RickyFitts

Someone on another forum referenced this essay about the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism (link to the wikipedia entry on the Four Noble Truths here, for anyone who's unfamiliar with the term) and I thought it was excellent, so just wanted to share here for anyone who's interested in Buddhism and/or the nature of suffering and how to go beyond it: http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/4nobltru.pdf

Very nicely said, @SOUL Seeking is an interesting subject - I remember there was a phase in my spiritual journey where it started to feel like it was less like I was running after something, and more like I was running away from something. These days I go by that line from Jesus: 'Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven, and all its righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you' - that's the right approach for me, to find the abundance that's your birth-right rather than to fall into the old familiar trap of thinking that if you just attain material success, then you'll be happy. Not that I'm saying that this is necessarily applicable to you, Ivan. What's your heart's desire?

It's completely understandable to me that you feel that way, you got used to having this person you love in your life and it's going to be a big adjustment for you - that's just very human, there's nothing wrong with that at all so don't give yourself a hard time about it Again, I completely get where you're coming from, I feel that way too sometimes - that might well stem from not getting your needs met when you were a child, so do try to have compassion for yourself rather than judging yourself for feeling a certain way. It's okay to be human

Yep, that's about the size of it

I can relate to this a lot, emotional upheaval in my personal life a few years back really helped me to see to what extent I was in resistance, and coming to terms with it wasn't easy. The thing that really helped me was just body-awareness and breathing mindfully, becoming very intimate with my visceral, felt experience. The first thing I'd notice, more often than not, was a physical holding, like I was unconsciously trying to keep some feeling at bay, and I'd have to allow that contraction to fall away. We humans are often so conditioned to repress certain emotions that we end up doing it unconsciously, and so the first step to releasing those repressed emotions is to become aware of the inner resistance we've built up against them - and it seems you are aware of it (you seem very self-aware in general), which is good. I think as much as anything you just need a willingness to sit with yourself and to allow the arising of emotions that can feel uncomfortable or painful, keep breathing through those emotions - scream if you need to, or have a good cry if that's what comes up. As a very wise person once said to me, 'The only way out is through'.

Thank you for sharing so articulately what helped you come to terms with your trauma, I've been there too so I know how hopeless things can seem when you're in great turmoil, but I can attest to the effectiveness of a lot of the suggestions you've made in this thread (stretching the body is a great one, boy did that help me when I was suffering with severe anxiety). You're one of the good guys, Ivan, I wish you only the best going forward, my friend

I think understanding exactly where the desire to be selfless is coming from on an emotional level is key - it sounds laudable, but if it's coming from a place of guilt, shame, or self-hatred, say, then it's coming from a wounded, dysfunctional place, and any subsequent selfless behaviour may simply be designed, unconsciously, to cover up those feelings.

They seem kind of empty and boring (and sad, really) to me, too, and I'm a guy. I can understand the appeal if you're a younger guy, but if you're in your thirties or older and still seeking that sort of hollow, short-lived gratification, you're emotionally-stunted.

Masturbation is a natural thing, after all, we're sexual beings so of course we're going to have these urges. What I would suggest is that if you feel like doing it, do it mindfully, really pay attention to how you're feeling. We can actually learn a lot about ourselves through sexual activity, we can see (for example) where we might be energetically blocked or holding back, or how certain feelings might also arise when we're in that state of arousal.

This is what's worked best for me personally, though journalling and expression are also excellent suggestions. The good thing about bringing attention to the breath is that doing so also brings attention into the body (it's the body that breathes, after all), and it's in the body, of course, that all our unresolved emotions and traumas are stored. That's not to say that it's necessarily easy, because there can be a lot of pain and discomfort in our bodies and it can be challenging to sit with that, but I've found in my own experience that it's definitely worth the effort. You do need to make a consistent practice of it though, because it can be a very gradual process (particularly if you have a lot of stored trauma, because it can take a while for the body to start to soften and release those patterns of tension).

It's an interesting question to consider. For me personally, what I truly seek is to be free of the discomfort, the sadness, the fear I feel, but it's my aversion to these feelings that keeps me in their grip. So I have no alternative but to face them, however painful or uncomfortable they might feel. It can be arduous work, but it's worth the effort

@blackchair I know, right?

In that case I bow to you, Mahatma @ivankiss

I can relate all too well, unfortunately! I think it's important to be patient with yourself, because all that anger that's been built up isn't going to dissipate overnight, our bodies hold on to so much and it can take a lot of time and effort to release these feelings from our dense physical forms. I've found in my own experience that consciously inhabiting the body and simply allowing the body to relax and breathe has been key to releasing these feelings - that's been the value of practices like breath meditation and yoga for me, because they bring attention into the body. That's not to say that it's all sunshine and rainbows, though, because there can be a lot of agitation and discomfort in the body, so there does need to be a willingness to allow the arising of feelings and sensations that feel uncomfortable or even painful, and to breathe through such feelings.

Reminds me of a Ram Dass quote: ' If you think you're enlightened, spend a week with your family' - he wasn't wrong

@ivankiss Awww

This, all day long! I'd rather bang my head against a brick wall for twenty minutes, it'd be less painful and frustrating.

@ivankiss Bit of a handful, was she?

I honestly don't think the world could handle another four years of Trump, I'm still slightly amazed that we survived the first term. I found the whole thing grimly fascinating, the man was transparently a cretin and yet there were lots of people who seemed to think he was the Second Coming (I mean, people calling him the GEOTUS [God-Emperor of The United States], what's that about ffs?). There's an exercise in pissing into the wind if ever I heard one, you'd have more chance explaining quantum mechanics to a golden retriever.

Great tip, @thombee, I thought you explained it really well

I'm loving this - another Pink Floyd song's coming to mind as I read your post: 'Shine On You Crazy Diamond'

Could it be worthwhile for you to take a break from work for a period and focus on yourself full-time, if you've got money in the bank to cover bills? I know that might seem a bit drastic, but maybe it would be more beneficial in the long-run, rather than working jobs you don't like that just drain your energy? Just a thought, obviously it might not be feasible for you for one reason or another. With regards to the fear you talked about, I can relate all too well unfortunately - I grew up with a parent who was quick to anger and it was very scarring for me as a sensitive child, I developed a real fear of upsetting people. That kind of thing can create a lot of trauma in your nervous system, and I know in my own experience that it's taken a lot of work to release that trauma as well as the underlying feelings of shame, guilt, anger, grief, etc. Meditating with the intention of simply allowing my body to relax and breathe really helped with that (yoga also helped when I was suffering with chronic anxiety), though it did take lots of discipline and patience.

'Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.' - Adyashanti

You're welcome Sounds like you're doing all the right things (particularly talk and crying therapy, that can really help to clear stuck emotions), so maybe it's just a matter of time now <3

'Have you noticed how the times you're tempted to reach out for something you think you need are the times you're not wanting to stop and face your discomfort?' - Amoda Maa Jeevan 'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Jeevan