Emerald

I would wager that, when the time comes, I will relinquish my current identity with more ease than I now imagine. It's normally the case. For example, when I was about ten years old, I remember thinking that I would be afraid to give up toys and cartoons when the time came. I was afraid of losing my identity as a kid. But I left childhood with ease upon becoming a teenager. I was the same in my transition from teen hood to adulthood. The primary difference here is that society's ideal view of womanhood is to be a beautiful young woman. So, because I'm very idealistic and want to be my best version, I want this part of my identity to appreciate in value like the other parts. Unfortunately, physical attractiveness is a depreciating asset, by its very nature. Men have some degree of issue in this way too, although society tends to value men for their contributions more than their physical appearance. So, there's more of a social give and take. Men don't rely as much on their physical appearance in the first place, so it's easier to let go of for them and for society. Ultimately, the primary issue is that I want some kind of significance. I want to be valued. It's truly an issue of self love, more than anything else. And my identities are at war with one another, in an egoic self-hatred battle. But I'm hoping that, with age, will come maturity and that I'll be so over this issue once I get to that point.

Definitely. I might have sounded as though I was saying I should detach from sexuality in the sense of stopping being a 'sexual' person. Sexuality is very natural, and I don't want to leave anything natural behind. I only want to leave the thoughts and assumptions that are barriers to my sexuality and authenticity behind. I want to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak... even though I know that the chaff is natural too. But I agree that sexuality just is. It is a natural force, and that it should be accepted and have non-judgmental consciousness applied toward it. But the attachments and unconscious/conscious beliefs that I have spike it with all sorts of negative emotions... so very often it leaves me feeling a little conflicted and very unsatisfied. It turns something that would feel positive into something that causes a lot of anxiety.

Thank you. Since being on the forum, I have come to similar conclusions about the present moment being the only thing that I can "know" for sure. Somehow, this has helped me in relation to straightening out things that are more on the metaphysical side of the coin, but not the mundane way... if that makes sense. It might be that I avoid taking apart the more mundane barriers because I'm not as interested in them, and they cause me more insecurity. But I will try to focus more directly on this idea in relation to my insecurities. Maybe bringing myself through the process of thinking about it and deconstructing it will be of help.

One that really threw me for a loop was about boundaries. When I was 20, I had two artificially catalyzed 'ego-transcendence' experiences where I felt and lived in a state of complete connection and oneness with the rest of existence, for a few hours. They were so amazing that I (foolishly) tried to replicate them in any way that I could. I tried a lot of stupid and harmful methods, where I was trying to push away practical truths and apply metaphysical truths instead. So, I decided that because I felt boundless during that time, the solution would be to have no boundaries between myself and others. So, this opened me up to a ton of negative influences... especially as a young woman. So, on the metaphysical level, we are boundless and intricately connected. There are no boundaries. On the practical level, we need strong and healthy boundaries to function in life. Here are a few more: - We have no free will. But if we behave in this way, our lives will be terrible. - There is no "me." But if we behave this way, our life will be dysfunctional. - All of life is an illusion. But we still suffer consequences within that illusion, if we let go of responsibility. - We should practice unconditional love and acceptance. But justice and accountability are important for helping society function. - Death is an illusion. But if you throw yourself into a wood-chopper, you will die.

Definitely. I think my problem has been that I'm treating these thoughts like they are somehow different from other thoughts. Thank you.

Hopefully so. It's very frustrating.

Certainly. I know that I'm not alone in this. It's a very human struggle. I know this to be rationally true. It's just a very uncomfortable attachment that my ego seems to be using like a shield.

From the ultimate perspective, there are no truths. But there are varying levels of illusion in which different "levels" of truth reside. From the mundane level, saying that you are one with the bears then trying to act as such is foolish, because you will die. From the more spiritual perspective, you can feel as though you are one with everything and that will be more true in accordance with the "ultimate perspective". Ultimately I only use higher and lower truths as a metaphor for understanding.

