Emerald

So, because a woman called you gay, you now hate women in general? Doesn't that seem like a bit of an over-reaction when it was a specific person (or maybe a handful of people) who called you gay? Also, men who resist their Feminine side tend to come across as less socially adept than men who don't resist their Feminine side... because the Feminine principle is reflective of softness while the Masculine principle is reflective of hardness. And the integration of the softness of the Feminine creates flexibility and resilience in the hardness of the Masculine. And hardness without flexibility/resilience creates brittleness and fragility. But hardness integrated with flexibility/resilience creates firmness. Another example like this is... imperfection is archetypally Feminine while perfection is archetypally Masculine. And a man who resists owning his imperfections will be much less socially adept and resilient than a man who can embrace his imperfections and laugh about them. And these are just a couple of examples of how dropping resistance to the archetypal Feminine helps a man come across as more attractive (and be perceived as more Masculine through the eyes of culture)... and just feel better to be around in general.

Thank you! I really appreciate the encouraging words.

Thank you! To answer your question, the Masculine and Feminine are like Yin and Yang. And they always come together... as all things are truly "androgynous", containing both the Masculine and Feminine. So, while physicality and the material world and the body is Feminine principled (Yin).... the movement the body makes is Masculine principled (Yang). It's a bit like the ocean... where the water is archetypally Feminine... but the currents flowing through the water is archetypally Masculine. And neither can be truly separated from one another. Hence why a person who is in resistance to one principle will experience blocks to the opposite principle.

That's great to hear! Embracing your commonality with others is a great way to feel connected with human beings, nature, and the universe at large. There really is a great deal of value talking with many different types of people... and most people aren't into exploring the depths. But what I would say in this case, is that you want to make sure that your needs for social depth are met too... and that you have a social context through which to "show up" as your full self, with your depth and uniqueness included. So, embracing ordinariness helps give a sense of connection and belonging with human beings in general. And finding other human beings who have this same quality as you, will help you find a setting where your extraordinariness is ordinary.

@Natasha Tori Maru It's definitely super important as we age to maintain social connection. Oftentimes, when we're younger, we can identify with being a loner or have a romanticized notion around hyper-independence. I used to do that as a teenager quite a lot, where I wanted to embody this notion of the deep loner that no one understands. But the irony, is that I was the MOST connected to others at that time. I could just convince myself that I was a loner because I really enjoyed my solitary time where I was just contemplating or painting. But then, when I was 20, and I was actually genuinely quite alone in the world to the point where, if I went missing, no one would know I was gone for quite some time. And I realized that I was only able to identify with being a loner type because I was getting my social needs met. So, that was quite humbling to me in that identity. Knocked me off my special loner identity high horse real quick. But social connection is something that gets more difficult to come by as we age. So, while we can afford to devalue connection in our youth (because of the greater abundance of connection opportunities), we can't afford to devalue it in our later years... or we'll end up isolated and in a very precarious position. That's doubly so if we need care in our old age.

I understand.

Connection is a basic human need, just like food and water. We're evolutionarily wired for it as humans have never survived in isolation at any point in human history prior to the past 50 years or so. So, even if one doesn't value it consciously or identifies as a loner... the need is still there, and the lack of it takes a toll.

Think about Feminine integration as being more of a subtractive process of removing the resistances to the Feminine... as opposed to an additive process where you try to mold yourself into the Feminine. That tends to be the main misconception. Also, you cannot be more or less Feminine than you already are... you can either reject and repress it and have it come out in toxic ways OR you can embrace it and have it come out in ways that enhance your Masculinity. The same thing is true with the Masculine. It cannot be added or subtracted... only repressed or embraced.

