Flora1437

Hey Guys!

Hey everyone, So this might be a weird question, but I feel like there is more to it than meets the eye and maybe someone else is having this notion too. Recently I had this very serious frustration of being stuck as "me" even in my dreams. This experience made me remember being very frustrated about this when I was a child for a long time but forgetting about it growing up. A feeling of frustration and annoyance of why I am so stuck in this particular role even in dreams where I am breaking out of this reality and crazy stuff happens yet I am still me. Everything is always relating to this particular "persona". As if I cant shake it even when my mind is just imagining things and even then not being able to break out of it and experience being "someone or something else". But growing up I totally forgot about this question and just recently this notion came back to me. Did anyone else experience this? Did someone ever contemplate about this or find this odd? Or is it just me?

Hello everyone, I would like to hear your perspective on this self-inquiry experience. I am relatively new to the practice of self inquiry.(started around two weeks ago) This practice was not the exact way Leo describes it. So I would like to know what others think about of what I believe I found out. Spontaneously I was calming my mind and I was just listening to my heartbeats for a longer period of time. Then started questioning the experience. Asking myself. "Is this your heartbeat?" And the answer was, no this is not your heartbeat. But this "no" was not a forced answered at all. It seemed like the most true thing to me. Although of course for the mind it makes no sense to say this. I had to repeat this idea many times so that my mind can open to this possibility even. Then I asked myself "Is this a heart?".And the answer again was,no this is not a heart. I started focusing my attention to my body asking the same question whether this was a body but the answer was no. Then I shifted my attention to other objects (bed, chair, room...) and always the answer was "no". Then a very strange idea occurred to me. It occurred to me that all those "things" have in common is me. Myself. My attention on them. I realized that if "myself" was not to be reflected upon those things their real nature would be absolutely unknown to me. I would not know a single thing about anything without the Ego, because that is the only thing I have ever seen. Also I had an insight that the Ego is absolutely unnecessary. In fact its a made up thing. Unreal. Everything would still "be" without me being reflected upon them. Without "me" being in it. I also came to realize that with the "birth" of the mind(however it came to be),that labels everything around us, the birth of ego was inevitable. The only thing that causes separated forms of "being" in our experience is our mind. Our Ego. Of course my mind can not yet fully accept this truth. But strangely enough after the practice I felt a very slight sense of "unity" and peace inside me. Which did not last for long sadly. But it was remarkable compared to my normal state of being. Please tell me what you think. I would like to know what you think. Am I mislead by my mind still? I am so grateful this forum exists and people can share their opinions and experiences. Thank you