I should have specified what I mean by attachment. I think it would be most natural for me to embrace my femininity because I believe that I'm a mostly feminine person. What I mean by detachment is to detach from identities, thoughts, and feelings that are holding me back from being genuine and accepting what is: masculine, feminine, or otherwise. I've always been a naturally sexual person, so I can relate to the sexual obsession thing that you mention. It can be a major distraction. But there is a huge fear of missing out. It's like I have these barriers to my femininity/sexuality, so I can't fully enjoy them. Then I have this ticking clock echoed by social patterns, telling me that my sexuality is depreciating in value. Because my feelings about my own womanhood relate so much to sexuality, it feels strangely like I'll never really be the person that I want to be and even if I do get there it will only be for a very short time. It feels like my womanhood is going to be ripped away from me before I really get to enjoy it. So, I'm sort of fighting with two enemies, and they're both me. It's very frustrating. This is why I want detachment, because I can get more clarity about what is truly genuine for me. It will leave behind the false beliefs and assumptions to leave what it, which is always in a state of flux. I want to be able to accept that state of flux and to be able to accept reality without all the resistance.

I'm going to continue to keep myself up as long as it feels genuine. Dressing up and wearing make-up has always felt good and natural to me. Even as a child I always enjoyed things relating to beauty. So, that's not really what I mean by detachment. I think one of the issues is that I have a deeply ingrained resistance to the feminine principle in general, so I have a lot of resistance to that which is naturally feminine in me. When I had my experiences that I referred to, I felt a major up-surge of what I recognized as feminine energy. It felt very natural and powerful in a subtle way. Sensuality/sexuality was part of it, but there was so much more to it than that. What I mean by detachment is to understand that I am not the self-concept that my ego spins. All fear, including fear of death, come from the illusion of ego. So, I have this insecurity, but there is no "I" to actually have it. I suspect this insecurity exists as a mechanism to keep the ego hidden from being exposed. It's one of the ego stories that keeps it sustained. I would imagine that transcending the ego (permanently) is the only really effective way to get over all of these resistances to what is natural.

I do, and he does. But it's more complicated than that. What you're referring to are external expressions, and someone else's experience of me. I'm speaking more of my complex feelings of resistance to my own nature, sexual and otherwise. My insecurities are informed by so many different things (some that I'm conscious of an others that I'm probably unconscious of) that external expression of femininity, sexuality, or personality are always colored by my insecurities and antithetical self-loathing values; despite my best intentions to be "myself" without any qualms.

I will definitely check out those resources. I would say this attachment is very trauma-like in that it causes so much unnecessary distress. Since being on the forum, I have come to the conclusion that I'm attached to my past spiritual experiences. I'm currently working through that attachment. But I also use it for frame of reference, which I don't know if it's helpful or not. Thank you.

You may want to consider experiencing sex and other human things before committing to a life of monasticism. It would probably make it a bit easier to commit to. Giving up normalcy is difficult, but it will be worth it if it helps you to reach enlightenment. I never felt better in my whole entire life (even childhood) than when I had transcended my ego. I know that this will be the least of my cares when I truly "get there." Even death won't phase me, which is a constant semi-unconscious background fear now. Thank you for the video.

So, unconditional acceptance of these insecurities, feelings, and thoughts as well as unconditional acceptance of my inability to let them go. This makes total sense. It's very interesting how hearing something from someone else, helps clear things. Thank you.

Great advice. Thank you.

Then, I would say, go for it but don't neglect your studies. Have fun.

On a side note, I was teaching high school for 2 years and one of my co-workers is now in prison because of her inability to set her sexuality to the side. So, I agree that this is the reason. She really couldn't compartmentalize her sexuality, even in the most inappropriate of settings. I know that ingrained sexual identities are difficult to detach from because the emotions associated with them are strong. But I score almost equally on sexual/social/self-preservaton. It was something like 68/54/52 respectively, if we're referring to the same scale. But my goal is to reach enlightenment and permanently transcend the ego. It is my number one goal in life. So, finding a way to detach myself from the ups and downs caused by my emotions (sexual or otherwise), is 100% necessary if I'm to achieve this end. This particular identity (and the corresponding emotions) seem to be the bottleneck. I just can't seem to accept things as they are and detach my egoic-identity from these patterns. I just have such a strong emotional reaction that the worries and concerns suck me in every time. I've been meditating and that has been helping some. But I wanted to know if there is any other method for overcoming a specific attachment.