The thing he's wrong about is the "all women go for the top 10% of men" line. That's just not true. Most women want a regular guy that she can connect with and have intimacy with... who is a reliable, safe, and pro-social kind of guy. And probably about 60%-70% of guys are perfectly good relationship/marriage partners. However, I do think there's a sizable minority of men who just are quite repellent to women... not because of looks or their job or something (like Incels think)... but because of their cold hard personalities and anti-social ways that makes it impossible to get the level of intimacy and connection that women need to feel good in a relationship. And society used to guarantee these guys a marriage partner because female sovereignty and female sexuality was heavily controlled by the state.... and they weren't as able to make their own money. And otherwise anti-social men with money were able to essentially purchase many wives and concubines from the women's fathers. (Also not a situation women chose... and thus not an example of female selection preferences) The same thing is true in Gorilla societies. The female apes are perfectly fine selecting a mate with a regular non-silverback gorilla if given the chance. But the Silverback guards the females. So, the females gorillas are controlled like territory/property of the Silverback to the point where they don't have the opportunity to mate with the other gorillas. So, it's important to differentiate between how women select based on personal preference... and how (historically) their fathers selected for them. But because of this set-up, women had to rely on a man... and society heavily punished women who were single or who chose to divorce. It was a decision borne out of survival necessity instead of genuine desire and preference. And I agree that a lot of anti-social men got to reproduce who wouldn't have otherwise gotten to because of their unappealing personalities. So, I do agree that it seems like the guys that are complaining about the male loneliness epidemic are really just guys who repel women with their cold and anti-social personality. A man without integration with his Feminine side comes across as nerdy, cold, hostile, misogynistic, and juvenile... and it's just off-putting to women. It honestly comes across as gross and off-putting, while I'm sure many men who operate this way believe themselves to be manly men. It's like imagining cuddling with steel... or a very prickly cactus. So, I do think that now-a-days, there will be a sizable minority of guys who won't "make the cut" in terms of marrying and having children. And the internet propaganda men consume just makes that worse. But honestly, I did just see a video of a guy who was considering leaving his wife for an AI voice... and wanted to divorce his wife and marry the AI. And these are the exact type of guys that women want to be rid of and would prefer singleness over having a relationship with that kind of guy. Women online say this often, men are not competing with other men. Men are competing with the peace women feel when they're single. And if the woman feels better single than in a relationship with a given man, that relationship should end.

That's probably on the lower end in terms of gender-violence if we're talking about that as a broad umbrella of gendered violence from sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, etc. I honestly can't even fathom of being female and having never experienced some form of sexual harassment or being touched against our will, at the very least. And roughly 1 in 5 women are raped in their lifetime in the United States... which is 20%. But if we're including sexual harassment and domestic violence more generally, I'm sure that that rate goes up to 40% and beyond. You just don't have a clear sense of how prevalent the issue is. So, you think this is a "Gotcha Feminists!"

Certainly responsibility and action taking are positive qualities. I just don't see any evidence of this manly man stuff actually leading out to greater levels of personal responsibility and action. And these are things that I've learned in the process of growing up and developing a strong work ethic in my teen years, without any gender ideology attached to it.

I felt that way before I started my channel 9 years ago. It was this sense of having made myself into a social pariah whose perspective couldn't be understood (different in a bad way), as I didn't know anyone on a similar path to mine who had experienced ego de-centering and God realization. I had also gone through some major traumas around the same time. And it was in my first several years of motherhood as well, which was even more isolating. The most lonely years that I had were between ages 20 and 26. But once I started my channel, I was able to find connection with other like-minded people who have had similar experiences and who value similar things. And that met that need... and also took away the sense of specialness that I was clinging to in order to cope with the isolation. It was a lot better to be an average member of a group of people who were grappling with similar experiences... than to be the "one special loner who's on some totally different level that can see so much that other people don't see." (different in a good way) When I was a high school teacher (from age 23-25), I used to have these fantasies about my colleagues recognizing the specialness of my perspective in some objective way... because it just wasn't getting any social outlet. So, impressiveness was the only form of connection that I could imagine getting. But in connecting with others who are similar, that exceptionality fantasy wained as my connection needs were met on more of an eye-to-eye level with people who are dealign with similar experiences and struggles related to the expansion of consciousness. And this dropped my feelings of alienation and specialness... which go hand in hand. Then, I could just have normal connections with people who didn't understand because I had those needs met elsewhere. And in recent years, things have come full circle to a re-integration of normal human ordinariness and folksiness... and an appreciation for the perspectives of average people.

