Emerald

In this regard, it's just the same way that men operate when they pursue a woman they're attracted to. Likely when you're attracted to a woman, it's not a sense of rewarding the woman with affection because she earned it by doing x, y, or z. There is likely no sense that you are rewarding women by being attracted to them or sexually involved with them. It's just a desire to move towards them because it feels good to you. The same thing is true when a woman is attracted to a man. It's just a feeling of desire that arises for her subjectively. There is no sense of rewarding the man with affection as a woman doesn't look at herself as a scorekeeper who rewards certain behaviors and punishes others. Punishment and rewards don't even enter her mind... nor is she even thinking logically about which qualities the man possesses that are more or less "deserving" of her affection. If she really likes the guy, she is mostly worries if he likes her in return. There is just a tendency in books and movies and things for women to serve as the prize or the validator of the male main character. But that's not how it is in reality. From the woman's perspective, it's just doing what feels good subjectively and pursuing what produces amorous feelings. And it's mostly about seeking intimacy and sometimes other feelings.

I've had one journey per year since 2020. So, 5 journeys in the past few years... and 2 journeys at age 20.

I'm suspicious of this answer.

Thank you. I think it's just that the OP's pain is associated with concerns that women may enjoy dominating men and embarrassing them, as he has written about it on other posts. And because I am speaking over the internet, this doesn't give him a chance to read my actual facial expressions. And he might imagine me as a wicked witch trying to antagonize him for my own sadistic pleasure, when in reality, this is just how I show up in this context. I come here to share my perspective with others who value these types of perspectives, and I do like to challenge others a bit as well because the environment is very conducive to intellectual sparring. I think I just accidentally pushed a trigger button with my directness.

As are all those savages you mentioned before, that don't want Truth. What makes you different?

I'm not picking on you. I'm just telling you something that might help you as it is something I've seen before. Perhaps my tone doesn't carry well over the internet. But if you don't want me to reply anymore, that is okay.

There is no guarantee that my mind isn't lying to me. In fact, everything that I've every assumed about reality could be totally untrue. Such is the nature of a human being's epistemological blindspot. We cannot know the objective truth. No matter how many times I've woken up to my nature as God, I will always be limited and unaware of what I'm unaware of as long as I am Emerald. In fact, in my last Ayahuasca experience, I kept affirming "I am choosing to be limited" as I was cutting myself off from the infinite knowledge as God was showing me the burdens of the infinite on the shoulders of the finite. That is what it means to embrace one's humanity. It means accepting the handicaps and limitations of your ability to know and exercising faith, which has always been difficult for me as my issues have always been about lacking trust in what is outside of myself. As a human being, we can NEVER know anything beyond a shadow of a doubt. And I've tried and tried and spun my wheels in daily constant contemplation since early childhood. And that's I cannot know what's true and what's illusion whether I'm deciding to seek enlightenment or choosing to surrender to my humanity. I could always be dead wrong. And I've gone around and around in this contemplating over the years. But I am choosing to exercise faith in my experiences of God and my experiences in general despite and because of my limitations. And I have decided to trust that my realizations of God are real... and to trust what it has shown me and to use it as a navigational tool. And along with this, I am choosing to surrender to and trust my own internal compass. But of course, everything I've ever experienced and known could be and likely is an illusion. But that is not for me to know.

Do you really want truth?

First off, much of this will sound way out there... because these are what my medicine journeys have shown me. And I have adopted many of these insights into how I approach my life, as they have helped me get on track with what I really want to experience. I just wanted to preface it before I answer. 1. Enlightenment isn't a denial as there is no one there to deny anything. It is simply a total dispossession of the illusion of the story that you are currently living to the point were there is nothing but pure consciousness. It is where reality (including yourself) blows away like dust in the wind and empty consciousness itself remains. But human attachments can be an impediment to a human being relinquishing the illusion of life and reality. This is why it can be more difficult to wake up as a householder because there is more to be attached to. 2. Yes, ego dissolution is death itself, just not death from a bodily perspective. It's a death from the perspective of consciousness. The way I would describe it is that it's like a drop of water getting sublimated into the ocean... only that ocean is pure nothingness and pure consciousness. 3. Yes, that's correct. I was shown in my medicine journey that the reason why God decided to split off an element of its consciousness to incarnate into the illusory finite form Emerald is because this element of its consciousness did not want to be open and accepting of infinite suffering. And to be reintegrated with God, there must be a total willingness to create, know, experience, and love all things in existence... including all suffering. And it was too much for this point of God's consciousness, so out of mercy to itself, God cut away this part of itself and incarnated it into a finite form where there is a finite amount of suffering to experience. And it was through the contraction and limitation that there was mercy. 4. Yes, it showed me that Emerald was the illusion/story that was woven for this purpose. And the preference at this point, seems to be to live infinite lifetimes as this character in order to avoid the awareness of infinite suffering and infinite knowledge. It also in other journeys showed me many permutations of Emerald lives, as this is where God's suffering part goes to get a vacation from the infinite. And it even reassured me in my last journey that I took that I could choose to live as many lives as Emerald as I wanted to. And it has shown me how valuable the function of my life is as it is only in the finite and imperfection that consciousness can experience meaning and beauty. And it showed me that, if I have a choice between being God and being Emerald, that it is wiser for me to handicap myself into smallness and limitation and choose Emerald.

