molosku

My plan B exactly, if nothing happens in the next 10 years @Shin Its not readily available where I live, and currently I'm experimenting with other psychedelics which have a lot of wisdom to tap into. If you have some, do send it to my address

I really got to give credit to Rubert Spira for giving me a whole bunch of new ideas about what I probably should be doing. He speaks exactly about that: the mistransaltion of "atma-vicara"

(This is an I and me-friendly & "enlightenment is a happening"-friendly post) So I have been self inquiring for some time now, and Im slowly moving towards having a little sense of what the hell Im supposed to be doing/not doing, but Im a little confused about the subject mentioned on the title. Questioning the I and the self-concept and asking verbal questions like "what is the i, who am i, am i, what seperates me from this x object etc" seems to be an important part of the self-inquiry, differentiating it from just sitting or meditating (with a more or less blank mind), and really driving your mind towards this "doubtfull" , open minded "state" that opens the curtains of consciousness just a little bit. Then on the other hand, there is the "just being" aspect, which i can resonate with way more. I clearly recognize that i absolutely can NOT be any kind of mental image, sound or word, and I keep reminding myself about this whenever i notice that I drifted into monkey mind when self-inquiring. Rubert Spira very elegantly said something like "the highest meditation is just abiding in the self / resting the attention at the self / letting attention sink back at the heart" and it really makes sense to me, because I intellectually know that i already AM IT and there is nothing i can do with my mind to be more me as I already am: I already AM conscious and that is my true nature. He also said that what ever you focus your attention to, is an object of attention, therefore not you, and to realize the self the attention needs to "collapse" due to lack of objects to focus on. Makes sense i think. So my question is this: how to balance these two aspects? They both seem important, but its hard for me to see how asking questions could ever cause enlightenment, because it seems to me that what ever i could ask myself, is basically just noise, it would be the equivalent of chanting "my who aware I is consciousness are me my is myself..." etc. It has ultimately no meaning, no question to ask really. The "just being" _seems_ to be a more higher, purer form of self-inquiry. Everyones 5-cents is appreciated ps. I have once experienced a psychedelic enlightenment-type of state on moderate dose of LSD, where I entered a state where my awareness was floating in my body but I was not the body or the mind. In that state there were almost no thoughts, just awareness of awareness, so I have a small taste of what possibly could be and awakening experience. I entered this mystical state with no questions asked, just focusing on my direct experience and it suddenly happened, it lasted a couple of minutes but I did not feel enlightened afterwards, just more elevated than normal.