I understand about the Stage Green arguments feeling like remedial math. They're not sexy at all. They are useful because that's where society is in the process of heading, and people resist them heavily for this reason as they are upsetting homeostasis. But if you've gone deeper, they're not the most intellectually stimulating.... as they stick to a layer of systemic thinking that's more political and social than it is about the underlying emotional, psychological, and spiritual dynamics that makes systems run as they do. They're useful for the current era but a bit boring and under-stimulating for people seeking deeper answers. At age 23, when I first started learning about Feminine re-integration after I had my experiences of the deep Feminine, I began reading a lot of Feminist literature at first. I figured that would be a good place to look on the topic. But I found it didn't go deep enough... even though there were a lot of valuable perspectives. So, I had to integrate these perspectives into my framework to untie some of the internalized misogyny. But they were never going to bring me to the deepest levels of Feminine integration. And that's what led me to seek out deeper perspectives on Feminine integration and integration more generally, where things take on a more mystical quality... and focus on the integration of opposites and the sacred marriage between the Masculine and Feminine. My Ayahuasca experiences have also largely been about the embrace of the Feminine. I have tended to think about Feminism in waves... and the past 10ish years has been 3rd Wave Feminism. But these other perspectives are some later wave of Feminism that society hasn't gotten to yet. Ultimately, individuals can dive deeply into integrating the Feminine and Masculine within themselves. But societally and collectively, it makes sense that Blue/Orange and Green are the ways we're thinking about these things. It does get frustrating though when you've experienced something so much deeper than what's on offer.

As always, I will always take your perspective on, on its merits... and I will challenge you where I see fit, like I do with everyone else. So, it's not about your assumption that your perspective is more accurate/better/higher than mine. That's just the nature of having a perspective. If you thought my perspective was more accurate/better/higher than your current perspective, you'd just change your viewpoint. So, I'm going to challenge you. And you're going to challenge me. That's not the problem, as that's what this forum is for. My issue is about you using dishonest debate tactics... like using Spiral Dynamics as a subtle way to put my perspective in a box and to subtly communicate "this perspective is beneath consideration because it's just Stage Green liberal tripe". So, just think when you're using the Spiral Dynamics model... "Am I using this as a subtle way to discount the merits and straw man the perspective of the other person by framing them as Tier 1 and lower consciousness?"

Absolutely, relationship with others (romantic or platonic) is such a powerful conduit for inner work because you can see so many reflections of yourself in another. One thing that's been really helpful to me is that I've been a coach for the past 6.5 years. And working with a lot of people, it's really taken so much of my own patterns and struggles up out of the abstract and into the real world. There's nothing more helpful to the integration process that recognizing your own patterns in another person. I actually just got out of a group coaching session for my coaching program, and people share a lot as a whole group and in breakout rooms. And it's awesome, because people get to experience so much mirroring on their patterns and their path... which can otherwise feel invisible without that mirroring. And yes, when it comes to Masculine and Feminine integration... there's a lot of friction and suffering there too. And the surface-level expressions and symptoms of this lack of integration can be frustrating. But it does make it a lot more interesting and mysterious at the same time when you see what the real under-lying drivers are to all this surface level stuff.

