Emerald

I will encourage my son in several years when he's in middle school to go talk to girls and socialize with them... and to be generally social with his peers. As long as that happens, I'm sure he'll have plenty of opportunities to get girlfriends if he wants a girlfriend. I'm confident because I have been a teenage girl before, and teenage girls typically develop crushes on their male peers that they spend time with often. But there is no need to wait for girls to mature out of liking bad boys, because it's not that inexperienced girls ALWAYS go for bad boys. I would also often get crushes on unassuming nerdy boys. I have always been nerdy myself. So, it was common for me to get crushes on these types of guys. The difficulty there was that both I and they were too shy to make moves. Like, there was one boy named James that I liked in the 9th grade who was really quiet and shy. And I was afraid of letting my feelings show because I couldn't tell if he liked me or not. I think back now and believe that he might have liked me and that if I were just braver, it could have led to some nice experiences. I was just afraid of disgusting him or creeping him out. Then, when I was 16, the guy that I liked before I got with my first boyfriend was this quiet nerdy guy in my math class. And we were always playful and flirty with each other and making fun of each other. And I eventually confessed my feelings to him and he expressed that they were reciprocated. That was in November, and nothing ever advanced from it. And we eventually went into Christmas Break and our classes changed and we lost touch with one another. And in February, I had just started going out with my first boyfriend a few days earlier, after not hearing anything from this boy for 2-3 months (which is a long time in teenager years). And the boy unexpectedly came into my Spanish class brought me in a big bouquet of flowers for Valentines Day. And I was really surprised and felt so bad because I thought he'd lost interest and that things moved on as they often do at that age. So, it's not the young naive girls/women prefer bad boys... or only go for bad boys. But attraction to Bad Boys just CAN happen because of the naïveté about the world, which means that you don't have the yucky disgust feelings associated with them yet. The disgust firewall isn't as strong, and you won't have frame of reference to think of how a given guy is going to impact the quality of your life. I remember, at the age of 16 (Thus Summer prior to liking the nerdy boy who gave me flowers and getting together with my first boyfriend), being attracted to my 19 year old next-door neighbor because he listened to rock music and smoked weed and swore like a sailor. And he was drunk all the time and super dumb. He couldn't remember what Hilary Clinton's name was and kept calling her Hilary Bush. And I remember being really impressed by him and enamored because I had all these romanticized pop cultural cool images of that lifestyle in my head. And he and I spent a few nights together where we were making out. But because I was a virgin and wasn't open to having sex with him, he totally ghosted me. And it broke my heart for a few weeks, and I got over it. Then, a few months later, he had invited me and my step sisters over to his place. And he had gotten some chocolate Kahlua. Anyone who knows me knows that I love chocolate. And he had mentioned to me that he got it specifically for me because he knew I liked chocolate. And he kept pressuring me like crazy the whole time we were over there to drink (even after I said I wasn't in the mood for it)... for obvious reasons. And it was just seeing him in this light that brought up all these feelings of disgust... and I recognized his lameness that was totally unconscious to me several months before. And it's usually little formative moments like this that builds up the disgust and raises the bar of standards as a woman experiences more and more. And anyone who romanticizes bad boys either lacks experience... or they lack self-esteem... or both. Luckily, you don't need to be that to have women who are interested in you. This is ESPECIALLY true if you're in your 20s+ and dating women in their 20s+

Certainly, there are men that sleep with hundred of women out there... because they are out there approaching thousands of women. And most of those guys aren't even very attractive. Like, if you look at the RSD coach guys who pick up women all the time, they're all pretty average guys with nothing too special about them. But it's not like the women those guys sleep with become a permanent part of of their harem and are off limits to everyone else. These guys are not Ghengis Kahn with an entourage of concubines that are loyal only to them. And shy of there being a celebrity, there are aren't any guys who simply have women lined up down the street wanting to be with them... that is unless they're deliberately playing those women and taking steps to evoke emotions in these women. Also, the VAST majority of women want a man to themselves and want an exclusive monogamous relationship. Very VERY few women are interested in being side bitch #4 to square-jawed Jimmy down the street. So, things are as even as they have every been before. Do yourself a favor. Look at the world without these fear-based narratives clouding what you see. How often do you see attractive men have multiple girlfriends and wives who are loyal only to them? If you're honest, you'll recognize that that's very rare. Most people are monogamous. So, you don't have to worry about the "top" guys stealing away all the women because that just isn't happening in large enough numbers to impact your dating pool.

