Emerald

Hey, good to see you ?

In my psychedelic experiences of Divine Masculine, there was the experience of God Mind and God Heart. And it was this mixture of deep vulnerability and attachment mixed with infinite strength and detachment. And it allowed the Divine Masculine to extend itself through every facet of reality and to come to know and love all things infinitely… and to care deeply for all things and grieve all losses. And if I’m to pick the number one quality that makes a great man is that he is able to embody this in human form. It is the Lover Archetype that extends the most vulnerable parts of itself to give love out into the world. And being willing to experience pain and discomfort if it comes, in the pursuit of this love giving. And practically this looks like a generous and prolific giving to his family, community, and humanity at large.

Since this is a very male-dominated forum, I figured I would put a few bits of advice on here for a woman looking to find her match. 1. Work on yourself psychologically - (Number One Advice!!!) You will only ever find a man who mirrors your Shadow until you integrate it, so integrate your Shadow so that you won't attract or be attracted to it in real life. Work on getting rid of any self-esteem issues and codependent tendencies especially, as these tend to attract abusive men. 2. Know and respect your own boundaries - This means knowing what you do and don't want and knowing what your dealbreakers are. You don't have any ability to change anyone. But you can be firm about what you want and sort anyone who doesn't fit. 3. Make your relationship decisions with an 80/20 heart to mind ratio - Most relationship decisions should be made by following your emotions, instincts, and intuition as this will always bring you to who mirrors you (either mirroring your shadow or your personality). But you should also keep the mind around to keep sight on your boundaries and dealbreakers. But avoid letting the mind create huge lists of traits that you require a partner to possess. The mind will sort everyone if you let it lead over the heart. 4. Adopt the "I am the prize" mindset in dating - Never chase anyone or compete for anyone's attention, no matter how much you care about him. The man should be the one reaching out 75% of the time as he is the one winning you over, not the other way around. The egg does not chase the sperm. 5. Be friendly and social with a network of people who are cut from the same cloth as you - Have a strong social network with many acquaintances, friends, and very close friends. This is the best way to meet a partner. Honestly... this bit of advice should be number one for both men and women! It's the best way to meet someone. 6. Never date a guy who is outside your social network - This one might seem extreme to many people because of us living in a very atomized society. But it's super important! The advice here is, if you haven't known and interacted with a guy platonically for at least a month or two, then don't go out with that guy... not even on a 30 minute coffee date. If your relationship to a man starts out on a romantic/sexual foot, it doesn't give enough platonic time to develop a proper attraction or bond. It's also a red flag because he probably starts off on that foot with many women. Also, full stop, don't do dating apps. Dating apps blunt the intuition... which is your best tool in dating. 7. Nothing lukewarm - Only form relationships with men who you feel very strongly about. Let your intuition show you who you like. 8. Develop your own unique style - When you have your own style, of course, do it for yourself. But a perk of having a unique style is that you'll tend to attract men of similar tastes. Also, it tends to repel the men who don't share your tastes. 9. Don't try too hard - Be yourself and meet people. And if a man strikes your fancy, then don't overthink it. Interact with him casually and playfully but don't come on too strong. 10. Look out for red flags - A lot of this has to do with numbers 1 and 2, so begin there first. But also watch out for red flags that indicate that a given man is unkind or has weak character. For example, things like not having a job, being rude to waitstaff, making jokes at other's expense. 11. Know your green flags - Know which positive qualities you require in a partner. (For example - kindness, respect, hard-working, discipline, etc.) 12. Be in your Yin energy - Similar to number 4. Be in your Yin energy, which means focusing towards being, receptivity, warmth, creativity, intuition, etc. This will not only attract men in general... it will also attract compatible men who appreciate your unique Yin energy. Edit: One last piece of advice... You must understand that love is blind and that there is a chance you will fall in love with any man you spend a considerable amount of time with. And once that deeper bond happens, it will be difficult to sever the attraction. So, be sure that you only spend a lot of time around men of strong character. If you're hanging out with violent criminals, you'll likely fall for a violent criminal. If you're hanging out with immature men, you'll likely fall for an immature man. If you're hanging out with good men, you'll likely fall for a good man.

Yes exactly

I know I’m right about it. My eyes don’t deceive me. The mundane reality is much gentler and nicer than the falsehood. People are people. And there’s literally no one out there who’s universally undesirable. And anyone who’s a 3 and above won’t even struggle to find someone, as long as they have reasonable expectations of finding a partner in their league… and enough self-esteem to put themselves out there.