All you have to do is actually explain your perspective in detail without engaging in dishonest debate tactics. So not pigeon-holing my perspectives with empty appeals to authority via the lens of Spiral Dynamics... and trying to frame things in such a way that puts my perspective underneath yourself using your understanding of the SD model. It's just intellectually lazy to debate like that as it puts your debate opponent in the box of inferior perspectives that need not be taken seriously. But with this case in particular, you're just incorrect about integration... and thinking about integration as meaning only freedom with no constraint. You seemed to be interpreting integration as analogous to being a libertine or something like that... which is not accurate. You can be just as repressed if you're a libertine with no constraint as you can be being an uptight teetotaler. So, this shows a clear lack of understanding about what repression is and what integration is. So, it's important to know when you don't know... instead of trying to grand-stand on topics you don't know that much about. If you'd like to learn more about the integration... and specifically integration of the Masculine and Feminine through a deeper lens, I recommend checking out the book Androgyny by June Singer. It's a dense read, but it was really helpful to me when I first started learning about Jungian Psychology and integration of the Masculine and Feminine... which helped me make sense of my experiences of the deep Feminine several years prior to that. https://a.co/d/fSkj60C

Honestly, you might just have a domination kink, which is fine. Most men actually have that to some degree or another. It's nothing to feel ashamed of... nor is it necessarily an indicator of your values in day-to-day life. And sex can be a great place to play with socially taboo things... if your partner is open to it. It can be excellent for self-exploration. So, as long as you see your partner as a whole human being in other contexts and she's open to exploring these roles sexually, it can be exciting and a lot of fun. For example, I tend to have a more submissive orientation to sexual encounters. And if I try to be dominant, I just don't enjoy it as much. So, in that context, I'm open to things that I'd never be okay with if somebody came up to me on the street and started treating me that way. So, context is key here... as it the level of trust you have with your partner. If some random guy runs up to me on the street and calls me his slut/bitch/whore, I'm going to want to throat punch him. But if I'm with my partner who I love and trust and we're in the throes of passion and he calls me his slut/bitch/whore, it will probably add to the excitement. It's like a play where you play the damsel in distress and he plays the villain that's going to tie you to the railroad tracks. And as long as it's just fun, it's perfectly fine. And as long as she's into it, it wouldn't mean you're a REAL villain. It seems that that's your fear.

That's also been my experience over the past 13 years of doing Shadow Work. Thank you for sharing.

Integration is largely about the integration of opposites along all spectrums. So... it is the integration of expansion and contraction... and freedom and temperance... and limitation and unlimitedness. In fact, things like expansion and freedom are Masculine principled values... while contraction and constraint are Feminine principled values. A great artist doesn't paint a painting with EVERY color on their palette. They exercise limitation and only choose 2 or 3, because it helps their creative work come to fruition (which is Masculine expansion). So, you have to contract to expand... constrain yourself to be free... and limit yourself to realize your infinite nature in a meaningful way. And you must integrate the Feminine to have positive Masculine expression.

But you clearly don't understand what repression is and what integration means, since you described integration as "the foolishness of liberalism and Stage Green" And I just get tired of the subtle tactic you use to invalidate my perspectives to frame my views as "Tier 1 thinking and liberal ideological tripe that's not to be taken seriously" while you imply that your views are more meta and Tier 2 and higher consciousness that I 'just don't get yet'. And you rely too much on the Spiral Dynamics model as an appeal to authority to pigeon-hole your debate opponent's perspectives as lower consciousness and frame your perspectives as Tier 2. Let's be real and honest. That's what you usually do when you argue with me on here. And it just comes across as smug and un-earned. But that also describes lots of guys on this forum. You didn't used to be like this as much as you are now, so I think you're picking up on bad debating habits and certain logical fallacies. You're honestly being a bit of Dunning-Kruger on these topics, where you don't realize that you're not aware of what Femininity really is (as you said yourself that you only see it from the narrow lens of "What I like sexually/romantically") and you're not aware of what integration really means because you're seeing integration as confined to a single Spiral Dynamics stage when the whole entire journey up the spiral is a process of integration. Now, there is more to knowing yourself than integration... but knowing yourself is definitionally not possible without integration. Repression is the lack of consciousness regarding parts of yourself that are in your blindspot. ( Side note: We also have a collective Shadow where certain people and perspectives are in that collective blindspot) So, you would need to focus on integration first, as you can't do anything to get to know these unconscious parts of yourself without integrating them first. And most people's Feminine side is deeply repressed. So, we need to start at square one with Feminine integration... which is dropping resistance and "making the unconscious conscious". But you would also need to go through the process of individuation to get more in touch with yourself as well relative to the Feminine side or any other part of yourself that you might hope to integrate. So, it's integration first... and then practical exercise of these qualities in external world contexts second. For example, let's say that I grew up in a society that saw creativity as evil and as a "work of the devil". And any sign of valuing creativity in any way would get you shunned from society. We, that would very likely lead me to create an identity that's in opposition to creativity. And I would find ways to make myself unconscious to any tendencies towards creativity. That's what repression is. But let's say that I cannot repress creativity because it's so innate to me. Then, I would have to suppress it actively because I am conscious of it. It's not in the Shadow but I have to keep it suppressed. In this case, the integration of my creative side is (at least partially) the status quo for me. But because there is no external outlet for expression and practice of this creativity... I never get to know this creative part of myself beyond what I can explore from the confines of my own imagination, which only stretches so far. But because my creativity is integrated and I wasn't raised in a society where I have to suppress that creative drive, I spent about 7 years of my life primarily focused on creating art. And I went to college for it... and I was a high school art teacher for a couple years, even. And the development of that creativity and my authentic creative voice would not have become as known to me as it currently is if I just had it integrated but didn't take any action on it. But... if I have it repressed I'm going to be TOTALLY unconscious to it and disconnected form it... and it will come out in toxic ways. But if I integrate it, I will become conscious of it... and it's less likely to express in toxic ways... even if I don't follow a path of individuation relative to creative expression. But I am also more likely to try to seek an outlet for deeper exploration.

