Emerald

From the ultimate perspective, there are no truths. But there are varying levels of illusion in which different "levels" of truth reside. From the mundane level, saying that you are one with the bears then trying to act as such is foolish, because you will die. From the more spiritual perspective, you can feel as though you are one with everything and that will be more true in accordance with the "ultimate perspective". Ultimately I only use higher and lower truths as a metaphor for understanding.

I should have specified what I mean by attachment. I think it would be most natural for me to embrace my femininity because I believe that I'm a mostly feminine person. What I mean by detachment is to detach from identities, thoughts, and feelings that are holding me back from being genuine and accepting what is: masculine, feminine, or otherwise. I've always been a naturally sexual person, so I can relate to the sexual obsession thing that you mention. It can be a major distraction. But there is a huge fear of missing out. It's like I have these barriers to my femininity/sexuality, so I can't fully enjoy them. Then I have this ticking clock echoed by social patterns, telling me that my sexuality is depreciating in value. Because my feelings about my own womanhood relate so much to sexuality, it feels strangely like I'll never really be the person that I want to be and even if I do get there it will only be for a very short time. It feels like my womanhood is going to be ripped away from me before I really get to enjoy it. So, I'm sort of fighting with two enemies, and they're both me. It's very frustrating. This is why I want detachment, because I can get more clarity about what is truly genuine for me. It will leave behind the false beliefs and assumptions to leave what it, which is always in a state of flux. I want to be able to accept that state of flux and to be able to accept reality without all the resistance.

I'm going to continue to keep myself up as long as it feels genuine. Dressing up and wearing make-up has always felt good and natural to me. Even as a child I always enjoyed things relating to beauty. So, that's not really what I mean by detachment. I think one of the issues is that I have a deeply ingrained resistance to the feminine principle in general, so I have a lot of resistance to that which is naturally feminine in me. When I had my experiences that I referred to, I felt a major up-surge of what I recognized as feminine energy. It felt very natural and powerful in a subtle way. Sensuality/sexuality was part of it, but there was so much more to it than that. What I mean by detachment is to understand that I am not the self-concept that my ego spins. All fear, including fear of death, come from the illusion of ego. So, I have this insecurity, but there is no "I" to actually have it. I suspect this insecurity exists as a mechanism to keep the ego hidden from being exposed. It's one of the ego stories that keeps it sustained. I would imagine that transcending the ego (permanently) is the only really effective way to get over all of these resistances to what is natural.

I do, and he does. But it's more complicated than that. What you're referring to are external expressions, and someone else's experience of me. I'm speaking more of my complex feelings of resistance to my own nature, sexual and otherwise. My insecurities are informed by so many different things (some that I'm conscious of an others that I'm probably unconscious of) that external expression of femininity, sexuality, or personality are always colored by my insecurities and antithetical self-loathing values; despite my best intentions to be "myself" without any qualms.

I will definitely check out those resources. I would say this attachment is very trauma-like in that it causes so much unnecessary distress. Since being on the forum, I have come to the conclusion that I'm attached to my past spiritual experiences. I'm currently working through that attachment. But I also use it for frame of reference, which I don't know if it's helpful or not. Thank you.

You may want to consider experiencing sex and other human things before committing to a life of monasticism. It would probably make it a bit easier to commit to. Giving up normalcy is difficult, but it will be worth it if it helps you to reach enlightenment. I never felt better in my whole entire life (even childhood) than when I had transcended my ego. I know that this will be the least of my cares when I truly "get there." Even death won't phase me, which is a constant semi-unconscious background fear now. Thank you for the video.

So, unconditional acceptance of these insecurities, feelings, and thoughts as well as unconditional acceptance of my inability to let them go. This makes total sense. It's very interesting how hearing something from someone else, helps clear things. Thank you.

Great advice. Thank you.

Then, I would say, go for it but don't neglect your studies. Have fun.

On a side note, I was teaching high school for 2 years and one of my co-workers is now in prison because of her inability to set her sexuality to the side. So, I agree that this is the reason. She really couldn't compartmentalize her sexuality, even in the most inappropriate of settings. I know that ingrained sexual identities are difficult to detach from because the emotions associated with them are strong. But I score almost equally on sexual/social/self-preservaton. It was something like 68/54/52 respectively, if we're referring to the same scale. But my goal is to reach enlightenment and permanently transcend the ego. It is my number one goal in life. So, finding a way to detach myself from the ups and downs caused by my emotions (sexual or otherwise), is 100% necessary if I'm to achieve this end. This particular identity (and the corresponding emotions) seem to be the bottleneck. I just can't seem to accept things as they are and detach my egoic-identity from these patterns. I just have such a strong emotional reaction that the worries and concerns suck me in every time. I've been meditating and that has been helping some. But I wanted to know if there is any other method for overcoming a specific attachment.