Yeah. definitely. I've had some degree of this age issue, since around the time I turned 21. And I've always had insecurities regarding my femininity, sexuality, and attractiveness... even when I was a child. So, it's a pretty deep issue. I've thought and theorized a lot on the subject. But these understandings, don't seem to really help me surpass the attachment. Oddly enough, (other than my ego-transcendence experiences) the biggest relief I had regarding this insecurity was right after my 17th birthday. I had gone to a three day festival concert in Central Florida, and got sun poisoning that left my face swollen and disfigured for a few days. My eyes were almost swolen shut and the bridge of my nose was three times as thick as it normally is. I looked like I had elephantitis of the face. I was a negative 5 on the attractiveness scale, and I knew it. All the pressure of having to be attractive was gone because there was just no semblance of attractiveness to my face. I didn't like it, on one hand. But it was liberating in a way.

This is great to know. I've been in phase one before. Phase two, I have been struggling through because phase one was achieved artificially.

My Enneagram type is 9 (peacemaker), with a secondary emphasis on 2 and 3 (I forget which these are). But I'm speaking specifically about getting rid of the attachment and not necessarily rationally understanding where it comes from. I think this trait likely comes from a mix of instinct, social conditionings, traumas, personal identity, and practical concerns. I've rationalized a lot about it. But I find this type of thinking unhelpful in letting go of the attachment. But I do appreciate your input.

For me, there have been several insights that have cleared a path for me. Number one, all actions are taken to move toward positive emotions and away from negative emotions. Number two, emotions are reactions to thoughts. Number three, I don't control my thoughts. Number four, I am not my thoughts. Number five, I don't choose the content of my thoughts. Number six, if it isn't a sight, sound, feeling, taste, smell, or thought (the sensation, not the content) being experienced in the present moment, it is the content of a thought and is therefore not the Truth. Number seven, beliefs reside in the content of a thought. Number eight, the past and the future are only the content of a thought.

I recommend setting a goal of sleeping with 10 women, and see how you feel afterward. When I was 20, I had a promiscuous jag that lasted only a couple months. I am a woman, so this was very easy to achieve. So, the thrill of conquest just isn't there, because (generally speaking) most men are easy and don't really have high standards for who they sleep with. There's no challenge or self-esteem boost that comes with it, like a man might have when sleeping with an attractive woman. Plus, society tends to frown more on women exploring their sexuality in that way. So, my experiences may be very different from yours. But I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with my very first boyfriend, so I wanted to experience what it was like to be with different partners. So, making up for lost time, I slept with six men. The first time or two it was exciting but lost meaning quickly afterward. I'm glad for the experience because I now know what it is like, and I know that I don't want it. Now that I am married, I don't have to wonder what it would be like. So, you might find yourself in the same position after having had a good handful of partners. It's really not that much fun and it becomes a shallow enjoyment... at least from my experience. But I wouldn't set a goal of sleeping with 100 women. That feels pretty neurotic, and like you'd be having sex to feel a sense of worth and to improve self-esteem. From this mindset, it's going to feel a bit depressing. If you want to do it, do it for enjoyment and experience, not for notches on your belt. So, my recommendation is to focus on your studies, but also experiment whenever the opportunity strikes. I see no reason why you shouldn't do both.

Well, Tolle speaks from a state of wisdom, that is paradoxical an ever-changing. So, it would be difficult to pin down, because he speaks from experience. But if I were to try, he talks about being in the present moment and that the only moment is now. I would say that this is the core of his personal philosophy regarding his enlightenment. He mentioned in an interview that he'd been struggling with depression and that he reached enlightenment by thinking the thought "I can't live with myself any longer." Then he thought 'Who is the I and who is the myself?' When he woke up, he had reached enlightenment.

Significance (or lack thereof) is a concept that people use to label things as important v. non-important. It helps us rationalize the world and make meaning out of things. It's a human labeling mechanism to help us keep our experiences small and understandable. I was being a bit tongue in cheek, telling Leo that becoming a Yogi isn't significant because Yogis are breaking away from ideas of significance to embrace what's true. But literally, being a Yogi doesn't have any more significance than being a grocery store clerk. That said, if positive emotion is what you seek (which it is whether you realize it or not) being a yogi and seeking enlightenment is the most effective and efficient way to get it. But it would be a trap to think becoming a Yogi is significant in the grand scheme of things or to think that being a Yogi makes a person more significant in some way. Because significance is imaginary, it would be like arguing about which of our imaginary friends drive a nicer car. It's mine... of course. But it doesn't change the fact that significance is imaginary.

It strengthens its defenses.