There definitely is such a thing as spiritual bypassing. And I'm 100% sure that Sadhguru would agree with me on this as he has his tales about Shankaran Pilai that he tells which is all about the foolishness of a spiritual bypasser. Just keep in mind that moving towards transcendence is VERY different from a resistance to the Earthly. Remember, that which you resist persists. And you cannot transcend what you have an aversion to.... as you will be like Briar Rabbit fighting with the tar baby.

I'll try to make this clearer... but I am explaining something ineffable, so it's difficult for me to simplify it. In a nutshell, in my Ayahuasca experiences each one has come with a realization that myself as Emerald and God are like two sides of the same coin. In one of them, I experience a total ego dissolution and there was no Emerald and just God. And in the others, Emerald remained intact but my awareness expanded to see the connection to God. Almost like if a twig on a tree expanded its scope of awareness to realize that it is also the tree itself, when before the scope of its consciousness was too narrow to sense that it was part of a bigger tree. That is what happened in these experiences where my human consciousness expanded until I realized the connection with God's consciousness... and that there was no separation between the two. And there have been many conversations in my medicine journeys that I had with God as both the twig and the entire tree including the twig at once. And in these interactions between myself as Emerald and myself as the infinite, it has shown be a lot about the life it/I have chosen and why it/I have chosen to live this particular life... and why enlightenment isn't part of this lifetime. And in my ego dissolution experience, there was no Emerald. Emerald was just a story in a character that was a total illusion and never actually existed. There was just pure consciousness. And this was enlightenment and death, which were one and the same. And I could have chosen that. But I decided that I wanted to live the finite experience. And I have chosen the finite over the infinite by choosing to handicap myself to get away from infinite knowledge and infinite love. And it is in these limitations that meaning and beauty are born. This is the path of contraction, where you fully embrace the Earthly forms and live the finite experience of life. It is the opposite of enlightenment which is the path of expansion, and is about transcendence of the illusion of the Earthly forms and is death itself. And the latter was shown to me to be a very difficult path that is only sought out by a small number of people (like monks) who incarnated here just to go through the difficult "game" of transcending it. God showed me this to create an understanding of the contrast between my life's path and a monk's life path... where mine is more about receiving the gift of the illusion rather than transcending it. It's sort of like playing the video game... instead of deconstructing the console and exploring the code. I hope this is somewhat understandable, but I recognize it may not be because it is describing elements of the ineffable.

I'm not even talking about as an aftermath after a man gets his sexual drives out of his system. I mean in general... regardless of sexual appetites or gender. It's pretty evident to me that most people don't actually want enlightenment... including those who believe they do. My perception from his posts is that the OP doesn't really want enlightenment, but that he's moreso just in resistance to life. And that's a different thing from genuinely being on the expansion path.

Yes, sometimes the way we say things with language can muddy the waters of concepts like self-love. And we come to ask "How can I love myself?" But in actuality the love is just there and can't not be there.

Anything that anchors you to your human life and Earthly form prevents you from enlightenment. These things that anchor you deeper into the story. Attachment to anything of the material realm can hold you here and in resistance to the death. But my question is... does the OP actually want awakening? Is that actually part of his story here that he moves towards from a place of genuinely wanting that? Or is he just in resistance to life... and wants to use seeking enlightenment as an excuse to run away from himself by spiritually bypassing his pain? Likewise, I could ask the same of everyone on this forum who seeks enlightenment. My estimate is that very few who seek it really truly want it. When I was given the option, I realized that I didn't want it as I preferred to maintain the illusions of the finite and the separate for the wealth of human experiences that I can have. One thing that God showed me in one of my medicine journeys is that God likes to play different kinds of games with itself as a means of managing the infinite mercy and suffering it must experience. And it plays mercy and suffering games with itself to maximize its own mercy whilst still holding space for suffering and never negating it. And this enables it to handle its infinite existence because the games it builds in are like levers of release. And one of the games is to spit the parts of itself that are overwhelmed by the infinite into finite contracted forms. And those finite contracted parts experience a limited amount of suffering and mercy. And it is within these limitations of the finite story where meaning and beauty are born. And it showed me that monks play this really difficult game of dispossessing themselves of their human forms and transcending life to experience the mercy from contraction and illusion, but that this is an uncommon game to play that is pretty much reserved for monk-types because most that are incarnated here don't prefer this path... even if they believe they do. And that makes sense... in the majority of cases, why would God choose to incarnate here in the first place just to have its avatar wake up to the illusion it has spun? But it showed me that he and I are playing a different kind of game than the monks that's, where it creates a reality for me and I receive all the positives and negatives of that reality as a gift. It's encouraged me to think of myself like a Paris Hilton type getting spoiled by her rich daddy. In Tantra (which means expansion/contraction), it has shown me that my path is one of contraction. And I just don't get the sense that the OP would be seeking awakening from a place of a genuine desire to transcend the Earthly... but moreso that he is motivated by a resistance to the Earthly that would be best to stop running away form.

