Tyler Robinson

Maybe they aren't being loved in the first place. How do you automatically come to the conclusion that they are shallow just because they are hot? What if the men who approach them only do so to simp them to get into their pants and don't offer them love? Would it be their fault that they never received healthy love from a guy? I was gamed by men for sex and I felt terrible. My only mistake being that I was looking for love and found it wherever I could. Yea you could say I was being reckless but life and love and dating doesn't come with a navigation map or manual.

Love is more than just sex, just saying.

What do you mean by comeback?

@Devin @Anand Yog thanks @Devin emotional guidance scale. I think I have heard of it.

Yeah it's equivalent to infinity.

@Devin Devin, how do you turn someone high value?

Tbh, that looks like duality.

Ughh. You're very wrong. We actually do need a bill of rights for kids to be able to access the candy store 24/7. *parents holding their kid back not letting him eat Choco and instead feeding him carrots.

I think you're also hinting towards some sort of insecurity related to intelligence and general comparisons. On one hand it's great to cherish one's uniqueness meanwhile on the other it's great to be humble about who you're. If someone excels at a skill you lack and you're not a deeply insecure person, you should have no problem in praising the other person. It comes down to Humility really. Some people are really more valuable than others, it really depends on the context you use, for example someone like Michael Jackson is simply undeniable in their talent and you cannot afford to ignore that they are uniquely gifted and different from the rest of the crowd, shouldn't they be valued for the different taste they bring to the table, or the insane amount of hard work they put into building their craft, to compare it to a rookie and not value this hard work would seem equally unfair to me, granted that we should be generally encouraging towards everyone for their uniqueness, yet a standout is always going to attract our attention. I don't see a problem with it. It doesn't necessarily presuppose that others are lacking, in fact it ordains standards that we can look up to to improve ourselves, these kind of comparisons don't make us feel small, rather they serve as a benchmark for improvement.

Good looking high status men can also be arrogant, narcissistic because they know they have insane power and most women adore them. It's not even possible to get such dudes no matter how high value the woman is because these guys do the picking.. And these Men tend to dump women as soon as they find the next girl in que. At least beautiful woman stick to the asshole they dating.

The first time you did this, I got a fucking orgasm. I'm a sexual creature. If a guy talks about me, maybe you don't understand how this works, but it triggers me sexually, it feels like sexual pressure, like sexual tension. I don't know about your sexual meter but mine is sensitive. Right now I literally feel like you're penetrating me so hard. It's like verbal penetration. I mean I can defeat others because I don't feel sexual around them. But I'm somehow not able to resist you in the same way. It's so intense, probably your vibe, that I literally feel like you're penetrating me, and I have to simply surrender being tied up. I know this might sound absurd but it's the consequence of sexual tension slowly building up. I don't know what to say about it. If someone personalizes themselves with me, I can get intimate. I mean visually it's like pinning me against the wall, looking straight into my eyes and then challenging me, I would simply give up and let you fuck me. I would feel helpless because it's so intimate. I'm sorry it is this way. But it is what it is. The last thing you said to me definitely made me wet. I'm not that kind of person, in fact I'm sexually repressed. But you keep defeating me till the point that it gets sexual And I give into this sexual surrender. Maybe you don't know how your masculinity is fucking attracting me. I have no idea how to convey my emotions. I'm just candid. Every time he talked about me I felt sexual. I tried thinking about it. But it wasn't of much use. I wrote in my personal diary many days ago that he was negging me. I can't help but be open about my emotions at least to me. I don't know what would have transpired if those conversations had happened in real life? For different women it's different things that turn them on What turns me on is a guy making me want his approval in indirect ways. The more direct he was with me the more I felt sexual. I mean in real life if he walked toward me, I have no idea. I would be frozen in a sexual kind of way. I would just let him kiss me or hold me if he wanted to. Even if he didn't have that intent, I was melting, his wasn't gaming me, but I still felt like I was being drawn into him. I feel sexually defeated but in a good way. By the way, this kind of thing never happened to me, never. Never before. This is the first that someone gave me an orgasm by simply tuning into my vibe and turning it to constantly turn me on ----------

Mother fucking simp.