If a woman is more drawn to destructive men over a healthy men, this is just an indicator that she has some self-esteem issues or that she is young and/or naive and doesn't know how the world works yet... or some combination of the two. The things that make a man generally attractive in the eyes of a healthy woman (which tend to coincide with traits that make a man a good father, protector, and provider) don't have anything to do with being destructive and chaotic. And in the eyes of most women, there is nothing more attractive than a warm-hearted, stable, trustworthy man who knows who he is. And even women who happen to fall for a fuck boy or bad boy, immediately start thinking about how they can change him and tame him into being the warm-hearted, stable, trustworthy, fatherly man... which of course is a fool's errand. Sometimes very young women who haven't experienced much of the world can romanticize the "bad boy" archetype. Like, when I was a teenager, I was drawn to guys who were a bit rough around the edges. My first boyfriend who I was with for 4 years was like that. And his life was a mess and very likely still is. And past the age of 20, I would never have given such a guy the time of day. So the reality is that, once a woman matures past the age of 22 or 23, those "bad boy" types will likely become very unattractive to her because that lifestyle is stressful, uninteresting, and antithetical to settling down and preparing for a family... which is what women are wired to find attractive even if they aren't interested in starting a family. Here's what "bad boys" seem like in the eyes of most women...

Why does somebody have to 'lose in this system'? The world is 50/50 male and female. And roughly the same percentage of men and women are straight. And the majority of women are monogamous and prefer monogamous relationships. To me, this idea that someone has to lose doesn't make sense given the mathematics of the situation. This zero sum thinking just seems like a limiting belief to keep yourself in a state of resignation to avoid taking risks and potentially being hurt.

Yes, I agree. It's definitely their own self-fulfilling prophecy. There are zero qualities that a person could possess that would prevent them from striking a match. And I have my doubts that the only 33% of men reproducing thing is correct as a percentage. And to the extent that men have been prevented from reproducing in the past in a disproportionate way to women, it has come about from social structures that incentivize parents to marry their daughters off into polygynous marriages with wealthy, powerful men. Right now, however, most women are in control of their choices in partner... and prefer monogamous couplings and aren't as frequently forced into polygynous marriages. And I only bring up anecdotes because that's where I'm from and where I witnessed lots of unattractive men who had girlfriends, wives, and a fulfilling social life. But there's nothing too special or different about how the culture in my hometown works compared to other places in the country in regards to how relationships form. That's just the time period in my life where I was the most social and witnessed people of a variety of different levels of attractiveness getting on just fine with the opposite sex. And the main difference between them and the guys on this forum who are certain that they're not "eligible for reproducing" is that they were socializing a lot and interacting with female peers in the process.

All men are "eligible for reproduction". I know this because I've seen very unattractive guys have female partners. Just look around at the world, and you will see this. Any man who believes that no woman will be attracted to him is just misinterpreting his lack of success with women as an indicator of universal unattractiveness... when it actuality, it's other issues that keep them from interacting women women normally... or interacting with women period.

This just proves that anyone can find a partner and that you have nothing to worry about. Trust me. I grew up in a little redneck town with some really unattractive guys some of them missing half their teeth with poor hygiene... and some of these toothless unattractive smelly guys were abusers and drug dealers too. And they can still get a girlfriend/wife. And growing up there has shown me that any fears that ANYONE has about being unlovable or undateable or unmarriageable are totally false. And of course, some serial killers and murderers can be charming (like Ted Bundy) and can lure in unsuspecting women who just think "This guy is handsome and seems so nice.". It's not like murderers and stranglers advertise themselves as such to their victims. And then, of course, anyone who gets fame is going to have weird fans that want to be their partner... even if that person is a murderer. I'm sure that Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, and Eileen Warnos all had a bunch of crazy people that wanted to sleep with them for their infamy. But 95% of women (and men) don't want anything to do with a murderer or strangler if they know they're a murderer/strangler. It's only people with issues themselves that are into that sort of thing. So, think about it this way... "If all these awful people can find women who are interested in them, then I definitely won't have any problem attracting a woman."

