Nadosa

This bliss! Meditation guys, meditation! Meditation = non-doing = you + thoughts = only you = eternal peace. Have a great day!

So as I feel like there is something slowly peeling off since time passed, I also realized that something is just there already. When I see that or am that, I feel home - at the same time thoughts feel so crazy and like "me" or as insane that it feels hard to let them go - better said: I am already in a process of no return, and that has been the case for 4 years now, with sparks of being whole already - but always going "in the story", which makes me feel super crazy. I cant properly explain it to therapists tho. I know pills will help with letting go, I also know this process is just letting go of myself, nothing else, thoughts and believing in old ways cant make sense of me being "here". One key is trust. I have a big sheet right on the wall hanging at the opposite of my bed: "what is this emotion? + trust the process <3". I also know these thought loops are not healthy. I feel like I either suffer or I am absolutely commited "to die" to Truth. A middle way is just not possible. All the way letting go or suffer. Choose.

Take your phone away - now. Right fucking now! Go out. For yourself. Sit down on a bench. And GO INWARDS. For the sake of yourself! This is your time to shine now! Look at the voice, watch it with compassionate love, feel the pain caused by it, feel it completely, stay with it, forever, be with what is, this voice is, sensations are, this is your reality, this is YOU right here! This is all you! The voice, the sensations, the story about you being unhappy about your marriage or when your child was born, completely own it as your own. Acknowledge you ARE. You ARE soul. Imagine the way it was as a kid. This freedom. Do this now. Report later.

https://youtu.be/aJHrnxvwY98?t=18 Wish you all a great day <3

I had hell of breakthroughs via Meditation. I dont know, maybe just sit with whatever is and then you realize there is only you...and only you can change your "mind", what I even wouldnt call mind, so that you see the power of actually real observing and meditation being just with whatever is and always has been - already accepting.

So what's the solution? I guess Psychedelics?

Not if the practises are done properly. No-self = there is only you.

He's way above many other teachers, he also tripped a lot on DMT and stuff, so he knows what he talks about. I discovered him now too. I have seen him before but just thought he was talking around with concepts. But the guy already hit the nail in his first Videos with 19 whereas others took years of practise to get the first glimpse.

Yes, that is fine. What is it you want to understand? Do you fear people think about you? Or like, you fear the thought that others see you as a person? Could you tell me about the fear exactly?

Can you be okay with that?

Eckhart took 10 years sitting on a park bench to get a proper understanding of what has happened. Same thing Ive done for the last few years. Still some issues here and there.

What do you mean? Could you elaborate?

Depersonalization/Derealization is simply kind of a protect-mechanism by the brain. I have experienced it both severely in 2017. Cure = seeing that it is not smth "one" "has" but is just what is in this moment = meaning you + some thoughts which backfire the panic loop + feeling the goodness of being. Observe the loop and see the magic, you literally "move into" reality within no time. Exercise is helpful too. I have actually had such a good time meditating being severely derealized/depersonalized, I felt so safe just being with it, emotions were back and it was just what it was. Consciousness experiencing itself. Now it is merely a thought, same as mental illness. Made out of consciousness.

I didnt decide lol. <3

Hey guys, I wanted to let you know that I feel a dozen times better than ever. I dont know what it is that guides, it's essentially just choosing thoughts that feel good to me. I dont have to focus on bad feeling thoughts. And this is what guides me through everyday with a goddamn smile. With that understanding I can totally be with whatever comes. Seeing that there are not two is absolutely liberating. Because it is just the most verifiable "thing" in direct experience. Srsly this is the song Im jamming all day long at the moment. Just fits perfectly (of course it doesnt imply nonduality directly)? https://youtu.be/jUjDcqdvCrk?t=1m01s

Just personal experience...I wouldnt recommend it tho because I am pretty crazy and know that everything is temporary. It is good to take advice from other people. But bear in mind there is only you and understand that you can change yourself at any time of the day, in any state of mind, you can just sit with whatever is. Because it is quite beautfiul to actually realize that no advice will help you but only yourself can help you. Love yourself. Every aspect. Every inch of suicidal ideation. You want to be loved. Accepted. It already is accepted. Look within, your guidance is much more than what anyone says on the internet. Isn't that beautfiul? ❤️

Great to hear❤️ keep it up

There is no person to transform❤️

#Day18: Radical dissolution Meditation gives rise to a radical dissolution of delusion and above all the belief in a separate I meditating. How the hell I managed to sit through, it wasn't I? I dont know WHO sat through. It just IS. And it was radically embracing what is + hardcore loving every inch of suicidal narratives or narratives of insanity. It is totally strange. Of course, maybe there are some hidden mental scars that popped up too and it's not likely for everyone to have such sick narratives like I do. If there even are others lol. Then these narratives à la "I cant do this, I go crazy, what will I be after that". No after that. It just is always as it is. What's left is nothing. Just oneness. Just Love. Everything is Love. Let's continue. But it's just different for everyone. Everyone is responsible to realize their responsibility for their well-being. Or remembrance of being.

Why would anyone believe that? It assumes firstly a "getting rid of" and "neurosis" of a separate self and an Enlightenment of a separate self. I stick to guidance by feeling.

Quotes of the day: “The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” "I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I’ve been knocking from the inside" The most freeing thing is seeing there is only you being responsible for you. How could there be anyone other than you in your direct experience? When the suffering reaches a peak, you can turn it around seeing, wow this is MY reality, i can simply be at peace with being insane. Lol. + Feeling. Feeling seems to be the anchor for me now. Ultimate guidance.

Things got kinda messy just after a bit of relief. The fear of facing everything definitely got stronger again. Sometimes I feel like Truth is not for me. That is beyond understanding. I just cant lay the past to rest as I wish.

I know that soo well.

#Day 14 Fully embracing what is, the craziness, as well as the insanity What shall I say, it's just immeasurable what meditation and being with what is can do. I feel grounded again. Of course there are thoughts coming and going, they feel like they were part of someone who isn't there anymore. Of course I am a misfit, because I see that thoughts just arise, but are not for the person. I always believed I was crazy: Am I not bypassing when I just say there is no "me"? What if this all wrong? But how can one bypass anything if he is with whatever arises? That is not possible. You just go in it and see you were never in it but you were everything, but in essence consciousness, whatever it is, I cant name it, and it still feels absolutely crazy that I made it somehow out of this hell realm. This was one of the most fucked up Dark Nights of the Soul.

Slowly getting back. Yeah I am crazy. Yeah I might experience insane thoughts. But that didnt hold me back doing thinks I want. Dated a girl today. Felt good. Thoughts still go whirlwind.