Sadhguru and I are in agreement here. You are love itself. This is why unconditional love is unconditional. And you couldn't stop loving yourself if you tried... because love is your nature. You simply must recognize that the ways you're trying to serve your own best interests are backfiring, and then reorient them in a way that actually serves your best interest.

The trick to understanding how to love yourself is simply to recognize that you already are unconditionally loving yourself and trying ALWAYS to serve your best interests. But we can do this is ways that backfire. For example, I could engage in TONS of self-criticism because I believe that the self-criticism protects me from being rejected by others. So, in this case I am trying to protect myself from rejection because I love myself. But it is backfiring and creating worse outcomes. So you CANNOT stop loving yourself, even if you tried as unconditional love is truly unconditional. But the trick is to see the way you're trying to serve yourself by engaging in these "unloving" behaviors and then find other more beneficial means to meet your needs. But the first thing you MUST do is to begin finding the positive expressions of the qualities you consider to be negative about yourself... and to celebrate those parts of yourself. You must learn to like yourself as you are, instead of trying to "fix" yourself or become someone else... precisely because trying to change/fix yourself is a backfiring strategy for loving yourself.

Thank you!

It's not an active cutting out and excluding. It's more focused towards magnetism and inclusion of those who are magnetized... and building out my inner circle with compatible people. And I'm certainly open to interacting with anyone who respects my boundaries and having them in my outer circle. And I do like a lot of people who aren't necessarily compatible with me. And I have learned enough in the way of social skills to get by in most social contexts. But I know that, if I'm looking for a deep and lasting relationship, that I have to attract in compatible people by showing up fully as myself. To give an analogy, it's like marketing a product to the wrong target audience. It might be the most valuable product ever to the right target audience. But if you market the product to the wrong target audience, that product won't be valued at all. And anytime in my life where my strengths have been viewed as weaknesses by those I'm closely surrounded by, it's always led to regressions in my growth and a feeling of being on shaky ground as it hits that survival concern around the potential of being exiled. Also, in regard to your question about avoiding seeing my flaws by attracting like-minded people... is that what I've found since starting my YouTube channel and attracting in lots of people who are similar to me is that it's helped me so much with self-reflection. Before I knew others who were engaged with inner work, I had a whole bunch of blindspots. And I even had this sense of specialness about it that caused me to be unaware of my blindspots. But interacting with lots of like-minded people dispossessed me of a lot of these. And now I've met and become acquainted with 100s of people over the years who are on a similar path and each has been a mirror for me where I can learn about my own patterns and Shadows. I find that I learn the most about myself through interacting with other people. But there's also a lot to learn from being generally acquainted with members of the general populace as well.

From a friendship and relationship perspective, it has always helped me sort through to people that I'm compatible with. What I've found is that you have to turn off 99% of people with your weirdness by letting your freak flag fly and being super authentic, so that the wrong ones weed themselves out. And then, you end up surrounded only by people (friends and romantic partners) who really value you for who you are. And by embracing your strange flavor... you become a beacon that attracts those who value you like moths to a flame.