You seem to not understand what repression means. You're thinking of libertine behaviors and expressing things a particular way. But working through repression is simply making the unconscious conscious and integrating it into your personality. Here's a video about what integration means...

Repression is the most important thing to focus on as it comes to revealing your authenticity to yourself. Consider a society that is highly shaming and repressive of sexuality. And a person goes unconscious to huge parts of themselves because of these societal standards. For them, focusing on ridding themselves of mindsets, beliefs, and aversions to sexuality will help them connect more deeply with those elements of themselves and to be more authentic. The same thing is true about the deep Feminine. Society hates it and lashes out at it every time it's seen. So, women and men have a very hard time integrating their Feminine side because it is so deeply resisted. And it cuts us all off from a major source of power and authenticity... and prevents us from maturing as a species.

100% In a nut-shell, the Deep Feminine is about sovereignty on the level of being itself. A lot of anti-Feminine patriarchal viewpoints are about convincing people that they are not sovereign beings and need to match up to some external authority's standards to be valid and worthy of existence. And when you live in world that only values and understands the Masculine and we feel like we must "do" to justify our "being", there are no empowered expressions of the Feminine to look to. So, most women look to male role models... or women who have sought their empowerment through the lens of the Masculine. I sense a change in this in recent years. I made a video about Feminine archetypes with the Feminine counterparts to "Kind, Warrior, Magician, Lover" (I also made a video about he Masculine archetypes), which are "Queen, Mother, Wise Woman, Beloved" to share more about the deep Feminine...

Even though both Blue and Orange squelch the Feminine, Blue is actually a lot more repressive to the Feminine than Orange is because of the narrow gender roles and lack of female individuation. And I've watched a lot of her videos. Her perspectives are interesting. I'm sure she would agree with me. I have a close friend who's ex-Mormon, and the way the Mormon society treats women just squelches expression and humanity altogether. It's more like I'd be blocked off from both my Feminine and Masculine side if I were raised Mormon... or in a traditional society, really. I'd have to become 10% of what I currently am. The more patriarchal an environment is, the more the Feminine is stripped from it... because the deep Feminine is a genuine threat to Patriarchy and the powers that be. That's why stage Blue societies draw a very tiny circle of acceptable traits for women, where the power of the Deep Feminine is stripped down to a very male-controlled version of motherhood. That's why we need to develop past all this hyper-Masculine polarization... so that society can integrate the Feminine as opposed to being hostile to it.