I honestly think he's just trying to cultivate a right wing Christian audience because of the sexual abuse allegations that came out about him last year. He seems to have seen the way the winds were blowing with the potential for those allegations to surface and several years ago made a strategic decision to being catering more and more to a conservative audience because they are more likely to mistrust sexual assault allegations and to construe them as false. And being really openly Christian just seems like another way to throw red meat to the audience he's cultivating. And it also gives people who do believe the allegations a reason to go, "Look, he found God. Maybe he did do those things before, but now that he's found Jesus he's clearly learned his lesson and is doing the right things."

As someone who has experienced being gaslit as a recurring pattern in my childhood, teens, and twenties by several different people who weren't as honest or reasonable as I am... all this MAGA stuff is incredibly upsetting in very familiar ways. It's this feeling like the honest, sane, and rational have no power or simply don't use their power, and that the dishonest, insane, and irrational have all the power and take every opportunity they have to use and abuse it. And the whole Trump phenomenon and the amount of people falling into it bring up lots of familiar angry feelings of injustice and powerlessness. And it's this feeling of being untethered from my center and unable to gain traction despite working very hard to keep my perspective as sober, realistic, and thorough as I possibly can... lest I be swept up and powerless turning end over end in a chaotic truthless universe where only power determines what's true and false. Given all this, it is INCREDIBLY relieving to see a sane and sober person in a position of power who isn't tolerating any lies and nonsense. It's like "Finally, an adult in the room has come to save us from the unruly trickster children who have foolishly been given the levers of power."

What is your claim? You seem to be disagreeing that men and women have differing levels of drive towards sexual sensation itself.

Keep in mind that body-wise, the obliques are the sides of the torso. So, oblique strategies would be ones that indirect and proximal to the concept but not straight on the nose. For example, if you want to understand the meanings of your dreams, you must approach them in an oblique way by looking at symbols and drawing discursive conclusions and finding patterns in them. Or if you want to learn about non-duality, you can only ever describe it as a finger pointing at the moon but not the moon itself.

If I recall, he built his fortune helping gym owners with their business. And business owners are willing to invest a lot of money into things that can make them more money. $100 million is a lot of money. But I don't see any reason why that couldn't be true. Either way, in the videos that I've watched by him and the videos I've watched from his wife, I've found them to be very useful as they have helped me to think bigger and more strategically regarding my business.

Did you read my response? Yes, Estrogen increases sex drive... but not as much as Testosterone. But I kind of feel like you just like to argue with me because you seem to have some resistance to when I talk about these kinds of topics. I feel like, if I were saying that men and women have the same level of drive towards the physical experience of sex, you'd be arguing with me about that and saying "No, men and women have differing sex drives as a part of our biology." In fact, you just gave a similar argument to this argument yesterday about chimps choosing between male and female toys. But because I'm like "Men and women have differing sex drives as a part of our biology." you're seem to be implying that, 'No, men and women's sex drives are totally equivalent. And women want sex and orgasms just as often as men do.'

I was never very attracted to Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. Both he and Kristin Stewart do too much umming and uhhing in Twilight and it feels like forced attractive awkwardness... even though I find them both pretty attractive in other contexts. But a few years back, I saw an ad with Robert Pattinson that raised my eyebrows a bit. And I watched the ad like several times in a row as it tapped into some kind of intriguing Masculine expression. It doesn't hurt that it's to a Leonard Cohen song. I watched it now, and it didn't have the same kind of magic as when I first saw it... probably because the version of him in this video is younger than me now (though he's a few years older than me in actuality) and my taste in men has become unaligned with this imagery. But it might still be interesting to share...

