Emerald

What is the price?

This is awesome! I think this is exactly the advice I need to follow.

Great post!

This has been my biggest obstacle, by far. Glimpsing the truth, to my rational mind it meant that things that work practically in life are wrong. The Truth negates reality because it is what reality is derived from. So, trying to convert Truth into practical terms is like trying to load Microsoft Word into a toaster. I fought myself for so long trying to reconcile these things, and I still have problems.

I do this all the time. I even find myself trying to get a deeper experience of reality by thinking about it. Thanks for checking out some of my videos.

I'm glad you feel better. I go through the same ups and downs. It's just part of the process of dis-illusionment.

Beautiful work!

I understand the feeling. But be careful not to personalize her rejection (for want of a better word). In general, women tend to be very intuitive with their attractions. It isn't necessarily that she thought you were unattractive, or lame, or anything like that. It's just that the feelings weren't there. She may have come to avoid you for fear of awkwardness and hurting your feelings. So, I'm sure she cared about you as a person, but awkwardness and fears when one person has an unrequited love can create a lot of barriers.

Lots of great stuff on here everyone!

Be careful, as you're not quite out of the woods yet. Personal development is very labyrinthean and it's easy to be fooled. So, compared to where you were before you see how asleep you were. But you don't see how asleep you are now. And that immunity to hopelessness will wax and wane as you go further on the path. I've encountered lots of hopelessness in the form of existential crisis. But it's all part of the process. But for now, I'm glad that you've gotten to where you are now.

This is a great start to questioning something that we normally take for granted. I would caution you, though, to be sure not to fall on the other side of the horse. It doesn't seem like you're doing this, but it's a good thing to keep in mind. It's the point of 'completely unsure' that you want to be at and not a point of certainty that the external world doesn't exist.

I recommend trying to ground yourself. Body scan meditation could be helpful for this or spending time out in nature.

I have one written about 'concentrated awareness and diffuse awarenesss' that I hope to film tonight. I wrote it on Saturday, and haven't been able to muster up the energy to actually stay up and do a video. I have also been writing quite a bit on the integration of the feminine principle collectively and individually. I wanted to originally do my video about that, but then I ended up writing twenty pages on the subject (handwritten), when I normally only write 3 or 4 pages per video. So, I decided to choose another topic, so that I could save most of that information for a book that I may write in the future. But I still intend to cover the topic in a more pared down way in a video. Also, I try to stay away from directly sex/sexuality related topics on my channel due to the nature of my job. I work with kids, so I could be fired for having that type of information out on a YouTube video. So, I tend to keep my videos as PG as possible.

Here are a few things.

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I recommend choosing a single partner for this undertaking if you want a deeper understanding. One night stands and casual sex are rarely good for developing skill in having sex, especially if you want a really deep experience. Often times, the awkwardness of the first experience can get in the way. I've found that learning the needs of a single person in a deep way to be better than trying new things out on many partners. Think more depth than breadth. But if you just want to have the experience of many partners and you like the first impression/performance aspect of it, then that's fine. But if you're looking to develop sexual skills that extend beyond just technique, I'd go with one person.

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I'm not sure how this relates? These videos aren't about meditation directly, or concentration/lack thereof either. They are about reintegrating the ignored aspects of the self and reality through detachment, recognizing the inherent neutrality of all emotion/thoughts/traits, accepting the presence of all internal tendencies even ones that we don't like, and finding a beneficial expression for traits that were seen as negative wherever possible. Meditation and concentration play a role in this for sure, but Leo's most recent video and these videos are really apples and oranges. So, I'm confused. Can you clarify what you meant?

I'm glad that you enjoyed the videos. Thanks for posting!

I personally am very attracted to men who seem like they can make me feel how I want to feel. I like a man who is mature and makes me feel simultaneously accepted/comforted/supported and desired/valued. But I also have to get a sense that the man is responsible and dependable to be able to see him as someone who could provide me with a sense of comfort and support. I value stability and instability really puts me off. I also tend to be attracted to men who are very emotionally empathetic, warm, calm, deep, and reserved for this reason. Physically, I prefer a man around my own level of physical attractiveness or slightly less so. If he's too attractive, I will feel undesirable and like the ugly duckling of the relationship and I prefer to be the peacock of the relationship. Shallow though it may be, I don't want a man that's prettier than I am. If he's too unattractive, I will be unlikely to be attracted to him also. But ultimately, attraction for me is always a very organic thing. It bubbles up into my awareness from nowhere and takes root like a Cupid's Arrow. There is no rhyme or reason, it just comes up intuitively and without warning. All I can notice is personal patterns in myself and tell them to you. But this is unlikely to be helpful for a man. I've never consciously chosen a deep attraction to a man. It's always sprung up out of nowhere like magic. So, just be yourself, develop what's already there, get rid of deal breakers and the "right" woman/women will become attracted to you intuitively. And most will not. But if a guy is looking to have a lot of sex, simply look for women who want to do the same thing. There are plenty of women out there who are wanting to have hook ups and one night stands. But there's a stigma there for women, so there is less of a tendency to admit to it outwardly or inwardly. In this case, use the alpha male pick up strategies and you'll find them. But if you want to garner a deep attraction from a woman, then you have to naturally be the person who makes her feel the most like she wants to feel. For some women, that feeling might be significance. For others, safety, stability, excitement, rebellion, control, surrender, etc. I don't think many of these can be faked too well because it's so intuitive.

I felt the same way about her when I first saw her. She does look like the quintessential New Age guru, and that always sits suspiciously with me. I tend to have an allergy the New-Age-ness in the first place as a lot of it is marshmallow fluff. But as I watched her stuff, I found her to be very observant of human nature and very insightful. She said things that I had known deep down but had never put words to. It really helped me clear out a lot of garbage I had floating in my head. It was exactly what I needed at the time. But I still have my doubts about her and the sense of aversion is still there because of her personality vibe. But I think some of it is projection. I just know that I step lightly with her work when it rubs me the wrong way. But that's true of every teacher that I've learned from.