Yeah. definitely. I've had some degree of this age issue, since around the time I turned 21. And I've always had insecurities regarding my femininity, sexuality, and attractiveness... even when I was a child. So, it's a pretty deep issue. I've thought and theorized a lot on the subject. But these understandings, don't seem to really help me surpass the attachment. Oddly enough, (other than my ego-transcendence experiences) the biggest relief I had regarding this insecurity was right after my 17th birthday. I had gone to a three day festival concert in Central Florida, and got sun poisoning that left my face swollen and disfigured for a few days. My eyes were almost swolen shut and the bridge of my nose was three times as thick as it normally is. I looked like I had elephantitis of the face. I was a negative 5 on the attractiveness scale, and I knew it. All the pressure of having to be attractive was gone because there was just no semblance of attractiveness to my face. I didn't like it, on one hand. But it was liberating in a way.

This is great to know. I've been in phase one before. Phase two, I have been struggling through because phase one was achieved artificially.

My Enneagram type is 9 (peacemaker), with a secondary emphasis on 2 and 3 (I forget which these are). But I'm speaking specifically about getting rid of the attachment and not necessarily rationally understanding where it comes from. I think this trait likely comes from a mix of instinct, social conditionings, traumas, personal identity, and practical concerns. I've rationalized a lot about it. But I find this type of thinking unhelpful in letting go of the attachment. But I do appreciate your input.

For me, there have been several insights that have cleared a path for me. Number one, all actions are taken to move toward positive emotions and away from negative emotions. Number two, emotions are reactions to thoughts. Number three, I don't control my thoughts. Number four, I am not my thoughts. Number five, I don't choose the content of my thoughts. Number six, if it isn't a sight, sound, feeling, taste, smell, or thought (the sensation, not the content) being experienced in the present moment, it is the content of a thought and is therefore not the Truth. Number seven, beliefs reside in the content of a thought. Number eight, the past and the future are only the content of a thought.

I recommend setting a goal of sleeping with 10 women, and see how you feel afterward. When I was 20, I had a promiscuous jag that lasted only a couple months. I am a woman, so this was very easy to achieve. So, the thrill of conquest just isn't there, because (generally speaking) most men are easy and don't really have high standards for who they sleep with. There's no challenge or self-esteem boost that comes with it, like a man might have when sleeping with an attractive woman. Plus, society tends to frown more on women exploring their sexuality in that way. So, my experiences may be very different from yours. But I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with my very first boyfriend, so I wanted to experience what it was like to be with different partners. So, making up for lost time, I slept with six men. The first time or two it was exciting but lost meaning quickly afterward. I'm glad for the experience because I now know what it is like, and I know that I don't want it. Now that I am married, I don't have to wonder what it would be like. So, you might find yourself in the same position after having had a good handful of partners. It's really not that much fun and it becomes a shallow enjoyment... at least from my experience. But I wouldn't set a goal of sleeping with 100 women. That feels pretty neurotic, and like you'd be having sex to feel a sense of worth and to improve self-esteem. From this mindset, it's going to feel a bit depressing. If you want to do it, do it for enjoyment and experience, not for notches on your belt. So, my recommendation is to focus on your studies, but also experiment whenever the opportunity strikes. I see no reason why you shouldn't do both.

Well, Tolle speaks from a state of wisdom, that is paradoxical an ever-changing. So, it would be difficult to pin down, because he speaks from experience. But if I were to try, he talks about being in the present moment and that the only moment is now. I would say that this is the core of his personal philosophy regarding his enlightenment. He mentioned in an interview that he'd been struggling with depression and that he reached enlightenment by thinking the thought "I can't live with myself any longer." Then he thought 'Who is the I and who is the myself?' When he woke up, he had reached enlightenment.