From AI on a Google search... "Testosterone is generally considered the hormone more directly associated with arousal, particularly in males, while estrogen plays a significant role in female sexual desire and arousal, but to a lesser extent compared to testosterone in men; both hormones contribute to sexual function in their respective sexes."

That would be super lucrative because it would reinforce all the male shame narratives that are floating around on the internet and enable a lot of bitter wound tonguing and misogynistic love/hate anger. And then, like 5-10% of the young men who watched the video would become Neo Nazis like 3 months later... without even realizing why they ended up there.

Yes and no. Yes, it would take the shame out of dating and the fear that "If I'm not x, I won't have love and connection." Like, when I was in my early to mid twenties, I used to have this gut-wrenching fear that men aren't capable of loving a woman if she's over the age of 30. And this used to make me dread aging out of my 20s because I felt like I was sliding off the conveyor belt of lovability and that getting love that outlasted my youthful beauty was impossible. It was a whole decade where I felt like I was losing lovability with every passing minute. And I started fearing aging out of lovability as soon as I turned 16. But this fear wasn't really about men at the core of it. So, this is where the "no" part of the answer comes in... as these fears are usually coming from deeper seated dynamics. I'll give a personal anecdote to explain.... Using shadow work, I eventually discovered that the reason why I had this fear that I would age out of men's love and that men couldn't really love a woman beyond fleeting youthful qualities, was coming from childhood traumas surrounding my mom where I aged out of my mom's love and that she can't really love a child beyond fleeting youthful qualities. (She actually does love me, and I know that. But she hasn't really acted like that because of her own patterns.) I was my mom's golden child as a very small child, and my mom is really good with small children. She absolutely ADORES small children and is like the best, most attentive carer of young children I've ever met. And she's super encouraging of children's strengths and talents. Like, she really makes a child feel like the most important person in the world that's capable of doing and being anything. And she's SUPER attuned to the child. And she was my favorite person back then. But she has an intense need for control and a need to control the narrative as she must see herself as right and righteous, and she doesn't trust anyone over the age of 8. So, once I got to be about 8, our relationship degraded. So, she couldn't connect to me anymore because, once I was an older child, I was no longer a safe person to connect with for her because I had my own personality and my own ideas... and those would disturb her sense of control. So, connection and admiration from my mom was at its peak when I was a baby and was sharply declining minute by minute in the first decade of my life, and I was spent like a washed up celebrity by the time I was 8. So, I was transferring the pain of aging out of my mom's connection, love, admiration, and embrace onto men, and it was bringing up all the same heart-rending, stomach-churning feelings that I buried when I was an older child when I went sharply from hyper-admiration and worship of my mom to rebellion and anger. And digging into this dynamic is actually what moved the needle on these insecurities about men... even though they seem like totally different situations. It's just that, when men would appreciate me physically and would be delighted/impressed with me... it gave me a taste again of being the impressive golden child. And there was a fear I'd lose my place as the beloved again, once I lost my youth. Beyond that, coming to understand more about men at a deep human level and that men are capable of real love helped me a lot with this fear as more clarity made it more difficult to project my Shadows onto my uncertainty about men's inner workings. It's been especially helpful working as a coach over the past 6 years as you get to understand people (men and women) at a very deep level. And you get to see how all human beings long to love and be loved. Ayahuasca has also showed me, in one instance, how men are operating with regard to age, beauty, and love. And it was a lot more human and deep than I had been projecting. That said, the only REAL remedy for shame is 100% unconditional self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-love. Once you put a condition on your validity, shame starts eating you up. And if the condition is "A woman has to love me for who I am for me to accept myself." then it just becomes another situation where you live and die by the sword of external validation.

