Emerald

Hi ? Good to see you!

a. Very young people do develop quite a lot. b. Development isn’t contingent upon people reading Actualized threads or knowing anything about Spiral Dynamics And regardless of gender, an incompatibility of perspective and development is going to create issues. Traditionalist women won’t be interested in a very developed man. She won’t even be able to recognize his development as a good thing. She will be interested in men who are at the same phase as her who share their values. The same is true for traditionalist men to developed women. In terms of SD, Stages Green, Yellow, and Turquoise people look like degenerates and weirdos to Stage Blue people. And Stage Blue people look limited and closed minded to the stages above them. So personality development and perspective will absolutely matter to both men and women. Men can’t just be with any random woman and have a happy relationship. I know this from being a life-coach and knowing plenty of men who feel like their wives and gfs can’t even see them.

This isn’t true though. If you’re not on the same wavelength as your partner, then this is going to create issues and incompatibilities. For example, (to use Spiral Dynamics as a model) if a stage blue 35 year old starts dating a stage blue 25 year old… the 25 year old is probably going to progress quite a bit while the 35 year old won’t as much. So, if the 25 year old develops to stage Orange or green, this will become a very difficult relationship where the 25 year old outgrows the 35 year old. And they will go seeking for a more compatible partner who is more on their wavelength. Personality and consciousness level proximity is very important for maintaining a relationship with someone… romantic or platonic.

I’d say that’s a fair assessment of progressives

The key word here is SAY

You said that personality doesn’t matter to men… only to women. This is not an “unfounded leap” You we’re the one that said it. Don’t try to backpedal now and pretend that you didn’t.

But does she know that you don’t value her personality? I guarantee you the adorable texts would cease if she realized that you saw her as fungible.

It definitely is boring to imagine such a one-sided relationship as it’s not even a relationship at all. It’s just a man and his doll. Pygmalian and Galatea If women are wise, they’ll avoid the Pygmalions of the world and leave them to their blow up dolls.

That sounds incredibly boring

Does she know that you actually see her as Galatea? I can’t imagine that she’d like that you see her personality as unimportant.

Channeling your anger at external situations toward productive work is one thing. But using trauma for motivation is a totally different animal. It can create a situation where people become motivated only to run away from retraumatization. And atrophy and lose sight of positive motivation. And it becomes dangerous to heal from trauma because your whole motivational process is scaffolded upon your trauma. I used to be motivated mostly by fear of my own self-hatred. And I built my discipline and motivation “muscles” up in relation to self-hatred. And now, since healing quite a bit of my self-hatred, I’m still trying to find ways to be as disciplined as I used to be. But I associate self-discipline as a coping mechanism and as a sign that I still hate myself. So, it creates quite a bit of turmoil. My view is that its probably best not to build your motivational strategy on a foundation of trauma.

Is your name Pygmalion?

It’s best to avoid this issue if you can. But things do unfold in interesting ways.

A bit gossipy… but I’ll bite. I’m not so sure where the Leo and Teal Swan thing comes from. I’ve seen this on another post too. But for some reason, I don’t get the sense that they’d be into each other. I feel like there are some similarities between them… but that those similarities would actually create an incompatibility.

You don’t seem to really understand Stage Blue then. Southern Baptists are not Stage Purple or Red. They’re pretty solid Blue. And the other side of my family are New Jersey Catholics… they’re much more Orange than Blue.

Half of my family are Georgia rednecks, and most of them are pretty solidly blue. There are rednecks who are red. I know many of them too. My hometown is very much red, blue, orange. But most rednecks that I know are blue. My Grandma Wilkins was raised in the Georgia hills in the 1930s. Her father was a Baptist preacher and her mother a stay at home mom to 11 children. My grandmother had to drop out of school at age 8 to take care of her brothers and sisters. And she is one of my favorite people. And she’s definitely a straight arrow. Church on Sundays. Never drank a drop of alcohol. Never smoked. Was only with one man her whole life. And she and her church lady friends will let you know if you’re stepping out of line. She won’t beat around the bush either. She’s also tough as nails. And she never was reserved. My grandfather was very quiet from what I understand. He died before I was born. But everyone always joked that he was so quiet because my grandma never let him get a word in edgewise. And these dynamics are not uncommon in a lot of the stage blue people that I’m related to and that I know personally.

That really isn’t true. It’s just what you fear to be true. Just socialize and you’ll easily get women who are interested in you, who are around your level of attractiveness. Now, if you have some crazy high standard where you can only date super-models, then yes… that would be a scarce situation. But if you’re content with dating women who are the girl next door type who are the average kind of pretty (which is most women)… you can meet these women by being social, and eventually one will be interested in you who you’re also interested in.

This is just insecure men constructing narratives that confirm their greatest fears about women.

