RickyFitts

Yep, you've pretty much nailed the human condition right there! I think of meditation as being, in its most basic sense, a willingness to stop and just be with ourselves without all the external stimulation that we usually use to distract ourselves - and it can be a real eye-opening experience to start to become conscious of just how much we've been suppressing. You need serious discipline and dedication to stick with it, it's little wonder to me that so many people give up pretty quickly. I think you've almost got to be at the end of your rope in some way to keep going (that's certainly how it was for me, at least).

Great analogy

That's very much how I saw it when I had my initial awakening about nine years back - the feeling that I'd had myself locked in a mental prison the whole time, and yet the cell door had been open the whole time. Weird thing was, I subsequently seemed to move from a minimum-security prison to Arkham Asylum

I think one of the most loving things you can do for yourself is to simply give yourself some attention - start by asking yourself, 'What am I feeling right now, in this moment?' Notice where you might be feeling tight and tense in your body, and allow those areas to relax and breathe. The majority of humans are holding an awful lot in without even realising it, simply because we've been so conditioned to do so from an early age, so a big part of spiritual development for me is to become conscious of this habit of holding, and to allow it to gradually relax. As we do that, repressed emotions might start to arise - that's okay too, that's completely normal and it's actually a sign of progress when it starts to happen, though it might not feel like a good thing. You just have to trust that those emotions will eventually pass, although you'll probably only believe it after they actually have passed.

This is good, I'll have to try this. I think it does ultimately come down to underlying intention, sometimes our intentions are good and we're just wanting to share some wisdom with others, but maybe at other times we're just looking for attention and/or validation. But even if that's the case, we can still utilise these moments when we have these urges by noticing what's going on inside us when they arise, being very present in our bodies and noticing exactly what we're feeling.

The hatred you're feeling towards your mother is what's known as a secondary or 'cover' emotion - we humans tend to get caught in such surface emotions (anger, resentment, hatred, bitterness, etc. - ie all forms of negativity), and we find it very difficult to feel the deeper, more vulnerable feelings of, for example, grief and hurt (this tends to be more difficult for men, I suspect). I've struggled to let go of such feelings myself; I've found that becoming more sensitive in the body and allowing it to relax and gradually release both the surface emotions, and also those deeper feelings that the surface emotions are unconsciously designed to keep at bay, is what's required. It can be a bumpy ride, but I think it's necessary to do that inner work in order to let go of the negativity you're feeling.

On the question of whether it's right to sleep with someone who's in a relationship with someone else, I think this is where it's helpful to put yourself in that person's shoes - how would you feel if you found out your partner had been sleeping with someone else behind your back? I imagine most of us would be in bits. And her saying 'It's not my problem'? Not being funny, but that is an appalling attitude to have - this girl sounds seriously messed up.

I've had issues with observing the breath in the past, too, I found that I was becoming neurotic about it which just made it a really frustrating practice. I eventually found it much more helpful to think of it more in terms of allowing the body to breathe, and not attempting to control or force the breath in any way.