@MsNobody I just watched a little bit of one of the videos, and just from her opening rationale on the 'exploit men' video, I don't think her advice is going to yield you the relationship results that you really want. A few years ago, I took a deep dive into some female dating/relationship channels that helped me out tremendously with understanding ways that men and women are different and how to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship/courtship with a man. And there was a really strong emphasis on knowing yourself and your worth and setting healthy boundaries. And one of the more important things was sorting out men with red flags, who aren't treating you well, and aren't investing in you. And they're great for women who are dealing with codependency as they're about connecting to your Feminine energy and becoming more in tune with your dealbreakers and avoiding investing in a guy who is lukewarm or toxic. It's these types of non-toxic channels that will help you have more fulfilling relationships with healthier men. And I recommend them to my female coaching clients when the things they're going through are relevant. The channels are Adrienne Everheart, Helena Hart, and Rory Raye. Here are some of their videos...

I can see that what he was doing was potentially just as shallow and exploitative, if he's only interested in women for their looks and nothing more. But attractive women aren't necessarily that way, so I don't follow the 'knowing better who those women are' idea. I've known many beautiful women who are very caring people who love their partners for who they are. With all that said, the whole scenario is quite sad as this mutual objectification and exploitation dynamic would feel the opposite of love and belonging. And to engage in the idea of exploitation of men on the basis that it's even and that they do it too, would stick a woman down in some pretty dysfunctional transactional dynamics.

Do you say this because you believe that hormones aren't naturally different between men and women... and that they don't impact men and women's sex drive differently? And are you saying that men and women's hormonal differences are environmental? This seems to be what you're implying because you seem to be using it as a rebuttal to my statement that men have a stronger drive towards the physical act of sex and ejaculation due to hormones like Testosterone.

I didn't watch the videos, so I'm not responding to the videos specifically. But what you had said about your friend whose ex used him for money and then left him for a wealthier guy is a shame. Often times, men can feel a great deal of shame and unlovability and a sense of not being enough as they are. And they may end up in relationships where a woman exploits these vulnerabilities because he feels like he needs to compensate for his perceived unlovability by over-giving. And using these types of tactics for the sake of exploitation will create unhappy dysfunctional relationships. Plus, only guys with self-esteem issues will be willing to put up with it. Also, most men naturally like to give and be appreciated/loved for it. So, it takes a very nice pro-social quality and exploits it. If you want to make a man happy using this knowledge and help him feel closer to you, ask him to help you solve a problem. And then appreciate him for it and tell him how his help made you feel. Or if he gives a gift of his own volition, light up and appreciate him for it. But if a woman keeps telling a man "This is not sufficient. You need to give me more.", men who are already on shaky ground self-esteem-wise will keep trying and trying and trying like a little boy trying to impress a callous mother. And it's just exploiting a deep human vulnerability. And of course, no intimacy is possible in this type of situation.

Yes. The presence of more Testosterone will lead to a higher drive towards the physical experience of sex. And Testosterone can even sometimes be given to post-menopausal women who are experiencing a decrease in their sex drive.

That's not quite how it is for women. When it comes to sex itself, there's a lot of abundance. But that doesn't mean that much to the average woman as there isn't typically a strong drive to seek out sexual experiences with lots of guys. Perhaps here and there. But it's just not that exciting. And the drive is more towards emotional experiences, and that is quite rare to come across. So, there isn't really a sense of abundance from our point of view, because we don't view abundance of sexual options as what's valuable to us. In many cases, it can be like water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink. But men do have to work more for sex. And I'm sure that plays into the stronger craving for it. But there's also just a biological driver there that makes sexual sensation itself more compelling to seek out for a man. There is a strong biological driver towards sexual sensation and ejaculation itself. And women don't have that as same intensity of drive towards pure sexual sensation for purely biological reasons. Instead, we tend to need emotions to compel us in that direction. And that's a bit more difficult to come by. And without that, the drive towards sexual sensation 8 times out of 10 isn't compelling enough to seek out sex or self-pleasuring.

Thank you for the kind words

I actually really like the Scooby Doo metaphor, and I don't see it as a negative thing when I say it. I like that quality about men's sexuality. It's just a really straightforward earnest excitement and enjoyment for sex.