It was is the textbook that I read when I was a freshman in college in Intro to Teaching 101… which was almost 16 years ago. That was the first time that I knew. But it’s something that all teachers know. It’s really basic info about the teaching profession for anyone who’s ever been a teacher. But I did Google “what percentage of public school funding is federal” and “what percentage of public school funding comes from property taxes” You’ll find the information there.

If you are in Stage Yellow… then going for a Stage Blue woman isn’t going to work because of the incompatibility of those perspectives. And even if it did, Stage Blue women are still people. And people have a natural will to power. And people don’t follow their values fully. As someone who was raised in a small redneck town where tons of people are in stage Blue… I can’t help but laugh a bit at the notion that stage blue women are feminine and submissive. It takes a great deal of authoritarianism to make women of any phase actually submit their will. And since my hometown wasn’t very authoritarian, I can tell you that the stage blue women there make a lot of similar choices sexually to women in other stages. In fact, many of the stage blue women I’ve known became moms in their teens. And I can also tell you that stage blue women are usually very tough and very practical. And they network with lots of female friends to consolidate social power within the confines of the society’s norms. Think of a gaggle of judgmental church ladies and the kind of soft power they wield at church and in the community. This is very common in stage blue women. They covertly consolidate power through networks of female/mom friends. And stage blue is a patriarchal stage, so all the femininity is cut away and hidden under lots of rules. There’s usually not much room for softness in a stage blue family or society. It’s all about duty. Also, if you meet a stage blue girl who’s under 25… don’t be surprised if she quickly becomes stage orange or green. Dating a very young woman usually means that she’ll keep growing while keep staying the same.

As someone whose formal education is in k-12 education, one of the first things you learn about is how schools are funded. So, federal funding (which isn’t quite equal either) only accounts for some of the funding. I think it’s about 30% if memory serves. The majority of the funding for public schools comes from property taxes… not federal funding. That means that, if you live in a poor area… your schools won’t be funded very well. And if you live in a rich area… your schools will be well funded. Having worked as a substitute teacher in all the high schools in my district and most of the elementary and middle schools… all the schools here are pretty good. But the schools in the North side of the country are SO MUCH nicer and better funded than the ones in the South side of the county. And that’s because the wealthier people live in the North. And in the poorest neighborhood in town, the schools are a bit crummier there than in the other parts of the South of the county. But they’re still decent because my county is the #1 school district in Florida by test scores. And this gives us a federal funding bump. Now, if you take the county above me… which is where Jacksonville is… then you’re going to find a much greater disparity between the wealthier and poorer schools. Edit: I overestimated on the federal funding. It looks like it varies from state to state that it’s usually in the 10-15% range. But I’m not even sure that this gets distributed evenly.

Hey ?

? Being from a small redneck town where everyone knew everyone… everyone was hooking up with everyone else. And even the least socially graceful and least attractive guys that I knew were having no trouble getting girlfriends and hooking up. There was a really creepy guy that my friends and I knew back in high school that looked uncannily like a walrus. He’s probably the least attractive guy I’ve ever encountered because of his looks/personality combo. And he was still having girlfriends and hook ups…. Just because he was social. A lot of guys don’t socialize and just listen to horror stories on the internet. And you got regular guys thinking that zero women will be interested in them.

Attraction is the challenging aspect for men. Neither path is easy. But if I had to choose into a life based on who I thought had it easiER in terms of male/female dynamics, I’d choose to be male. Though, I would suspect that most men wouldn’t understand why and might even take offense to this. But let me first say, that there are a great many things about the female experience that aren’t obvious from the outside looking in. There are dynamics that you have to live in for decades to even begin to understand. And these are things I couldn’t possibly sum up in this post. But also, because men’s primary challenge is attraction… they may not understand that there are other problems that aren’t specifically attraction related… and even huge problems that come from being the pursued. For women, being able to attract comes with both blessings and curses. There’s so much objectification with all of this. Many don’t even see you as human. And many men hate you for being attractive to them. And the whole conundrum makes your sexuality complicated… it’s quite confusing. It can give you a love-hate relationship to the whole gamut of sexuality. And in the male path it is challenging to develop the skills of attraction…. but you have control over this element of your life. And I used to get very jealous that I never got to develop myself this way. There’s a lot more that women have no control over improving. Women have to die many deaths that men never have to die. Such is the seasonal and surrendering nature of the Feminine. And many women get stuck in arrested development because they don’t let themselves die enough Women are like deciduous trees. And men are like evergreen trees. And if I were to choose into life based on beauty, I am understanding with age that the deciduous life is the most beautiful because of its many deaths.

Which young women have you encountered in your personal life who are cold? Is it young women you’ve seen on the internet? Or is it young women you’ve encountered and had conversations with in real life? I look around, and I see very little difference in temperament between young people now and young people 10 years ago when I was their age. Social media makes everyone a bit more isolated. But there’s nothing in the temperament of young folks that stands out to me.