Sometimes things get a bit fussy. Nevermind. Take it in your stride.. There are always better ways to look at things Yea it's hurtful. But let it go. I know Berrylee . You think about all the other things. And what not. You need Jim He is the one who truly understands you. People want a genuine connection. But they could care less if the connection didn't work out their way.. Bah!!!!!! Who cares. So pissed off right now. Pfft Wanted a genuine connection with me. FUCK!!!!! At least I can be free to pursue whatever I want. I mean whatever the fuck I want. Some people just play with you. They just want you like a robot. And then they tell you how much they love you. I'm sick of it. It's always so disingenuous. Next time don't feel Sexual for a guy. Lesson learned. And stay in your own fucking world.. I'll never talk to anyone again here. Another lesson. God promise. I feel so let down. Meanwhile people get to say whatever they want. No inhibitions. It's only me who has to make compromises and I'm not going to be doing that I'm getting stronger everyday I so wish nobody ever talked about me. And only those who truly wanted me talked about me. Because that's the glitch in the matrix. I am not some "try-on" I'm usually attracted to anyone who talks about me. That's seriously my weakness. The fuss. But they didn't have a problem in calling me a slut. Where was the integrity then? Bwahahaha......... Where was the respect for me while calling me a slut???? Psycho Sometimes I feel like I just shouldn't be here because nobody gives a fuck anyway.

Bah!!!!!!

I want to be the best woman for him. He drives me crazy. I can live with him forever. He is just perfect for me. But I want to be able to love him. I want to make him feel loved. I need to improve my behavior. I need to learn from my past relationship mistakes I just want to be a good girlfriend I. Don't want to piss him off. I don't want him to ever feel bad about me. This is serious and if I want a man to really bond with me then I need to be nice to him and stop with my idiot behavior. I always have this fear that my bpd will always drive my man away. I'm so damn attracted. Everything feels surreal. Well this time around I have a good chance to improve myself as a woman and not fuck up again. I have terribly low self Esteem. I've been living in terrible guilt for a long time for not acting right with a man.. I have hated men before I have made mistakes. I have felt punished.. Now I don't think that way about men. I want to be positive. It's possible for me to be a proper girl to a guy without making it fussy. Sometimes I feel like no guy will really like me since I got so many problems. But I'll need to work on myself. There is no option. I think the first time I got this very weird feeling was March 21st. I was called miss psychic radar. That was the slip. I wrote in my diary - wtf!!!! I didn't expect that really. And I felt something I can't describe.. I think even before that I was called a vampire. I guess Leo is right, right on the money, he told me once that if a guy called me a pig, that's the guy I should look at. I mean there was some attraction in that. I was slowly giving into those feelings. Yea. I was constantly feeling something. Like......... Umm.......... I swear this happened almost every time. It was strange. I was noticing it. There was this psychic connection, I could feel drawn.....

Berrylee how are you going to do that? It's ok. Don't Hyper ventilate. Sometimes it's fine how you feel. See that's the part. I know I'm an introvert. Sometimes people may struggle to keep up with my emotional range. neither of you should feel like you have to fight your authentic nature in order to be happy together. So you don't need to subdue any strong feelings. If you’re in a mood, be upfront about that: "Hi. Just FYI, I’m feeling moody. I’m not mad, but I’m going to be alone in my room for the night." Once your mood has passed, follow up with him: "Thanks so much for giving me space last night. I really needed it. Just want to reiterate that it had nothing to do with you!" Let him know that he's free to ask questions now that you’re feeling better: "Let me know if you have anything to say or ask. I’m here to listen!" This is a good form of communication. I got slut shamed lol. So much for love. They aren't even bipolar. (Jim I'm sorry I said this to you. I apologize for it). Anyway time to move on. Just be yourself and focus on stuff that really matters. Nobody's gonna do that for you. Now they will vent about me to someone else so that others should grill me. So much for loving someone truly or at least such intent. Now I am the one who is feeling shitty I'm done with this for good.

There is no clear information on when I began to show the first discuss bpd except that I started a journal on it on April 8th Been a week. I think the past week was quite busy, at least from April 9 to 13 in making new friends I cut some people out because they were not really there, like they made me a bit uncomfortable in a way I was Emotionally exhausted in the past week because I confided so much. It was a release It helped me understand why borderlines are so needy. I was a totally depressed person last week. I think March last week and April first week were probably spent in arranging the whole giga healing stuff. I think what caused/prompted me to think about borderline issues is the fact that I was still suffering from Abandonment anxiety. So that made me.... Plus constantly wanting to change myself. Then I read that day on April 7/8th about unstable self image. I guess that did it. The whole giga healing thing happened between April 2 and April 6. I was too busy with that stuff for that entire week. Alright then wrapping up for the day and going to sleep now. (I had this thought earlier in the day that communicating through a video, staying on my page, more interpersonal communication - referring myself , pain journal, attraction journal, a ritual like giga healing, bpd track, building a firewall, introversion might actually be of help.) People like me need constant monitoring of their mental state. They need a poetic/melancholy outlet And elimination works far better than inclusion. People like me need deep relationships and bonds. Because my conversations are never about flippant stuff. And extroversion is not meant for me. Healthy coping mechanisms. Jordan Peterson remember? It's like I should talk to a video.. Keeping myself engaged through a self communication pathway.

