RickyFitts

This is where I have more and more sympathy with women, the more conscious I become, because I think it's just natural for the majority of them to desire this heart-centred connection owing to the fact that they tend to be more heart-centred and in touch with their emotions, but then so many men are emotionally shut down and really incapable of that sort of intimacy. I imagine that leaves a lot of women feeling rather unfulfilled and unhappy in their relationships - it makes sense to me that so many women (I think it's around 50%?) feel a same-sex attraction, because they're surely more likely to experience that depth of connection with another woman. Maybe I'm painting too bleak a picture of my own gender (or maybe I'm just projecting), I don't know.

That can be part of it, but I was thinking more of the physical shutting down that tends to happen instinctively when we sense pain - you can feel it as contraction and heaviness in the body, and it can create blockages in your energy system which can then cause all sorts of mental and physical issues (because mind and body are inextricably linked). The physical contraction in your body that I mentioned is suppressing the pain, which prevents it from being felt, so you first have to bring your attention to that contraction and allow it to release, and then the underlying emotions can come to the surface. It's simple enough in theory, but those patterns of contraction in the body can be very deep-rooted, and the underlying emotions can feel overwhelming when they do start to arise. I know that in my own personal experience it's taken lots of time and discipline to fully process these feelings, though I was very emotionally repressed.

@ivankiss Fair point

@ivankiss Aye, that's the best way to go - it's not really a social drug.

@ivankiss Oh I'm a complete lightweight, I ain't judging no-one trust me Eesh, I'll bet it was I salute your presence of mind, though, that makes all the difference. I think it's in social situations that it really affects me, that really does put me into panic mode. If I can retreat into my own private space it's usually much more tolerable.

'You can only heal what you can feel,' as Teal Swan would say. There's often a tendency in humans to try and rationalise these painful feelings away, or to divert attention away from them, but the only way to truly resolve them is to allow yourself to feel them fully, to completely surrender to them. The core issue isn't actually the pain itself, though - it's the not wanting to feel it that really creates the issue. And that's understandable, of course we don't like to feel pain (well, unless we're a masochist), but you have to make that inner resistance conscious and allow it to fall away.

Funny how it can affect us so differently, I generally find myself going into panic mode whenever I smoke it (which isn't very often - maybe that's the problem) these days. Just seems to trigger all my unresolved trauma, I don't know why.

You will insist on making cryptic comments

I wasn't sure what she was referring to either. A dildo/vibrator maybe?

@Gianna Ahh right, I'm with you - thanks for the clarification Wonderful, wishing you all the best going forward

@melodydanielluna Yeah, interesting that uncertainty in your circumstances triggers those feelings for your ex - it seems like maybe he fulfilled some sort of psychological need for you, even if you know deep down that it wasn't a healthy relationship. Anyway, I hope the new job prospect works out, and good for you that you're focusing on taking care of your own needs

It might seem counter-intuitive, but maybe the healthy living actually allowed all the feelings you'd previously stuffed down to come to the surface? That tends to be a necessary part of the healing process for most people I think, though it can be easy to conclude that something's gone wrong when it happens, and it can be extremely challenging to navigate those choppy waters when it does happen. On that basis, maybe it's worthwhile to get back into those healthy habits and just see how it goes?

Yeah, just the fact that you consider her flirting with another guy to be cheating suggests some major insecurity and possessiveness on your part. Don't get me wrong, I probably wouldn't be delighted in your shoes either, but calling it cheating is just extreme.

I'm struggling with this (quite possibly because I'm just a bit slow), what do you mean by fulfilling our needs indirectly? Could you give an example?

@Emerald Thanks for elaborating, I really appreciate it What you said perfectly explains a relationship I had a few years back which triggered significant trauma for both of us, I think it's fair to say we both had a significant shadow to integrate.

I'm struggling with this, you seem to be saying that there are two contradictory vibrations in most people, both of which are simultaneously attracting those of like energy towards them like a magnet? Is that how it works, or am I misunderstanding? Absolutely agree with you about healing and integrating in order to attract a compatible partner, though. Although dysfunctional, emotionally-wrenching relationships can also aid one's growth enormously, in a messy, tumultuous sort of way, I guess it depends on whether or not you've had your fill of the heartache.

I was going to say 'great analogy', but then boy did it take a dark turn at the end there

You could try being emotionally available, empathic, compassionate, understanding, respectful - I've found that women tend to appreciate this sort of behaviour. Depends what you're after though, obviously, if you're just looking for a one-night stand rather than a serious relationship then this approach probably isn't a good idea (because you might actually start to develop an emotional connection with her, which can be sticky).

@Preety_India Oh right, okay

I did this the other day, took me ages to figure out how to remove it - if you hover the cursor over the quote and then hold CTRL and right click, it'll give you the option to remove the quote.

@Nos7algiK Love it 'Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.' - Lao Tzu

We certainly seem to bug the hell out of each other sometimes, just like families do But there are so many good people in this community, it's been a real blessing - love you too, bro

No worries, I understand why you feel frustrated

I think the first thing to understand is that the regret serves no useful purpose, dwelling on what you did or didn't do just keeps you stuck; it's one of those secondary or 'cover' emotions that people often get caught in (other examples include anger, resentment, and self-pity), and it tends to be designed, unconsciously, to prevent you from feeling a more painful emotion like grief or despair. So you have to feel that deeper emotion in order to move past the regret, and in order to do that you have to be very conscious in your body, noticing where the inner resistance is and allowing it to release - and that might take time and concerted effort. Ooh interesting, I'll have to give that a look - thanks for the heads up.