The joke he made doesn't go over my boundaries personally, as it was more at the OP's expense than ours... and I've interact with him somewhat frequently on here over the past 8 years whenever I engage with this forum. And I take it more as a mildly flirtatious wink and a nod about the comical angle of the OP's post being about attachment to women distracting him from enlightenment. But I agree that he has some issues in the Feminine integration department (as do most men on this forum in varying degrees), and that comes out in a generally dismissive relationship with women and with Femininity in general. He seems to fear it and doesn't trust it, and I notice he has a generally protective stance against it. It also shows up in less obvious ways in his orientation being more anti-feminine in an archetypal sense as well... with the focus towards transcendence, loftiness, intellect, abstraction, spirituality, etc.... and a sense of trying to get away from Earthly limitations. Think of a tree... with branches being the masculine and roots being the feminine. And those who are resistant to the feminine put all the focus on the branches while resisting the roots. And these 'branches over the roots' viewpoints are patriarchal viewpoints... but most don't recognize them as such because they don't have to do with human gender. But these mind over matter viewpoints are the actual root of misogyny. And anyone who has strong 'Yang to the exclusion of Yin" viewpoints will believe overtly or subtly that women are both lesser than and greater than themselves simultaneously. And it creates this hatred/love obsession thing in varying degrees... mildly or overtly depending on how integrated the person is with the Feminine or isn't. And all of those conflicting feelings about the Feminine principle end up being projected onto human women... which is annoying and sometimes painful to be on the receiving end of. This is what is up with communities like Red Pill... but it isn't just limited to those communities. It impacts every single person, regardless of gender as it is the deep conditioning of the past few thousand years that we're only just now getting to the cusp between the old patriarchal era and the new integrated era. So the collective resistance to the feminine, leads to a dynamic where it puts you up on a pedestal... then resents that you're up on a pedestal and then tries to drag you down off of it. I used to have similar issues myself until I shifted my values to ones that are more integrated with Yin. And before this integration, when men would be dismissive or demeaning towards me... it used to be really triggering because I agreed with them on subtle but pervasive levels that I didn't then consciously understand. Before like 10 years ago, I always had polarly pro-masculine anti-feminine values (that I saw a gender neutral because of my lack of awareness of archetypes) that I picked up from he culture. And this led me to believe at a deep semi-conscious level that I am inferior. And when men would act that way, it would hit that wound and bring me down into all these feelings of shame in being a woman and being a Feminine energy being in general. But now, having worked through all of that quite a bit, when I see individual men (or women for that matter) struggling with misogyny in varying degrees and resistance to the Feminine it doesn't trigger my wounding anymore because I relate to the vulnerability in it. I just mostly see someone struggling against a significant part of themselves. And what I eventually realized is that people who have a dismissive attitude towards women don't actually see the Feminine as powerless or negative, even if they act like they do. They just try to convince themselves of that because they feel powerless to the Feminine and are projecting that onto women and shadow boxing in an archetypal fight that doesn't involve human women much at all. So as long as I'm not stuck in a context where I have to tolerate it, I'm happy to interact as long as it doesn't traverse my boundaries or encroach upon my personal power and autonomy.

We can't help it! We're just too enchanting.

What seems evident to me is that you have a feeling of not being good enough and a feeling of shame. And this translates into a feeling like you need to be something other than what you are to be attractive to a woman. And because you're operating off of that sense of shame and 'not being good enough', you are trying to transcend your humanity to get relief from that feeling... and also (as an oppositional force to transcendence) trying to be what you believe women are always attracted to. It is a struggle to fight against the powerlessness you feel in relation to women... as a result of your feelings of shame and projecting your feelings of 'not being enough' onto women. But you cannot resolve the shame by becoming more transcendent... nor by becoming more masculine... nor by "fixing" or changing yourself in any way. The only remedy is to love and accept yourself unconditionally... and it would be wise to begin by accepting your feminine side as this will rescind some of the projections onto women that give them an outsized feeling of power over you.

The economy crashing is one of his keys, so that would change the election outcome within his model as well. And I'm sure it will be a close race too. But I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss a predictive model that has consistently worked election year over election year. Of course, models are just models. But it's at least as viable of a source as polling is, given its track record.

These might seem like a straightforward questions with straightforward answers. But why do you want to detach from everything? Why do you want to go to a cabin in the mountains and meditate/do yoga 12 hours per day? Why do you want to peacefully let death enter you? Why are these things even good for you? Why do you want to transcend being human? Are you running away from something... or towards something?

Because the things that online lefties tend to advocate for tend to be about giving more power to the little guy, there are no big money interests that want to put money into them as this is the very thing that threatens their interests. The last thing they want is a populace of peasants working in solidarity. Lefties only get money from powerful interests if they transition to the right and act as the token "Why I left the left" person.... like Dave Rubin types. So, it's not like lefties are just more principled or something like that. I'm sure there are plenty of online lefties who would accept money from shady places and sell out at a moment's notice. It's just that powerful interests don't benefit from financing them. Also, the audiences of lefty thought leaders tend to be purists with their values and usually prioritize their values over their allegiance to the thought leader. One thing I like about the left is that they're generally not very sycophantic and are 100% willing to throw Bernie Sanders (for instance) into the proverbial wood chipper the second that he falters from integrity with the values he purports. Now, one exception to lefties not being the recipient of money from powerful groups... could be like with authoritarian lefties and tankies online. Because they are authoritarian left instead of libertarian left, they could get funding from large Communist governments that would benefit from people believing in authoritarian left positions.