Significance (or lack thereof) is a concept that people use to label things as important v. non-important. It helps us rationalize the world and make meaning out of things. It's a human labeling mechanism to help us keep our experiences small and understandable. I was being a bit tongue in cheek, telling Leo that becoming a Yogi isn't significant because Yogis are breaking away from ideas of significance to embrace what's true. But literally, being a Yogi doesn't have any more significance than being a grocery store clerk. That said, if positive emotion is what you seek (which it is whether you realize it or not) being a yogi and seeking enlightenment is the most effective and efficient way to get it. But it would be a trap to think becoming a Yogi is significant in the grand scheme of things or to think that being a Yogi makes a person more significant in some way. Because significance is imaginary, it would be like arguing about which of our imaginary friends drive a nicer car. It's mine... of course. But it doesn't change the fact that significance is imaginary.

It strengthens its defenses.

Exactly. Only it doubles down. I had a strong ego before my experiences. Now I have a weak ego, that I'm trying to build back up mindfully in hopes of transcending it.

People who judge others for being crazy, are afraid of seeming crazy themselves. Just remember that your friend's and family's insecurity, had nothing to do with reality but an emotional response on their part. Be brave to make your life better. Insecure people judge others for deviating from the norm... which scares more people into conformity who then judge others from deviating from the norm... which scares more people into conformity... and so on and so on. It's a vicious cycle. Don't let yourself get hemmed into it. Just trust your emotions and critically thinking mind to make the right decision about what's right for you. Don't drink any Koolaid, and you should be fine.

Not so. Everything is fools gold... even being a yogi. Significance only exists in the human mind.

Ayahuasca had this effect on me, and I came out of the experience with a completely new world-view. I never tried any other psychedelic substance, but I can't imagine that it would be as profound. I went in expecting funny colors and sights, and came out with a direct experience of the truth beyond the ego. It was profound, but not permanent. But at least it got me thinking in this direction.

I would say that this would be problematic. I had two experiences where I transcended my ego as a result of trying Ayahuasca. They were amazing because I was unafraid of death and I realized that I was deeply connected with everything that is. My consciousness expanded to include everything and I had a deep feeling of enmeshment with all that was. It was amazing. The issue no is that I have a memory of those experiences, and a memory is a thought. So, my ego doubles down in some ways to prevent this experience from happening again. I also have extra biases and prejudices in relation to the concept of enlightenment that I'm having to work through. I think if the technology was permanent, this would be amazing. Humanity would become so much more humane. But if it were temporary, people would run into the same issues as I mentioned in my message to Lorenzo Engel above. I often have issues with depression/anxiety now because, through contrast with those experiences, everything is a struggle. Everything was always a struggle before then too, only now I'm acutely aware that I'm struggling. Before I could lie to myself that I was happy. So, temporary enlightenment is something that I don't recommend for most people, even though it was good in the sense that it showed me that enlightenment was worth pursuing. I was also very spiritually skeptical, atheist leaning, and closed minded about anything relating to god and not backed by science, prior to my experiences. I wouldn't have even wanted to look into enlightenment had it not been for those experiences. So, I guess you could say that I have nuanced feelings.

I've heard of these other micro-senses before. Either way, you can pare down your experience to senses and thoughts.

Mechanically, size doesn't matter that much, unless he's super tiny. A man can have a larger penis and be terrible in bed, while a man with an average sized penis can be a great lover. However, I can't deny that I have an aesthetic preference for men with larger penises. They look better to me, and it's a nice surprise because I can't help but relate it to dominance and masculinity. But if I like a guy enough to go to bed with him, I'll probably just be happy to have his attention and mutual attraction. I will never balk at an average sized man because it looks normal. Also, a smaller penis is unlikely to kill my attraction to someone, even though it isn't my preference. This is because the penis is the last thing a woman sees, and if she likes you enough to go to bed with you, your penis isn't likely to kill her attraction unless it's barely there. If he is really tiny, I wouldn't like it because some things sexually require a certain amount of leverage. So, if a guy isn't at least close to average, it would limit certain sexual possibilities. But I would probably find a way to get over it, if I really like him. So, a man with a large penis has only an ever-so-slight advantage over a man with an average sized penis. Both large and average sized guys have an advantage over men who are small. But penis size is highly unlikely to be an attraction killer. Now, if men didn't wear pants in daily life, I'm sure that penis size might mean a lot more attraction-wise because that would become a determining factor of attraction. But since that isn't the case, a woman gets attracted a long time before she ever sees it. So, unless there's some sort of abnormality, her attraction isn't likely to go away because a guy has a smaller-than-average penis.