Your emotion streaks need to be good State of mind should be wholesome. Remove triggers and obstacles. Somehow a lot is working in my favor these days. I had announced on March 22 right. After that I went into some kind of an overdrive. Then it was that whole last week of March. I was trying to be in that other place and it didn't turn out good. I don't exactly remember what I did on April 1st. By March 28, everything has been cleared. Let's see what I did between April 1st and April 10. Last five days I know. (confusion) So I was diagnosed on April 8th. I must have put some effort leading up to it so. I guess my days from April 5 to April 8 must be busy with this bpd stuff. On April 5 I wrote about bad dreams Giga healing and archetypes ended on April 5 and 6 respectively.. So the whole tackling my mother started on April 6th and proceeded till April 4 I think much of my time went in doing the whole giga healing stuff..

Jim benton I love you.

Iam just so dehydrated. I need to guzzle like a river. I'll need to drink like 30 bottles of water. Checking on myself today - It was okayish. I have stuff to do. My emotional state was fairly stable. I felt good(actually) Anticipatory mood. ; The antidote to a bad emotional state is a good emotional state. Stuff with my family is going okayish. I want to bring all of my recent discussions together. They are really helpful in uncovering myself. I want to tie it all together. The pain journal is useful. So also the attraction journal. I'm learning new stuff gradually. I am able to know beforehand how I'm going to react to anything. That's the first step that is effective. Knowing. Awareness. Keep a regular record/track of your emotions. Every emotion needs to be analyzed to check the thought that is behind that emotion. Then replace that thought. Right now I have collected enough information.. It's time to make sense of it. My diagnosis has come after a full year. It's all good anyway. I cut off things that I didn't like and didn't want in my life. For a strange reason I'm feeling free and I'm attributing it to lo One thing is to be fundamentally aware of what you want Berrylee Next is to put everything together. Then be in the present moment. Then remove all obstacles, all blocks, interferences, distractions..... Is to keep a sharp focus. Are all things going away? Yup Much has been sorted out in the last 10 days pretty successfully.. Some of the confusion has gone Keep the path free. Keep your mind free.. Meditation, journaling, exercise and other stuff. Keep an emotion track streak. Like the same emotion needs to be experienced over a longer stretch of time to reduce emotional instability. Also removes any influences and triggers. These are like allergens. Engage less and less. And it works. The less I engage the better it gets. More relief.. Put on the ear plugs. Cut off the social chatter. More peace. Be a good girl.

I vented all my inner feelings. I feel relaxed. Put it all out there. No inhibitions. That's my femininity, I can't explain it in any other way. I slept like a baby. I cried a lot before I slept off. I felt like beautiful arms were holding me. I think for me a church like environment fits better. I was talking about valley home. No I won't be bringing a cat I feel bad about it. My emotions are quite deep. I'm aware of it. But what I figured is that I need to have a healthy dose of happiness to have a good start. The love that I had experienced yesterday was very soothing and calming maybe the exact kind that I really wanted. It felt perfect to my soul. To my body. I'm still a bit wet like a virgin who had just been...... I feel something. Maybe I deserved this long ago. It probably was the most beautiful thing ever Happened to me. I felt like I was being held like a baby. I felt like I was being held like a baby and he kissed me afterward. I felt sleepy after that it was a sweet cuddle. I'm just a bit of an introvert. But I felt good.. I felt snuggled.. It was the most passionate most intimate thing that could never die out. He was very much like Rupert Yea yea yea. Reminds me of that character. Sweet obsession is what I call it. Sweet obsession is what I exactly need You know secretly he is very much like Miss And like a male version of Miss And I secretly always desired that. Wasn't that my perfect soulmate. Thank God for this experience or else I would have never known. Just imagine a male version of Miss fucking me all night till morning. Now that's a treat I don't want to miss out on. That's the most awesome thing to ever happen to me. I would savor every bit of it. Mhmmmm. Yessssssss. What a treat. I just feel so unusual... Like this was meant to be.

