you Just watch what happens if you sit back and let life live itself instead of trying to resist what is happening already? Or is it simpler... Nothing really changes? Only "your" "perspective"?

By realizing what actually happened instead of deluding yourself into believing stuff happened which never was real to begin with? Confronting fears which were built in the past - like an extreme fear for elevators for example - which are subconsciously or sometimes consciously hindering you in the present? Like psychotherapy

@NahmIntegrate the past and live the future out in the present? Is it necessary to integrate everything from the past which has not been integrated yet in order to fully embrace the present moment?

You could either try as already mentioned to let it just fall out of your mouth (... ) Or you could just swallow it without thinking about it too much. The "what am I doing wrong" is definitely not related much to to saliva, but rather to how you respond to it. We produce saliva throughout the day and swallow dozens of times during the day - yet you rarely notice it ever. Just like you breath all day long, but you - unless you practice this - never notice it. It could also be the way in which you engage in meditation. Do you have this much saliva building up during the rest of the day? Or just when meditation? In that case see what you are doing different when engaging in meditation. Maybe that can help. And definitely what @Truth Addict says! What is the reason you make a big deal out of it? It is the emotions building up which distract the meditation, it's your own perspective, not the saliva itself

Why do you want to retreat in this fashion? As others have already said above but I'll say again: this might not be about the retreat at all. What is this about? Like, really? And this kinda stuff a therapist could get into like @winterknight suggested

You're definitely going mad man. I would consult with a psychologist before it's too late!!

So it feels like it's improving your brain in the long-term rather than burning it out... Sounds good. It sounds really too good to be true still for me. But I did order armodafinil just today to try this out. It sure sounds like worth experimenting with. And if it turns out to not bring anything then I guess nothing's lost. Thanks for your post