Back in the day and now is probably about the same in terms of people finding partners. Back then, it was probably more common for men to die young because of war. That’s probably the biggest difference. But why is it your assumption that there’s 30% of men who are just not going to have women attracted to them? It’s an assumption that’s not based in reality at all. I’ve met plenty of lame guys in my life. And none of them were incapable of finding women who were interested in them. For example, there’s a guy I used to know that looked like a walrus and was really creepy and weird. He had nothing going for him at all in any department. And even he had a few girlfriends in the time I knew him. You seriously need to go live in a redneck town for a while. You’ll realize that no one is totally unfuckable. You just have to get in touch with the reality of how people pair bond. It isn’t this extreme thing you’re imagining where tons of people are just hopeless.

You’re making that assumption again that only a small percentage of the population will have people attracted to them. But as I’ve said before, most people are capable of being attracted to most people. And NO ONE needs to be with anyone that they’re not attracted to. Attraction is just the pre-requisite for romance to occur. And people tend to be attracted to their match… especially women. In a person who is emotionally mature enough to sustain a long term relationship, looks and status are just the initial bar that has to be crossed. And for most people, that bar is analogous to where they are personally. If you look at statistics (or if you just go to a flea market or grocery store), you’ll see that most people have a partner who matches them. So this people only being attracted to millionaires and supermodels thing is not actually a real issue. Dispossess yourself of that illusion.

Yeah… I’m glad to have never had to use one. It feels blah and like it would suck really bad. There’s really nothing quite like in-person, contextual connection.

Yeah, that is big problem.

I can see how someone can end up in that perspective. And I can have some degree of sympathy. That said, as a woman, it is very frustrating and sometimes traumatic to be on the receiving end of all of it. There’s just literally millions of guys who are all subscribing to these false ideas about womanhood and ending up bitter and misogynistic as a result. So I’m not very gentle about confronting these guys with their illusions. They need to snap the fuck out of it before they end up creating some dystopian handmaiden’s tale of a situation to solve the problems with women that only exist in their own heads.

Listen, I am quite familiar with what men face in dating because it isn’t a secret. It’s VERY well complained about… especially on here. And the number one thing that will help is for a man to dispossess himself of these distorted ideas about women. It will make the process of meeting women so much less scary once he actually sees the reality and not this alien projection.

Yes, exactly. Most men’s issues come from the distorted way they view women. It makes us seem like a bunch of scary aliens to them. So of course they act like spazzes around women.

You will need to learn how to socialize normally if that’s something that you struggle with. But men don’t need to be Rico Suave with their words to get women. Normal will do just fine.

Because that’s online dating and isn’t reflective of real-world dynamics. Women are very intuitive and online dating is basically just visual. So, women aren’t getting the full depth and breadth of experience that they need to know if a guy is attractive to them or not.

I probably wouldn’t want to be a guy’s wingman. But I will give them a dose of reality and let them know that their whole framework around women is nonsense and that most women are looking for a very human connection with a normal man. And that they will be exactly what some women are looking for, no matter who they are.

Insert regurgitated red pill talking point the family court system…. Very original. But to your other point, women don’t care that much about sexual abundance. It’s not really a priority because most women don’t want random sex that much. It’s just not very fulfilling. And this post falls into the trap of men projecting their own sexual agenda onto female sexuality. This is honestly why men rarely ever understand anything about female sexuality. Their agenda is too different, so all they can do is project what they’re familiar with.

Yeah, I’ve always been on the nerdy side of things and had plenty of nerd guy friends. And I remember being 19, when my last nerd guy friend (who was also 19) got his first girlfriend. And I remember thinking that he was such a late bloomer. And now, all these young guys do is just read red pill forums and live in their dungeons. And so they never get girlfriends. And they misattribute their lack of success to these nonsense ideas about female nature… instead of to the fact that they don’t talk to any women.

Most women will not overlook average guys. Most women will be interested in average guys. If you’re an average guy, your dating prospects are pretty great. If a woman is attuned to her emotions and not her rational mind when seeking a relationship, she will likely become attracted to her match. And since most women are average, average men will have lots of women attracted to them. In fact, most average women will auto-sort men who look like male models. Women seek their match. And an emotionally intelligent man who’s oriented towards relationship, will be quite happy to be in a relationship with his match. Now a guy who’s only interested in perfect 10s will be in a situation with women who are status seekers…. As both are just looking to trade status for beauty and beauty for status. But this is not an enviable place to be. There’s not much love to be had there.