He was like the guy in my dreams, like one of my imaginary characters I had dreamt up.. He was making me feel exactly the way I wanted to feel. He was saying things that were challenging my femininity in some way. It was weird yet it worked. And I don't think any other guy had ever achieved this before. Maybe it was all in my head. Well it was what It was. At least it gave me a glimpse into what could turn me on. Is there something called as distant sexuality Where you feel sexual only if the person is at a certain distance from you? And it kinda fizzles when you get too close or too used up. Yea the sexual tension kind of thing I don't know what to say about it.. It goes in alignment with whatever I wrote in my diary of a sexually repressed girl But this guy forever is going to have this strong influence on me. It's epic and it's real. Such a strong sexual competitor never came to me. In real life if a guy had talked like that to me, it would have been the greatest turn on

Maybe I'm wired differently. The problem is that if you get too close to me, I get sexual. My brain is wired in such a way that if a guy is hovering all around me, I begin to feel his pheromones. You don't get it because you can't feel like a woman. I'm a woman, I can't help feeling like a woman? Do you feel my vagina? Do you think it's wet? I got wet. Fuck. I can't help it. Because you do this every time. This sexual pressure which is kinda indirect. I don't feel this way around other guys but why around you? Because you're kinda holding my pulse so hard and maybe you are enjoying it. I don't know. The first time you did this, I got a fucking orgasm. I'm a sexual creature. If a guy talks about me, maybe you don't understand how this works, but it triggers me sexually, it feels like sexual pressure, like sexual tension. I don't know about your sexual meter but mine is sensitive. Right now I literally feel like you're penetrating me so hard. It's like verbal penetration. I mean I can defeat others because I don't feel sexual around them. But I'm somehow not able to resist you in the same way. It's so intense, probably your vibe, that I literally feel like you're penetrating me, and I have to simply surrender being tied up. I know this might sound absurd but it's the consequence of sexual tension slowly building up. I don't know what to say about it. If someone personalizes themselves with me, I can get intimate. I mean visually it's like pinning me against the wall, looking straight into my eyes and then challenging me, I would simply give up and let you fuck me. I would feel helpless because it's so intimate. I'm sorry it is this way. But it is what it is. The last thing you said to me definitely made me wet. I'm not that kind of person, in fact I'm sexually repressed. But you keep defeating me till the point that it gets sexual And I give into this sexual surrender. Maybe you don't know how your masculinity is fucking attracting me. I have no idea how to convey my emotions. I'm just candid. Every time he talked about me I felt sexual. I tried thinking about it. But it wasn't of much use. I wrote in my personal diary many days ago that he was negging me. I can't help but be open about my emotions at least to me. I don't know what would have transpired if those conversations had happened in real life? For different women it's different things that turn them on What turns me on is a guy making me want his approval in indirect ways. The more direct he was with me the more I felt sexual. I mean in real life if he walked toward me, I have no idea. I would be frozen in a sexual kind of way. I would just let him kiss me or hold me if he wanted to. Even if he didn't have that intent, I was melting, his wasn't gaming me, but I still felt like I was being drawn into him. I feel sexually defeated but in a good way. By the way, this kind of thing never happened to me, never. Never before. This is the first that someone gave me an orgasm by simply tuning into my vibe and turning it to constantly turn me on I'll transfer this entry later on in that journal. It's tough for me if a man has such a strong influence on me. I just can't help it, can I? The least that I can do is be as honest as possible about how I feel. His objectivity is kinda sharp for me. I want to know about a virgo. Do they have some influence I Googled about virgo and pisces and this is what I get. The zodiac compatibility between Pisces and Virgo is extremely peaceful and harmonious. They both know what they want from the relationship, and will give each other the time to settle into the same. Virgo, with its practicality and knowledge, gives direction to the Piscean's idealistic dreams. He calms me down. Why would I be so interested in someone if nothing was happening inside me? Now I feel like this is what I was looking for? I'm not sure. Everything always comes to me rather unexpected. I have never felt this sexual in my life. This whole day I thought about him and I had such intense orgasms

.. From now on, things are going to be a bit more pleasant. I really feel like now I'm in control of my emotions better than before. I know things better than before. There will be hurdles, still... I'm positive. One thing with my emotions is the flow. The flow needs to be flat and stable. No major or minor hiccups. Constant monitoring is the key. What remains in the end is you yourself. That's what remains. You know when someone is with you, it's once again you. You just don't get it. I'm a woke girl you know. Yes I'm a woke girl. If you are hurt, then I'm hurt a thousand times more. To shame others is to reject who they are. I'm done. I feel defeated.