Exactly. The way they see women really prevents connection. What’s a shame is that they’re reading all this stuff because they think it will help them get better with women. But it’s this very mindset that will rub women the wrong way and scare us off. You know that once he’s started spouting redpill nonsense that he’s been brainwashed and you’ve lost him.

I’m right there with you. It’s like every man who’s my age and younger just got totally brainwashed by this redpill stuff. At least there are older men who aren’t quite as online, who had to actually leave their dungeons to socialize in their teens and twenties. They tend to be less likely to succumb to these illusions.

But yet you’re still perpetuating a nonsense idea. They may not be your words… but you must believe in them enough to post them on a public forum. And even in this post you have this idea that women generally want to secure a “top man” (and even that there is a top man in the first place) and that this “top man” has tons of women after him looking for marriage but he just fucks around. It’s the existence of this “top man” that I’m calling into question. He sounds like a real wanker to me. The best guys to have relationships with are average men who have developed enough emotional maturity to have a healthy relationship with. And any intelligent woman knows this.

Looking for Mr. Right on paper is such a masculine principle oriented thing. It really happens when a woman gets out of touch with her intuition and feelings. Your feelings will do a MUCH better job matching you with someone than your rational mind will. My issue is more the opposite… though I would say it’s not really been that big of an issue. I’ve been in major relationships pretty much since I was 16… shy a few months here and there. Yet again, this lack of singleness has its own problems. I should probably just let myself be single for a while at this point. But I’ll have to see what my intuition wants. But when I get attracted to a man, I find every man except one unappealing. And I feel so intensely for that one guy. And it is only this intense feeling that triggers my pair-bonding drives. So, I never want “a” relationship. I just want that one particular guy. The idea of finding a relationship in general feels super boring in the abstract. And I usually only get an attraction once every year and a half or so. And my sex drive is very attuned to my child rearing drive. So naturally, I had my kids young. The issue with planning all this stuff so intensely is that the reality becomes detached from the idea. And you plan to have “x” kind of guy who has this job and that look and this car, etc. and then you plan to have kids at 28 and they’ll be named Brixley and Braxley and etc. And OMG! Does that sound fucking boring on paper. But Mr. Random that I met the other day is looking very warm indeed!

Yes, biology plays a role in attraction. But the role it plays is relatively low compared to other factors. My point is that, when you’re adding in your IDEAS about biology, that your understanding is insufficient and leads to distortions. This is evidenced by the fact that you seemed before to assume in your previous post that people would have to be in relationships with people they didn’t find attractive. Your false assumption about biology seeming to be that most women are not capable of being attracted to a man who isn’t some top 1% guy. There’s where your low self-esteem meets your misunderstanding about human biology. Most men are biologically sufficient for most women to be attracted to, and vice versa. It’s the other psychological and emotional factors that account for the selectivity. Also, I don’t think that more than 10%-20% of society will ever be polyamorous. I think most people will always prefer monogamy. And women are especially monogamously oriented. So, most women will never date a guy who has multiple partners. But if you don’t want women to disregard you as a man, just ditch these ideas (which are lady repellent) and become a well-developed and emotionally intelligent guy. Let go of these petty insecure ideas.

Does your cousin actually want that? I feel like, if she were really certain about it, she’d have probably made it happen… barring fertility issues. Yet again… some women get so wrapped up in the IDEA of a relationship and family that they get into checkbox mentality about their partners.This is especially true where there’s lots of familial pressure involved. And this masculine oriented “pros and cons” mentality around finding “Mr. Right” just puts a stopper in real love and connection. Looking for a good guy “on paper” can really screw over actual connection… which is inherently very messy. But I get that the OP really believes what he’s saying… and in that sense is arguing in good faith. But it’s still nonsense because it isn’t actually based in reality. It’s just a big system of abstract ideas that SEEM like reality because lots of misguided and inexperienced young men believe them and they’re all over on the internet. But the reality is VERY different. Every man is better off just disregarding these ideas.

The honeymoon phase only lasts 3 months. So most people don’t decide to marry by then.